So I uploaded a chapter yesterday - sunday, as I am so far ahead I am getting impatient *Feels embarrassed*
It should be once a day till friday as usual.
Chapter 44 - Impossible to avoid
Makatza had had a couple of lapses when it came to keeping her inner wolf caged and while nobody got hurt she was frightened that when they got back to the city she would struggle. Saying goodbye to her father was bittersweet, she missed all her friends and while she had grown closer to the Ferelden elf she was glad to be going home. She hummed to herself to disguise her anxiety as she stroked her pup on the head. 'Adante...adante,' she sang lightly as they rode. She had asked that they not rush back to Kirkwall, she was sick of riding horses at full speed. Fenris didn't mind taking a slower pace and was enjoying the peace.
'You seem tense,' Fenris says softly as he rests his arms on her thighs while he held the reins. 'What is the matter?'
'Everything,' Makatza admits. 'I'm scared I'm going to have a wild moment in the city and someone will get hurt. That something might happen to the pups. Whatever is going on in your head disappears and things get awkward between us. I mean, we haven't really spoken about what happened a couple nights ago,' she mumbles. 'I mean we kissed... albeit um, lightly?' She searched for a word.
'Katza,' Fenris said simply making her heart jump at the way he said her name. 'What do you wish to speak about?'
She let out a breath of slight annoyance. 'Was it a just moment in time thing? Is this going to be more? Do you even want more? What does this mean? I mean do we tell people?'
'Ah, I understand. I think the best course of action would to simply see where this goes,' he says carefully. 'You may feel different in the city and I do not wish to pressure you while you have other, more important things that need your attention.' Fenris looks down at her, 'I know it may not be what you wish to hear-'
'No, I get it. You're right. I have got to think about other things like Aunt Leandra's plans for a debut ball and the puppies, if I manage to acclimatise to the city well I won't have to worry about hurting people,' she replies reasonably. She tilted her head up to look at him, 'you're a pain in the ass.'
'I am sorry?' He said confused.
'When did you start to be all logical and level headed?'
'I have always been level hea-'
'Bullshit, I call bullshit on that one,' Makatza laughs feeling better. 'You're so impulsive and when I want something to justify any reckless thoughts I have you go all Spock on me,' she complains as she shakes her head.
'You are going to have to explain that one to me,' Fenris replies confused. Makatza smirks and promises to do so at a later date, apparently it was going to take a while to bring him up to speed on that reference. They rode onwards towards the city and Makatza was less willing to talk as the journey continued, with a little coaxing Fenris managed to get her to tell him what was agitating her. 'The weather?' He asks as he looks at the sky, indeed it was darkening and there was a breeze picking up.
'I'm... not good with storms,' Makatza admits as she holds her sling close to her in comfort. 'I really, really don't like thunder or lightening,' she mumbles. Fenris steers the horse to the stable and gets down easily. He holds out his arms for her to slide off, once she was down he grabbed the bag that Silvanus had given Makatza; it had some of her mother's jewellery and clothing inside. It had started to spit and she froze in place a little, Fenris looked over at her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.
'I will walk you home,' he says softly making her pull a weak smile. The rain was light and cold making her shiver, the pups whined lightly and she hushed them with a soft growl and woof of assurance.
'Can we talk about something random to distract me?' She asks as she wishes that she had some form of shoes to make the cobbles a little less cold.
'Random? I am not great at general conversing,' Fenris says as they quickly make their way through the streets of High town trying to get her back to the estate as soon as possible. 'Let us see... what is it like seeing things through the eyes of a wolf?' He says of the top of his head.
'Surprising actually. I mean I feel that I can see into the past with the scent trails, it's quite fascinating. Like if I was to turn wolf right now I would be able to see who's come and gone in say the last hour? Longer if it wasn't so wet,' she grumbles. She inhales and smiles. 'I can tell Isabela has been this way, probably to the Blooming Rose,' she would have said more but as they passed the Chantry she spotted someone she really wasn't ready to speak to. 'Shit,' she mutters making Fenris pause as he looked to where she was staring.
'Ah,' he says simply.
It was too late, Sebastian had spotted them. He jogged down the steps and his face lit up as he saw Makatza and darkened a little to see her with Fenris. 'Katza!' He says brightly. 'I haven't seen you in so long,' he says smiling.
'Yeah, it's been a while, I just got busy,' she apologises. 'Um, sorry to cut this short Seb but I really don't want to be in the rain and I have puppies now-'
'Oh, I totally understand, please allow me to walk you home,' he suggests as he takes off his cloak and goes to wrap it around her shoulders which she was grateful.
'Um, well if-if you like,' she says a little awkwardly. She turns to Fenris and gives him an apologetic smile, 'I mean it means you don't have to go out your way and I would like to talk to Seb anyway,' Makatza explains quietly. Fenris nods, understanding but not happy. He takes the bag off his shoulder and holds it out to the Prince who takes it happily.
'I will see you another day,' he almost promises. He wanted to embrace her regardless of the Prince being there but he also didn't want his physical proximity to make it more difficult for her to talk to Sebastian.
She rested a hand on his arm, 'be safe getting home, Fenris. Promise me,' Katza says with worry.
He chuckles and places his hand on hers for a brief moment, 'I promise,' he says simply. 'Go, get out the rain before it gets worse or you fall ill. I look after you enough without adding an ailment,' he teases making Sebastian's face tense. She laughs and nods giving his arm a squeeze before turning to Sebastian.
'Okay, let's go before I really do start looking like a drowned rat,' she grins as she picks up her feet and takes a few long strides. The Prince barely gave Fenris a nod in goodbye and simply followed her quickly, he could see out his peripherals that the elf didn't leave his spot until they had rounded the corner. Makatza wasn't thinking about any of that and was simply concentrating on getting home as she was getting more and more soaked and the wind was getting heavier which just creating anxiety in her stomach. They got to her front door and she realised that she didn't have her keys and so she settled for thumping on the door a few times.
Orana opened it a few moments later and smiled brightly. 'Miss Katza!' She says in glee.
'Hey sweetie!' Makatza says scurrying in and giving her a gentle one armed squeeze so's not to get her too wet or squish the puppies. She crossed the lounge to the fire and plopped the pups down lightly where Bubble was snoozing.
'Oh, more dogs,' Leandra says as she comes down the stairs, 'Garrett did say something about you adopting something,' she laughs lightly as she holds the banister as she descends.
'I hope that's okay with you? If not I can ….. do something?' Makatza says not really knowing what she'd do. Move out probably because there really wasn't going to be an option where she wasn't near them. The maternal instinct was strong and intense.
Leandra shakes her head, 'don't be silly. I don't mind. I will feel safe knowing that a couple of trained dogs are keeping you safe, even if they are a little young at the moment,' she smiles. 'Good afternoon Sebastian, it's lovely to see you,' she greets him warmly. 'Garrett said that you would be brought home by Fenris, he's not been injured I hope?'
'Oh, no, Seb caught us past the Chantry and it didn't make sense for Fenris to have to come this way for nothing,' Makatza says as she keeps an eye on the puppies who were nibbling on Bubble's ears playfully. Sebastian began to speak with Leandra about the Chantry and her morning prayers while Makatza disappeared upstairs and got changed into dry clothing, she looked out her bedroom window and felt a little relief, it wasn't going to be a heavy rain it was just a bit dreary. She hung up her Dalish clothes to dry and pulled on some leggings and a loose cotton top before wandering downstairs while towel drying her air. She directed Sebastian to the study while she went to find milk for the puppies. Orana mixed some beef bone broth with a little goats milk, it smelt wonderful to Makatza's wolf side which made her stomach turn in disgust at the revelation. Herding the puppies into the study and giving them the large bowl on her slightly damp towel for spillages she turned to the Prince who had been patiently waiting.
'Katza,' he smiles as he crosses the room and hugs her tightly. She embraces him just as hard and feels some tension leave her body. 'You have been distant for a while, then you had your incident with the mirror, and then you were at the Dalish camp?' He asks a stream of questions.
Katza moves away as she goes to sit on one of the chairs and falls heavily into it. 'Yeah pretty much,' she agrees as he takes the chair opposite her. 'It's kinda been a fucky couple of weeks to be honest,' she sighs. 'I just wanted to feel grounded and getting to know my father was a big part of that. I even found out how he met my mother,' she smiles fondly as she twiddles with some hair.
The study door opens and Bohdan inquires if they would like tea and refreshments to which Makatza nods enthusiastically. 'You look nice in Dalish clothing, though I didn't expect to see Fenris in their garb,' Sebastian says.
Makatza giggles and nods as she sees the pups exploring, 'Father wasn't having any of it and made him get changed on the first night. He seemed to relax when he was out of that armour, he definitely loosened up while out the city. It was nice to see that side of him,' she said without thinking about who she was talking to.
Sebastian reached across and took her hand, 'Katza, is there something between you and Fenris?' He asks quietly. She felt the colour drain from her cheeks, okay, we're diving right into this conversation topic, great, she thought sarcastically.
'Honestly? I think so? I don't know. It's not been... defined,' she murmurs knowing that she should be looking at him while admitting this but not having the courage to do so.
He tightens his grip on her fingers and she bites the metaphorical bullet and looks up at him, 'so...' he says quietly. 'I know that I kissed you while I was intoxicated, I get a little more bold when I've had something to drink,' the way he said it made Makatza smile weakly in response. 'I really, really like you Katza, I feel very protective over you and honestly it hurts when I see you with...him.'
Oh, christ, why are you telling me this, Sebastian? You're not making this any easier on me! What do you want me to do about that? She mentally moans. 'I never meant to hurt you, Seb. When you kissed me it was quite a surprise, honestly, I didn't know what to do about it and that's one of the reasons I disappeared for a week. I care about you, I do. I feel really close to you, you make me feel safe and I need that. In this world... I'm still new. My powers are still fucked up and I'm scared of pretty much almost everything but I don't think I can give you what you want,' she says feeling her eyes well up. 'I don't want to hurt you but I selfishly don't want to lose you either. I want you in my life Sebastian, I want us to be just as close as we are. Nothing that happens between me and anyone else is going to ever change how I treat you and how much I care, though I understand if you want to keep your distance from me,' she babbles trying not to cry.
He exhales heavily and leans back in his chair and rubs his eyes before sitting up again. 'Thank you,' he says simply.
'What?' She says confused while she sniffs, 'what for?' Her pups wind themselves around her ankles trying to give her some comfort.
'That can't have been easy to admit, let alone say to me,' he said as reached over and brushed her hair aside so he could wipe a tear from her face. 'I understand. I will selfishly accept your need for me and stay close. You never know, nothing is written in stone,' he teases ever so lightly making Makatza smile as she clears her throat.
'That's true,' she nods. 'You don't ever know.' She stands up and offers him a hug wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she buries her face into his collarbone. 'You're too nice,' she giggles feeling ever so guilty about taking comfort from him. He shakes his head and she feels him squeeze her just a little too tightly but she doesn't say anything, she knows that he needs this moment between them. 'Do you wish to stay for dinner?' Makatza asked as they moved away from each other. 'I can tell you about my father meeting my mother, it's a funny story.'
