Chapter Forty - Six
Dulce periculum — 'Danger is Sweet'
September 25th 2000
21.34pm
Elizabeth sat on her bench in her back-garden with her legs tucked under her; cardigan pulled tightly around her body as she stared blankly into the distance. The sky was a negative image of its daytime beauty, the midnight blue colour illuminating her face as clouds swirled around like ink in water. The clouds failed to completely blanket the sky; they were sporadic, chaotic in where they choose to be thick or sparse, the gaps in-between darkened and intense, much like the thoughts of Elizabeths overthinking mind; the chaos of words being thrown around with no clear light in-between each thought.
She sighed heavily and reached over for her glass of wine. She held the glass close in her hand and watched as she gently swished the dark red liquid around before allowing her lips to taste the bitter sweet contents. She turned her attention back to the table and fixated her gaze on the box of letters perched at the end; images of the moment she received them immediately engulfing her;
'WHAT THE!' She recalled jumping to her feet, startled by the notion of the box hitting her desk; her minds in a haze as she looked up at Henry, down at the box and then..wait Henry? She looked up at him again. Her body froze as she listened to the wrath of the man before her…
'Don't you ever, EVER tell me that I did not care enough for you, or that I did not think you were worthy enough of a letter. Want to know why I didn't sent you a letter? Because I didn't think they were worth enough for you, no words would have ever taken that hurt from you, no letter would change the fact I was deployed and left you alone.' - Her mind began to spiral from this moment, how did she not think about this? Had she been selfish to think she deserved a letter? Not even considering how difficult it must had been for him as well as her… her throat began to dry up as she recalled watched the words tumble from his mouth, he seemed unable to stop them; like the emotion has taken over and he'd reached boiling point…
'I came home from deployment, and I came to your house, but you'd left, all by about fifteen minutes apparently, I came with the letter.' - He came to see me? At my house? But if I hadn't long left why didn't he wait for my return? She rubbed her temples in an attempt to soothe the thoughts racing through her mind, so many questions pouring out of control , perhaps that box of letters holds all the answers, maybe that box is where she finally finds peace and solace from the heartache of Henry, one she has carried for fifteen years.
'Every single letter; I love you Elizabeth, always have, always will. Don't ever show up at my house again accusing me of anything less' - These were the words that affected Elizabeth the most, a mixture of anger and annoyance at him for even saying it. How dare he say that when he knows I am seeing Thomas, how dare he Waltz back into my life and mess it all up again. The frustration began to build inside her as she tipped the liquid down her throat, the warming sensation adding heat to the already burning fire within her. She began to question if the letters were worth reading; to find that solace and peace she has yearned for or would it be more like opening pandora's box….
Henry was pacing his living space, his bare feet colliding with the plush carpet rapidly as his mind raced him. Had he really just done that? Why did he do that? He ran his hands through his hair and groaned aloud. He was so angry at Elizabeth for her outburst earlier that morning that he had to do something to make her see she had gotten it all wrong, that he did care about her and always will.
He sighed heavily and flopped his body down onto the sofa; had he gotten it all wrong?. Henry had spent days agonising over their coffee date, his mind flipping from 'the spark is still there, perhaps she is interested' too 'She has moved on and so have I'. Was he chasing a long lost love story?
'H? You coming to bed?' Came a soft voice from behind him. Henry leant his head back over his shoulder turning to her. He smiled softly as she walked towards him. He closed his eyes as her hands fell upon his cheeks and her lips pressed softly into his forehead. His body remained tight and his mind continued to spiral, nothing appeared to relax him. He opened his eyes and looked up at her
'In a bit' he sighed. Henry watched as she moved around the sofa and took a seat next to him, her hand beginning to walk down his chest and fiddle with the buttons of his shirt. Henry groaned in annoyance and removed her hand from his chest
'Not now, I've had a tough day'
'Oh come on, we haven't had sex for weeks, and….I'm ovulating' she winked and attempted to reach out for him once more.
'Jennifer I said no ok. I've told you that we need to discuss this whole baby thing, I am not completely on board. Hence the no sex in weeks' he hissed and stood up. His patience was wearing thin with her over the last few weeks
'This is because of her isn't it' she whined
'Who?' He shook his head confused
'That bloody Secretary of State! That tart!'
'DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK ABOUT ELIZABETH LIKE THAT' he roared his hand colliding with the a vase on the work top as his arm swung around in anger. The vase smashed on the floor, shards of cyan ceramic splintered across the floor as the flowers it held fell lifelessly.
'The anger is still out of control I see' she snubbed him
'Dont!' He snarled and looked down at the mess before him. Jennifer stood and huffed as she walked over to the mess
'Im not cleaning that up. I knew she would do this, I knew from the minute she was appointment and your eyes lit back up that she would ruin our relationship.' Her tone was bitter and full of hatred for Elizabeth
'No Jennifer, you ruined this relationship when you had your sordid little affair of your a few weeks back, trying to trap me into having a child. AND STILL TRYING! How many times I don't want a baby!' His voice was poised with venom as his words stung
'I BET IF SHE OFFERED YOU THE CHANCE YOU'D HAVE HER KIDS' came the emotional cry from Jennifer
'This is not about Elizabeth. Our relationship was ruined long before she came back on the scene. Don't ever blame her for anything, she is the most wonderful person' his breathing was heavy as he tried to keep calm
'Of course she is; so what am I H?'
'It's Henry!' He snapped his eyes poured into her, the frustration igniting the burning bridge between them
'H' she paused and walked towards him, tiptoeing between the broken vase. She placed a gentle hand on his arm 'Henry, you're not well, you're safer with me, I can look after you. I know you have flaws and I accept them. She is out of your league now. Do you really think the Secretary of State can condone a boyfriend who is sick?' Her words were manipulative and harsh but Henry had succumb to them once again. He dipped his head onto her shoulder and sighed.
'Im sorry' he whispered as she held him close.
'It's ok, come to bed. Come on' she smiled and took his hand leading him upstairs. The night drew in and the clouds rolled in thicker then before, they were no longer white or a pale grey but instead they were blackened shadows that shifted with the high intense winds, not having a choice but to move, the force was too strong. There are time when the clouds move on their own accord, and reveal the glimmer of the moon, but for the most part of this night they were controlled and the evening will be without benefit of her silvery light.
