CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

(JPOV)

I saw her beautiful doe eyes widen when I struggled to even get the words out to her at first, my tremors only making it harder for me to speak through, as the anger in me rose again to new heights when I thought of Billy and what he'd neglected to tell me all this time. Then again, who was I fucking kidding? It was true I was pissed at him but I was even more fucking irate with myself. For the part I played in it all.

I couldn't very well point a finger at Billy when I had three more pointing back at me.

"Do you remember what I told you about how the imprint had been removed?" I began.

"Yeah, the loophole your dad and Sam had found?" She quipped, her trembling from the cold causing me to step forward and reach for her, but I soon thought better of it and let my hands fall to my sides.

Bella's gaze was understanding while I went on and I inwardly cringed at the thought of her running back to Maine from this.

"Right, the loophole. Turns out, there was a risk involved. A risk I didn't know about, but I should have done the research myself instead of blindly trusting what I didn't really understand."

"What kind of risk?"

"A health related one." I forced out, seeing her flinch back at my words like they were weighted, her face going void then of all color as she tried to process what I was struggling myself to explain.

Fucking Hell...

I swallowed hard and continued on, despite the tight feeling in my chest at the sight of her nervous stare.

"The loophole they found wasn't fool proof and they shouldn't have done it, but Billy was trying to remove it before you went to Maine. When you first told me about your pain, Bells, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I immediately thought of the imprint. I don't think your symptoms are just from endometriosis. I think they are directly linked to the breaking of the imprint all those years ago. I think they've worsened with time because of it. Because of the length of the separation between us."

I shut my mouth then, hearing her gasp of confusion and her look of disbelief.

"I was diagnosed with that in high school..."

"After I imprinted on you." I countered, stepping closer to her as she shrugged out of the blanket and moved herself away from me. "Think about it, Bells."

She shook her head and looked up at me, her eyes searching mine for an answer I hoped she could see the sincerity in there.

"This is why I told you not to get involved with this, Jake. I have to go."

"Bells-" I protested, catching her hand. "Stop and think. Has your pain come back since we've been closer? Honey, it left you. Right?"

"That could be from a change in the way a flare up presents itself." She argued. "Not everything is related to wolf magic."

Her words were cold and irritated and I pushed down the returning anger I felt, my eyes narrowing when I inched my face closer to her own.

"You still know me better than almost anyone, Bells. I would never try to explain it away without cause. Billy sought the advice of the council and the elders with Sam and they took a risk they never should have. Sam trusted my dad."

"Stop it, Jake. I love your dad and he would never hurt me on purpose."

"No, he wouldn't on purpose but that doesn't excuse what he did-..."

"You're his son and you should know what lengths one would go for their own child. Wouldn't you do anything to keep Clarissa from feeling that kind of pain? I left you here, Jake. Are you really trying to tell me that you think all my pain with this isn't from the endometriosis?! I've lived with it long enough-"

"...and we've lived without each other for nearly the same amount of time!"

"That doesn't mean it's related. You didn't do this! It isn't something you can control! Why do you think I told you the truth about the reasoning behind my choice to leave you here in Washington? I'm not a good match. Stop trying to explain what you can't. If your dad was desperate enough to do all that research for you, then I'm sure he lost many nights of sleep over his choice to go through with whatever loophole they found."

Her tears fell then without warning and it cut me deep as she tearfully went on.

"When you love someone, hurt is just part of the package, Jacob. I wanted for you what I couldn't give you and you did exactly what I laid awake at night praying you would- you moved on."

She turned away from me and ran down over the steps toward her car and I was quick to follow after her.

"Bells, stop! You have to listen to me with this."

"No, Jake."

"You left here to get away from it. I can't blame you for that. This place wasn't enough. I wasn't enough."

She stopped her steps and looked at me, her entire countenance changing in an instant.

"Is that what you think? That you weren't enough to keep me here?"

"You don't owe me or anyone else an explanation. I get it. Trust me." I tensely replied.

"Leaving here was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

She refused to face me then, her back turning and I let the words slip from my mouth without the better judgement to stop them.

"I thought about you every day." I admitted to her.

She whipped back around at this, her body shaking violently from both the bitter cold and her raw emotion.

"I did what I had to. What was best."

"What you thought was best. I know exactly what that's like cause I fucked up and presumed the same thing for you. I had no business doing so. Look at the hurt it's put you through! You never had to leave Washington for me. Damn it, I loved you, Bells. Wolf magic or not. Children or not." I confessed, instantly regretting the words when the familiar shame took hold of me as she climbed in her car and drove off.

A/N: I know, I know! But no worries, MUCH more to come tomorrow! Please review and till then! :-)