Chapter 75.

Dean looked at baby Sammy and gave him a red and yellow ball with a bell in it. Sam chuckled and dropped it. Cas picked it up for him.

"How's your body doing out there?" said Dean.

"Not asleep, but not far off, I think." said Cas.

Keep matching my heartbeat and breathing." said Dean, "Keep trying to move closer to being asleep." He thought of Sam waking in the other room and finding he had left his bed. The last thing they needed was Sam coming and waking both of them. "Do you think you can make sure Sam stays asleep?"

"From here? No. I'd need to be out there. Leaving aside the question of whether Sam would like the idea, Sam ... the real Sam doesn't exist in this place yet."

"Does that mean he could?" said Dean.

"Potentially, but it wouldn't be easy for any of us and could add an issue of instability. We're still learning how all this works. Let's not rush anything."

"Kinda your motto, these days." said Dean.

"Are you angry that I'm taking things slowly with Jules?" said Cas.

"No! That's none of my business. I'm just frustrated that you're hesitating because you think it won't be perfect ... for her. You see it as perfect for you, but not for her. Not worth her ... what? Time? Effort? What is she actually giving up for you? You're acting like you're taking her life savings, not just a little time and attention."

"It feels like I am." said Cas, "Jules survived the end of her world and made it here. For what? To end up with me?"

"What's wrong with that?"

Cas frowned. "My heartrate is increasing. I think this experiment has failed."

"No, I talk too much. Concentrate on the physical for a moment. Focus on pulse and breathing. Match mine as closely as you can. Above all, relax."

"Yes, This is not the time and place to discuss emotional matters." said Cas. He turned to play with the baby. After a while, he said, "Did you know that the sole of your brother's right foot is ticklish?"

"Hell yeah! You can get the weirdest noises out of him that way."

"Hard to believe something this small became ... "

"Yeah, I know." said Dean. He picked up the baby. "I carried him out of that fire and he's been carrying me ever since."

"It's sad that we had to go this far back for a happy dream." said Cas.

"Don't feel sorry for me, Cas. At least I have this. He doesn't remember this perfect time, when we were all together and the hardest choice I had to make was cream or ice cream on my pie." He cuddled Sam close and said, "I wish I could give you the memory of just one day with all of us here, Sam."

Cas closed his eyes and went very quiet. Dean said nothing. Cas seemed peaceful and relaxed.

Dean could hear his mother singing to herself in the kitchen. In his arms, baby Sam listened, eyes wide, loving the sound of her voice. "We got her back, Sam." said Dean.

"You okay, Cas?" said Dean, after a while.

"My body seems to be asleep, or very close to it." said Cas, not opening his eyes."

"How does it feel?" said Dean.

"Good." said Cas and Dean felt the power of the feeling behind that word, the strange, wonderful peace that had, for the moment, replaced the constant internal fears.

"Can you maintain the sleep state?" said Dean.

"I think so." said Cas, "I need to anchor my consciousness in yours. Then I should wake when you do."

"Go ahead." said Dean.

"I'm not sure how the dream thing works. It's possible I may dream and if so, there may be some blending of dreams."

"Understood." said Dean.

"Never call yourself dumb again." said Cas, "You came up with this idea and you made it work."

"You needed peace. I had to find a way to give you some."