AN: I own nothing from The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings.
Nothing to say in this author's note. Enjoy, and please don't forget to review. Thanks.
Chapter 40: Return to Erebor:
Somehow, I kept my discomfort hidden as Thorin proceeded to make a speech about my arrival. He welcomed me and my travel companions, and said everything else that was proper, but I wasn't paying much attention. My brain was too busy trying to come up with ways to fend off the Dwarf King's growing affections while I was here.
My head spun with ideas. Could I possibly stay a week or so in Dale? Or visit Kili and Tauriel for a night or two? Going back to Mirkwood was not an option, but staying in Dale for a while was a good idea. I should bring that up to Glorfindel later.
Thorin's speech wasn't a long one, and when he finished, I was forced to thank him for his invitation to once again visit. I voiced my eagerness to see the progress they had made in rebuilding his kingdom, and to renew my friendships with those I had previously left behind. I saw a tiny spark in Thorin's eye, and wondered if I'd chosen my words poorly, or he had misinterpreted them.
I felt Glorfindel stiffen, but as he spoke to Thorin, there was no hint of anger. That worried me, as I would have preferred my guardian's anger compared to the cold, composed tone he used to thank Thorin for his hospitality. Knowing him, Glorfindel was probably making excuses for us to leave Erebor sooner rather than later.
'Or he's possibly finding ways to ensure that I am never alone with Thorin for more than five minutes.'
That was okay with me. I'd already had Thorin propose, and Thranduil suggest a union with Rivendell. I did not need a repeat with Thorin on this trip!
Then Balin stepped forward, and was greeted with cheers from the crowd and hugs from his loved ones and friends. His brother pushed forward to embrace him, while Fili and Kili happily clapped hands with him. Even Princess Dis caught him up in a hug and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Alyssa," Tauriel called to me, her voice soft in the cheering crowd of Dwarves. "Welcome back to Erebor."
I didn't have time to return her greeting, as Thorin motioned for us to follow him inside.
The Mountain was quite different from when I had last visited.
Outside, the rubble had been cleared away, and the gates fully mended. Even the carvings had been completed, and two marvelously crafted, enormous Dwarves knelt before the great doors, a symbol of Erebor's greatness and power.
The interior of the Mountain was just as impressive. All of the broken walkways had been repaired or torn down and replaced with new ones. Each path was wide enough for two or three Dwarves, and a few even had guardrails, to prevent falls. All of them had beautiful carvings, some of which had been painted bright, eye-catching colors. The pathways on the main floor had been completed, too, and just as beautifully decorated.
As we walked, Thorin explained that he did not wish to make me uncomfortable with long speeches and official welcomes, as he had done before. "Besides, you are a great friend to many here, and in Dale. There's no need for more than a warm welcome, a few feasts and some entertainment."
I had a feeling he was going to change his tune, once Balin was done describing how I had been treated in Mirkwood.
To my surprise, Thorin dismissed the crowd, including his nephews, sister, and friends, so that we could rest before the feast he'd ordered for tonight. It was early afternoon yet, but a rest would be much appreciated on my part.
I was sad to see Kili and Tauriel leave, but Thorin assured me that they were staying at the Mountain for a week, so I could spend time with them whenever I wished. I was happy to hear that he had made up with his younger nephew, and seemed to accept Kili and his family back into his good graces. But how far those 'graces' went was something I would have to ask around about later.
Gwyn, who had been my attendant in Erebor, was waiting to take me to the exact same wing I had stayed in before. She exchanged friendly greetings with Ethelwen, and escorted us both to our rooms.
To my surprise, there were vases of fresh flowers scattered about, the air scented with something pleasant, possibly coming from the candles burning in the sconces around the rooms. Ethelwen took a sniff, and a pleased look came across her face.
"Very nice," she commented, looking closely at a nearby burning candle.
Gwyn smiled. "The candles come from Dale," she explained. "An herbalist and a candle maker married, and came up with these a year or two ago. Many here in Erebor have grown very fond of using their candles. There are times where we have to wait months for more, but it is worth it, in the end. The caverns smell much nicer these days."
As Ethelwen and I unpacked, Gwyn went and fetched a large tray of hot and cold foods for us, as well as a stack of notes addressed to me. I wondered who could be writing me, but as I broke seals and read through each one, I saw that they were mostly invitations from friends. Bard and his children wanted me to visit soon, for a full tour around the city to see how it had been improved. Kili and Tauriel wanted me to join them for a picnic lunch with their children in the next day or two, and Princess Dis wanted to "get to know one another better" over tea.
I tried not to read between the lines of that last invite, and only assumed that she approved of my friendship with her sons and her brother.
Ethelwen insisted that I nap, while she wrote out my acceptance of the invitations. She promised to find out the schedule Thorin had drawn up for my stay, and plan out my visits accordingly.
"You're wonderful," I said, watching in amusement as her cheeks turned pink. "No, I mean it. When it comes to traveling and events like this, you're so much steadier and more organized than I am. I don't know how I could ever show my gratitude to you for all you've done for me."
Her blush turned to a soft, sweet smile. "Everything I do for you, I do out of love, dear one. I have watched you learn and grow, and I have grown fonder and prouder of you every day since. You may have come to us a full-grown woman, but you were not fully yourself. In your years of learning in Rivendell, you have come into your true potential as a beautiful, kind, understanding person."
We hugged then, and I almost felt as though my heart was being enveloped by a warm, bright light. It might have been my imagination, but I liked to think that Ethelwen was sending her affection for me through the Light all Elves carried inside.
When we separated, I felt as though I were floating, my heart full of joy and love. No matter what happened, like a good sister, protector and best friend, Ethelwen was going to be there. If there was a threat, she'd take it down; if there was going to be some sort of confrontation or encounter with Thorin, she would find a way to get me out of it.
A few moments later, I was the center of a cyclone that was Ethelwen, who undressed me, made me eat a light snack, and tucked me into bed for a rest. Then I was drifting off to sleep, my ears picking up the sounds of her moving around the rooms.
An hour later, she gently shook me awake, and offered me a golden brown dress, along with a simple gold headpiece, and a gold rose pendant dangling on a gold chain. I approved of the choice, and was allowed a quick wash before being dressed.
"Are you sure I don't need anything more elegant?" I asked, slipping into the gown.
Ethelwen gave me an amused, and somewhat understanding smile. "Gwyn informed me that tonight's feast is not going to be a grand one. In a few days, there will be a much greater meal. For now, enjoy the peace while it lasts."
I agreed with her on that, and said so.
Gwyn awaited us in the corridor outside my suite, and promptly curtsied as she announced that the rest of my travel companions were already in the Great Hall. There would be no grand entrance, she assured me; she would simply lead me to my chair, and then the meal would begin.
Grateful for the subtly, I followed her down the hallway.
As I took my seat at the head table, I could tell that, even though it was going to be rather 'casual,' the evening's feast was going to be a fine meal. It wasn't going to be like the grand ones Thranduil had held for me, but I was fine with that –I preferred the warm atmosphere, and the great amount of laughter, joy and excitement that filled the air.
Listening to those around me talk, joke, and laugh, I couldn't help comparing the ways of Elves and Dwarves celebrated.
Thranduil's palace had been full of fine elegance and beauty, the feasts quiet and reserved. It reminded me of Jane Austen's books, or Downton Abbey, with tables full of cut crystal, china, gold, silver, and many forks and knives. Conversation was quiet, the laughter muted; even the sounds of utensils on plates was quiet. Any music being played was gentle and delicate, like water falling atop a lake, or birds singing in the trees.
Here in Erebor, I smiled at how loudly the Dwarves laughed at each other's jokes, or how openly they showed their enjoyment of their food and drink. Jokes filled the air, as did the clanks of silverware, and goblets being heavily thumped onto the tabletop. Even the musicians in the far corner played loudly, to be heard about the large crowd of attendees.
It was a lively song, too, that could be danced to, if you wanted. But no one was dancing… not yet, at least.
To my left, Thorin was graciousness itself. He asked how I was fairing in Rivendell, and what I was doing to keep myself busy. I was happy to tell him of my visit to Lothlorien, and how kindly Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn treated me. I told him of meeting Arwen there, and how fond we had grown of each other in so short a time.
"I'm glad you have found more family, to love and be loved by," he said, offering me more wine, which I declined. "Do you call one another 'sister,' now?"
I smiled. "Yes. Arwen is as good and kind a sister as anyone could ask for, and we write each other as often as we can."
Thorin seemed puzzled as a passing server offered a plate of cooked venison. "Did Lady Arwen not return to Rivendell with you?" he asked, leaning back in his chair as he was served from the platter.
"No, she decided to stay in Lothlorien for a while longer," I replied, smiling at Gwyn, who came to refill my water goblet. "I do miss her, but she loves her grandmother. Given the distance between Rivendell and Lothlorien, I think she wanted to stay as long as she could."
He shifted a little in his chair. "Does Lord Elrond mind his daughter being so far away? He must miss seeing her and having her home."
The look in his eyes made me more than a little nervous. There seemed to something hidden in Thorin's words, and I could only guess what that was. Could he be hinting that Lord Elrond would miss me a great deal if I moved here?
I tried to hide my unease by turning my gaze towards my food, which was starting to grow cold. "He does miss her," I calmly replied, cutting up a slice of meat. "But he knows she will return one day, and it eases his heartache a little."
"I imagine that letters from her help as well," Thorin commented, shifting his gaze towards me. "As I'm sure his letters to her help ease the pain of missing him."
Yes, that was definitely where the conversation was going. Thorin was not going to be subtle in this. As I had learned on my previous visit, Dwarves were bold when it came to courtship, and I had a feeling he was going to do whatever he could to win me over this time.
A glitter of golden hair drew my attention, and I saw Glorfindel staring intensely in Thorin's direction. He undoubtedly had heard our topic of conversation, and was clearly unhappy about it.
I also had no doubt that my guardian would do everything possible to end Thorin's hopes of a marriage quickly, even if it caused a diplomatic incident.
Sitting back in his chair, Thorin smiled at the sight of his nobles feasting and enjoying themselves. The air was filled with laughter, talk, and joy, as it always was whenever there was a gathering here in the palace, but this time, it was different. It was the first time in more than five years that Thorin found himself feeling at peace.
And it had to do with the presence of the young woman sitting beside him.
For the past five years and more, Thorin had distracted himself as best he could with rebuilding his realm. At first, endless meetings with craftsmen, artisans, stonemasons and merchants, to name a few, had filled his days. Plans had to be made carefully, to prevent cave-ins, and creating comfortable homes for his people had been his top priority.
After that, Thorin had turned his attention towards the construction of new walkways running through the enormous caverns, as well as designated areas for those in working in the more dangerous crafts, such as metal, glass and armor. Certain workers required more space than others, and he inevitably had to deal with arguments (and occasional fights) to form solutions that satisfied the most people.
Looking at his cup, Thorin smiled a little. The amber liquid within was the product of Alyssa's brilliance –namely, the cooperation between himself, Thranduil, and Bard to replant Dale's orchards. Elves who specialized in growing greenery had been sent with the apple seeds from the Elf King's stores, and planted carefully in nearby fertile soil. Thorin highly suspected the Elves had used some sort of magic to make the trees grow quickly, for it was barely two years before they were large enough to produce fruit.
'Whatever they did, the results are excellent and delicious,' he thought, taking a sip of the hard cider in his cup. 'And Dale's brewers know what they're doing.'
The cider was proving quite profitable on all sides. Thranduil was happy with the share sent to him, as was Thorin and his people. Dale kept a third of it, either for its own people to drink or to send to other towns. Rumor had it that Rohan was going to send a group of traders, to put the cider on their king's table.
Beside him, Alyssa chatted with Balin, who sat across from her. Gandalf was on Alyssa's other side, listening in on their conversation and occasionally chiming in. It warmed Thorin's heart, watching them laugh and exclaim in delight as the dishes changed into the dessert course, and works of sugary confections began going by.
To his immense satisfaction, Alyssa helped herself to several items, like candied fruits and strawberries floating in bowls of sugared cream. A slice of cake made with the juice of apricots and layered with light frosting rested on a fresh silver plate before her.
Thorin carefully chose his favorite sweets, but helped himself to a piece of cake as well. It was the first try by his cooks to make this particular dish, and he was curious about the outcome.
At the first bite, he was very pleased with their work. The cake itself was light and fruity, and the frosting only slightly sweetened. He enjoyed it immensely, and decided to have it served often.
Beside him, Alyssa was enjoying her selections as well, though there was a slightly uncomfortable look on her face. He knew that he was the cause of that discomfort.
'Again, I move too quickly,' he lectured himself. 'Again, you court her in the fashion of the Dwarves, forgetting that she is of Men, and living with Elves.'
He wished there was a way to consult with Gandalf, to ask which way would be best in courting Alyssa. For this time, he very much intended to win her.
'Patience, that's all I need.'
It was one of his great failings, being impatient when he wanted something. True, he had waited decades to gain back Erebor, but this was far more urgent. Thorin had been serious when he'd told Balin that he needed a wife and Queen –he was not ancient, but if he was to marry and have children of his own, it must be soon.
'I do have Fili as my heir, but I would like young ones of my own,' he thought wistfully as he glanced over at Alyssa. 'And she would make a fine mother.'
Quickly, he reined in those thoughts. First, he had to win her; then he could propose again. There was a great deal of work to be done, and not much time to do it.
'But if I'm to succeed, I had better gain some help.' But from whom?
Balin would gladly see him and Alyssa matched together, but who else would? Gandalf? Certainly not any of the Elves who had accompanied her; they would never offer a single helpful fact or hint.
Perhaps Tauriel would assist him? She was Alyssa's friend, of a sort, and married to his nephew. Bard and his family could be helpful, as they were very fond of Alyssa, and the prospect of having her live so close would be a boon to them, especially Bard's youngest daughter.
A a group of spear fighters took a stance in the center of the room, Alyssa sat straight up in her chair, causing him to smile. The night's entertainment was about to begin.
When I returned to my rooms, I was not alone. Glorfindel, Gandalf and Ethelwen all gathered in my parlor as I took a seat, struggling to stay awake after all the indulging I had done at the evening's feast.
"It's clear that Thorin still intends to offer for you," Glorfindel stated as he paced back and forth. "I shall have to inform Lord Elrond. Meluir, I will need to borrow your Raven friend to do so."
I yawned widely, though I made sure to hide it behind my hand. "I'm afraid I do not know where she is," I admitted. "She flew off to Erebor after we left Mirkwood, and I have not seen her since. I assume she's with the flock here, but finding her amongst her kind without help will be difficult. You will likely have to ask Balin or Thorin for access to the Raven flock."
He opened his mouth to protest, but I waved a hand at him, cutting him off. "If you wish, I can ask for you to be taken there, to send a message. It should not be difficult, as we are their guests."
Glorfindel's mouth turned downwards into a scowl. "I somehow doubt they will allow us to send messages to Rivendell. I would almost expect Thorin to interfere in that way, so that there are no hindrances in his courtship of you."
"I am sure he will do no such thing," I told him, growing more irritated as time went on. I was tired from our traveling, and from the abundance of food and drink served at dinner. "Thorin has been a gracious host to us before, and I have no doubt he will continue to do so now."
Ethelwen picked up on my mood, and hastily informed them that I was tired, and thus irritable. "It is late, and she needs rest," she stated, looking closely at me. "You know how snappish she gets when she is tired."
Only then did Glorfindel calm down a little. "Forgive me, dear one," he softly apologized. "This can wait until tomorrow. Take some rest this night, and I will come see you when I know your time is free. Sleep well."
I thawed a little as he pressed a kiss to my forehead and left. Gandalf stayed behind a moment, merriment showing in his eyes as he came to wish me a good-night.
"Do not be too harsh on him, Allie," he said, taking one of my hands to give it an affectionate squeeze. "He loves you very much, though I fear that his protectiveness will only become more irritating as your stay here goes on."
"That's what I'm afraid of," I grumbled, throwing a glare at the door, which stood open. "I know Glorfindel is doing what he thinks is best, for me and for Lord Elrond. But Thorin has been nothing but kind to all of us; he would never act in such an underhanded way, like keeping us from sending messages to Lord Elrond."
The gleam in Gandalf's eyes turned slightly dark. "Never say never, Alyssa," he gently chided me. "Even the best people can do terrible things, especially for reasons they believe are good and just. Thus far, Thorin has been honorable; but when it comes to matters of the heart, even the most rational, honorable person can act rashly out of desperation."
Gently squeezing my hand again, the wizard gave me a reassuring smile. "You consider Thorin a friend, but he wishes more. I know you will act carefully during your visit."
Then he was gone, and I was alone with a very upset Ethelwen, who swiftly ran to close and lock the door before returning to my side. She proceeded to rush me into a hot bath of mint-scented water to relax, and when I finished, into a light nightgown.
The entire time she worked, I overheard Ethelwen muttering complaints in Elvish, mostly about how males had no consideration for a lady's needs for rest and relaxation after a long day of travel and such. I found it funny, but hid my amusement, to not anger her further. She must be very upset, to speak so about Glorfindel and Gandalf.
As she tucked me into bed, as though I were a child, Ethelwen promised a hearty breakfast, once I had slept my fill. "Do not worry about someone waking you," she said while blowing out most of the candles. "I will make sure you are undisturbed, unless it is urgent. Now rest. I will see you in the morning."
Then she was gone, leaving a single candelabra of three candles burning in the far corner for light.
Alone with my thoughts, I sighed and stared up at the ceiling.
"Would it be so bad if I accepted Thorin?" I whispered to myself. "He does love me, or at least cares a lot about me…and I do so want to be loved that way."
Was I being impatient, to want to marry sooner rather than later? But what if I met the one with the intense blue eyes, after I married Thorin? That would be a disaster.
'If that happened, I would do everything possible to stay loyal to Thorin,' I promised. 'I won't break my wedding vows.'
Well, I said that now, but when it came to matters of the heart, people tended to do very stupid, selfish things.
'And what about the one I saw in the Mirror?' I wondered. 'What if the temptation to be with another was so strong, I end up leaving Thorin, breaking his heart?'
I couldn't bear it, if I ended up doing that to him. He did not deserve it. But if staying with Thorin spared him, it would break the heart of the one I was meant to be with.
"Damn it, this is too hard!" I said, my voice quivering as I tried to hold back tears. "I need help with this, but I don't know who to ask!"
Going to Lord Elrond or Glorfindel was impossible, as was going to any of my Dwarf friends. I was afraid the grudge between Elves and Dwarves would affect any advice they gave me, and that was the last thing I needed.
'What about Lady Galadriel?' I pondered. 'She's pretty open-minded –literally.'
No, she might reach out to Lord Elrond, and then I'd be back to worrying about whether his judgement was clouded or not.
'What about the Valar? Would they help?'
It was a good question. It was said that they would occasionally advise or visit those who prayed to them. And since Lord Elrond said they had brought me here, would they answer me, and my questions?
Closing my eyes, I decided to do something I'd sworn not to in Middle Earth –I decided to pray to Middle Earth's higher powers.
I lay awake for some time, thinking of what to say. I didn't want to say too much, or flatter them with overly-done compliments. But if I didn't praise them enough, would they be angry at my not showing them enough respect?
Finally, I decided on keeping it short and sweet.
'I don't know what I have done to earn your attention, and to cause you to bring me here,' I thought, closing my eyes. 'I have not asked for help from You; I have merely tried to be a good person, and listened to the advice of those I have come to respect and love.'
I took a deep breath. 'But now I need help. I have looked into Galadriel's Mirror, and believe I have seen the eyes of the one who will be my heart.'
Sighing deeply, I struggled to think my words carefully. 'I do not know if Thorin is the one I am meant to be with, but I must know: Should I wait? Or should I accept Thorin, if he should again ask to marry me?'
I know, patience is a virtue, but I was only human, and we are always worried about the amount of time we have on Earth to live our lives. Of course I had the fear that I might not have enough time to have a family; I was used to the belief that women had a 'biological clock,' and that we had to have children by a certain age, or else getting pregnant became chancy, at best.
Was that coming into play now? I knew I would have a very long life, but would my body stay healthy and young, too? If so, for how long? At some point, would I be unable to have children, and if so, when? When I was sixty? Seventy? Eighty? Did I want to live that long, wondering when I would find that person with the blue eyes?
I lay there for several minutes, listening to the silence of the room. The only sounds were my breathing, and a faint hiss as the candles sputtered in their tiny pools of melted wax.
Sighing, I rolled over in bed, a few tears slipping down my cheeks. Apparently the Valar weren't going to help me in this matter. 'Oh, well; at least I tried.'
Somewhere in the void between wakefulness, sleep and dreams, voices whispered inside my head. They were gentle, but powerful as they spoke to me.
"You have done well, little one," a female voice said, soft as velvet and bright like the moon and stars. "You desire love and a family; we would be cruel to deny you a reward, after all you have achieved."
"Indeed," a male voice, rough like stone and hot like flame. "You have saved a King of my Children, and for that, I thank you. You have my blessing to wed the Dwarf King, Thorin, if that is your choice, and my word that your true beloved will not cross your path until after the passing of that King."
"Be at peace, little one," the female voice whispered, softly and full of comfort. "Rest well. We hope you will be happy with your choice, whatever it is."
When I woke the next morning, I was confident that what I had heard had been real. I could marry Thorin, if I chose.
The only problem was whether or not this was something I really wanted…or not?
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