46. Matchstick Matchmaker
Date Written: March 30, 2019
Date Posted: March 14, 2020
Characters: Veneziano, Romano, Seborga
Summary: As per usual, the Italian brothers bicker. The only difference is that Seborga knows more than both his siblings combined.
Notes:
Two young men, both in their early twenties, watched in mystified silence as they watched another young man try to woo a woman. The young men had seated themselves at a nearby cafe table and had been ardently discussing some details about their meeting held only hours prior before they noticed that an argument ensuing only a few tables away. Intrigued, both Italians caught wind of this development and began to take note of the Shakespearean tragedy that was enfolding before them.
As they watched, Romano couldn't help but let out his frustrations via complaining.
"It hurts just watching," Romano moaned. He reclined low in his seat and laid his head against the surface of the table. To Romano's immediate left, Veneziano whined at the scene and tried to placate his brother's groan of disgust.
Romano wasn't having any of it. "No, don't argue, this is getting pathetic."
Undeterred by his brother's dismissive attitude, Veneziano pointed to the young man trying too hard to woo that unimpressed woman. "You have to admire his tenacity, though." He wrapped a lock of his brother's hair around one finger before he noticed a development in the couple's bickering.
He poked his brother in the head. "Look, he's even getting down on his knees and everything."
"Veneziano, I love you, but that's just grovelling. I do believe that is being called pathetic."
The younger Italian shrugged before shooting his brother a glare that did nothing to change Romano's mind. "I see no shame in admitting that you're desperate. Honesty and earnestness is very important."
A sigh.
Romano didn't want to, but Veneziano words struck a chord within him. Hesitating only a little bit, Romano's head rose above the wooden grain of the table and he saw—
"Oh, no! Just...what is he?" Romano, in an effort to save himself the secondhand embarrassment, squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at his temples with the ferocity of an Italian grandmother kneading bread. Perhaps if he rubbed at his pressure points hard enough, he could theoretically forget everything that just happened.
Unsurprisingly, it didn't work.
"That boy… is not one of mine." He shoved his younger brother in the direction of that disappointment. "I wash my hands clean of such romantic ineptitude."
Shocked, Veneziano shoved his brother harder than intended, causing the Southern Italian to wobble slightly from his seat.
"In all honesty… I think he's doing… okay." A look of contemplation mixed with mischievous malice crossed his features as he took in his brother who looked like he was on the cusp of an aneurysm. "When's the last time you've taken a bella home, hmmm?"
Romano turned his face away so that his brother couldn't catch wind of the blush that blossomed over his cheeks.
"I'm a gentleman." He managed to sputter. "I don't go around bringing home girls for fun."
"Because being a gentleman would stop you in the first place." Veneziano rolled his eyes as Romano attempted to swipe at his brother's jaw, public decency be damned. "You're just saying that because it's probably been a while since you've managed to succeed in flirting with a woman."
"Oh, really? And what about you, dear brother of mine? Have you been taking—"
All of a sudden, another young man practically barreled into the spare seat that was at their small cafe table. Like the other two Italians, this young man had similar coloring and builds—an obvious hint that he was another brother.
"Sorry I'm late," Seborga gasped, out of breath, as he joined them at their cafe table. For a few seconds, he fanned himself with a spare handkerchief that he had before continuing with an abbreviated explanation of his sudden appearance. "It's been hell trying to get here. What did I miss?"
In tandem, both brothers pointed at each other and spoke of the other's respective faults.
"Romano's a prick."
"Veneziano's a whore."
Seborga blinked. "I don't suppose you want my opinion on that."
Romano shook his head. "Not unless you happen to agree with me."
"And what brought this on? You're not comparing flirting tips, are you? You two are too old fashioned."
As Romano began raging over Seborga's poor use of tact, Veneziano remedied the confusion. Apparently, the Venetian recounted that they had been keeping tabs on a couple, who by the looks of things had been arguing nonstop for the past half hour or so.
Seborga began to think for a second, a thought crossing his mind.
Hmm, on his way to the cafe, he had taken note of them… but… oh!
"—and then Romano disowned him. Which is funny considering Romano's flirting prowess is on par with that guy's."
"Hey!"
It was at that point, Seborga knew that he was obligated to tell his brothers of some pertinent information that was sure to change their perspective concerning the couple arguing. If anything, it would get the both of them to focus on something other than the state of their poor flirting skills (because Seborga was better at it than both of them, ha!) and Seborga would get a free meal out of it. Maybe.
Regardless, he was going to tell them anyway.
"Actually, dear brothers of mine, they aren't a couple."
"Of course not, they're clearly breaking up."
"No, I'm serious." As both brothers leveled him a look of pure disbelief, Seborga fought the small smile that threatened to erupt on his face. He waited for a second just for the dramatic timing and when it seemed that Romano was itching for another fight, he cleared his throat and gestured towards the other table. "If you haven't noticed, they're siblings and they're arguing if you two are just friends or merely in love with each other."
Veneziano choked while Romano did a spit take.
Seborga just smiled.
