Goku placed two fingers to his forehead. Next thing he knew, Kenshin was before him, a kid under each arm. "I couldn't think of anything badass to say," Goku said, "so, stop."
"Are you talking to me or the author?" Kenshin asked.
"I'm not sure anymore."
"Well, I really don't want to fight."
Goku winced at the pain in his pants. "I'm going to have to insist," he said. But Goku was thinking he should have just went for the full joke and said, "My left nut insists."
"Goku," Jeiny says in his mind, "don't go off script. Stick to the original idea. That's what's confusing you."
"But this back and forth is what takes it to the next level!"
"Is he still thinking that or can I hear it?" Kenshin asked, pointing to the script. Sasuke and Sakura were having coffee at a table somewhat off. Kenshin could see them if he looked over his shoulder, just around the curtain.
"God damnit, I don't know anymore. You're free. Run along little ones. Tear the place up."
"Nah," Goku said.
"What?"
"Dun wanna. I'm going to stick to my martial arts. I really don't feel like being a toon force character."
"Neither do I," Kenshin said, swinging the script into his katana. He narrowed his eyes. "That I don't."
"For my left nut!" Goku yelled, flying forward at Kenshin. There were the super-fast lines as the only thing Kenshin saw was a foot coming at his face. But his reflexes were wicked awesome, so he managed to dodge it by a hair. But the wind pressure pulled his face in, so he smacked off the boot. Counterbalancing that force, he used the current to travel up Goku's leg. Then he drew his sword, but only so he brought the handle up wicked fast. And yeah, you guessed it, right into Goku's balls. "A samurai just battojutsu'd my balls! I'm going to need to kaioken!"
"Kaio, huh?" Kenshin asked, but before he could even start to process hearing his own words, Goku's fist was planted firmly in his nuts. He looked like a rag doll on the end of Goku's fist, raising above as Goku chucked him aside. "Oro!"
Kenshin regained his ballin' on the heal of one foot, but he was wearing sandal things so it contracted him down to a nice landing with his arms up in the air, sword in one hand, you know the look. Then he sheathed his sword and got into his signature posture. Since samurai don't use traditional shields (the sheath is their shield) having a sword, this was is perfect balance. Goku realized this instantly and took up the challenge. Goku could crush him easily if he amped his force, but this was more fun. A test of speed and physics.
Goku repeated his opening attack, a single super-fast kick. This time, the samurai was already in swing before Goku's movement had begun. Goku thought it was a sixth sense, but it was more than that. Something comparable to Ultra-Instinct. However, Goku is now aware of the script and not totally playing by the rules, so he knows too and now understands the true danger of this attack. It can slice through atoms. Imagine a strike at lightspeed where if the blade was actually used every atom along its edge would be cut between. There is no defense. Not even energy can condense itself so thin. The speed and force infinitely sharpen the blade to be smaller than any particle that tries to stop it. Only magic, toon force, can. And he can do nine of those strikes at lightspeed. On top of that, because he is using a sword, his range and timing throws the opponent off, meaning if he wants to kill, one strike is all he needs. Your best bet is to attack from behind, but he can predict that, too. On top of that, his ultimate technique creates a vacuum that draws his opponent into his sword. If using his blade, it is an instant kill on anyone who can't break lightspeed melee reaction. Because of the vortex it is a bit subjective if they would have to break it by at least twice as much, but that is a high ball. It could be a lowball, too, though, if you consider his other technique lets him strike nine times faster than most can once. Given he is basically Samurai Superman, we can assume this is talking about his peers. Legend says the samurai is equal to about ten regular soldiers. Nine represents the nine areas of the body to strike, but it could also be a reference to this. He can kill nine of his peers and be the tenth left standing. So, a true high ball could be that the Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki (Flash of the Heavenly Flying Dragon) is 9-10x faster than light.
Anyhow, Kenshin glanced the blunt edge of his sword off Goku's foot, causing him to spiral off of it. Goku caught himself in the air. "Well, it is what it is," Goku said, then went Super Saiyan. "I could probably just use kaiokenx10, but I am done risking my balls, and tearing my body apart for a friendly fight isn't worth it." He knocked Kenshin out in one hit.
"Hell no!" Goku said, "tearing my body apart in a friendly fight is the best time it is worth it!"
"That is some amazing sentence structure," Jeiny said. "Seriously, where did you learn to speak?"
"Look, I rarely get challenges that don't involve me resorting to Super Saiyan, but he fits nice into the gap of making me need to use kaioken but not having to go Super Saiyan and he doesn't want to kill me! I can go all out! Test my will to its limits! My body! He is able to achieve feats without ki manipulation!"
"Well, that's not exactly true…" Kenshin said, "that it isn't. I can sense energy (to an extent), y'know."
"Were you trained by literal gods from other dimensions?"
"Well, no…"
I really don't want to bother writing out the fight, 'cause it goes like this:
"So, I win with kaiokenx10, right?" Goku asks.
"Well, no, because of the vortex, a true highball is 20x lightspeed," Kenshin insisted. "Please?"
"Sure, fine," Goku said. "Guess I need Super Saiyan."
"Or risk shattering your right nut."
Goku didn't want that, so he went Super Saiyan and knocked Kenshin out in one hit. "God damnit!" he shouted. "I guess it's dick punching Vegeta for the rest of my life."
Just then, Vegeta appeared.
"Woah!" Goku said, with big anime eyes of shock (he was in base form, the black-haired thing, for you plebs). "Best buddy! You live!"
"Yeah well, my son, Uchiha Jon, my one true son, not Trunks, he gave me the Dragon Balls, remember?"
"You didn't."
"I so did. Immortal Vegeta, bitches!"
"Uh…And you survived reality exploding?"
"Yep."
"Zenkai boost?"
"Zenkai boost."
"You're not going to kill me, are you, best buddy?"
"No, kakarott."
"Whew."
"In fact, I have a really good idea how we can resolve all this. I'll beat you within an inch of your life, then you'll get a zenkai and be stronger than me."
"And if the universe ever explodes, then we have an immortal you with a zenkai!"
"Yeah!
"Awesome!"
"And it's like you're immortal too because you get to keep your body when you die."
"Just call me Saint Goku!"
"No."
"Well, I guess you lucked out, 'Getes."
"What do you mean?"
"If you die, you're probably going to hell."
"That's not funny."
"Who said I'm joking?" Goku said, wicked menacingly. It reminded him of his left nut exploding.
"Uh…"
So, Goku and Vegeta fought. Eventually, Goku made the Spirit Bomb.
"What the fuck, Kakarrtto?!" Vegeta yelled, veins exploding. "You still don't trust me?!"
"Dude, you're immortal, I have to be sure. If there is no evil left in your heart, it can't kill you! Trust me!"
"You don't trust me!"
"You tried to kill me!"
"Years ago!"
"Dude, shit been retconned so many times. And like, two hours before your final redemption against Buu, you blew up a stadium of people!"
"Fine!" Vegeta said, but really, he was thinking he was about to die. The Spirit Bomb started to vaporize him as it sizzled against his skin. But he didn't die!"
"Look at that, 'Getes! You're a real good guy!'
"I'm a real good guy?" Vegeta asked, turning his head to Goku as the burst of light began to dissipate. Tears struck his eyes. "I'm a good guy!"
Goku gave thumbs up. "Guess you're not going to hell after all."
But what the two didn't realize was Kenshin was there and he stuck his katana into the Spirit Bomb! Absorbing that into his sword gave it properties equivalate to a God! Now Kenshin didn't have only physics on his side, but a massive reserve of energy placed into a single edge.
He knocked Goku and Vegeta out, scoops up the kids, and vanishes.
Kaiba is looking on all blond and stuff. He turns his YGOSS off. It's a really epic looking shot. He's on the edge of a cliff thing. Like a part that is jutting out. Do those have a name?
Then the scene is ruined by an epic close-up of Kaiba's face. "What the hell is going on around here?!" he yells.
See, the epic scene implied that Kaiba was part of the story and kinda knew about what everyone else in the story knew, but the close-up with that time sets the mood off. It's a contrast, so it forces a comedic timing. At least that's how I understand this abridging thing.
So, Kaiba then remembers that his best bro just died so he goes YGOSSJ2. Fuck it. At least someone did die. -Kefla- I like to imagine that Vegeta actually realized Trunks was his son on a subconscious level, so when he went off to train, he realized the only family he had was going to be killed by androids if he didn't do something. Anyways, enough retconning, or wait, no. Back tingles… Damnit, even that stupid Cabage twerp had better reasoning. Though it made NO sense in their universe… God damnit! What a horrible idea, these super alternate reality Saiyans were.
Anyhow, so Kaiba challenges Kenshin to a shadow game for both his soul and his author's soul. Kenshin's soul is saved. The other is yet to be seen. Anyhow, so Kenshin literally can't kill now and loses his battousai form, but he now has a magic sword with 4th dimensional strength and durability, and he can use his 6th sense to manipulate it's physics so it's like he has 4th dimensional speed, too.
And then Vegeta is like, "Oh yeah, so I have these Dragon Balls from Uchiha Jon, my one true son, wherever that boy is, and anyhow, like I was saying, lets just fix everything?"
"Fix everything?" Uchiha Jeiny asked. "But everything is as its supposed to be."
"Who are you?"
"Your son."
"Uh, no you are not. Wish time. Now."
Jeiny then transforms into Jon! "I'm op so I can just make transformations and clones permanent. See?" He then clones himself 8 billion times or one for however many people there are and makes half into girls and then sets off to fuck every person who wants to. Cept he don't fuck dudes as a girl, so a lot of men who want to are left out, which is really unfortunate, because 18-year-old Uchiha Jeiny is the hottest chick ever. And that is you, dear reader. Remember, you can always transform and make your own choice.
"What?"
"What?"
"Are you reading this?"
"Yes."
"There are two sides to every coin."
"Like Batman!"
"Or the Easter Bunny, yes."
"What?"
"Jesus is a fury."
"Oh my God…"
"Indeed. Your God. Is a fury."
"Jokes dead."?
"Like your God."
"Oh my God!"
"It's true, though! Even if that WAS your God, the person who comes back wouldn't be him. That dude knew nothing other people hadn't theorized before. He just abridged it all and thought that made him immortal. Look, point is, no one is going to come down and turn water into wine, and even if they did, you'd just say it's a magic trick."
"Like Satan!"
"Yes, Goku. Exactly like Mr. Satan."
"So, none believers are the true evil?"
"Only because they are dumb hypocrites."
"None believers of Mr. Satan?"
"…Yes?"
"Two sides of one coin."
"Oh, yes. That's right. That's how it all makes sense!"
"Shrodinger's Satan?"
"God."
"What's the difference?"
"Holy shit, you're right."
"I mean, even if there is, God made Satan, and is all powerful, so like, he made Satan to fuck with people."
"Maybe God is learning with us?"
"All powerful doesn't mean all knowing, I guess. Maybe It limits Itself by not seeing into the future."
"Why would It do that?"
"Because not knowing is the only way it can have fun?"
"Seems pretty cruel to let an awful lot of people die."
"Says the man with no left nut."
"Touchy."
"You mean touché."
"No, I mean touchy."
"Are you calling me touchy?"
"No. Touchy. Touch it. It hurts. God damn it, it hurts."
"I'm not touching your empty sac."
"What if it weren't empty?"
"No."
"Oh my god."
Goku and Author turn to Vegeta. "Sorry, forgot you were here."
Kaiba and Kenshin are all like, "We're still here, too."
"This really doesn't require five people."
"Three?"
"Nope. Just the two."
"By the way, I'm a Buddhist."
"Whatever, Goku."
"Life is what you make it. Even if that means convincing everyone you're the Son of God."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes. Oh my YOUR God."
