I feel like every author's note begins with an apology from me, but i truly am sorry to have left for so long. Life seriously got in the way this time. However I have lots more time on my hamds with all this stay home and isolate yourself stuff going on hahaha so here is hoping my muse strikes a raging fire and i can get some of these sadly neglected stories finished!


Mornings.

They seemed to always be the most stressful part about spending any time with the shepherd. What would she find when she opened her eyes? Would he be there when she turned over? How would she react seeing his face again? Would she feel relieved? Upset? And what about him? Would he be happy? Content? Asleep? Upset? Would he feel guilty? Would he push her away? Would she push him away? Would she turn around to find him getting dressed and getting ready to leave her one more time? She didn't know. Waking up in the morning brought her the most stress.

With a few slow breaths to prepare herself, Regina finally found the courage to roll over under the blankets and see what the morning was going to bring her.

Anxiety and worry was eased in an instant for this morning was different than all previous mornings. Instead of grief and regret, warmth filled her heart for this morning brought her a barefooted shepherd, smiling as he stood in the kitchen preparing what looked to be breakfast. And when he caught her eye and smiled even more, her stress began to melt away and she gave a timid smile in return.

"Good morning, your majesty," David greeted happily as he walked across the small farmhouse to the bed at the end. Once he reached it, he crawled on to it and she rolled on to her back to better accommodate him. He knew she was still wary of what was to become of them, it was clear in her face. And she had good reason to be wary given their past. But he didn't acknowledge it, instead he decided not to tiptoe around her, he decided not to be careful, not to waste time for he had already wasted so much. Instead, he lowered down and kissed her good morning as though it was what they had always done since the day they met.

Soft and chaste and sweet, lingering for a little while before he parted and her hands landed softly on either side of his face. He loved her and he was finally going to let himself love her and he was sure that it was the fastest route in to convincing his queen to relax and let herself love him in return. Her smile only encouraged him.

"Good morning," she breathed as her thumb softly caressed his chin and he smiled down at her. She was a little surprised by his behaviour but she was also so very relieved that there was not so much as a stitch of tension in him. She didn't know how to respond to it, she had been hoping for this but had been expecting him to be on his way to Snow White. She had never been more relieved to be wrong.

"Would you like any jam with your bread this morning?" He asked and she gave the smallest quirk of her head and a confused laugh for she was undoubtedly unsure on how to react in such a scenario.

"Sure..."

"What kind?" He asked and dropped his head a little so he could softly bump his nose against hers.

"Raspberry I suppose," she answered softly, her heart giddy over the thought of being so close to him and having life suddenly so pleasant and simple.

"Raspberry it is," he smiled and then after a moment's pause to simply enjoy being close to her, he gave her another kiss. A little slower, a little heavier, and a little less chaste. He kissed her until she hummed and then he parted from her with a smile and his bottom lip between his teeth.

Never had she found herself in such a situation. Laying naked in bed while the man she so cautiously loved made her breakfast. It was all so simple and plain and she felt as though she should know how to respond to it. But she hadn't a clue.

While he busied himself with breakfast, she quietly slipped out of bed and tied a soft woollen sweater around herself. It was one of her favourites for the chillier mornings on the farm, more a robe than an actual sweater, dark grey and cozy. She tied it closed around her waist, forgoing any other clothing just yet as something inside her was drawing her closer to the shepherd and she didn't want to let it disappear. She stepped closer and closer, each movement wary and uncertain as she still did not know where exactly they stood in this new development in their relationship. But she just wanted to touch him. To be close to him. The deepest parts of her were aching to be near him and were urging her forward.

David didn't acknowledge her advance with anything more than a glance and quick smile over his shoulder. The smallest bit of reassurance that he could offer without interrupting her train of thought and the path she seemed to be seeking out. He didn't want to direct her, he wanted to see what she wanted, wanted to see what she would do. With all her time away from the Dark Palace, away from the toxic environment, the memories of pain and torment, he wanted to see what she would do without darkness to fall back on and swallow her whole.

He was intrigued when she stopped right behind him without a word. And then he was helpless against the smile that spread across his face when he felt her fingertips dance ever so softly up his back alongside his spine. It started tentatively with just one of her hands and then the other joined, just touching and letting her mind wander. And then she stepped closer, her fingertips turning into palms against his back, her forehead resting lightly against his spine between his shoulders, a deep inhale through her nose that was soon released and as she allowed her body to sink in to his, causing his skin to shiver in delight. Then her arms wound around his middle and she simply stayed there without a word.

Right there, that morning, as he finished preparing breakfast with his queen hugging him close without a stitch of tension in her tormented body, was the happiest he had felt in a very long time. Perhaps the happiest he had ever felt. With teary eyes, he soaked in the love that poured from her embrace and could not wipe the smile off his face even if he had wanted to. His heart ached in relief over the gesture and he worked a little slower just so they could stay there a little longer.

...

It didn't take too long for Regina to come out of her peaceful state and begin to worry over when it would all fall apart once more. For she truly did not believe he was there to stay. No one stayed. It had been proven time and time again that no one close to her ever stayed. The shepherd was a prime example of such.

The only exception was her father and she loved him dearly for it.

Slowly the perfect morning dissolved away, tainted by memories of what had been and thoughts of what could be. When would he leave? How close to her heart would he get before he did? Would it be worth the pain he was going to cause her? Or should she push him away before he got too close?

"What would you like to do today?"

Pulled momentarily from her destructive thoughts, Regina turned her head to the shepherd, keeping her weight in to her shoulder against the doorframe of the farmhouse, "I don't know. What would you like to do today?"

Slowing his steps as he neared her, David gave a nonchalant shrug of one shoulder, "I was thinking of perhaps riding the horses along the river," he began and stopped in front of her, reaching his hands forward so his fingers could dance over her hips, his eyes following the contact, "ride until we find the perfect spot for a picnic and then spend the rest of day there," he narrated, her body fluid under his touch, allowing him to pull her ever so slightly closer to him without removing her from her chosen place to stand, "or we could take a trip back in to town. Have a day surrounded by other people so we don't get the chance to be left alone with our thoughts and get ourselves in to another argument we don't need to have," he teased lightly but knew that it was far from an impossible scenario.

"See what leftover goods they have from last night's festival they are marking down to sell. Maybe help with tidying up if need be. Pick up some of that...whatever Richard keeps saying he need to get but always forgets."

"Flax seed," Regina provided seamlessly.

"Yeah, flax seed," David chuckled lightly, "we could go pick up some flax for him and drop it off. What do you think?"

Those pale blue eyes of his could make her do anything he wished. So help her the day he figured that out. "Sounds wonderful," she replied quietly, her heart jumping when he grinned in delight at her acceptance. She loved him. Despite it all, despite herself, despite knowing better, she loved him. And as she lifted a hand to softly cradle the side of his jaw, she wished she trusted him as much as she loved him.

They stood there for a little while. His hands rested on her hips, her shoulder leaning in to the doorframe, her hand holding the side of his face as her thumb caressed his jaw. He smiled at her but she didn't smile back. They needed to talk. But she was sure he wanted to talk just about as much as she did. She wished they could just leave and start over. No consequences. No guilt. No worry. But alas there she stood. In the hands of a married man whose loyalty she was most certain she had not earned in full.

And she was just devastated by it.

Knowing she was so full of emotion she was nearly bursting, David dared to pry her open with a most tender breath, "what is plaguing that beautiful mind?"

She merely forced a smile with a quick shake of her head but her eyes did not meet his. It had his frown pulling deeper and his brow furrowing in sorrow while his heart ached all the way in to his throat. His queen was many things, but silent was not often one of them. And even after spending so much time with her, he was still learning how to handle her fiery soul and the stakes were so very high right then. One wrong move and it could send them in to a downward spiral they may never recover from. But he tried not to think of that as he carefully pulled her in to him and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close and tight.

Where he had thought his heart may be soothed by her hugging him back, it only ached deeper. Both her arms wound tight around his middle and he hugged her tighter, lifting one hand to hold the back of her head, ensuring she was as close to him as possible, ensuring that not one piece of her was left doubting she belonged in his arms.

The very moment his hand held her head was when her exhaustion hit its limit and she gave in to him, "this is my fault."

"What is?"

"Us. I know you said it was all you-"

"It was me," he assured but she didn't accept it and he didn't let her go.

"No," she shook her head softly and he rubbed his thumb over her back, gently tilting his head as he listened to her, "I've been doing a lot of thinking here. It's quiet. Allows for clarity. And I know I carry some of the blame. I never let you believe that I could be enough for you," she told him softly, lifting her head from his chest but quickly finding she did not have the courage to look him in the eye. "You may have left countless times but it was only because I didn't give you a choice. I pushed you away, I didn't let you near. I forced you out of my company."

"I knew better. I didn't have to leave. I simply had to hide for an hour and return once you had cooled off. I did not have to leave," he told her softly and she shook her head.

"I made you leave, every single time," she pressed with sorrow and self loathing burning her chest, "despite wanting you only to stay, I made you leave."

"I am my own person, Regina, I did not have to do as you said. I could have fought for you."

"I could have fought for you too," she argued miserably and after holding his sorrowful blue eyes with hers, she looked away so she wouldn't burst in to tears. She loved him so much it hurt. And being so vulnerable in front of him made her want to curl up and hide. But he was so quiet for her, his presence so still and soft that it gave her no valid reason to hide from him.

"All I have ever wanted is to be loved," she told him, "but this life got in my way. But when a chance at love finally presented itself, I threw it away as far as I could. And when I thought better of it, I was too late. We are too late, David."

She so very rarely used his name. It always hit him a little deeper when she did use it, it meant she was entirely serious. "It is never too late for love, Regina," he disagreed kindly as he reached forward and tucked her hair behind her ear, "never."

"I want to believe you," she breathed with a shake of her head and teary eyes, "but every time I look at you I am only ever reminded of your darling wife and that this freedom here on this farm is only temporary and that one way or another, I will inevitably be banished once again to the Dark Palace."

All lightness lost, David shook his head softly, "Regina, I have already told you that you don't have to go back to the palace-"

"Well where the hell else would I go?" She laughed miserably at him, "stay with Richard?! That isn't fair to him! To love someone whose mind is always on another man! Whose heart belongs to another man!"

"Regina-"

"A person can't just stop loving someone, David! You can't just wake up one morning and decide you don't love them! I have tried! It doesn't work! And you of all people should know! Otherwise you wouldn't be here! If you didn't love me you would be home with Snow White without so much as a thought to ever come here again!"

"I do love you, Regina!" He raised his voice to bring her attention back to him. And then he softened it the very moment she looked him in the eye, "why must you insist that the world is crumbling and it is always your fault?" He asked gently and her quiet answer broke his heart because he knew she believed it.

"Because it has always been my fault," she breathed and her first tears fell.

Even though that evening in her cell had been years ago and the vividness of her mind shared through that ribbon had faded and was not often referenced in their heated arguments, it was not forgotten. From her mother to Leopold to Rumplestiltskin, Regina had always been at fault. She had lived a life of constantly being in the wrong and the reminder broke David's heart.

"Listen to me, my love," he started tenderly and she shook her head, "Regina, listen to me," he encouraged and with a shaky exhale, she looked him in the eye. "You may not be wrong. But you are also not correct. This is not your fault."

"I could have stopped you from marrying her," she argued miserably, "I could have done more."

"As could I," he reminded her as he gathered her hands and squeezed them almost as tight as she squeezed his. "We are both at some fault here. Do not carry such weight on your own. And regardless of all that has past, we are here now. We are here and we know what we want. We want each other. And we will be together. We just have to fight for it as we should have done in the very beginning," he told her and brought their clasped hands up between them so he could press a kiss to her knuckles.

"I shouldn't have held back," she breathed as he stepped just a little closer so their bodies were almost flush against one another.

"Then let us learn from our mistakes," he offered softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand, "and let us try not to repeat them."

Nodding, Regina watched his face as he so lovingly watched his thumb caress her skin. She wanted to believe the sense he spoke. Really and truly she did. But it was so hard to believe him when all he had done was continually let her down. She wished he would prove her wrong this time.