One for Sorrow
Pairing: McRoll
Spoilers for season 10 - Episode 7
Chapter - 37
Waking up that morning, he had anxious nerves from his head all the way to his feet and his heart was already feeling heavy and sad, the nervous butterflies in his stomach making him feel nauseous. Today was the day that he would be burying his mother, it still hurt just as much as the day he watched her die.. The people in his life that were closest to him, he always had to be watching or listening to their last words, or last breathes.
It all started with Freddie, he watched him sacrifice himself so he could get him and Hesse to safer grounds, then as he was transporting Anton Hesse, he listened through a phone call at the moment his father was shot by Anton's brother. The next death, the only death he didn't watch or listen to personally was Billy Harrington, but it felt similar to him because he had to help Catherine whom had witnessed it through it.
The next death that was close to him was his Aunt Deb, and it was a lot more peaceful than the rest, but still just as upsetting, watching her die as he roused her for breakfast. He had always been close to Aunt Deb and that was probably one of the hardest goodbyes he had ever had to do.. Knowing he had to tell Mary and Joan that their Aunt was gone, it nearly ripped his heart into pieces, Deb was like a second mother to Mary, she practically raised her. It was Joan arriving in their lives and then Deb's death that continued to help the siblings grow closer.
Joe White, if Deb was like Mary's second mother, Joe was like his second father, and though the men had their differences when he was being evasive about his mother, he still saw him as a father figure and his mentor. He is one he really had to thank for bringing Catherine into his life. Sure, Catherine and Steve were friends but it was Joe that helped him find the courage to ask Catherine out and he never once regretted that decision, they had a rough few years but now were settling down happily. He felt Joe's death was as painful as his own father's was and watching him die in his arms while watching a beautiful sun set, it was heartbreaking for him.
That was when he knew he needed to make changes, Joe had told him he needed to find a woman and settle down.. Catherine was the woman for him and Joe's death was the catalyst for getting them back on the road to where they both wanted and needed to be. Grace's accident not long after Joe's death just proved to him how short life was, and that not everyone would die by a gunshot wound or some kind of explosion or violent death. It was the first time he realised how badly he wanted to be a husband and a father himself.
His mother's death, he never expected it to happen this way. He saw it as a rescue mission, to get her home safe and sound, not to be burying her next to his father, he wanted more time with her, to make amends and to do things that a mother and her adult son would do together since they never got a lot of time together. Catherine was a great support time him, she still had both her parents and yet she always seemed to know just what to say and do to comfort him.
Sitting up in bed next to him, she moved closer, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him on his shoulder. She knew it was going to be a hard day.. She remembered when she lost her grandfather, her mother's father and that was hard enough for her. She couldn't imagine what having to bury your mother would feel like after already having buried your father. "We'll get through this Steve.. I can't pretend to know what it's like to lose both parents and I can't say I understand, but what I can say is.. I've got you, you don't have to go through this alone".
She remembered those words when she was retiring from the Navy full time before she decided to re-enter as a reservist and he had given her that Chicago vinyl album and had told her something very similar. Turning his head to look at her, he smiled softly and leaned in to kiss her gently. "I know, I've got you, I've got Mary, Joanie, and all our five-o family.. I feel lucky, I really do".
As hard as it was to realise the only blood relative he had left was Mary, he knew deep down that family didn't just come from blood, it came from many different walks of life and he had so many people who loved and respected him, there were people that he didn't even think he would ever get along with like Lou Grover and now Lou is one of his best mates and confidants along with Danny.
He continued, his throat closing up a little and the tears already threatening to spill, "I just miss her Cath.. I know we had a complicated history, but she was my mother and I loved her regardless.. The only reason why I spent so much time tracking her down over the years is because from the moment she walked out of my life, I wanted her back in it and when I found out she was alive, I just wanted her home with us".
Catherine was tearing up as well, it was hard to see Steve this way, he was always so stoic and never really let much get to him, nodding her head, she moved a tiny bit closer and held him tighter. "I know Steve, and I know you will have days where you will feel down and sad about it for a while, it's gonna take time, but we'll get through it… You are strong Sailor and I love you with all of my heart".
Turning fully, he smiled, lifting her up onto his lap, "I love you more then I've ever loved anyone Cath and I'm so grateful you are here with me now and we can start our lives together". He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her softly, his arms wrapping around her tighter. "I'm always here, why don't we get up, showered and dressed, I had your dress blues pressed, they are hanging up in the wardrobe".
Kissing him once more, she then began to move off his lap to stand, holding her arm out to him, "Come on, let's get this day done so we can start to heal and mend once it's all over". He nodded, taking her hand and letting her help him out of bed, and lead him to the bathroom for a shower. It was going to be a long day, but he knew he could do it with the support of Cath and his family.
Author's Notes:
Thank you for all the support with this story, it began back in November of last year and it's still going very strong even now. I am so thankful and grateful have all your support from everyone who keeps reading the latest chapters. It fills my heart with so much happiness and joy to be able to bring these characters and their love story to life for you all.
SteveMcGarrettLover:
I am so thrilled you enjoyed these last twoI am looking forward to keeping this going for a bit longer, you will see what I mean in my author notes for chapter 38, the chapter is much longer and the author notes are as well. I really appreciate your comments on how well I did the love scene, I was nervous doing that one and so it meant a lot to me that you made me feel more confident again in what I was writing. As you know, I have now done two other scenes in which would be considered more intimate and it's thanks to you, I know I am uploading this on a Sunday and you can't read it till Monday but take your time and can't wait to read your reviews, Mahalo.
Pilarmnavas:
Thank you for your support and kind words. I am loving the development of their story as well and am enjoying writing this, also you are very welcome, if you haven't read it, there is a love scene in Right here waiting as well. I'd love to hope she does, I know Peter said their story is not over but the fact Brooke showed up in the latest Valentines Day episode has me concerned now as well. I'll always make sure Steve and Cath are together or get back together in any story I write so McRoll is always safe in my hands.
