There's a silence as Aaron and I make our way into the living room. We finally got all of the kids down, even though it took three stories to get Melissa down tonight. But she's finally tucked in with her blanket, her stuffed dog Lucky, and her princess sheets pulled in tightly around her. As we pass the nursery, the faint notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata start to play. There's no other noise floating out of the nursery and from a quick peek inside, all three of the little ones are fast asleep. I step into the kitchen and grab out some ingredients to make a simple pasta dinner for both Aaron and I. "You didn't eat with the kids did you?" It's the first thing I've said to him since I got home and it feels too casual compared to what I should say to him after everything that's happened. He shakes his head, before taking the mushrooms and starting to slice them as I fill a pot of water to boil.

We continue to work in silence as we make dinner. It's comfortable to make dinner with him. Honestly it's comfortable to just live my life with him. After the past couple days, the idea of coming home to a house of only sleeping children was the farthest thing from what I wanted when I could have him with me. As the pasta finishes cooking, I plate it up as he pours a couple glasses of wine. The pasta is placed on the table as he walks over with the glasses in hand. "Em?" He calls my name softly as he offers the glass of ruby liquid towards me.

"Thanks." Raising the glass to my lips, I take the first sip of the pinot. The oaky notes ride over my tongue as I let myself finally decompress from the case. Aaron takes a seat at the table and I can't help but notice how right it feels to have him there. His eyes have questions in them, but he seems to be holding out, as if he is worried he'll push me away by asking. Instead, he lifts a forkful of pasta to his mouth, trying to block the questions from flowing out it seems. I take his lead and focus on the pasta in front of me for a few moments. The silence is stifling as we sit and eat. I feel like I need to open the paths for communication, but I'm not sure where to start. So I start at the only place I can. "Thank you." His eyes pop to mine in confusion.

"We made dinner together? There's not really anything to be thankful for."

"I meant for everything you did the case. We weren't invited in and you could have shut it down without a second thought."

"We're a team Em. We stick together."

"You called the Vatican," I try to point out all the things he did again.

"I trust you and you were right in your gut." He shrugs. "I'd like to think you would do the same for me." I nod.

"I would." I pause before continuing. "I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with the past couple days-"

"Anyone in your position would have been the same way. You're grieving the loss of your friend." Aaron punctuates his words with his fork before scooping more pasta up.

"But that didn't mean that you had to stand there and take it. I shouldn't have said what I did in your office." I place my fork down as I try to focus on getting the words to come out correctly, so I don't misconstrue my point. "You're one of the best things in my life and I didn't treat you like that. I'm sorry."

"Em, in your shoes I probably would have done the same thing. You were hurt, you were angry, and I was pulling the case. You don't need to apologize." He lifts his own glass to his lips after saying all of this. I know I need to say the thing that really made everything click for me before I get too scared to.

"You said you would meet me at home." Aaron looks at me like he's trying to figure out either why I'm bringing this up or what I'm talking about so I add on, "When we were leaving John's house. You said you would meet me at home."

"Did I? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable-"

I shake my head. "That's not- it didn't make me uncomfortable." I try to explain and he waits for me to continue. "I don't want anymore space. I don't need to prove that I can raise the kids by myself." I take a breath. "Let's move a third crib in. Make this home."

"Em, is that a good idea?" His words stab me in the gut. "Not that I don't want to, but you were so hesitant the last time I suggested it. I don't want this to be a decision you're making because you're grieving and we just dealt with a case that was really hard."

"You think that's why I'm suggesting it?" I ask, almost shocked that he thinks I would change my mind on this for those reasons.

"Is it?" I shake my head again. "Why then? Why now?"

"Because it feels right having you here. It feels like home having you and Jack here when dinner is served or when doing bedtime routines. It makes my kids happier having you around. It makes me happier having you around. And when you're not here, it feels like a part of me is missing. When Jack isn't here but the rest of the kids are it feels like someone took my child away from me. Home is where we all are, so why not make it happen?" Aaron sits in silence for a moment, thinking over what just spewed from my mouth.

"Ok."

"Ok?" I breath out a smile as I realize that we're going to do this.

"Honestly, we could probably just look at getting Jack a toddler bed at this point. He's getting almost too big for his crib. But we can worry about that later. We'll have to figure out moving things and my lease doesn't go out for another six months, so maybe we look at subletting the apartment until then, but let's do this." He finally agrees. We both return to eating for a few moments, but I wonder why he hasn't brought up the one thing I thought he would already have mentioned.

"So Natalia called you Daddy." I state and the brightest smile fills Aaron's face.

"I know." Then his entire face drops, as if something came to mind, "Do you mind that she did?"

"Why would I?" My eyebrows pull together, not understanding why he's asking this. His shoulders rise up towards his ears. "Aaron, you said it best when you said that our kids see each other as brothers and sisters basically. Jack calls me Mama. So why would you think I would mind that my kids see you as their dad?" He mumbles something under his breath that I don't catch. "What?"

"I think part of me is scared that you might find someone else that you want." He answers honestly.

"When I just asked you to move in?" My eyebrows move downward, not understanding where he's coming from.

"Not now, but in the future." His shoulders lift up and then down again as he says it.

"What makes you think that?" I reach for his hand, still not understanding where this is coming from. "I'm all in Aaron. I'm always all in." I repeat the words he said to me at the lot earlier today.

"Maybe for now. But it might not last." His eyes won't find mine from across the table, so I squeeze his hand, trying to get him to voice where this is coming from. "Haley told me she was in our relationship when we got married, but then she found someone else she wanted instead." His chest rises as he takes in a breath. "I just thought maybe…" He trails off. I wait a few moments, to see if he continues, but when he doesn't, I decide to take the lead.

I squeeze his hand again. "Aaron, the twins will never know their biological father because I would never allow them in the same room as him. Ever." His eyes find mine finally, searching for what I haven't said yet. "But by some sort of magic, they have you. The best father I could ever ask for them. To teach them right from wrong, to hold them close, to show them everything a father should show them. I wouldn't- I couldn't ask for someone better than you. And I'll remind you of that as often as you need because you are one of the best things in my life." His eyes search mine, looking for any hints of doubt but finding none.

"I love you." He says, quietly, but the impact of it is loud. It's not the first time the words have left his lips, but hearing his doubts pour out before hearing this ring out is like a promise.

"I love you too." The words breathe out of me easily. I search in his eyes for anything else that needs to be quelled, but he doesn't give me time to keep searching.

"You done with this?" He motions towards my plate and I nod before taking another sip of wine. Aaron takes both of our plates and makes his way to the counter. I take my wine glass with me but follow him. "Can I ask you something?" His words are soft as he sets the plates in the sink.

"Of course."

"It has to do with what you shared with me earlier today." I bite the inside of my cheek, feeling the emotions coming back. Leaning against the counter of the island in the kitchen, I take a breath before letting out the only word I can.

"Ok." I brace myself for whatever he might ask.

"Do you regret it?" His words catch me slightly off guard and he must have seen it, because words slip out of his mouth, "You don't have to answer it if it makes you uncomfortable."

"I-I…" I stumble over words as I try to figure out how to explain everything. "It was the right choice for the moment. But I don't think I could ever do it again. I was fifteen. I wasn't ready to be a mother." I take a breath, trying to rid the shakiness that fills my voice. "That decision was something that replayed in my mind when I found out I was pregnant again. I knew I couldn't go through with another abortion." My hand sets down my wine glass as my arms move down to wrap around my midsection tightly, feeling the emotions that had run through me when I found out that I was going to be a mother. "And I think deep down I already knew I was in love with my baby, or well babies. It's one of the reasons I can't stand Strauss suggesting I should have aborted them though. Because I know that I never would have been able to go through with it a second time." The idea of not having my twins feels like a punch in the gut. I can't breathe as a life without them fills my mind. Aaron moves from his spot at the other end of the counter to pull me into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"I-I-I-I…" The words struggle to get out where they are lodged in my throat. I swallow to get rid of the lump in my throat and finally get out, "I can't imagine my life without them." The words are whispered into his chest as I try to push the panic away.

"You don't have to. They're upstairs asleep." His hand moves up and down my spine as he tries to calm me down. "All our kids are asleep upstairs." He repeats his sentiment as he continues to run his hand along my spine. "You don't have to live without any of them and nothing Strauss ever says will change that. Do you want to see them?" He asks and I know they'll sleep better if we're not in and out of their room all night so I shake my head against his chest even though I want to do the opposite.

"We shouldn't-" But Aaron can tell when I'm not being completely truthful, so instead of staying in one place, we spin around and Aaron is pulling us towards the stairs. "Aaron-"

"They'll still sleep. We're just going to peek in." At eighteen months, the twins aren't really waking up much at night. They tend to self-sooth, they don't do night feeds anymore, and we haven't started potty training so night time potty times haven't started yet, so they tend to sleep through the night. Even Jack still wears a diaper at night because his potty training isn't good enough to hold through the night.

The door is still cracked open, like how we left it and even seeing the night light flickering off the walls already soothes some of the panic I feel thinking about a life without my twins. The familiar sounds of the lullaby playlist plays as we walk towards the open door and I let it help to sooth me some more. Natalia's crib is partially visible as we walk towards the door, and I can see the bottom half of the twins which makes my heart return to the beating it should be at. Aaron moves the door open so I can step inside to see the twins in full. But as we step inside the nursery, a sound catches our ears.

"Mama, Daddy?" Jack's voice calls softly over the sounds of Clair de Lune. I throw a look of look who we woke up at Aaron but we make our way to where Jack is standing in the crib.

"Hi baby." I whisper to Jack, hoping the twins won't wake up. "Why are you awake?"

"Je dois go potty!" His voice speaks urgently in Franglish. Aaron scoops him out of bed and carries him to the bathroom in the hall. We don't usually do a night time potty, but who are we to tell him no when he voices he has to go?

While Aaron and Jack are down the hall, I walk over to where Natalia and Nathan are curled into each other. I lower the side panel of the crib before I brush away a curl from Natalia's face. I place a soft kiss on both of my babies' heads and tuck Mr. Doggie back into Nathan's arms. His arm wraps around his dog and pulls it in closer to him. From the hall I can hear Aaron whispering to Jack, so I lift the side of the crib back into place and wait to hear the soft click. I turn to see my other son coming back into the room with Aaron. The sleep is still in his eyes, it won't be long for him to fall back asleep once we get him back in bed. "Mama?" Jack's body twists away from his father and reaches out for me. I walk over to where they stand near Nathan's crib and pull my favorite blond boy into my arms.

"Time to go back to bed Jack?" His head curls into my shoulder.

"Love you Mama." Jack's sleepy voice whispers into my neck and I know there's nowhere else I'd rather be.