AN: Thank you Everyone for all these Amazing reviews you are leaving! I promise everyone who has asked a question so far it will be cleared up in future chapters! Also I apologise in the last chapter I left the date as 2015! It's 2000 the year (it has no significance other than I wanted them to be slightly younger than the show)
A few have asked if E and H will end up together; whilst I dont want to give my storyline away if you really want to know message me privately either here on on twitter if you follow me (Loz_Coult94) and I will be happy to spill the beans
Enjoy...
Chapter Forty - Eight
Unde non pertinent — 'It does not belong'
October 5th 2000
10.00am
The autumn breeze swept through the back door carrying fine drops, each one a promise of rain to come. The fresh chilled air moves the clouds as streaks of sunlight attempt to break through from a patient sun. Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment as the light fell upon her face, she felt the ambiance of the street, hearing the peaceful sounds of a Sunday morning, taking in the aroma and just letting her brain be still for a moment. She smiled softly as she felt the presence of Thomas in front of her
'You all set?' She asked opening her eyes and looked at him
'Yeah, all ready. Wish me luck' he chuckled. She placed her hands on his chest and began to fiddle with his coat
'I know its only management training but it is three weeks in London with your friends, so try and think of it as a mini break' She half teased.
'Im sure this will be the best holiday ever' he rolled is eyes sarcastically and lent in for a kiss, her lips met his as they softly connected for a moment
'I meant what I said…take this time to think about what you want, before we consider making this an official relationship' she nodded at his kind words
'Thomas I do want this' she tried to reassure him
'Im not saying you don't, I am just asking if you have the space for me in your life at the moment. I want this too, so much, but I also need to think. I would like to settle down and possible have a family and I am not sure you want that-'
'Thats not true, I'd love kids one day' she defended herself. Thomas's hands fell to her shoulders and rubbed them softly
'Hey I am not saying you don't, Look Lizzie…Elizabeth, I want you to be happy, and sometimes I don't think you are, not necessarily with me personally but with the added pressure of a relationship, and that's ok. I would just rather quit whilst we are ahead if that's the case, otherwise it will get messy and I don't want that' he smiled softly and ran his thumb down her cheek. She lent into his hand and closed her eyes sadly. She knew he made sense, but to her every relationship was going to be like this, and she really liked him.
'Ive got to go, take care' He lent in and kissed her once more as she softly waved goodbye. Once his taxi had drove off into the distance she stepped back inside and once again shut out the outside world. She checked her phone to see 'no new messages' so decided to head to her office and deal with the intrusive thoughts in the back of her head…Henry's letters.
She took a seat at her desk and swallowed hard as she glared down at the box before her. Her hands ran over the lid, some dust sprinkling off as she brushed over it. She lifted the lid and scanned the inside contents. Elizabeth shakily reached in and pulled out every single piece of parchment, scattering it all over her desk. Her eyes were immediately drawn to one letter in particular, the only one in an envelope. She assumed it was the one from the other night and picked it up. She turned It over to tear it open and noticed the number '67' in the corner, her eyes narrowed and her brow furred as she pondered what the number was…
'So here, every single letter I attempted to write to you over my deployment and one when I came home. Every single letter; all sixty-seven of them.' -
'They're numbered' she whispered to herself as she frantically searched for the first letter…
'Twelve, Twenty Six, Five, Forty-Three…Where is number…One!' She rambled to herself as she excitedly found the first letter. She held it in her hands and slowly unfolded it, all her excitement washing away as she noted the paragraphs of ink before her eyes. Her eyes darted away from the paper, like she didn't want to read it, but her heart yearned to know what was never said for all those years. After a few deep breaths to steady her breathing and calm the knots in her stomach Elizabeth slowly turned her attention back to the paper in her hands. The paper shook a little as a slow breath flowed from Elizabeths mouth, she cleared the space on the desk and placed the letter down before her; her hand running over it to smooth out the creases. Then she ignored the lump in her throat and the voices in her head, she began to read the letter aloud to herself…
—
April 14th 1989
Dearest Elizabeth,
Firstly I need to start by apologising to you, my most sincere apology yet. I am sorry I disappointed you and let you down. I promised you that I was not like the others and I turned out to be the worst of the lot. For that I am sorry, but I am truly sorry for hurting you the way I did; I will never forgive myself for letting down the only person that mattered.
I am writing this letter to explain a few things; I want you to be able to seek clarity and closure over the situation, I couldn't stand the idea of you agonising over everything, like I know you will. You're a mathematician and the numbers do not add up right now, so let me give you the missing equation.
Firstly let me start by saying, I left the key that night because I honestly thought it was the right thing to do, I didn't even think about how it would portray to you or the fact that once I closed that door I couldn't get back in to right my wrongs. I was so distraught by the hurt on your face that I didn't think anything through and I fled. I walked away when you told me to for another reason also; I was scared Elizabeth, scared that I would do it all again too you, because that was my issue. I kept it from you as I didn't want our bubble to burst, I sat in Pittsburgh with mum just ten days before my deployment and I admitted to her that I didn't even know If I would have told you at that point on my own accord.
I didn't chase after you or come and fight for you before I left because I was afraid I would do it again too you at the next deployment, I was so scared of letting you down again, scared that this information would damage us, I wanted to keep our happiness but I see now that I only managed to destroy it; and it was only thanks to me that this information did destroy us. I know I should say these things to your face and part of me hoped you'd turn up to my deployment flight but then again why would you. I kept looking around at everyone watching and It hit me just how much I had messed up, I should have been saying goodbye to you on that day, but not in the way I did.
I adore you, you are everything I ever wanted. Elizabeth you had my heart before I could even say no. I am hoping somehow we can fix this, I want to be with you Elizabeth, I love who I am when I am with you, I love you. They say its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen but I think its even harder to give up when it's everything you want. I will never give up Elizabeth, there will never be another you.
I hope you're well, I'd love to know what you're doing if you continued at UVA or took the early CIA entry? I care about you so much, please don't let my foolishness stop us from being great. I will spend my lifetime making it up too you; you're the most precious gift I ever had, I am not ready to let go.
I love you Elizabeth Adams,
All my love
Always
Henry McCord
—-
Elizabeth clasped her hands around her mouth and sunk back into her chair. She paused for a moment attempting to process the letter, and soon before she could control herself whimpering sobs escaped her mouth. Her tears spilled over her hands and soaked into her lap, her should shaking as the heartache of Henry rose within her once more. Every tear that left her, every word he wrote all unspoken emotion never seen before, his silent cries and her loud screams all pouring out after fifteen years of broken dreams.
