fortitude
-strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage
The medal attached below my shoulder dangles up and down. It hits my chest hard every time we shake in our seats.
A second heartbeat, just as pounding and hurtful as the real one in my chest.
"I think this is a tactical miscalculation on your part, colonel," I almost shout over the sound of the whirring wheels on the road. My sight focuses on the woman sitting to my left.
"Roman," she answers. "Do you trust me?"
My aunt is battle-hardened, and many more medals adorn her shoulder. Even though the rest of her military suit is blank and set in grey with minimal blue, she commands respect. I look away, over to my other side, where her daughter stares out on the street and into the lights coming closer in the distance. Then back at her.
"Of course I trust you, El."
"Good. It will be fine."
I try to take a breath and ground myself.
"This evening is not for you, but it could be," she informs me, hands patting over the front of my uniform. "I'm not forcing you to do anything , but you might as well enjoy it, Roman. You'll be away soon again."
I take her weathered, scarred palm in my hand and squeeze it tightly a moment before letting go. "There is nothing to enjoy, we just drink and talk the whole night, El. Wouldn't you want to be at your post now too? People depend on you."
She sighs, low, light falling from through the window in flickering blinks, igniting the scar on her face in white flashes.
Cyrine looks up to me with wide eyes. She wears a ribbon in her hair that seems to be ridiculously big in contrast to her head. "Rom, it isn't all bad. Maybe your friends will be there. "
Will they? My friends and comrades are currently not sitting in the comfortable warmth of a vehicle, and they sure won't enjoy wine and music tonight.
"Some will be there," Ellyn answers and gives me a reassuring look. "Now head up, focus. You look dashing in your new uniform, and you have a beautiful girl to court tonight."
Cyrine snorts at that. "He doesn't even know how to greet her, he can't court her, mom."
I reach over and grab her bow. She screams at me and tries to defend her carefully put together hair.
"I know how to talk to her!" I lie, now attacking her put together, brown ponytail, finally getting to ruffle it up a bit. She is squeezed against the window a moment. But she doesn't give up.
"No, you don't! Get off me, you ruin my clothes!" Cyrine quakes under my weight and jabs at my ribs hard. "You talked about artillery and transports of weaponry the last time we were invited for dinner! You're a snoozefest, Roman!"
"You-"
The scuffle continues for a while. My cousin is smaller than me, but she is not delicate at all, and not shy to show her bite.
Ellyn shakes her head at the sight of us tumbling over each other, but her eyes are soft, more exasperated than angry.
"They marry, snoozefest or not," Ellyn notes when we have finished. "His parents were firm on that, and Deror Viper keeps coming to me as well."
Because I had to take her hand and pledge myself to her before we spoke more than two sentences.
I don't disagree.
I have to marry her now.
It doesn't mean that it makes any of it easier.
The rest of the ride is silent. When they both start a conversation, I'm only half there.
Maybe, I realize when we step into a flood of white light on a hallway, it is always that I only half exist on occasions like this. And people assume I'm a dimwit. I'm just not good with words. At least not most of the time. Not when you put me in a suit and make me sit at a table.
Nothing has changed since I was inside the palace the last time. It's maybe a bit colder, due to the working and reinforced air condition venting over my head. Maybe a little bit brighter. Maybe a little louder.
To my other side, Cyrine reevaluates the whole scene, looks at me, not moving more than a few feet at a time, hands at my side. I look like I stand to rapport, but in truth, I simply never know where to put my fingers. What am I supposed to do with them? Looking around, everyone is almost casually split across the room. I take at least this moment of a more tactical position and look around. To see how much time I have before I embarrass myself.
"You can do it," she promises and swoops off, making her way to her father already waiting, greeting a girl in a glittering dress on the way.
I stand still and look after her.
To my left, the room has cleared, almost, like a glade made of people.
Three black-clad frames occupy the glade.
One is a beautiful dark-haired woman in a form-fitted dress, a coiling snake rolled up around her arm like a set of wristbands. Next to her stand two girls, one a grey-haired head bigger than the other, with a set of silver metal over her torso and dress. YOu can see the clear relation of beauty between Larentia Viper and her daughter Evangeline. And if you squint a little, the third figure could be one of them as well. She does share the black sleek hair wit the Viper, at least. As small and delicate, but not as sparkling or expensive dressed like the other two. From head to toe in black with a scorpion tailing over the front of her collar.
If it wasn't for the living animal, people could almost assume she was not a Viper. Give her grey hair, she would look like a Samos.
To their left I can see even more green-clad Vipers, one girl with long black hair. She wears a hobbling big feather and a disgusted glare at the group that makes the people part.
I had hoped to find a second to calm myself before approaching the very literal den of snakes.
"Not yet made it to a lieutenant or captain," I hear El's voice. "But this position at least gives him some warranty."
I finally turn my head away from the black-clad figures on the other side.
Right next to my blank suited family member, a familiar figure makes blow out a stream of relieved air. Nothing much has changed with Tiberias Calore in the last three weeks I have not seen him and Cal even smiles the same.
"Roman, you made it." At least one person is happy I'm here. "And congratulations."
"Thank you." His hand clasps around my not ornated shoulder, and I smile. "Ellyn is just trying to bolster my courage. I'll never be a captain. And for sure I won't ever be a colonel."
Or on my way to not only be decorated member of the royal house and heir to the throne, but some near day in the future be a general.
I'm not too bothered by that. Duty is duty. And it's still an honorable one. There is no shame in following others. Or orders. There is no shame in accepting people are different in their use and ambitions. As long as they do what they have to do to fulfill their purpose on the battlefield, or in their family.
I don't walk over to my future in-laws. I don't walk over to my betrothed now engaged with both Evangeline Samos and her brother, wedging in some hard-faced but clearly engaged triangle of condescension. Strategic retreat, I want to call it, but that is not really why I do it.
On the way to the side of the room, not yet at the edge, I can feel the eyes of the guards on me, but I prove no more threat than any of the other guests, and they let me wander along the edges. The alcoves above my head seem like parapets, and I rather watch the figures all pass above me.
Once, when I stand still in a corridor of movement, I block the way to the door.
"You're in the way," a sharp voice notes. Not even a trace of politeness.
Dark navy blue suit, slicked back pale hair and nose almost touching the ceiling.
He's taller than me, but if I had to take an educated guess by the way he stands, I would wager he doesn't possess much experience in a fight. He's thin and angry, though, and he is a whisper, judging by the choice of colors.
Whisper, huh. Something inside me turns to stone, and the effect twitches over my cheek a moment. When he notices my look, he only pulls his lips down into some hostile expression.
"Please, walk around me," I offer, arms behind my back almost mocking. I throw over another glare. "It isn't that hard."
A salve of sharp breath escapes his thin lips like a few bullets, then he ushers away.
I have lost sight of Cal, Ellyn, and even Cyrine. So I stand quietly behind a pillar and hope people will assume I'm a decorative statue.
I can't hide for longer than a small sip on my wine glass before someone finds me again.
At least this time, it's someone I know and trust.
"Warrant Officer Macanthos," I friendly voice greets me and when I turn around the pillar, Lucas Samos has made his way over.
"What's the status?" I ask, and Lucas almost mockingly clicks his heels before he answers.
"Nothing to report, Sir," he says. A few strands of his silver-grey hair peeks up behind his ear as if even the most deliberate hands can't smooth it down. I haven't seen him for over six months. He's bigger, but his shoulders are not as broad as mine yet.
I cramp my hands around the glass. It almost cracks.
"That's good. How's your family?"
"Fine." He doesn't look at my eyes.
Considering I have known him since he was a nine-year-old boy sent to the military base, I know his tells at least. His dark eyes getting lost in the distance and his shoulders tense tell me what I need to know. I shouldn't have asked about his family. They're not his favored topic.
"That's good," I repeat weakly.
He catches himself and we stand stiff and straight a moment.
"Why are you hiding in a corner?" Lucas asks.
And he is right.
Here I am. Hiding in a corner behind someone younger than me. I should be ashamed of myself. This is certainly not what El had in mind when she told me to enjoy the evening off.
"I'm hiding from my fiancée, to be honest."
"Oh," Lucas makes low. Because girls are still as mysterious as an ancient scripture to him and I would rather not try and unravel a mystery I can't solve myself.
"Last time, I poured wine over her dress and poked her in the ribs when we danced. I think she hates me." My eyes avoid contact with anyone in the room except Lucas. It feels like focusing and blending out the noises beyond the own steps in training. It feels like ignoring the echoing hollow sounds of distant shouts and shots.
"I don't think she likes anyone except my cousins," Lucas answers to my surprise. "She was always at the Samos house at the rift and acted like she owned it."
"So you think she won't feed me to her uncle's dogs?" I try to joke. "I hear Viper's have a lot of venomous reptiles too at their estate."
Lucas shrugs. "You can just turn your skin to stone and hope they don't like their meat crunchy, I guess."
I down the glass and hand it to the nearest servant circling the room with a tray.
"I'll try not to get eaten. And I'll see you later, Lucas."
I have to marry her anyway. And I will be gone in the next night. No more pretending I enjoy being perched inside this room. It has turned gradually hotter with so many bodies filling it, and I can't get a good overlook now that I wade through.
Duty, and honorable. They are all right. I can do this. I can even enjoy it. Or at least don't act as I hate it.
Cyrine has made her own group cluster tonight, and some of the girls look over at me, one is auburn-haired and tall, blushing grey when she sees me looking, hastily pushing her hair back with a hand glittering in green and gold rings and jewelry.
All the glitter makes me lose focus again, and I focus on how to put my hands back, on how to strut, look respectable and have a voice when I found my betrothed.
I can hear her before I see her, laughing, a croaking sound almost.
The condescending triangle has parted. It is only Larentia Viper and Daliah Viper.
Some thin word leaves Larentia Vipers mouth, the very graceful but not very welcoming face of the older woman searching the crowd for something.
My fianceeé throws her black braid over her shoulder, cradling the scorpion between her gloved hands. Gloves in the summer must make you sweat horribly. But I guess even animal controllers keep some safety from the danger.
The laughter dies as soon as I approach, the scorpion swings the tail on her palms. Maybe she doesn't like anyone. Maybe I can at least parley with her, so we have a compromise to keep a cease-fire.
I should keep some valor and fortitude. Even if this promotion is my last, at least I can wear that medal and the engagement of our Houses with pride.
