Chapter 53: Rewind

By SodiumChloride12, derived from Fire Emblem, owned by Nintendo.

A/N: I'm back and perfectly refreshed! With that, we enter the final leg of this literary journey. There's about about 20-25 chapters until this series concludes, so put on your metaphorical seatbelts and get ready!

So what did I do for a week? Well, I took up ROM hacking the original FE7 game! I spent 12 hours modifying the first chapter, and well...

It's hard. Really hard. I finished it though...

Anyhow, I hope y'all enjoy this week's chapter! These next two chapters are going to have a lot going on, and even though I really could have spread it to 6 chapters, I chose not to otherwise this project would never be finished.

N: Samuel finds himself in a familiar place. A place he swore he'd never see again.


?...

My heart skips a beat and when I hear Sothis' words. They stick to me like a sticky wad of molasses, and I look up at her with concentrated confusion in my eyes.

"I...I died?"

I grasp my stomach which had been in two several moments ago. I remember the blood pouring from it, and the numbing pain that encapsulated my entire being. The golden eyes of my former beloved still peer at me behind a curtain darkness.

Sothis nods, allowing her translucent body to float through the snow as she approaches me. Her light green glow made the blanket of white look like lime sherbet ice cream.

She said, "Yes. Now we're three months in the past, back to the day of May 21st. I'm glad you heeded my advice."

Intrigued, I asked, "Your advice?! I don't recall speaking to you since we..."

"Since we..."

My memory turns into a haze. My last moments with Sothis were unclear, and I didn't remember much from our encounter in the void.

Sothis said, "You don't remember...that's not surprising. Prolonged exposure to the void will do that to a mere mortal such as yourself. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Samuel, show me your watch."

My watch?

My pocket watch is an unremarkable silver watch made from an ordinary watchmaker in Etruria. It's handy to own in a land without cellphones and atomic clocks, more so since it's incapable of losing time. I never questioned this fascinating quality about it and forgot asking Niime out of matter of convenience. I never trusted that old witch and feared she'd confiscate my treasured item if she suspected it were cursed.

I produce it and show the watch to her. Sothis nods approvingly and motioned for me to get a better look at it. She said, "Ah, I see my blessing worked as planned. Samuel, did you ever wonder why your watch never lost time?"

Flabbergasted, I reply, "Wait, you enchanted my watch?!"

Sothis smiles confidently, radiating off a sense of godly prowess. She said, "Of course. I did it as a fail-safe should you ever die. It required the last of my power, unfortunately. I won't be able to do it again."

That little remark raises my questions than answers. I asked, "P-Power? I always thought you didn't have any because you don't have a physical body."

Sothis replied, "I used to be a time goddess believe it or not. I lost most of my strength when I got put into your conciousness, but fortunately I enchanted your watch shortly after our souls binded."

!

"You're kidding."

I look at her skeptically with my heterochromic eyes. A pair of brown and green fixated on another solely composed of the latter...

My green eye...it used to be amber. Why is it green now? I'd always assumed it was because of the magic Niime used to heal me, which wasn't far fetched since my hair had become a shade of snowy white. But, is there another reason why? Something...much more supernatural?

Come to think of it, my eye isn't just any shade of green. It's the exact shade of green Sothis has in her eyes. How...had I not noticed this before?

Sothis said, "I am not. Allow me to jolt your memory, tactician. It'll save us both a lot of trouble."

!

Sothis startles me when she grabs my left wrist and recited a chant. The world around me spins, and she takes me to a place deep within her conciousness...

Our consciousness...


?...

The spinning stops, and I'm back at the castle where Azazel had met his demise. The church we'd fought in still simmered with trace amounts of smoke, and rubble litters the floor. Faux sunlight beams through the open ceiling like a divine display of faith...but the grim display before me could make anyone question the existence of god.

I'm looking over the past version of myself and Sothis, the latter gravely wounded from Azazel's intrusion. She lies in past Samuel's arms like a child dying from some brutal illness, and her bloodied mouth struggles to produce words.

She said, "S-Samuel. Please...live well. I don't have long..."

Her skin is clammier than a pack of clay, and the light in her eyes fades like a fire in a rainstorm. The pain in her voice is damning, with tears dripping around her face that didn't belong to her.

They...belonged to me. Past me...that is.

Past Samuel said, "No...no...no no no no. You can't die. Not here, not now!"

Samuel brings Sothis close and continues to sob. It reminds me of the same sensation I felt when Lumina died, or the many nights away from Laniakea. Seeing myself in this emotional state almost made me want to break down, but somehow I harden my heart and continued on in silence. I recall faint recollections of this moment, though I'm still unsure of what happened next.

Samuel said, "There has to be a way to save you. I won't let you die! Something...anything!"

Sothis shakes her head, and past me looks at her defeated. He doesn't know what to do, but oddly enough, I suspect Sothis does. Perhaps...I do know the end to this story.

Sothis said, "You must let me die. There's no other way...you must keep your individualism and move forward. Please."

Samuel and I glance at Sothis surprised. Past me speaks the words we are both thinking. He said, "My individualism. Are you meaning to say that if I give it up I'll save you? I'll do it."

I knew it! I knew there was a way to save her!

Sothis disagreed, "No...if you do that you'll lose a part of yourself. We'd have to… merge souls. You'll no longer just be yourself...but a combination of you and me. I can't possibly ask that...from you."

Samuel replied, "That's nonsense! I'll do it! How do we merge souls?"

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Samuel...or at least this version of me, was ready to give up a part of his individuality without a second of thought. My personal identity is something I held above all else...everything but the welfare of my family and friends. Still, I thought past me would've least hesitated at this, but the more I think about it, perhaps it's not as far-fetched as initially thought.

I am not a selfless individual. In fact, the opposite is true. I'm self-centered, arrogant, and filled to the brim with pride. I love to be the center of attention when it suits me, and I don't shy to show my machismo. I spend my free time fantasizing about the peaceful life I want to spend with Lani after this conflict ends; our relationship serving as a symbiotic arrangement to fill the father-daughter void engrained in our hearts. Should my true identity ever come to light, I won't hesitate to do whatever it takes to keep myself alive, even if it means bringing harm to another person. Even it means killing them...

But I do have a moral compass. Growing up in a Hispanic household had taught me to put my loved one's high in my list of priorities, as it is with them that derive some of my happiness and strength. There's a lot of things I'd be willing to do for people like Erk, Canas, and especially Lani, but how about Sothis?

Sothis...

She's done a lot for me. She assisted me in discovering my past and helped me through some of my darkest moments. Moments that I'm not proud of. On top of that, she saved my life from Azazel's fury and took a mortal wound meant for me...

With all that considered, it's no wonder why past me would explore the notion of merging souls. Sothis is one my closest and most important friends. I understand now why past me would act with no regards to the consequences...

...

Something doesn't add up. If my soul bound with Sothis, shouldn't my personality have changed? I feel the same as I always do, with the only noticeable difference to my person being my green eye. What's going on?

Observing past me and Sothis, I realize the answer is right in front of me. Sothis was vanishing quickly, and it wouldn't be long until the void absorbed her into its grand expanse...

The void is composed of pure magical energy and was the source of all mana in the mortal plane. From a scientific standpoint, I didn't understand how this realm came to accumulate this much mana from nothing, as doing so directly violated the First Law of Thermodynamics...

[Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be transferred to a body or its form changed.]

With that understanding, the energy in the void has to come from somewhere, especially since it provides a world's volume of mages the energy they need to perform magic. The mana they used to conjure spells is smaller compared to the mana expunged from the void, along with the latter being enormous in scale. For instance, a basic fire spell uses on average about 1000 joules of mana from the mage, yet creates an explosion that yields about 250,000 joules of energy. The void makes up that huge joule difference in its own, along with the thousands of other spells occurring around the world at any given time...

But that still begs the question, where does the void get its energy? I suspected that this came in the form of quintessence, but in order to do that the void would need to abduct live beings into its metaphorical stomach, a possibility which is impossible because of the non-sentient nature of the realm. The void has no natural "mana" producing manufacturies sprawling around the plane either, along with no internal populace to harvest organic matter. That only leaves one external energy source capable of providing that an answer...

The voidwalkers...

The voidwalkers are a class of being capable of traversing between the void and the mortal plane. The origin of their ability is unknown, but my past research has posted some theories. A book in Caelin mentioned that they were a race of ancient humans allied with dragons in a time before the Scouring, but ultimately went extinct because of mysterious circumstances. Another text in Hoger hypothesized that their extinction may have come at the behest of their own self-induced corruption, though this theory came with zero follow up. Finally, an old medicinal scroll in Badon suggested that this corruption might have come from the detrimental effects of the void itself...

I think I can remember a passage of interest. It read: The void is a realm not meant to inhabit living things. It hungrily tears at our souls, eventually eating away at it with prolonged exposure. The few mortal voidwalkers that remain are all mad beyond saving and resemble ominous husks absent from their humanity. We don't know how to treat these people. We're meant to heal the body...not the soul.

The soul. The only thing more important to a man than their life force. It's the purest, most personal representation of a human being, and is the difference between an emotional human and the cold rationality of a homunculus. The soul coursing through my person is the reason I have any empathic ability, and should I ever lose it, I'll become no different from that robot Ephidel. I need to avoid that at all costs, lest I lose the love I have for my friends.

...

Suddenly, a curious thought streaks my mind. I wonder, given the enormous amount of energy that can be obtained from quintessence...

How much energy can procured through breaking down a soul?

I cover my mouth and gasp. Had I...just solved the great mystery of the void? The question that eluded the wisest Elibe had to offer? The source of all the magic in the mortal plane doesn't come from the palm of a divine being, the bodies of living organisms, or even radiation from a celestial star. They come from the souls of every unfortunate voidwalker corrupted within the void's domain, their identities erased forever in favor of material mana...

I look over at Sothis and realize that she wasn't far from this fate. If past me didn't do anything to save her, she'll melt away into the magical abyss surrounding us. She'll disintegrate into the environment like a human blood cell at the end of its life, with the void tearing her apart like the human body stripping proteins from a dead membrane.

I see Sothis whisper something to Samuel, who responds with nod. I infer that she just told him the answer to his earlier question, and now he was prepared to act on that knowledge. He takes a knee and takes Sothis' hand into his own.

Sothis muttered an incantation in the ancient tongue. She said, "Sit Commixtio largior erit ingeri Nostro refusus pectori. Ut accipias benedictionem divinam."

Suddenly, a bright flash encapsulates the entire space. It forces me to cover my eyes, but it's not long until it goes away. Focusing back on the scene, I realize that Sothis is no longer present, though Samuel is still standing alone by the church tabernacle.

His clothes and posture were the same, but his left eye now shone a familiar shade of green. His right hand is bunched up into a fist, and he watches triumphantly as the last of Azazel's simmering corpse simmers into the void.

He said, "Sothis...your sacrifice won't be in vain. I swear to leave this place and experience the happiness you wanted me to. I...I promise."

He turns his head and hurriedly walks out the front door. I try to follow him, but an invisible wall blocks my path. A voice booms overhead.

It said, "Your memory ends here. Someway, somehow, you escaped the void and our souls bounced back into your body. However, you lost your memory, and it became my job to fix that. I'll be bringing you back to reality now..."

I'm struck with another flash, and everything became black.


Present...

My face is lying flat against a thick pile of snow. It feels cold and tingly, almost like an army of tiny winter minions were tickling my face...

"Hey! I'm not about to wait for you to wake up again! Get up you lazy oaf!"

Presented with no other option, I get up and face my ever-quiet voice of reason, Sothis. I brush off some snow from my robes and scrape away ice from my brow. Cutting to the point, I asked, "So you and I are technically the same person now, but why do I feel the same? How are you still existing as a separate entity?"

Sothis replied, "The spell I used wasn't a true merger spell, but a different kind called a binder. I binded our souls together instead of merging them together because I wanted us to keep our personalities. It was enough for you to transport me out of the void, but worry not. When you die for real, I'll be released of the binding magic, and you can ascend to the afterlife without me."

"Die for real?"

I take out my watch...and notice the minute hand now ticked at a slower pace. It was minute and hardly mattered in the short-term, but it was enough for me to catch it.

Sothis said, "That watch held the last of the power I used to wield as a time goddess. However, it only had enough of it to turn back time once."

"..."

Finally coming to terms with myself, and my new situation, I nod my head in acceptance.

I said, "I...think I understand what's going on now. When we binded souls, you were able to direct the last of your godly powers towards enchanting my watch; which reverses time on the event I should die. I somehow left the void, but I'd been in there for so long that I had amnesia. Now, I'm three months in the past."

Sothis clapped her hands together and smiled. I'd finally caught on. She said, "Correct! I knew you had a decent noggin in there!"

Content with my situation, I take a deep breath and ponder. I'd travelled back to the past thanks to some dumb luck and divine intervention. Now that I had a second chance at life, what would I do about it? I have the opportunity to change the dim future ahead of me, and avoid many of the mistakes I made the first time around. I hold the power to save Erk's life, spare the Kingdom of Caelin from its fate, and prevent Lyn's transformation into a morph...

There's so much to do. I need to train so I can build the strength to hold my own against the enemy and make modifications to my hand to make it more combat-ready. I can inquire to Canas about a method to increase my mana capacity, and I must find out if I can control or weaponize this "voidwalking" ability.

I said, "Ugh...there's so much to do. Where do I start?"

Sothis said, "You can start by putting out your house and saving Alexia. If I'm not wrong, we should be several minutes from Nergal's departure."

Nergal's departure...

Thinking back on Nergal's departure [the first time around, I remember that I was at a point near death. His vile laughter permeated through air like an airborne contagion, and it still vibrantly echoes through my mind. He had come all this way to kill me, yet failed and disappeared without a trace.

That begs the question, what happened to me? Did something or someone stop Nergal from continuing his heinous deed?

He asked, "Hey Sothis, do you know anything about why Nergal just left me here? There's blood on my robe."

Sothis shook her head, "No. Unfortunately, I'm about as clueless about this as you. However, I too think someone may have inserted themselves as your guardian angel. We musn't too much on this right now, we're wasting precious seconds!"

My heart flips on its head, and a burst of adrenaline pumps through my body. I said, "Right!"

I leave the hill without another second of hesitation. Perhaps I should've stayed a little while longer. Maybe then I would've seen the glowing pair of golden eyes peering at me far away in the mountains.

I reach the village quickly, and a large inferno covering my home greets me. It's hot and blindingly bright, almost like it took the form of a small miniature star. My neighbors are already trying to put out the flame with water from the well, but so far their efforts were doing little to quell it. I push myself past the crowd and make for my front door...

One man said, "Hey! Samuel?! Where have you been?! Your house is on fire! Don't get in there, it's dangerous!"

I exclaimed, "I need to get in there! A warlock struck my house with wizard fire! He took Lani and...Alexia's hurt! I need to help her!"

A woman looks at me skeptically, she said, "Wizard fire? What would a sorcerer want to do with you?"

"Give me that!"

I take the woman's pail of ice cold water and douse myself with it. I didn't care that the lady felt slighted, but I did care about the woman inside.

She said, "Why I never—"

"Thanks!"

I rush through and try to push the door open. Unfortunately, I'd locked the door shortly before leaving, so I had to get physical. I clench my metal fist and punch the smoldering wood with all my strength.

Crack!

I hit it with so much force that I pop it out of its hinges. Observing the inside, I see a scene straight out of hell. A symphony of smoke and embers covers the entire place. I could scarcely see anything past the black fog, but someway, somehow, I spot a tuft a blue hair.

"Alexia!"

I run through the hellscape without a towel over my mouth. I cough and heave my body through a dangerous obstacle course made from fire, but I persevere. I reach Alexia's still body within a minute.

Her body is clammy, but had a pulse. Her cut open neck drips with red crimson, though luckily she hadn't lost too much of it yet. I'm silently grateful for this development, and I wrap her wound with some cloth to stem the bleeding.

I whispered, "Don't worry Alex. I'll get you out of here. I just need you to hang on a little bit longer."

I carry her with my arms, which were much more adept at handling the load since I hadn't yet weakened them to malnutrition. I run out of my burning home as fast as I can, doing so just seconds after the roof caves in...

BOOM!

The building explodes into a magnificent (albeit depressing) display of nature. It sends simmering heat straight into the surrounding environment, producing a miniature heat wave that wipes some shine from the nearby snow. I wonder why it turned out this way, but then a vague memory appears to me.

A couple weeks ago (in this timeline) I was experimenting with black gunpowder. I'd been trying to see if I could contain an explosion inside a firearm constructed from the high-quality metal here in Illia. However, upon combusting the gunpowder, the pistol exploded, wiping out my metallic hand with it. Deeming the firearm project too expensive (and painful) for my tastes, I discarded the project for good, and focused on other, non-militaristic exploits. Now having no use for explosives, I stored the excess gunpowder in my wine cellar and forgot about it...

Oops...

In hindsight, now that I think about it I think the gunpowder was an item of contention during my trial. My defense lawyer tried to argue that I had no involvement in the attack, yet the prosecution pointed out the gunpowder was conveniently present while I was away. My lawyer tried to coax me to testify the purpose of it in front of a jury...but I was in no state of mind to do so. That guaranteed my conviction.

S: There you go daydreaming again! Alexia needs urgent medical attention!

I set Alexia down near a tree stump, and I hurriedly attempt to treat Alexia's wound. I rip off parts of my hood and wrap it around her neck like a makeshift bandage. This doesn't seem to be enough though, and I madly try to stem the bleeding any way I can...

My heart drops. Even with my best efforts, it looks like this was a fate I'm not going to be able to change.

No no no no! I can't let her die again!

"Hey, do you need some help?"

I turn my head and notice a tall man in a blue uniform. His mustached face observes me with pure sympathy towards my plight, and it puts me at ease.

I said, "Yes! Please, anything..."

The man obliges, revealing a blue vial of elixir in his possession. It glitters under the fire like a warm glass of milk, and he quickly applies it to Alexia's gruesome wound.

I feel a sense of relief as Alexia's frantic breathing calms. I said, "T-Thank you. You have my gratitude."

"..."

The man hesitates, as if taking a second to think about his words. He brushes his prime mustache and replied, "When I first arrived here, I had every reason to suspect you were the perpetrator of this incident. However, observing you selflessly dive into that inferno suggests that may not be the case."

!

This man...is the town constable. He's an esteemed lawman who used to spend his days apprehending outlaws in Sacae, but his older years have guided him to the sleepy town of Höger. The first time I saw him was in my apprehension, in which he was much more aggressive, though now he seems more receptive to my innocence.

I said, "I can reassure you I wouldn't set fire to my own home. Especially when my niece and...significant other were in there."

The constable replied, "Just because something is unlikely doesn't mean you're clear of suspicion. Miss Alexia is here, but Laniakea is still absent. Where is she?"

I bite my lip. What I'm about to tell him will surely sound like a product of fiction.

I said, "She...was taken away. One of my old enemies reasoned to settle an old score. They would've killed Alexia too if given the chance."

S: You fool! Why are you going to tell him that?!

The constable's seed of suspicion balloons into a bloom. He pushes the issue further, asking, "Old enemies? Who would that be?"

"..."

I sigh and then look out towards my burning home. I wasn't doing myself any favors by continuing to wag my tongue, so in moments like these its best to just plead the fifth.

The constable said, "You're hiding too much from me, young man."

He reveals a pair of iron handcuffs in his possession. He won't need a warrant for what he's about to do.

The situation isn't looking good. Whether I want to or not, the constable is about to arrest me again. There isn't much to do except submit myself to this fate, and hope I can liberate myself through the court. A process I'll hopefully be able to take advantage now since I'm within a sane state of mine.

S: Do you think you're ready for that?

"…"

Yes.

I said, "I understand. I am prepared to prove my innocence under your judicial system. With that, I request Mr. Rypka sees to his niece. I will say nothing else."

I take a deep breath and extend my arms forward. The nearby villagers pause in their tracks, intrigued by the new development before their eyes. I speak with a tone somewhere between defiance and hardy confidence.

"Sir, clasp me in irons."


Some time later...

The constable turns the key to release the metal fixtures from my legs. I observe in silent anticipation for the words that would free me from my prison.

"You're free to go."

It's been a week since the events that transpired on May 21st. They threw me into prison, but soon after Canas got me contact with a defense lawyer. We met up in good time, and then armed with sufficient legal advice, we constructed a plan to prove my innocence.

This iteration of the trial was speedier and much more favorable to me. I fully took part in the investigation, relaying my knowledge of Nergal's scheme to the judge in a private trial. I detailed him his past atrocities and provided adequate testimony that proved my unwillingness to bring harm to both Laniakea and Alexia. The judge took some coaxing for him to warm up to the idea of an outside sorcerer messing with Höger's affairs, but eventually he did.

The prosecution did his best to convict me, but the poor novice lawyer fell flat at every turn. He tried to argue that I had an ulterior motive to harm Alexia, but couldn't find any evidence to support this theory. Next, he turned to Laniakea's disappearance, claiming that this was some elaborate insurance fraud plot. Unfortunately for him the only person I had a policy on was myself, and after a failed ploy to somehow connect the gunpowder in my cellar to "my explosive fervor default amongst people of my race", he retired to his chair and went silent.

It was a miracle he convicted me the first time. He's utterly inept and probably failed this nation's bar exam. How he came to head the prosecution in this nation's capital, I don't know, but I'm grateful for it.

Heh...maybe Zealot has something to do with it...

I leave jail a free man, however, there is a catch to my sentencing. The judge determined that although I had no guilt in what transpired on May 21st, my continued residence in town had become a liability to the safety of my neighbors. He ordered me to sell all of my properties and leave the town within three weeks, conveniently around the time I left in the previous timeline.

Personal affairs aside, that means I have three weeks to do everything I need to do. I need to modify the chassis in my hand, run a quick crash coarse in swordplay, speak with Niime about my mana problems, and most importantly, do something about my embarrassing lack of strength. I've already spent a week doing workouts in my cell, so with three more weeks of intense training and good eating, I should be in a good place going forward.

S: Are you listening to yourself think right now? You sound like a gym junkie.

Sothis' bickering has me thinking. I might not have access to protein powder in this world...but surely something else can be a suitable replacement. Egg whites and black beans. All are fairly cheap at the nearby market...I wonder...

...

No business wasting time here. I need to get to work!


Later that day...

I was eating lunch at Canas' house when my friend delivered me some unsettling news. It came regarding my lover and third person present at the disaster, Alexia.

Canas said, "You need to come with me when you're finished. Alexia finally woke up."

The severity of Alexia's injuries had committed her to a coma. I wanted to go see her right after leaving jail, but her uncle had prohibited me from doing so. Given the verdict the judge delivered, I can't really blame him. Anybody that's ever been involved with me only gets hurt...

...

Perhaps it's my profession, genesis, or utter lack of luck. My knack for misfortune seems to follow my friends too, ultimately leading to the Lani's abduction, Lyn's transformation into a morph, and Erk's death. The argument can be made their lives are only like this way because of my continued presence on this earth...but I digress. Nergal is the true man behind this curtain of darkness, and although I can blame myself all I want, he's the puppeteer heading this concert of misery. I need to stop him...otherwise the blood shed by myself and my friends will be for not.

However, in this thought came a more pressing dilemma. Should somebody like Alexia be involved in matters such as this? People like Lyn and Erk have more immediate stakes involving them in the field of war, whether it be defending their livelihood or defending a client in return for monetary compensation. However, Alexia is a regular civilian with nothing to gain, and everything to lose...

...

I...I'd be lying to myself if I were to say I didn't still love her. My heart flutters for her like I was still a teenager, but I know that my continued presence in my life will only bring her more sadness and pain. I...need to do something difficult. I need to break up with her and ensure that this path of darkness was something Lani and I walk alone.

Knock! Knock!

We knock on the front door of Mr. Rypka's inn, and the man himself answers. He wears a grim look of worry on his face, an expression that morphs into one of cautious distaste when he notices my presence.

He said, "Hello, Canas. Pleasure to see—oh. It's you."

He nudges the door to close it, but Canas sticks his boot in between the gap. Always a gentleman, he raises up his monocle and said, "Sorry to disturb you this afternoon, but your niece has requested an audience with my friend Sam here."

Mr. Rypka grumbled, "Bah. I'll be damned if I were to let him speak to her again. He's nothing but trouble."

My heart fades as I hear him say those words. He wasn't the only person in town that held this belief. In fact, most townspeople did. The irony is that this was the "good" timeline, and the alternative involved me facing the death penalty by hanging. I suppose it's better now I'm aware of these people's vengeful mob mentality, but that didn't ease the pain. Not even a little.

I said, "I...I understand your feelings. Mr. Rypka, I'm going to go on a trip soon. I'm going to go find Lani."

Mr. Rypka glared at me. He said, "Are you sure you didn't kill her yourself?"

!

A surge of anger builds up in my gut. I clench my fist and visualize myself ramming it through his face...but I refrain. I know very well what can happen if I let my emotions overwhelm me.

I said, "I loved Lani, Mr. Rypka. I'd never even fathom to do something like that in my life. If I did, then I think I'd rather end my own life than someone I saw like my daughter."

Mr. Rypka flinches, but otherwise doesn't budge. Deep in thought, he scratches the back of his head, though I'm not sure if it's for his desire to whack my head off with a mallet or to allow us to enter his abode. Fortunately for me, it was the latter.

He said, "You have thirty minutes. Get it done."

Canas nodded his head, "I'll make sure of it."

...

We allowed ourselves into Alexia's temporary living quarters, which was just Mr. Rypka's guest room constructed within the tavern. It's a simple place with little furnishing save for two desk stands for work and a few ashtrays for the occasional smoke. Used bandages clutter the floorboards, as do several empty pouches of vulneraries. Alexia herself is peacefully looking out the window from atop her bed, her eyes simmering with an emotion I could not describe.

Canas whispered, "I'll leave you two alone. She requested that I allow you two privacy."

Canas vacated the room, and at a loss for words, I wait in quiet anticipation as the door slammed shut. Alexia doesn't appear to have noticed my presence yet, or perhaps, like myself, she's trying to buy herself time. It's at this moment that I realize that I hadn't spoken to her in over three months, though for her it's only been a fraction of that time.

I'm struck with a hint of regret. I wonder if I'm the same person who she'd known for nearly half a year...but I know that's not the case. I hold the burdens of a corrupted past, along with all memories pertaining to the deaths of myself, Erk, Lyn, and Alexia. I'm nobody like I was back then; the cheery bright light of optimism had since fermented into a pit of encapsulating sorrow.

Alexia doesn't deserve this. She deserves something so much better.

Breaking the silence, I spoke with a somber tone. I said, "A-Alexia. It's good to see that you're awake."

Alexia shifts her gaze towards mine. My heart grows heavy with molasses, and I discover the true reason she was looking out the window. A single tear falls down the side of her cheek, an indicator of hard decision she's about to make.

She said, "As am I. My uncle told me you rushed into the blaze as soon as you could. You...have my thanks."

Despite the tear on her cheek, it's evident she isn't under any emotional distress. I'm more concerned about the disturbing burn marks covering her arms, and the bandages covering the rest of her.

I said, "Alexia...oh my God. Are you okay? This is all my fault, I never should've left the house—"

Alexia cut me off, "Laniakea. Is she okay?"

"..."

The air fills with smothering silence. I hear nothing but the imprecise ticking of my watch, and a bead of sweat drips down the side of my face.

Alex deserves to know the truth. Besides me, she was just as involved with raising Lani. She was like an older sister to her...

I said, "No. She's in the possession of an evil sorcerer named Nergal."

Alexia said frankly, "What business does he have with you?"

Her face is…red with anger. This is the first time I'd seen Alex this upset, thought it's all my fault. I've been keeping secrets from her. Secrets detrimental to the safety of her and Lani.

I said, "I...I can't tell you. It's...the information's too dangerous for you to know."

That was the truth. Alexia gained nothing by knowing of Nergal's existence. It's better for her to be in the dark. However, she disagreed.

She said, "Too dangerous? Samuel, what other secrets are too dangerous for me to know?! How many secrets have you been keeping from me?"

"..."

I go silent and shift my gaze towards the ground in shame. I've made the same mistake with Alexia that I'd made with Lyn in the past. I kept sensitive information to myself, hoping that I'd never feel the consequences associated with my past.

Alexia says the words I'd been dreading since I first fell in love with her. She said, "Samuel, who are you? You've kept so much from me...are you even the man I fell in love with? Is this relationship even worth keeping? Why...why would you keep this information from me? Look what it did to you, look what it did to me..."

She raises her left hand and I'm met with a grim sight. It's a blackened mess of organic matter and bone, resembling charcoal. I nearly faint at the sight of it, but keep my wits together.

She said, "This is nothing compared to the pain latching onto my heart. You've betrayed my trust, and now I'm sure I can't ever see you in the same way again."

Her words strike at me like a poison dagger stabbing my gut. I...don't know what to say. I'd been spending the past half hour preparing myself for this very moment, but I'm woefully soft under the pressure of Alex's observations. Observations she has every right to make.

She continued, "Samuel...I've come to realize that I can't see myself with you anymore. It pains me to see this...but we need to break up. You must bear the burdens of your secrets alone..."

A bell echoes through the walls of my conciousness. The room morphs into a haze, with Alex's blue eyes gleaming through the fog like a pair of solitary stars. Her words repeat themselves in my head as Canas and I leave Mr. Rypka's inn for the final time, gnawing at my soul like an evil curse.

You must bear the burdens of your secrets alone...


"Canas..."

My friend listens as we somberly return home. The sky illuminated with depressing gray, and the snow resembled dull clay. My soul drags against the ground like a deflated balloon.

He replied, "Yeah? Is something wrong?"

My last interaction with Alexia confirmed one thing, something was wrong with me. In the two weeks I've been here in Illia, I put off the looming threat of my mental health like it was a prolonged time bomb. It gnaws at my rationality, corrupting my thoughts in every way. I need to stop it...but how?

There's no better person to tell about my condition than Canas. He understands (most) of the trauma I'd been through, even if I can't tell him about then additional pain I'd sustained at the other timeline. He might have some mysterious potion that can cure my ailment, provided that the realm of magic can do so.

I said, "It's my mind, friend. I...I've been hearing things. Visions too. I fear it may overwhelm me soon."

!

Canas doesn't flinch, and just listened to my statement like it were normal. At first, I think it's because he's being a good friend, but in reality his methods were much more ambiguous. As a mage exercising the dark arts, insanity is commonplace amongst people of his profession, and such potions did exist in the magical land of Elibe.

He replied, "Oh, I may be able to help you with that. No, more like Erk will be able to help you with that..."

"Erk?"

Canas continued, "Send him a letter. He mentioned to me earlier that he made a certain potion. It's a numbing agent...one that might be able to quiet the demons in your mind..."