In My Blood:
Chapter 16
ADDISON's POV:
I walk in the front door and am not even alarmed at the eerie silence. 'Good' I think to myself. 'Mark must have taken the little demon to work with him.' I check her bedroom and she's not there, check the rest of the house, they are indeed gone. I have a moment of panic that he's left her at that horrific daycare, but then I realize I really don't care. I revel in the bliss of silence for a minute before running a hot bath. I pour a cup of bleach in, and then toss a couple of bath bombs in for good measure. I undress, putting my clothing in the hamper, before sinking down into the hot, water, fuzzy from the bath bombs. I breathe in the intoxicating aroma of lavender and chamomile, almost drunk on the sweet smell, or maybe that is the half a bottle of tequila I drank on the way home from Meredith's. Who knows anymore?
I don't know how long it's been but my phone rings three times. 'Why can't they just leave me alone' I think as I push myself down deeper into the water. Letting it cover my hair and my face, only leaving my nose exposed. I feel my body relaxing, before everything slowly fades into darkness.
MEREDITH's POV:
When the phone rings through three times and Addison doesn't pick up, I leave Willow with Derek and walk over to Addison and Mark's brownstone. The entryway door is slightly opened, and I call out her name, alarmed. She never leaves the door open. The area is far too populated, and the homeless population, the ones who aren't in their right minds, have been known to just walk in off the street. I walk inside and the entry way door is opened as well. I close both doors, and then type the code into the security system, securing the house.
"Addison are you home?" I call stupidly. 'of course, she's home where else would she be?' I walk up the stairs and look around. Her purse is on the hook, just as it always is. Her keys are right above it.
"It's Meredith, just checking if you're OK." I say, I had a bad feeling I just couldn't shake when she left, a feeling of dread filled me. I gave it a couple of hours, fed willow breakfast and set her up playing a game of chutes and ladders with her dad before attempting to call Addison.
'Maybe she just went home and went to bed.' I reasoned with myself, but I know Mark was scheduled to work today so she probably didn't go to sleep because she would have Oakley at home with her. I walk up the stairs each one creaking more than the next. I wonder if they will ever get that repaired? They never bothered when Heavenly was alive, because she feared the squeaky steps at nighttime. She said it sounded like they were talking to each other with each step. That fear kept her from sneaking out of bed at night, to go anywhere but her parents' room.
I hear the water running, step in something wet as I walk down the hall. The entire wooden hallway is flooded, water seeps too fast from under the bathroom door, but hasn't yet made it to the stairway. I walk into the bathroom, and stare in horror at the scene before me.
"Addison?!" I scream as loud as I can, making my way to the bathtub. She is completely submerged under the water, her lips a faint shade of blue. I grab her by her arms, pulling her out of the water. As soon as her face is out of the water, she begins coughing up the water she breathed in. She must have just gone under.
I know since she is breathing I am supposed to get her out of the water, and into the recovery position on her side before calling 9-1-1, but I slap her hard across the face, while screaming her name and frantically shaking her. She wakes up and sits herself up in the bathtub.
"What the fuck…" She says, coughing out water with each word. "Why are you in my bathroom?" She vomits up more water, mixed with a stomach full of tequila, right in the tub. I'd know that smell anywhere.
"You said you weren't going to do anything stupid. You promised me." I scream.
"Meredith…. I didn't I just-" She stands up slowly, grabbing a towel from the nearby shelf, and getting herself dressed in a pair of black leggings and a ratty, oversized t-shirt. I am crying so hard, watching her get dressed like she didn't just nearly lose her life.
"You nearly drowned!"
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine! You tried to kill yourself!"
"Meredith-" She says, taking me by the upper arms, but her grasp is so weak. "I didn't try and kill myself….." She looks around, as if looking for an explanation. "I'm sorry I scared you Meredith, I… I fell asleep in the bathtub. I didn't try to kill myself I swear." She laughs a little, as if my assumption is completely out of this world unreasonable.
"You almost died." I accuse, but I am still crying, it's hard to speak.
"But I didn't." She says, with a little smile.
"It's not funny Addison!" I scream as loudly as I can. "How could you be so SELFISH? How many more times are you going to do this to me?"
"Mer….." She says, pulling me towards her, and holding me as tightly as her weak arms can grasp. "You're completely reaching… I am not suicidal I am just tired. It was an accident."
"I don't believe you…. " I say, taking out my phone and dialing Mark's cell phone. "You are a liar and I can't believe a single word that comes from your mouth."
"Oh, like you've never done anything stupid under the influence of tequila?" She says, making a mad grab for the phone, but her balance is so off that I simply step out of the way, and she nearly falls over. Sighing I grab her and steady her, pushing her over onto the bed, and then helping her to lay down on her side.
"You need to come home." I say when Mark answers the phone.
"Is it serious?" He asks, and I can tell he's not at the hospital by the lack of background noise.
"Where are you?" I ask him.
"It doesn't matter, what's going on?" I hear a door shut, a sound typical of hotel doors, and he must not have shhh'sed her in time, or hung up the phone in time, because as soon as the door closed, I hear a very sexy females voice, going over in detail every little thing she was going to do to him reminding him of her weekly rates. I am struck silent. I realize he just turned the screen off, instead of exiting the call, because I hear someone pick up the phone and then toss it aside, it hits something hard, perhaps she tossed it up onto a desk. She tells him to take off his pants, and I hang up the phone on my end. Already having heard more than my fair share of too much information, confirming what I have been suspecting for months. I blink hard, shocked, as a fury like I've never know rages through me. He left his daughter somewhere so he could go have a booty-call? Or even worse he took her with him. I want to vomit at the thought.
"What did he say?" She asks me, her voice sing song I can tell she still has tequila raging through her blood.
"He will be home soon." Is all I can manage. "I will stay with you until he gets here."
ADDISON's POV:
"I don't want him to come home." I protest. "He'll bring that screaming little hell potato and ….." I get up, and the world swims before me. I steady myself and wait until the spinning stops, before making my way down the stairs, Meredith on her feet and right beside me in a second, making sure I hold on tightly on the way down, and don't end up adding 'falling down the stairs' to my list of near death experiences today.
"Where are you going? You need to be resting."
"I don't need to rest Meredith." I grab a bottle of vodka from the kitchen, and she takes it from my hand, putting it right back where it belongs. "MEREDITH".
"Its 11am Addison."
"You act like it actually matters." I say, taking the alcohol back out of the cabinet, opening it and taking a long drink straight from the bottle before she can grab it again. I get my laptop and sit down at the kitchen table, maybe Meredith will be more relaxed if I am sitting down.
"Why are you so self-destructive?" She demands, and I ignore her, searching for apartment listings.
"I'm leaving." I take another drink. She gives me a look like 'enough now.'
"You're drunk and you almost died, you're not leaving this house."
"I'm going to move HERE." I say, pointing to a rundown apartment in Mott Haven, that even after the renovations looked like it has seen far better days. "Mark would never look in Mott Haven." Mott Haven is rated one of the most dangerous neighborhoods to live in New York City.
"I'm not even discussing this with you, you're not rational when you've been drinking." She says, and I roll my eyes at her. Something is clearly wrong though. She is being TOO nice TOO gentle. Ever since she got off the phone with Mark. I try to remember what was said, but I can't.
"You're acting weird." I say. "What happened on the phone?" I ask, trying to put together the pieces, but my brain is too swirly. She takes the alcohol from me again, this time putting it further away, and I don't challenge her. She doesn't answer for a long time, just sits in the chair next to mine, looking.
"You're going to have to get your shit together." She finally says, shaking her head. I'd imagine she was playing over and over whatever it was she was trying to process in her own head.
"Mark is having an affair." She finally says her voice no more than a whisper. "He was with her when I called him earlier." She says, and a cold chill goes down my spine. He was meant to be at work. I had assumed he took the baby with him to work. I feel like I am going to be sick, and then I get up quickly because I AM sick into the kitchen sink.
"Where's Oakley?" I ask as soon as the wave of vomiting has ceased for the moment and I rinse it down. My unexplainable knee jerk reaction protection for this little thing I don't even love. I am not even as much as a nanny to her. Nannies at the very least like the kids they tend to. My mind automatically goes back to holding Heavenly's still, body in my arms, refusing to let her go. To her burial, and …. No. I can't think that way. She's not dead. She isn't Heavenly. I repeat this in my mind. Not even sure why I am doing this, and that makes the whole thing more confusing. I didn't even WANT her. I don't want anything to do with her, but for whatever reason I scream at my self over and over 'you never should have left her.'
"I don't know." She admits, but must see the involuntary look of horror on my expression because she says, "Mark loves her Addison, he would never put her into harms way."
I don't know if I am more shocked with the fact that Mark was in bed with a prostitute weekly, or the fact that he took our daughter with him this time. I hear the front door open, and close again. The sound of Mark putting the infant carrier up on the counter, and unbuckling Oakley's car seat harness. I get up and walk slowly to the front door. Leaning against the door frame to the entrance way, just watching.
"Where were you?" I demand. No pretenses, no dancing around the topic.
"I had an early surgery. I didn't leave Oakley at the daycare, I had one of my interns watch her, at the promise of getting to scrub in, and $500."
"You're lying." I say, his face goes pale, wondering what I know, all the conformation I need really. I take the baby from him, moving into the living room and sinking down on the couch. Holding her tightly and crying. She looks up at me with a look of confusion, like she might start screaming herself, but thought better of it, and snuggles down against me instead, Meredith hands me a warmed bottle of expressed milk. Knowing I wouldn't want to nurse her after drinking. I put the bottle in her mouth, and she snuggles against me with her warmth, suckling away, though her eyes droop, heavy, full of innocence and sleep.
"What the hell are the two of you trying to accuse me of now?" Mark asked, confusion, but it wasn't so well played. He knows exactly what he did. He just doesn't know that I know.
"The call didn't hang up." Meredith says, simply.
"You TOLD HER?"
"She is my best friend what did you expect me to do?"
"If she regresses again, you realize it will be YOUR fault. We just got her back Meredith."
"You're not blaming that on me! I'm not the one who has a regular, weekly, appointments with a hooker. She almost DIED today Mark, and you were too busy with your 'friend' to properly take my call. How long has this been going on?"
"That's none of your concern Meredith."
"It obviously is when I am more of a spouse to your wife than you are."
"Wait…. Did you say she almost died? What happened?" Mark asks, the words sinking in. He looks over at me with real concern, but I just can't right now.
"JUST SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU." I order, as loud as I can without startling the baby. She is done with her bottle now, and fast asleep, I lay her on my chest to burp her, patting just above her diaper line, gently. She burps, and then snuggles against me, the steady rise and fall of her chest, and deep breathing indicating sleep, her little head heavy on my shoulder. I could very easily put her in her swing, it is just right there, but I don't want to put her down.
"No!" Meredith says, assertively. "I'm sorry Addison, but I'm done sweeping things under the rug and looking the other way. We are going to talk through this. It affects us all."
"I'm going to go put her to bed." I say, changing my mind about holding her as I remember the weight of a newborn Heavenly in my arms. Swallowing down the knot that forms in my throat when I look at Oakley, she looks just like her. I don't want them to wake her up. I feel nothing looking down at her. I am numb to everything, thinking of heavenly though, while looking at her. It's just too much. I don't want to hear her screaming so… another room feels like the best alternative.
"Let me take her." Meredith offers. "You've been drinking you would never forgive yourself if something happened and you fell with her on the stairs.…."
"No. I'm fine Meredith. I'll be right back." I say, leaving the room, not giving them anymore of a chance to argue with me. I make it up the stairs, and to her bedroom safely, putting her down in her crib, and covering her with a light, breathable muslin blanket. I turn on her white noise, and her nightlight that makes the stars dance on her ceiling. I must leave. I can't be in here right now; I can't get Heavenly out of my mind. I turn on the baby monitor, and then leave, leaving the door slightly cracked open, so we can hear her if she wakes and the downstairs monitor's battery dies. I don't go back downstairs right away though, just sit at the top of the stairway, leaning against the wall. Resting my head in my hands.
MEREDITH's POV:
"I'm scared for her Mark. She tried to drown herself today."
"Why is she not in hospital?"
"I pulled her out before she suffered any serious damage."
"You were here?"
"No."
"You just said….."
"I came to check on her when she wouldn't answer the phone and found her, submerged in the bathtub, turning blue."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to CARE." I scream at him. "Your WIFE the MOTHER of your children almost died in that bathtub today."
"I can't watch her all the time Meredith, I have to work, and she won't let anyone sit with her."
"You weren't at work Mark and you know it."
"Addison and I…. haven't… we haven't had meaningful sex in over a YEAR Meredith." He snaps, annoyed, trying to make me feel bad for him, and thinking back to they last time they had significant sex. The night Oakley must have been conceived. They were so busy and so tired with their work that they hadn't even considered that time was the last time, and then Heavenly was killed, and they were both grieving. He didn't want to pressure her. He decided not to count the actual last time they had had sex. He still feels dirty at the way she lured him in after drugging herself to try and induce Oakley at twenty-five weeks. She is not so high and mighty. She is just as flawed as he is. They aren't lovers anymore and he's not even sure if they're friends.
"Its been a hard year Mark. You're wrong. What you did was wrong. Stop trying to justify an affair." My voice goes up slightly, at the word affair. If you could even give what he did the dignity of that name.
Addison's POV*
I go to the bedroom and pack a weeks' worth of clothing, pajamas, shoes, and other essentials into an overnight bag. In the bathroom I collect up my overnight toiletry bag. I don't like using the hotels soap or shampoo. It just seems, unhygienic somehow, especially since now to save the environment most hotel chains have shifted to soap, shampoo, and conditioner dispensers that are re-filled after each guest, instead of the traditional small bottles. I grab the bottle of gin I keep hidden underneath the sink, open it, drink my troubles away. I zip up the luggage, kicking it down the stairs, not even bothering to stop and think the clunking might wake the baby. Meredith and Mark stop screaming at each other and look up to the stairway, watching me walk down, bottle in hand, as it clunks the rest of the way down landing near their feet. Thankfully she sleeps through it.
"I'm leaving." I announce. "The baby's asleep in her crib."
"Oh no…." Meredith says, eyeing the bottle, and my unsteady gate. "You're not going anywhere."
"You're not the boss of my life Meredith!" I say, my words slurring a little as I narrow my eyes at her.
"Well maybe I should be, because clearly you're not making the best choices."
"She's wasted…." Mark observes, raising his eyebrows at Meredith, like she personally handed me the bottles. "Is this what she does while I'm at work all day long?" He questions her, his tone sharp as knives.
"You want to talk about competence?" I say, beginning to laugh. "You took our three-month-old daughter with you on a booty call. You are clearly not winning any parenting awards here Mark."
"She was asleep in her car seat the whole time."
"That doesn't make it RIGHT, and then you lied about it." I say shaking my head. Looking between him and Meredith like I know no one.
"Addison I'm sorry….." He says, grabbing my hand, I pull away.
"Don't touch me. You don't get to be sorry Mark. You took our premature daughter into a dirty hotel. Are you even listening to yourself? How long has this been going on? Were you fucking her after Heavenly died and you had me so drugged, I was comatose?"
"Addison no I -"
"Were you sleeping with her after you read the suicide letter that night?" I ask him, not even caring that Meredith was right there, her eyes grow wide. I never told her about that night, about the pills I planned to take, but flushed. "Or did it start when you give the authorization to put me in a coma after I went into preterm labor so that you didn't have to deal with the fact that I had zero interest in being a human incubator, and wasn't playing nicely enough by your made up rules, that way we can just move on weeks or even months after -"
"Addison that's not fair…." Meredith says, and I turn on her next.
"Do you know her?" I ask. "The only way I can justify you defending his sorry ass is if you know her."
"Addison, I don't."
"Then what is it?" I ask her, it is clear I will get nothing out of Mark. "How long have YOU known about this? Did it start when I slit my wrists in the bathroom floor? Is it who he was with the two WEEKS I was in hospital and he didn't visit or even call? Was that where he was for the hours I was in labor before they moved me to the OR and Oakley was born?"
"I'm not defending him, Addison stop… I don't know what you want from me." Meredith begs.
"Let me leave."
"No." She forces me to sit down on the couch next to her. Takes my hands in her own squeezing tightly. "You're staying here until you sober up, you're not safe to leave right now." She then turns to Mark. "You need to be straight with your wife."
"She wants a divorce" He says shrugging, reminding us all the argument we had had months ago in the hospital. "She's not my train wreck anymore. Feel free to take her or let her self-destruct. I'm done with her bullshit." He says, grabbing his wallet, his keys, and slamming out the door. Loud enough to shake the windows and curse us with Oakley's frantic screams.
Authors Note:
Thank you for reading the latest installment of In My Blood! I have been playing around with this for a while, that Mark really isn't as perfect as we all make him out to be. Of course, he is nothing like Derek in some of my other stories, but at some point, enough has to be enough right? I mean, how much can one person take? Please review, let me know what you're thinking about the story so far. What would you like to happen in future?
