"Okay, I'm going to need you to get serious, Sakura," Sasuke said, turning to the camera. He was clearly frustrated. The character wasn't supposed to be, though. He counted himself lucky that it was only the narrator who was going off script. That was too meta to think about, anyhow.
"I'm you, darling," Sakura said, grinning.
"All the way?" Sasuke asked over his shoulder.
"I didn't just explode a man's nut for you," Sakura said innocently. Then she smiled wide and narrowed her eyes. "Oh wait, I did."
"God damnit!" Uchiha Jeiny said, appearing. "You couldn't be serious for five minutes, narrator!"
Don't look at me.
Jeiny and Sasuke raised a brow. Then they turned to Sakura. She was smirking.
"Wait," Sasuke said. He then clenched his head. Sakura and Jeiny followed suit.
"I have a headache," they said in unison.
"What is going on?" Sakura asked.
"You became self-aware!" Sasuke realized. "And now we are too!"
"How?!" the three shouted in unison.
Well, I guess since I'm bouncing off you, that kind of makes you real. That's what this is all about, right?
"No. This about Goku's left nut," Uchiha Jeiny said, getting back into character.
They had denied their own reality. Again.
Anyways, Sasuke suddenly realized Jon was there. I wrote Jeiny, but fuck it, it is Jon. It was supposed to be but I thought this out over some period and now shit changed and who cares he's op and what the fuck even is this?
So, Sasuke started to run towards Jon, arms all outstretched and hearts in his eyes. Then he stopped dead and was super serious with wicked black ink-like lines everywhere like he was out of Kenshiro. "This is not happening. No way."
But he couldn't help himself and jumped into the air to glomp Jon! (Sasuke doesn't get paid enough to say no.)
But just before he hit Jon, there was a sparkle blur of light effect indicating a transformation scene was about to happen. Sasuke stopped in mid-air. Jon was now Jeiny!
"I suddenly have no desire to bang you anymore!" Sasuke said, happy. He turned to Sakura. "I guess you're the only girl for me."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's what it means," Jeiny said.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Anyways, back to my plan," Sasuke said. "So, we need Naruto…"
"Oh, fuck no," Sakura said.
"Beat me to it," Jeiny said.
"The whole shithands thing really convinced me, you know?"
"Yeah. I did a good job with that."
Anyways, Sakura turns to Sasuke, "Do you trust me?"
"I didn't just taze a man's dick for you, baby."
They smiled to each other and began making out.
Wait, before that. But also at the same time? Whatever. They're ninja sex machines?
Okay, so I guess this conversation is going on while they bang innocently.
"How about," Sakura says, in-between breaths. She's breathing erratically for some reason. This is all off screen. There's no way I can show it in a PG-13. "I turn into Naruto."
"RIGHT NOW?" Sasuke says, raising his voice a bit. Well, he wanted to, but the sex was too good. Fuck yeah, Sasuke thinks about the script. What, did they expect me to want to bang Naruto or something?
"No, I mean," Sakura pants, "I turn into him, then since we all are breaking the fourth wall you just sharingan that shithands and he tells you how to go sage mode!"
Oh yeah, that was Sasuke's original plan. I forgot to mention that earlier.
Whatever.
I'm not going back. I'll remember where this was going.
Oh yeah, so then they agree to do that plan because Sakura had a good idea. Though it was a horrible time to mention that shithands.
Okay, so Jeiny is all like, "Fuck this, I'm getting in on this!" And she clones herself a she version of her, so Jon, I guess. So now Sasuke is all like,
"FUCK!" and force to be drawn to Jon.
So now Jeiny turns into Jon and fucks Sakura right there, in front of Sasuke.
Sasuke begins to lower the script from his seat across the table. They don't pay him enough, though. But he had a few demands.
So Jon has to fuck Sakura as a chick and Sasuke gets to fuck Jeiny as a girl. Jeiny is a clone of Jon who is physically a clone of Sasuke, and Sasuke always wanted to fuck himself.
"What!" Jeiny shouted. "But I don't fuck dudes as a chick!" Yeah, but Jon no longer had any say and Jon was cool with it now.
So, that scene happened.
Sasuke put down the script. It looked very gentle, but you know appearances. He narrowed his eyes. "You're not fucking my wife, Jon."
"You're not even real."
"No."
"I even gave you an out! You care about your wife and aren't totally gay!"
"No."
So, the show was cancelled!
"God damnit! FINE!"
So, that scene happened.
And the show goes on!
Yeah, but what really happened was Jon had an even bigger ego than Sasuke so he made a third clone so he could watch himself fuck both Sakura and Sasuke while jerking off.
