"take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
remember the footsteps, remember the words said...
i just realized everything i have is someday gonna be gone."
-taylor swift
•••
The sun sets just as the old friends part ways.
"You're still declining my offer?"
"Yes," Iris laughed lightly. "I've pestered you enough. But I appreciate it." She smiles and takes his hand with both of hers. "I really do. Thank you."
"Any time, sweetheart."
He's still waving by the time Iris reaches the top of the hill. She waves back, then heads down the hill to her house from years ago. She could see it from here, just in front of the huge field of lavender flowers that she and her mother used to care for and pick. She'd take one now to satisfy a nostalgic feeling, but spring seemed to be running late. She would rather let them blossom.
The house didn't look much different to her. She figured no one would ever live there again, considering the history behind it, but looking closer, the paint seemed touched-up, and the windows shined.
"I wonder..." she mused to herself as she went up the porch steps.
Iris dug around her suitcase, looking for a certain tiny item. With some trouble, she found what she was looking for: a rusted house key etched with an "M". Ever since she left years ago, she couldn't part with it. It held too many memories she wasn't ready to let go of.
She prayed it would open, but they key only fit halfway in when she tried. She huffed in frustration but wasn't too surprised - she figured they would only have to change the locks to her former home. After all, it was the place where a family was torn apart when a child disappeared after performing alchemy's one and only taboo and the other was sent off to the foster care system after the father died from the war and the mother committed suicide. That family just so happened to be hers.
The girl carefully steps down the creaky porch. She takes another gander at the house and exhales a breath to compose herself. Determined to find another way in, she goes to the side of the house. Coming towards the window in her childhood room, she realized a light was on inside. Past her room through the window was the kitchen. A few feet were visible that unfolded a scene of a family. Looking closer, the four figures turn into a normal, nuclear family. A mother, a father... and two young girls.
Iris takes a step back, feeling as if she was just slapped in the face. The family's resemblance to hers was uncanny. Quickly she looks again and watches as they sit down for a late dinner, talking and going on about their night without a care in the world. They laugh and hold hands around the table, then pray.
Her first instinct, her desperate want, was to crash in and destroy this seemingly perfect family. It wasn't fair, what she was seeing.
'That could've been us. That should have been us.'
"But it's not," she whispers mournfully to herself in the dark, her bleary eyes distorting the unknown family. Suddenly, an intrusive thought entered her mind.
'This isn't your house. It's theirs. You have no home. No family.'
Iris only realized it was her sister's voice haunting her after she was well across the field of budding flowers.
After a mile or so, she buckled over with her hands on her knees and vomited something fierce. She felt empty, both mentally and now physically.
"I can't squat in my own house," she complained to herself miserably as she sat in the middle of a deserted road. She took a swig of her canteen and spit the water out onto the gravel to clean her mouth.
By this point, the moon was creeping out from the high pine trees, casting only a dim ray of light. She looked up to it and tried to think of where to go. She considers Frederick's offer from earlier but decides against it. She's had enough of Augustine for one day and is tired of reliving her past.
The alchemist hoists herself up and makes the decision to go back to the train station. Once there, she heads straight for guest services.
"Could I have a phonebook?"
When the receptionist grants her one, she plops onto the bench, setting her suitcase next to her.
"S... R... Richter...Robinson... Aha! Rockbell! Rockbell Automail Service and Repairs."
She takes the hefty phone book to a booth and dials the number on the page. She waits as she's being connected, desperately hoping for an answer. Finally, a familiar old woman picks up the phone.
"Rockbell Automail is closed for the night. Please call again tomorrow morning."
"No wait, Mrs. Pinako!" She interrupted before the woman could hang up. "It's Iris! Iris King, Edward's friend? I, um... was hoping to ask a big favor of you."
•••
Midnight was approaching just as Iris boarded the last train of the night. Unsurprisingly, there was no one but her in the train car. She even wondered why there would be a train to Resembool from Augustine. Yes, Augustine was in the eastern part of the southern region, and vice versa for Resembool, but both were small towns with practically no connection. Even so, she decided not to question it and be grateful instead - old woman Pinako was gracious enough to let her come, especially at such a late hour.
The train ride would only take a half-hour, but it gave her just enough time to review her studies from Mei. After learning all she could from her and the new information from Frederick, she had come to accept her ties with Xing and its culture.
Before she knew it, the rural countryside of Resembool was running along the outside of the windows, albeit very dark. She dismounted the train as soon as it stopped. She practically ran all the way to the house, her childish fear of the dark coming to mind at the moment.
Pinako informed her of the spare key on the phone call, but was still awake by the time of her arrival, working late on some automail prototypes. Iris extended her thanks, but the woman only replied with, "Call a little earlier next time. Now get some rest."
She humbly did as she was told.
Her dreams were filled with the possibilities of the wretched Promised Day.
•••
The alchemist woke up in the same state as she was in her dreams: unsettled. Sometimes she longed for Iridian's power instead of her own; she imagined it could give her some sort of comfort for how things will turn out.
At breakfast, Granny Pinako sensed the trouble aching throughout Iris. It wasn't long before she had the girl tell her everything. Explaining her entire journey so far made the girl realize how terrible the situation really was. She feared things wouldn't get better, and that she had no way of knowing what would happen next. She even extended her confession to what she saw in her former house in Augustine.
"It's just-!" She restrained herself from unleashing her frustration. "Why do I feel like I'm the only one who has such a damaged family?"
For a long moment, the engineer remained quiet. Then, she asked, "Have you looked around recently?" Iris was startled by her brashness. "If what you told me about your supernatural mumbo-jumbo powers, you should know better than anyone that everyone's past is hard. My granddaughter Winry has had to grow up without her parents, and the Elrics, too. Even your own brother Mustang has been in the same boat! You both were adopted children, after all! Am I wrong?
"Kid, I won't sugarcoat it. The whole world doesn't revolve around you. Life's not out to get you, specifically. That bitch is out to mess with everybody." Iris was surprised by her foul language, but Pinako kept going. "What I'm trying to say is, there are people who hurt just like you. You can find solace in them. Don't keep it all to yourself. Opening up like what you did, that's brave. Do it more often."
•••
Iris felt much better after experiencing a dose of tough love. But while it felt nice to have a break from the chaos, the Promised Day lurked too close for comfort. Leisure time felt like a waste of time. She had to go back. Pinako was on the porch steps as Iris put on her coat.
"You remind me too much of those boys," she scolded, referring to Edward and Alphonse. "Always running off to the next thing, which leads them to the next, and the next, and the next."
Iris shrugged sheepishly. "I can't help it." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm sure a time will come when we won't have to anymore. But for now, I'm afraid there's no other choice. Not for me."
"Not for Edward, either, apparently." A hint of bitterness could be found in her voice. The girl decided it was best not to respond. She was right, after all.
Just as Iris turned away from the house, she saw a few figures ahead coming towards them. On instinct, she stood in front of Pinako and stood defensively, expecting the three to be a threat. She soon realized she was wrong as they came more into view and a smile grew on her face as her eyes landed on the leader of the group.
"I recognize that hair from anywhere!"
Pinako did too, for she grinned and said, "Speak of the devil."
Immediately, Iris started running. "Edward-fucking-Elric!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, tackling him. She took a moment to breathe in his comforting scent. "I am so glad you aren't dead," she said, exhaling an unsteady breath. He hesitantly returned the hug with a blushing face, remembering the last interaction he had with her after his near-death experience.
"Far from it, don't worry."
Pinako reached the teens, looking at them knowingly. "Let's catch up inside."
