Knowing it would be awhile before they had this much privacy again Remus, James, Lily and Sirius clustered in one secluded compartment on the Hogwarts Express to discuss their summer.
Remus bristled every time he thought of the two crumpled warning posters he'd shoved into his trunk as they left James' house. One copy he'd gotten at the second-hand shop, the other James and Sirius ripped off a wall to keep Lucy from seeing it. More copies papered Diagon Alley; each one featured Remus' face and said, "Hogwarts student. Beware!" He hoped other students hadn't seen the posters.
"I think it's cool," Sirius had joked when Kreacher apparated them back to Godric's Hollow.
"You try getting our face plastered on warning signs and posted everywhere. Then you'll see what it feels like," Remus had snapped.
The moment Kreacher had left them, Remus hurried to another room, angry and humiliated, begging Merlin no one he knew had given those posters a good look. With so many other flyers and signs—including other werewolf warnings—maybe no one had given his much thought. Most of the werewolves were innocent, anyway.
Thank that monstrous woman Umbridge for this! Remus wanted to march into her office and roar in her ugly, smug face. He'd had only seen Umbridge once—when he tested the Wolfsbane Potion. Who'd have thought I could hate someone more than Fenrir Greyback?
Back in Diagon Alley was the first time he'd seen Greyback in person since… being bitten. He didn't remember much about the actual event—only terror, glowing amber eyes, and agony as teeth sank into his flesh.
He'd seen photos of Greyback, but they hadn't roused anything in him other than disgust. Now, the knowledge that he could become just like that hideous, putrid man in the Alley… Bile stopped his throat. I never ever want that.
Every time the conversation turned to the Diagon Alley incident, Lily's anger rose. "Sev was there! Right there! And he didn't even think to leave me a sign, much less contact me!"
James propped his chin on one hand. "I don't' know how to break it to you, but he left you. The chances of him seeking you out are pretty slim."
Lily shot him a scathing glare.
"What did you expect him to do?" said James. "Leave you a note? 'Hi, Lily, I'm safe and well, currently residing at a spa. Don't worry about me fighting Death Eaters and Voldemort single-handedly. I've got everything under control. Cheers, Severus. P.S. I'm sorry.'"
The color drained from Lily's face.
"Sorry…" James murmured. "I… wasn't thinking."
"Really, Prongs? How did you figure?" Remus said. "Lily, we all know he's in danger, but don't forget he can take care of himself—better than any of us, for sure."
"He'd be even better at it if he could think straight," Lily hissed.
"We know," James shot back. "We're not stupid."
"Ha! You tried pretty hard at it the past six years," said Sirius with a smirk.
"Speak for yourself."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sirius feigned offense. "With my charisma and boyish good looks, how could anyone ever accuse me of that?"
Lily rolled her eyes.
"Maybe you're right." Sirius grinned and examined his reflection in the train window. "Perhaps I'm too old for the boyish look. I was thinking about trying out a beard."
"You've got to be joking," James choked.
Everyone else nodded agreement.
Sirius was unfazed. "Just a short one—a goatee or something."
"And here I thought pink hair was your new thing," James said. "But I guess it would work for you, Mr. Drama Queen."
"Prongsie, how mean of you. I was hoping you'd grow one with me," said Sirius.
"Nope. Not happening!"
"How about you, Moony? I always thought a mustache would look good on you."
"Try again when I'm well over thirty," Remus snorted.
"All right. I will."
Lily took solace in the boys' silliness—a welcome distraction—one she very much needed.
Once they'd left the train, Lily and the rest of their little group waited for their ride to Hogwarts. They didn't have to wait long, but as the thestral-drawn carriages neared, Lily's heart sank into her gut. Black-skinned, skeletal animals trotted toward her, as if she'd always been able to see them. Their leathery wings and sharp teeth made them seem menacing.
The rest of the group stared too.
"You can all see them?" she said.
Everyone nodded.
"I was hoping never to be able to see thestrals…" said Remus, amazed.
As the beasts drawing the first few carriages passed, everyone took a step back.
Nearby stood Peter Pettigrew, his face whiter than winter's first snow.
Remus approached the closest thestral and stroked its flank.
Just like Hagrid. Lily shook her head. Finds all creatures fascinating, and not afraid of them, even if they look scary. Prompted by Remus' lack of fear, she took a step closer.
Reg wasn't too far away from the rest of the group, but he almost looked worse than Peter. Lily thought to go to him, to tell him not to be afraid. But if I go over there… what will I say? She slowly reached for the thestral's neck. Its black skin was soft and warm, and the beast nuzzled her hand, eager for attention.
Further down the carriage line, Crouch also petted a thestral, but instead of sadness, he flaunted a look of triumph, and an evil smirk grew into a wicked grin as he stroked the beast.
Lily shivered. There's something really wrong with that kid.
"Ya… Ya can all see them now? Can't ya?" Lucy joined Lily and the others. "I'm so sorry."
"You can't?" said Lily.
Lucy shook her head. "That's… good though. Right?" She reached toward the creature she couldn't see and smiled when she felt its smooth coat. "I kind of wish ya didn't have ta see anyone die ta see them. They're such sweethearts, aren't they?" She found the thestral's head and held it with both hands, like she would a horse.
Sirius tapped Lucy's shoulder and motioned her away from the winged creatures. "Oi, Carrot. I've got a question for you—but it might come across a bit odd."
Lily gave the thestral one last pat before stepping closer to Sirius and Lucy to hear what ridiculous thing Sirius would ask out of the others' earshot.
"Say, if Prongs were a vampire," said Sirius, "but he kept it hidden. What would you do if you found out?"
"James is a vampire?" Lucy said in surprise.
Lily snorted and walked away shaking her head. The heavy dread she'd carried since the mansion left her as she got her things together. But then she saw Crouch climbing into a carriage and the weight returned. Not even when they arrived at Hogwarts and she greeted her two best friends, Bertha and Emmeline did it dissipate.
As Lily talked with the two girls, she realized how far apart they'd drifted. Last year, she spent far more time with Sev and the Life Defenders than with them. And now she'd spent an entire summer with the Marauders. How could she help it? After the mansion she was closer to the boys than she could ever be to Bertha and Emmeline—or any of her other friends. She trusted the Marauders—with her life.
As Lily and the rest of the group entered the Great Hall, Regulus and Lucy left for their respective house tables. Reg even looked relieved to leave their company after months of forced closeness.
Instead of sitting with Bertha and Emmeline, Lily joined the Marauders—well, the Marauders minus Peter who cowered at the other end of the table. I guess James and Sirius couldn't convince him to hang out with them again. Probably thinks it's too dangerous.
At the front of the Hall, Dumbledore sat at the center of the teachers' table, Professor McGonagall to his right, and Professor Slughorn to his left. Professor Flitwick was there too, accompanied by a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher—the latest in a long line as the position changed every year. This time, a tall, confident-looking wizard with short graying hair filled the seat. At least he looks serious. Nobody could be worse than that fourth-year teacher. Lily wanted to roll her eyes. She cared more about breaking a nail than teaching anything—much less defensive magic. I guess that was the year the war broke out too…
Dumbledore stood to deliver his speech. "Dear students of Hogwarts, I'm delighted to see so many of you managed to join us this year and fill the ranks to keep the school open. Unfortunately, that's no longer a laughing matter."
Lily didn't even have to look to know he was right. The tables, only last year crammed with students, now struggled to fill half their seats. Some students had been forced to flee, and others… met harsher fates.
"These are dark times indeed," Dumbledore said. "And your thoughts and prayers are with those out on their own and with our loved ones with whom we've lost contact. Now, more than ever, we must support each other and remember none of us are so different. Don't let house affiliation stand in the way." The Headmaster eyed the Gryffindor table and found Lily. He didn't break her gaze as he went on. "Last year, some of your peers started what so many others failed to do, building a network of support and cooperation for those in need without regard for their background. It is my sincere hope that these people carry on—set an example of understanding, acceptance and friendship among the houses and age groups here at Hogwarts." Dumbledore's gaze moved on. "Let's proceed with the Sorting Ceremony—though I would like to see all houses welcome every one of our new students, not matter which house they're sorted into. Thank you." He sat to hesitant applause.
Most students appeared not to know what to think of the Headmaster's speech, but they tried to comply.
"Getting sentimental this year, isn't he?" James whispered behind one hand.
"Call me silly," Lily whispered back, "but I think he was talking about us."
"Really?" said James.
Remus leaned closer. "Sounded a lot like the Life Defenders to me. That bit about support and cooperation for those in need without regards to background. And he stared at us the whole time."
"You think he knew all along?" said Sirius.
"Somehow, I wouldn't find that too surprising," James said.
"Say what you want, but he's pretty perceptive," Lily agreed. She kept to herself the fact that he'd kept his eyes mostly on her. Somehow, he must know she was the Defenders' unofficial leader—well, her and Regulus. The others helped, but she and Reg did most of the work, made the big decisions. "At least he seems happy about it."
One of the professors placed the Sorting Hat on a stool at the front of the Hall. Its brim opened wide as it began to sing.
This tale I sing, now listen well,
The story of how a dark wizard fell.
In the darkest of nights strength will prevail,
Since true heroes can rise only after they fail.
Baldrick, a wizard so strong and smart,
He thought his weakness was to be his heart.
But it was his arrogance that was his greatest foe.
The fair maiden who had hurt him so,
He saw her and knew he had to make her his own.
Even if it was to make her a slave, as long as she would sit by his throne.
Now he thought she was his! But it wasn't so.
In body perhaps, but her heart was her own.
A young servant saw her bound to the chair,
And at once he lost his heart to the lady fair.
But instead of wooing her with gold and power,
He gave her his love, which was enough for the precious flower.
The two ran away, evoking Baldrick's absolute wrath.
He sent hordes of monsters to track down the lovers' path.
The two were caught and brought back in
To face the grandest wizard that had ever been.
Sir Baldrick had never before faced defeat.
Yet standing there, his heart in a double beat,
And ready to kill, punish them for their flight,
He found he could not, although he had a right.
In that single moment Baldrick found it was something he could not do.
He hated his weakness and cursed what was true.
Until receiving a kiss from the maiden for being so kind,
And that moment, he was happy to have changed his mind.
After that day there was a grand feast.
Baldrick did not miss his arrogance in the least.
His people were now appreciated and treated well,
Since he was loved and happier than he could tell.
The moral of this tale, just listen a bit longer,
Is that mistakes must be made to get stronger.
Love is your power, not your flaw.
It makes life full by the unwritten law.
People can change and they can be kind,
If they let their heart guide their mind.
Don't be arrogant and don't hold a grudge.
And you can never love too much.
The unconventional song gave everyone, including Lily, pause, but the moment it ended, she joined in the enthusiastic ovation.
"What a weird piece of… of…" Sirius couldn't label it. "That was absolutely pointless!"
"I think it was beautiful," said Lily and propped an elbow on the table.
The Sorting Ceremony went mostly without disturbance. When the Marauders joined the applause for each new student—regardless of house—their fellow Griffyndors eyed the boys like they'd become demented parakeets, spouting nonsense. But with their lead, others soon followed, which forced Slytherin to join too since they didn't want to appear rude.
The nine remaining Slytherin Defenders were just as sullen and displeased as most of their peers—especially Jugson, who now sat with Avery and Mulciber, her previous alliance with the Defenders now broken.
Crouch watched each Defender with an evil glint of glee. Reg sat far too close to Crouch for his liking and tensed every time the little imp looked his way.
Once the last new student was sorted, Dumbledore stood again. "Thank you. Before we begin our opening feast, I have some announcements. To fill the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts this year is veteran Auror, Professor John Dawlish. Please welcome him to Hogwarts."
The students and other teachers clapped politely.
"How do you think this one'll be?" Sirius scraped dirt from under one fingernail.
"He's capable," said James. "Dad worked with him—says he's punctual, orderly. There're never any bumps in the road with Dawlish. He always gets his work done."
"Maybe we have a chance to pass our Defence N.E.W.T.s this year," said Lily. "We could've done a lot worse."
"She's right," said Remus. "You should count yourself lucky, Mr. Auror wannabe."
Sirius propped an elbow on Remus' shoulder. "Stop making good points, Moony. It's annoying."
Before he announced the start of the feast, Dumbledore finished his announcements, gave the usual warning about the Forbidden Forest, and named a few new things added to Filch's list of objects banned on school grounds.
"Finally. About time!" Sirius rubbed together eager hands as mountains of food were served, but he took a second to wink at a group of nearby girls before digging in.
How does he pay attention to half the school's female population? And while he's stuffing himself? Lily neatly took her own first bite.
Bertha, sitting in the same direction as the girls Sirius winked at, stared at him with big, admiring brown eyes. She's nice enough—not the brightest bulb in the box, but I guess it's okay.
As if he could read her thoughts Remus muttered, "You weren't much better last year, you know."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily challenged.
"You spent almost four months making eyes at Severus. You girls and your—"
Lily plucked an unmistakable, bright orange hair from Remus' cloak and dangled it in his face as a blush crept up Remus' neck.
"Nevermind. This love thing and who has a crush on who is too complicated."
Lily grinned, knowing she'd instantly turned his thoughts to Lucy. "Good to know you can tell for yourself how it feels."
"It's what I get for trying to be smart, isn't it?" said Remus.
"No. For being smart with a woman." Lily dropped the hair back on Remus' clothes and ate her dinner without any more interruptions from Remus.
"Stupid kids," James muttered once he finally made it to the Gryffindor common room. The wide-eyed first years walked slower than snails in salt. And forget the trip through the portrait hole. That had taken the better part of twenty minutes as the little gawkers kept wanting to talk to it and asking how it worked.
"At least try to be nice," said Lily. "You were a first year once too."
"And I put a sign on our prefect's back that said, 'kick me.'"
"Afraid your sins will come back to haunt you?" Lily smiled too sweetly.
"Not just afraid of it. That's what's happening! Every little thing's come 'round to bite me in the rear. It's annoying. I get it. I was a prat! Can all this stop now?"
"If you've learned from it, then it's a job well done. Remember the song, 'mistakes must be made to get stronger'?"
James awarded her a glare interrupted by a yawn. "Night, Lily. See you in the morning."
"Goodnight, James." Lily took the stairs to her dorm.
When James got to his room, Remus and Sirius were already in bed, but Peter scurried around his corner like a restless marble.
"So… Wormy… how was your summer?" James ventured.
Peter stiffened but ignored him.
"Moony's been trying for an hour," said Sirius.
"This is ridiculous. You can't ignore us forever. We share a dorm!" James tromped over to his own bed.
"He can try," Sirius said loudly, the comment clearly aimed at Peter.
James faced Peter's corner. "I'm sorry we didn't take better care of you last March, and I'm sorry we sent you in alone. We shouldn't have. We should've stuck together."
"And you think that's all?" Peter whirled on James. "Ever since we started school, how much of a say have I had? None! You drag me along, whether I want to go or not. I didn't want to be there, that night, Prongs! But did you ask? No!" His pale face flushed several shades of red. "I saw them almost kill you. I saw—I saw them kill her! Then those flames broke out, and I was only this big." He held his hands about fourteen inches apart. "Do you know what it means to be that small? People can step on you—break your spine—or squeeze you to death or throw you across the room. Do you know how often you've almost crushed me in your stag form because you didn't look where you were going? Or how often Remus nearly ate me? Anyone in that mansion could've killed me on accident, and the fire was everywhere, so I couldn't get out! I was trapped in a corner while people ran around screaming and the flames closed in!" Peter's breathing grew ragged, but he kept going.
"I couldn't change into human form. They'd have killed me on sight. Not to mention I'd only have been in your way, since I'm not your equal! I'm just pathetic little Peter who always tags behind you because of the benefits—and because it's better than being on my own. But I was never of any use to you other than making you look good, and you knew that! We all knew that from day one. When we went to the mansion, I was so scared, I thought I'd lose my wits, and once I got out—after seeing all that—and being alone out there—I wanted to curl up and cry. I was sure you were dead! I nearly died, and I don't want to die! I don't—don't want… to die…"
Didn't know he had it in him. James didn't retreat, but he didn't come any closer to Peter either. He actually stood up for himself. But he seems just as shocked as me. "If you really felt this way, you should've said something. We would've listened."
Peter snorted. "Right. You never did before."
"And you never complained before," said Sirius. "We didn't mean it to be that way."
With a quick glance, James signaled Sirius to shut up, but Peter rummaged in his trunk again as if the whole exchange never happened.
Guess my past sins did come back to bite me… Did I ever consider Peter's feelings before? I suppose… I didn't. James and the rest of the Marauders neglected Peter. And leaving him trapped in a burning house full of Death Eaters? That was the last straw. It forced Peter to grow a spine and use it for the first time in his life. Maybe… it was the best thing that could've happened to him. Irony is cruel… "Peter, I'm sorry—really sorry," said James. "For everything. And if you'll give us another chance, I promise, we'll listen. We won't brush you off anymore. We're not kids, after all."
Peter climbed into bed and pulled the covers over his head.
Remus looked mortified but said, "Peter… You won't ever need to spend another full moon with the wolf. I promise."
Peter threw off his blanket. "It's not that I didn't want to do it, Remus. I… For once I could do something—something useful. It made me… happy. I'm glad I could do something useful, even if it was just pressing that knot on the Whomping Willow to let us all into that shabby old house. But it would've been nice to be asked if I wanted to in the first place."
Sirius' face echoed the guilt James knew covered his own. "Please, just give us another chance."
With a long sigh, Peter faced the window, silent. Outside, the soon-to-be full moon hovered. The next instant, a small rat sprawled on Peter's bed, making further conversation improbable.
"For what it's worth… I'm sorry too," said Sirius. "I'm horrible at paying attention to people."
Peter burrowed under the blanket.
"You're not as weak as you think," Remus offered. "Look at what you've accomplished. You're an Animagus. That takes more than just a little skill!"
"And you're a Gryffindor," James added. "The Hat doesn't sort people without reason. My dad told me something once, before heading out on another mission. Bravery isn't not being afraid and being afraid isn't weakness. Bravery is admitting your fear and doing what needs to be done, anyway. Thanks… for being straight with us. That was quite brave of you. And, Pete…? You're still our friend, you know."
Peter, still a rat, didn't even twitch.
