AN: - Thanks for all the reviews! I promise chapter 55 is the chapter you all want ;)

Happy Easter Everyone! I will continue to update daily during the pandemic! Hope everyone is staying safe and staying home where possible! I apoligise if there is any mistakes I have very tired eyes from not wearing my glasses, I've looked over it twice now but there still might be some.

Enjoy...


Chapter Fifty

Hoc quoque transibit'This too shall pass'


October 20th 2000

13.48pm

2 weeks Later…

Outside the falling leaves whipped around ferociously attempting to reach the floor as the wind kept changing their direction. The branches of bare trees were interlocking and growing thickly as they fused together; only allowing bright gaps of sunlight to break through. Autumn was marching directly into the harsh depths of winter, and it was making sure everyone knew its presence before it left.

Elizabeth sat on the edge of her desk looking out of the state department window as she held the phone to her ear and fiddled with the cord in her other hand. She smiled as she heard the voice she had been longing to hear.

'Hello Madam Secretary, to what do I owe this pleasure?' Thomas joked and she laughed a little

'Hey, I just wanted to call you. I miss you' she replied sweetly

'Oh no, what's wrong?' He asked, her eyes narrowed and her head dipped down as he asked

'What do you mean?'

'Come on Lizzie, I know the sound of that voice, tough day?'

She sighed heavily before replying 'Not yet, it's about to be. I have a meeting in about five minutes which I know will be difficult…I just wish you were here because I could really do with coming home to you tonight'. Her words fell flat

'Arhh, now see is that because you miss me or is It because you know I give really good shoulder massages?' He teased and she sniggered 'There, that's what we need to hear' he continued as she smiled down the phone

'Thank you, see you soon yeah?'

'Yeah, just six more days and I will be back on American soil, and rushing around to get a present for mom' he laughed and she rolled her eyes

'Ok, well If I can help I will, and by I, I mean Blake'

'I think I'll be ok, when she realises that I have been dating someone and you're coming, that will be the gift she has been waiting for; seeing her only boy with a woman. You are still coming right?'

'Yeah, I have to arrange a trip to Africa around that time but we've proposed to fly a few days after so' she reassured him

'Ok, well I'll give you a call tonight If you're free and you can tell me all about this meeting you're about to have, unless of course you can't because of national security' Thomas replied and Elizabeth glanced to the side of her desk. Their situated on the surface was the box full of letters than Henry had dropped in that very spot two weeks ago…

'Yeah, National security' she mumbled as she lied to him.

'Well in that case I will entertain you with stories of London, Speak later, Bye Lizzie'

'I look forward to it, take care Thomas' she smiled and held the phone close to her as he hung up. She heard the knock on the door behind her, she knew that was Blake signalling the person she was meeting had arrived. She bowed her head as she slowly slipped off her desk and replaced the phone on the hook. She stood up straight and took a moment to readjust her clothing. She then pressed her call button and asked Blake to send him in, a hard lump slid down her throat as she prepared herself for a Meeting with Henry McCord.

Henry walked in nervously, his hands were in his pockets as he fiddled with the material. He received a phone call last week from Blake asking for a meeting to be scheduled and no other information given. Henry wasn't stupid he knew this was more of a personal matter than a business one but he still had no idea what to expect. As he walked into the room fully he removed his hands from his pockets and his eyes lay upon her.

She was wearing a simple white blouse with black trousers but Henry couldn't help but notice how magnificent she looked. Every time he lay eyes on her his feelings for her couldn't be suppressed, they resurfaced and made themselves known, like a tsunami.

'Madam Secretary' he smiled

'Elizabeth is fine' her tone was a little harsh but she tried to be as soft as possible. As she stepped from behind her desk as gestured for Henry to join her on the sofa he spotted the box of letters, now he was sure he knew what this was going to be about.

'Henry, I asked to meet you because I think, actually I want you to take these letters back. Whilst the gesture if thoughtful and kind, I cannot accept them, they do not belong to me' she came across professional, it was the only way she could protect him and herself from her true feelings that bubbled beneath the surface.

'What? No they are your letters, they're addressed to you. I didn't give them too you for you to hand them back'

'You gave them too me out of anger Henry. The same a I came to your home out of frustration and annoyance. I handed you that letter back because I don't want to read them Henry, they are fifteen years old, we've changed, a lot has changed since then.'

'Elizabeth; what I've written in them, the way I feel. It's just the same now all these years later' his words hung in the air for a moment, as he shifted a little closer to her, there knee's almost touching. Elizabeth held her breath a little as she began to flush

'No Henry, you can't say that. You don't know me. I would like you to take them back and that's final' she shut the conversation down. Henry looked at her, his eyes softly daring from her eyes to her lips. Elizabeth couldn't look away, she felt herself being drawn in, all those mixtures of emotions and years of yearning for him mixing within her. She felt his hand slowly glide onto her knee and she tried hard not to gasp at the contact, the feel of him touching her once again. Her breath shook as she felt her eyes wander down to his lips and back to his eyes. Henrys mouth ran dry in anticipation…

Elizabeth shook her head and pulled back 'I also wanted to talk about Lily' she changed the subject quickly and pulled her legs away from him and closer to her own body.

'Ok?' He tried to not let the moment they just shared get into his head.

'I was wondering if you'd like to offer her to visit state? She can come under my wing for the day, or for a week whichever is Feasible. If you like that is' she rambled nervously

'Oh…thats kind of you too offer but I don't think it will be possible. See Maureen hates Jennifer and I don't think she would let Lily stay even for one night in the same house-' he explained without even thinking

'Jennifer?' She quizzed and his face fell as the reality and enormity of what was about to follow flashed before him

'Jennifer is my Girlfriend' He stumbled upon his words. An awkward and uncomfortable silence fell between them. Elizabeth shook her head at him as she stood up and retracted away. Henry threw his head into his hands

'Girlfriend!? What? How? What!?' She snapped and her hand fell to her hip as her body shook with rage

'Look I was going to expl-'

'Henry you gave me these letters, you've been telling me that you feel the same way and only now…NOW you want to drop the bombshell you have a girlfriend?'

'it wasn't like that, Me and Jennifer we have issues, and well…'

'How could you do that to me?' She asked, her voice seething as It flew across the room to him. 'How could you do that!?' She asked again and he stared at her blankly, unsure of what it was she was referring too

'You…You invite me for coffee, carry a letter from the past with you, Come in here, slam this box of unsent letters on my desk, knowing I might read them, and then tell me you have a girlfriend? I guess your lying habit hasn't left you…' she hissed 'And that one letter, your 'just in case' letter? Why the hell didn't you take that one out? I didn't need to read that Henry! I didn't need to picture you dead, or picture the life we didn't have, I didn't need you to show up and do any of this! I was fine until you came into my life and messed it all up again!' Why Henry? Why!? What on earth did you think you were achieving huh? I broke my heart reading those letters Henry, its taken me two weeks to compose myself just to get to a point where I could talk to you. Ive gone over and over this in my head. Debating if we could do this, we could work or if I am better staying clear of you and guess what… even after fifteen years you're still lying to me' she ranted, she paced her office as her words spilled like ink on a page

Henry had stood to his feet and remained stood in silence, truth was he didn't know what he was trying to achieve

'I just wanted to show you that you were always my main thought, the one I wanted to hear my last words, my last thoughts. It was you Elizabeth, it always has been you' he replied sadly she shook her head at him

'I told you I was seeing someone, you did not have the right to land all of that on me! That was emotional torment Henry!'

'Im sorry Elizabeth I was trying to show you that I did think about you! You were so worried I hadn't written too you and it couldn't have been further from the truth that's why I gave you the box, I never lied about my feelings for you, nor have they ever stopped. Yes, I am in a relationship with Jennifer, a very unhappy relationship but even if it was happy; she isn't you. No one will ever be you' he decided to fight back, his passion and desire for her engulfing him. He tried to walk a little closer to Elizabeth who's head was dipped as she listened to him

'No Henry' she shook her head at him unable to express herself, she slowly lifted her head and her watering eyes blinked as she held him in her sights

'It doesn't work like that, you cannot do this to me. I am happy with Thomas, you lied to me and broke my heart fifteen years ago and you've just managed to do the same thing all over again. Now get out' she tried to hold herself and stop her tears from spilling as she looked at him.

'I've lost you once, now you've come back to me, I feel like this could be our second chance. I do not want to lose you agai-'

'You never had me the second time around, you lost me once and I have been lost ever since…' She turned from him and decided to leave her own office trying to escape the heartache of Henry McCord once again.

The sting of her words hung in the air and burned Henry to the core. The quietness of her tone reminded him just how fragile the situation between them remained, he scooped the box under his arm and left the state department. And just like that the history of the autumn they shared was swept away winter came between them, burying them both within the depths of its coldness.