Chapter 85.

"You believe me, that I have never altered your thoughts or controlled you?" said Cas.

Jules smiled at him. "No offence, but if you were in control of both our minds, I think this relationship would be running a lot more smoothly. Or if you were in control of either of our minds."

He felt a little offended, but then he had to concede the point. "You're right." he said, "Why are you tolerating all this again? Because I'm not seeing any great benefit to you."

She stroked his cheek and then kissed it. "Because I'm not like you, Cas. I know I'm worth something. I know I deserve someone who loves me, who respects me."

"Someone better than an angel that even other angels hold in contempt." he said.

"If you'd lived through the apocalypse on my world, you'd have as little respect for the opinions of angels as I do." she said.

"I'm an angel." he pointed out.

"Those angels, dumb angels, who think they're better than us, but who kill to feel the power of taking a life. If that kind of angel doesn't like you, it's because you are way above them."

"I once tried to be God." he said.

"I'd worship you." she said, "In fact, I do."

"Don't say things like that." he said, feeling his cheeks become hot.

"Look at you, trying not to smile." she said, "I love you so much!"

"I love you too." he said.

"It's so good to hear you say that."

"I would have said it sooner. It wasn't because of you that I didn't. Part of me was confused by feelings I was never supposed to feel and part of me, I suppose, wasn't sure there was a me behind the I. What is an angel that no longer serves Heaven?"

"An angel with some sense." she said.

"Since before the fall ... since my fall, I have felt lost and broken and defective. My mistakes are legion and the harm I have done can never be undone or mitigated or excused. I know no penance will ever make up for my evil actions or my well-intentioned errors of judgement. To offer you a heart so mired in misery and shame seemed an unforgivable insult. I didn't know what to do."

"I can fix pretty much anything, given time." she said, "So what you do is this. You give me your broken, scarred, poisoned heart and I keep the pieces safe, where nobody, including you, can cause them more harm. Then, one by one, we fix and heal and restore them. You're not evil, Cas. You're just very deeply wounded. I'll help you to heal, but you need to know this, now and always, just as you are at this moment, I love and accept you. If nothing ever changes, I will still love you."

"That's quite a commitment." he said.

"Yes, it is. I'll take your heart, whatever its condition and I'll love and protect it as if it were my own."

"It is yours." he said.

"Speaking of conditions, my love for you is unconditional, but ... moving here ... that won't be. I'll condition the Hell out of it. I'll condition it like it's Sam's hair."

"He does have beautiful hair."

"He's not alone in that." she said, stroking his hair. "What I mean is that if I come to live here, you're going to have to make certain promises, including that you won't use it as an excuse to avoid me."

"Why would I want to avoid you? When I'm with you, I feel more alive than I ever have."

"That's good. That's lovely. I need time with you, Cas. I need to spend a lot of nights in your arms, a lot of days in your orbit."

"And you're not afraid of my powers?"

"I am afraid of your powers." she said, "And I know you can't promise not to use them against me, when Naomi is a skilled puppeteer, but I can't promise not to get hexed or possessed and attack you. We live in dangerous times."

"But you have an anti-possession tattoo." he said.

"Yes, I do. Maybe that was a bad analogy."

"I doubt it. All your analogies are adorable." he said.

She chuckled. "Cas, you flirt!"

He smiled. "That was pretty smooth, wasn't it?"

"Not at all." she said, "But that's part of your charm."

"I have charm?" he said hopefully.

"Charm, kindness and compassion." she said, "A winning combination. You also have my heart, for as long as you want it. I know forever is not a comfortable concept for you, all those disclaimers and sub clauses, but even if we have to do this minute to minute, I want you to know that all my minutes are yours."

"Even if I stay forever fallen?"

"You didn't fall. You rose."

"Well, I have fallen now and heavily. I wish my heart were more worthy of you, but it's yours and I promise to try, every day, not to screw this up, end it, run away or otherwise remind you how insane you are to love me."

"That sounds like quite a commitment too. I'm lucky to have the chance to love someone like you."

"Hidebound, predictable, chaotic, arrogant, unreliable, selfish, needy, greedy, weak and prideful."

"You realise half those things contradict each other?"

"Also contradictory."

"I love you anyway." she said.

"I was hoping that might be the case."

"If you're ready ... and please say if you're not ... we should go down and rejoin the others."

"Yes, we should." he said, "I'm worried about Dean."

"And I'm worried about you being worried about Dean. I know what happened freaked you out."

"Causing him pain is the last thing I want to do, but I seem to do it a lot."