Chapter 86.

"Which are you more worried about at the moment, Cas or Dean?" Sam asked Sarah.

"Still leaving yourself off the list?" she said.

He smiled. "Yeah, forever. They're the two frying each other's brains and feeling bad about it. You could tell Cas that Jules can't live here."

"Have you considered advising him to move here with her?" she said.

"He wouldn't consider it. He's very protective of Dean and Jack. I'm not sure how Dean would take it either. He acts like he's fine with it, but if Cas left the bunker, I'd worry about Dean. I don't get why Cas and Jules can't just stay in the bunker together."

"It's hard for me to come down on either side. I would love to have Jules here, but not if it's his way of pushing her away. He and Dean are both so good at destroying their own chances for happiness and making it seem like a rational decision."

"Yeah, it's a gift."

They heard footsteps upstairs and the bedroom door opening. "Sounds like they're coming down." said Sarah, "I'll make some tea." She went to the kitchen. Sam followed her and put out the cups as she filled the kettle.

Cas reached the kitchen first. "Where's Dean?" he said, looking troubled as Jules came in behind him.

"Dean's fine." said Sam.

"He's just getting some groceries for me." said Sarah.

"Oh. Good." said Cas.

"So, are you two still together?" said Sam.

"It does seem like we need to issue hourly bulletins, doesn't it?" said Jules.

"Not anymore." said Cas, hastily adding, "The bulletin thing, not the together thing. We are together. We are staying together. We're aware that the odds are against us, that Heaven is a constant threat and ... "

"Cas, don't do the whole list." said Jules.

"The whole list doesn't matter." said Cas, "Because this is worth fighting for."

"Glad to hear it!" said Sarah.

"Whether Jules moves here or not, we still need to discuss." said Cas.

"I've told him there will be conditions." said Jules, "And of course, it depends on what you think about it."

"Now and always, my dear, this house is yours anytime. I'd let you use the study for your hunters and you can use Castiel's room if he's really fine with that."

"We can share when he's here." said Jules, "If that doesn't offend you."

"I'm never offended by love." said Sarah, "But I do have conditions to add for Castiel. If Jules is to live here, Castiel, you must come to see her often. You must stay in contact. You must talk to her. I am not allowing my house to be the reason your relationship dies."

"That was my main condition too." said Jules.

"I'll be here whenever I can." said Cas, "Of course, it was a lot easier with my wings."

The front door opened and Dean came in, carrying groceries. "Hey, everyone!" he said. He looked at Sarah, "I got everything. Drive carefully, huh?"

"I'm sorry?" she said.

"Clever." he said.

"What is it, Dean?" she said.

Sam wanted to know too. There was an anxious, desperate look on Dean's face he didn't like at all. "What's happened?" he said.

Cas physically backed away and Sam knew he was mentally withdrawing too, trying to avoid too close a connection.

"I screwed up." said Dean, "Like you knew I would, Sarah."

"I knew nothing of the kind." she said, "Screwed up how?"

"I went to a liquor store. I was gonna get hammered."

"How much did you buy?" said Sarah.

"None. Two words from you and I couldn't."

"Then you didn't screw up, Dean. More than that, you were under stress and you felt an impulse to return to an unhealthy coping strategy and you overcame it. Well done."

"You don't think I shouldn't have had that impulse?" he said.

"I wish you didn't, but switching it off isn't that simple. The important thing is that you resisted it. You did something better. You came back here."

"She's right." said Sam.

Dean looked at Cas. The two of them shared a moment of uneasy eye contact, guilt on both sides, on each side, completely unnecessary. "You okay, Cas?" said Dean.

"Yes. You?" said Cas.

"You should have put on the talisman." said Dean.

"You're probably right." said Cas, "But I wanted to see if I could control the link without the talismans."

"Yeah, I thought that would be it. I mean, it was either that or ... "

"Sarah's making tea." said Sam.

Dean didn't take his eyes off Cas's face. "So, you and Jules?"

"Very much still a thing." said Cas. Sam could see the determination on his face. Cas was still keeping the link closed.

"You're getting good at that." said Dean.

"We have to." said Cas.

"Yeah, it's good." said Dean, "No talismans required." His voice shook a little. Sam could see how painful it was to him.

Cas showed no sign of his own feelings, but the blank look in his eyes told Sam how hard it was for him to lock Dean out. He tried to help. "Look, everyone's stressed and tired and we should all just ... "

"It's fine." said Dean, "It's what we always intended to do, to get control of the link so we can prevent oversharing. It's great. It's important."

Cas headed for the door, his sudden decision to turn his head away from them as eloquent to Sam as his tense shoulders and the stiffness in his neck and arms. "I'll just check on the bees." he said, leaving in some haste.

Dean glanced at Jules. "Is he okay?" he said.

"I think he is if you are." she said.

"I'm always okay." said Dean. He looked at the door. After what seemed to Sam an eternity, he turned to Sarah and said, "Should I?"

"I would." she said. As he passed her on the way to the door, she took his arm a moment and said, "No guilt. Your guilt hurts both of you and achieves nothing."

"Understood." he said.