Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. This is a long and heavy chapter and I've taken a slight gamble with the structure of it. I also assume that you have an idea of Tony and Ziva's history.
Somalia
'Were you jealous?' asked Ziva, sitting down on the sofa.
'Of Rivkin?' asked Tony. Ziva nodded. 'I don't really know. I liked teasing you about him but that was mainly to get a reaction from you.' Ziva chuckled. 'I was concerned though. I didn't want to lose you; as a colleague, as a partner, friend. We had lost Jenny only a year earlier and Kate was still on our minds.'
Ziva shifted slightly. It was still awkward to talk about Kate.
'I was so conflicted' said Ziva. 'I had spent three years in the US, away from Mossad. To go back, I had a reverse culture shock. It took a while to get used to it. Michael helped.'
Tony nodded but felt his stomach contract slightly. He didn't like it when Ziva called him Michael.
'When I came back to NCIS, my relationship with Michael was like this rope that was keeping me tethered to Israel and Mossad. I think I preferred NCIS to Mossad but I wanted to be in the US and Israel at the same time. Michael was a way to do that. He gave me a reason to visit Israel.'
'Did you need a reason?' asked Tony.
'Honestly, no. I just wanted to see my home, but I liked saying that I was visiting my boyfriend.'
'Not Eli?' Ziva sighed.
'Every time I saw him, he just asked when I was returning. I would avoid answering because I did not have an answer. I wanted to stay at NCIS.'
Tony took the plunge.
'What did you think when you found us in your apartment?'
Ziva took a minute to think.
'I do not really remember. Once I realised that Michael was injured, my attention was focused on him. I did not want him to die. I was scared of what would happen, what my father would think.'
'I never intended…'
'I know, Tony. I know now and I knew then, deep down. I guess it was the shock of seeing what happened, Michael bleeding on my apartment floor and then to have my apartment blown up… I did not make my mind up to stay in Israel until we were standing on the tarmac. I had almost every intention on getting that plane and coming back to DC with you. Wish I had done now.'
Tears were in Ziva's eyes. Tony sniffed and nodded.
'It was tough, that summer. Nothing compared to what you went through, though' he added quickly. Ziva gave him a small smile. 'When you went back after Vance split us up, we emailed. The second time around, there was nothing. But things were left so awkward, I didn't know what to write or say.'
Ziva was quiet.
'I had given up all hope' she said eventually. 'At first, I counted the days or attempted. I scratched a line on the wall in the cell they kept me in. But then they started moving me around, keeping a bag over my head and I lost track of day and night. Eventually, though, I just stopped hoping that someone would come and rescue me.' Tony sniffed again. 'I tried once. Early on. I managed to make a shiv and sneak out somehow. They caught me though.'
Tony reached for Ziva's hand and pulled her towards him, engulfing her in a hug. She cried silently, remembering what they did to her because of her escape attempt.
'When I saw you I was convinced it was my mind playing tricks on me, or they had drugged me to make me hallucinate. I do not think I actually believed it was all happening until I saw Abby.' Tony laughed. 'You, and Tim, and Gibbs, I expected to see. But Abby. Everything she did afterward, all the food and the hugs, even when she was mad at me.'
'Tali says that Abby's hugs are magic' said Tony. Ziva laughed.
'She might be right.'
Sad
'Not being with Tali makes me sad.' Ziva sat down on the sofa. 'What about you?'
'Yeah, that makes me sad too. Terrifies me as well.'
'Snap' added Ziva.
'After Tim and Abby told me that the farmhouse had been blown up, Dad and I were in my apartment. I don't think I have ever cried like that, not even when Mom died. When Tali came along, and I suddenly had to direct all my attention to her, I didn't have time to grieve for you. I've never wanted to turn into my dad, and this was my chance to make sure history didn't repeat itself.'
'You resigned from NCIS' said Ziva. Tony nodded.
'Dad was visiting and was playing with Tali. We had been in Paris only a few months. I was watching from the doorway and just had this sudden realisation about the old man.'
'What was it?'
'That he was never trying to replace Mom with all my stepmothers. He was attempting to recreate what we had with her. At that moment I knew that if I started dating or whatever, that I needed to make sure that it was about that current relationship, whatever shape it was, and not about what you and I had or didn't have. Dad loved Mom so much that he was lost without her. The idea of becoming like that makes me sad.'
Ziva rubbed a hand on Tony's arm for support. His relationship with Senior had vastly improved since the unexpected arrival of Tali. Tony admitted early on that he leaned a lot on Senior in the early days, asking him and Jimmy the autopsy gremlin, for advice on almost everything and anything. Anything they couldn't answer, Google came a-calling.
Paris
'You remember the first time we were here?' aske Tony.
'In Paris?' confirmed Ziva. Tony nodded. 'Of course I remember it. I think about it often.'
'Really?' said Tony, with a smirk. Ziva rolled her eyes in despair.
'Yes, Tony. I do think about our first time together frequently.'
Tony chuckled.
'What do you think about?'
Ziva sighed.
'I remember the way you held me. The way you talked to me, reassuring me the entire time. I remember you being careful like you thought I would break. You were loving and gentle, yet passionate. You treated me like a woman.'
'You are a woman. A beautiful woman. You always have been.'
'I know.'
'Do you?' asked Tony. Ziva looked at him with a confused look on her face. 'In the eight years we worked together, you rarely dressed up. Practicality always won out with you.'
'You try fighting three men bigger than you in a skirt' retorted Ziva. Tony laughed.
'Granted, our former line of work doesn't really… have scope for…' Tony was struggling to find the words.
'It does not give you much of a choice when it comes to clothing. Especially for a woman. Pants are more practical than skirts' said Ziva.
'Yeah, but even now, ten months after you came home, your wardrobe is still relatively bare. You borrowed clothes from Clara for your interview and our dates.'
'I am used to not having a lot, I suppose.'
'I guess so. It makes sense, years on the run, no regular income or opportunities to go shopping.'
'So you think I should go shopping?' asked Ziva, her eyebrow raised. Tony smiled.
'No, I don't unless you want to of course. I just want you to see what I see.'
'And what do you see when you look at me, Tony?' asked Ziva.
Tony paused. He reached up and brushed his knuckles across her cheek.
'The most beautiful woman in the world' he replied, voice heavy with emotion. 'I do not need you to start wearing revealing outfits or cover your face with makeup. That is not my Ziva.'
'But?'
'Embrace being a woman, I guess.' Ziva laughed at Tony's vagueness. 'Stop seeing it as a weakness. Know that it is a strength.'
'Hashtag Girl power?' suggested Ziva. Tony laughed. 'Paris was the first time I felt like a human, let alone a woman. You did that Tony. You still do that. I want to be the woman you see.'
Tony leaned forward and their lips met in a kiss. They broke apart and Ziva rested her head in Tony's shoulder.
'Fancy taking this to the bedroom' he suggested coyly. Ziva laughed as Tony led the way to their bedroom.
Happy
'Tali laughing' said Tony and Ziva together. They paused, before bursting into laughter themselves.
'It's the best sound in the world, her laugh' said Tony.
'Yes, it is' agreed Ziva.
'I love your laugh too.'
'Why?'
'I don't know. For some reason, it reminds me that we are equals.' Ziva raised an eyebrow. Tony raised his hands in surrender. 'I know, weird.'
Ziva laughed, making Tony smile.
Berlin
'Do you remember when we were in the woods by Gibbs' cabin?' asked Tony. Ziva turned to look at him.
'When he was under investigation?' asked Ziva. Tony nodded. 'What about it?'
'Just popped into my head the other day.'
'I remember it being tense between us' said Ziva.
'Well, after Bodnar and Berlin, things were… unsaid.'
'Unfinished' added Ziva quietly. Tony nodded.
'I was mad at you' he said eventually.
'For hunting Bodnar or asking Tim to help me?'
'Both. I understand wanting to catch the man who killed your father but when your father is Eli David… that didn't understand.'
Ziva paused.
'He was still my father' she said. 'He knew Tali and Ima and the old Ari. There were few who did, who still do.' Ziva's mind wandered to the box of photos she had that once belonged to her aunt. 'You said you were mad at me for asking Tim to help.' Tony nodded.
'I was the one who found in the synagogue, not Tim. I asked you what you wanted, not Tim.'
'Tim's computer skills are better than yours. I needed those skills.'
'I understand that Zi, I do. But you cut me out entirely. I had to track you down. I was worried about you.'
'I am sorry about that Tony. I was trying to protect you.'
'I can't help but think that if I had helped from the beginning, things might have ended differently' said Tony.
'Like what?'
'What if Bodnar was arrested instead of you killing him? Would that have changed the outcome?'
Ziva was silent for a while.
'I do not know' she said finally. 'When I think back to who I was then, I was like when Tali died. I wanted to hunt and kill the entirety of Hamas single handily for what they did to my little sister. When Eli died, only a small part of me was like that, but he was still my father, my family.'
Tony reached over and interlocked his fingers with Ziva's.
'In the car home, why did you take my hand?' asked Ziva. Tony smiled, remembering the intimate moment between them.
'You were being honest and open about your feelings. I wanted to encourage you I guess. You held up one of the diamonds against your finger and I got this image in my head, that we weren't coming back from an undercover mission, but that we were two people in love coming back from vacation.' Ziva smiled at the idea. 'If we hadn't been in the crash, there is a very good chance I would have told you how I felt.'
'I think I would have screwed that over.' Tony looked confused.
'Screwed up, Zi. You and your isms.' Ziva chuckled. 'Why would you have screwed it up?'
'Adam' said Ziva, very quietly.
'Zi, we've moved on from that.'
'I know.' She sniffed. 'When I realised I had slept with Adam, I regretted it instantly. I did not want to be with Adam, but with you. I was worried that if I told you would hate me.'
'I could never hate you Zi.'
'I know, Tony, but you were hurt. I could see it in your eyes.'
They looked at each other, Tony's words hovering between them
At Lo Levad
'I felt alone Tony, even if I was not. Adam was another connection to my past, before NCIS. We had known each other for so long. I did not know…' Ziva tailed off. She had no idea that her old friend had been in love with her all these years. She had talked about how it made her feel in therapy with Dr. Leroux.
'I had my suspicions he was' said Tony. 'In love with you.'
'How?'
'The way he looked at you when we were in Berlin. I thought he was going to be serious competition for me.' Ziva chuckled sadly, shaking her head.
'No, Tony. You have my heart. You always have.'
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.
This chapter is set over several days or weeks and set in their Paris apartment. I stripped it back, getting rid of almost all the descriptions, just focusing on Tony and Ziva's dialogue. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and hoped you enjoyed reading it.
The next chapter will feature Senior.
See you soon :)
