James:
He shouldn't be this nervous. They'd been with each other constantly for nearly two months while Lily was running away. They'd basically been alone the whole time Marlene had been recovering since she took up ninety percent of Sirius' attention during those days.
These nerves were pathetic, his palms shouldn't be sweating. He was the King of Godric's Hollow for Merlin's sake!
But James still felt like his lungs couldn't take air while he walked with Lily to his study.
"I'm going to do some checks," Elias turned to look at him. "And you'll need to keep the window closed and the curtains drawn."
"Of course," James tried to put some confidence in his voice.
"Marlene and I will know if anything is wrong but if you can give us any advance warning do it. My blood is old and I'll react better if it isn't burning right at the outset."
"I'm sure we'll be fine," James sighed. At least he knew where Sirius got his overbearing instincts from.
"They will be fine, Elias," Marlene smiled. "We'll be right outside the door."
Elias grunted.
James wished he wasn't so nervous; this would be pretty funny if he could concentrate on anything other than how his stomach seemed to be trying to run away and join the circus.
Elias opened the door to James' study and pulled his wand.
"Was he this way with your parents?" Lily whispered.
Her amused tone made James smile.
"Worse. He remodeled the guardian chambers adjacent to their room so that he could be closer to my father after my parents were married."
Lily held in her laughter with a hand over her mouth. "How did Ruth take that?"
"I'm told she called him a tired old windbag and then helped him finish the remodel in time for my parents' wedding night."
Lily smirked as she bit her lip but said nothing more. James did notice her glance at Marlene, and his mind was pulled back to the night they were all reunited. Maybe he needed to make time for a conversation with his brother, along with the time he was setting aside for Lily.
"Alright," Elias came back out of James' study. "If you must."
James nodded and forced himself to smile. "Thank you, Elias." He turned to Lily. "Shall we?"
Lily smiled like the morning sun and some of James' nerves calmed at the sight of it.
They walked in the room and with the click of the door latch they were alone.
James refused to stand awkwardly at the door and pushed himself to guide Lily to the chair at his desk opposite his own.
"Would you like to pen the letter? I'm happy to write it if you'd rather surprise your sister all the more."
There, work; he could talk about work and still sound human.
Lily blinked and her smile dimmed a small fraction.
What was wrong with him? He'd managed to talk her ear off for hours on the road. How had that slipped through his fingers so quickly?
Lack of practice, a small in his head voice annoyingly volunteered.
Well, he'd promised her honesty. He might as well be blunt.
"I'm nervous." The words tasted metallic on his tongue.
"To write the letter?" Lily furrowed her brow.
James swallowed. "No, to try and figure out how to be us again."
Lily's face softened and she reached for him, intertwining her fingers with his.
"Me too."
Hearing those words seemed to calm the nerves trying to do his stomach in and James breathed out in relief.
He squeezed her hands in his. "It feels like forever since we actually talked. I never want to put Marlene through all that again, but I want to go back to those days we spent camped in the trees in Ottery letting her recover."
Lily's smile brightened and she stepped into him. "Remember the story you told me about Willamina, she was with the dressmakers and I forgot to mention the next morning, but she went on and on about you hiding in all the fabric and jumping out to yell 'ghost' at anyone who passed. Marlene and I laughed so hard she had to stop telling us about it so they all could get on to our dresses."
James laughed with her, and with how close Lily was to him, and the sound of her laughter, his nerves had no room to exist in that space with him.
"This is what's been missing," he pulled her into his arms, loving that he was holding her as she laughed, no tears in sight. "This is what we needed. Thank you for pulling my head out of the sand."
"I've missed you, James."
She smiled up at him and James thought he might die from the desire to kiss her.
"I've missed you, so, so much."
It would be easy. She was staring up at him, her chest rising and falling against his own, her green eyes mesmerizing and hypnotic, her lips parted just slightly. He could do it here, he could show her now, and he'd bet half the treasury she wanted it, wanted that kiss.
But James wanted her. And he wasn't positive she'd chosen him - yet.
So he compromised and took advantage of his height to press his lips to her hairline. The electricity coursed through him and James was briefly taken by the thought of what would happen if he went to kiss her properly. Kissing her hand had been one thing, kissing her cheek with everyone around them was another, but he was walking the wire kissing her so close to her perfect mouth without another being in sight.
Lily snuggled into his chest and James let her calm his rapid heartbeat.
"We should probably write that letter." She murmured into his shirt.
James hummed his agreement but made no attempt to move them in that direction.
"James?"
"We're doing this every day." He kissed her hairline again, letting his lips linger and trail down to her cheek. "I'll let a war start in order to have this time with you every day."
Lily's laugh was an airy sound and James found that he was not only happy, but his mind was calm for the first time in months.
"Alright," Lily took half a step back from him. "If we're doing this every day, we ought to write that letter so we can really enjoy ourselves. Petunia sucks the fun out of everything."
James chuckled, "Funny, you're the exact opposite."
She smirked up at him, "Flattery might just get you everywhere, James."
"As long as it gets me to you."
Lily stepped back from him as she laughed and James knew he wasn't going to make it much longer. Making this time alone with Lily a daily occurrence meant it was only a matter of time before he'd give in and kiss her, whether she'd chosen him yet or not.
