Chapter 91.

Walking through a field with waist-high grass, Cas stopped and looked back at the house. "Look," he said, "You can see your window from here."

"Our window." said Jules.

He smiled. "Our window. It's a good room, with a great view. I think you'll be happy here."

"That'll depend on how often you're around." she said.

"I come here whenever I can, to see Sarah, to make sure she's okay. She was there for me in some of the hardest parts of my life, when I couldn't talk to Dean and Sam, I could talk to her. She looked kindly on my mistakes."

"I can see why you love her so much." said Jules.

He looked into her eyes, wondering why she loved him when he gave her so little reason. "I'm sorry that this isn't perfect." he said, "I'm sorry that I can't give you the time and attention you deserve."

"You're an angel engaged in cosmic warfare. I'm glad I have any of your time and attention." she said.

"I promise, I'll be here as much as I can. I know I seem cold ... I mean, I am cold. My capacity for ... for these feelings is an anomaly, a glitch. I was never intended to feel any of this and sometimes, I feel it wrong."

"No you don't, Cas." she said, "You feel it right. You feel it perfectly. But sometimes the feeling confuses you. Emotions aren't a test you have to pass or fail."

"Everything is a test." he said.

"That's angel thinking." she said.

"I remain an angel," he said, "Whatever else I may become."

"I know, but you've grown so far beyond the basic angel mindset and you need to understand that this adventure in human emotion is not a test or a trial. It's something beautiful and pure and real. Love is our best reason and our last hope. It's what makes humans human and what makes you so much more than an angel."

"Being with me is hard work, with little reward." he said, wishing he could make it otherwise.

"All relationships are hard." she said, "Why do you think all those sad songs got written?"

"When I tried to end this ... "

"I know. You were doing it for me." she said, "It's sweet that you want to protect me, but I don't want to be protected like that. More than once, I made mistakes, trying to make things work with men who didn't or couldn't love and respect me, men who wouldn't try to protect me, because I didn't matter that much to them."

"You matter to me." said Cas.

"Yes, and that's why I want to be with you and why I hate it when you try to back off out of concern for me. I love you, Castiel and I'll fight anyone who tries to separate us, including you."

"We can't even have sex." he said, "Because of the damn mind curse."

"We can and we will." she said, "And when we get the chance, you'll be staring at the ceiling for days."

"Why?" he said.

She laughed. "I love you, my sweet, confused angel."

He looked at the house again. "If you and maybe some of your team come here long term, she can have chickens and maybe cows or goats. She needs more creatures to care for, more to hold her here."

"She has you and Jack and the Winchesters."

"Yes, but we may all die in the fight with Michael. If things go badly, I want her to have reasons to stay here. Heaven would not suit her."

"If things go badly, he'll do to this world what he did to mine and nothing will survive."

"No, we will take Michael out, whatever the cost. I just mean if some or all of us die doing it." he said.

"Am I the only one who believes all four of you can survive?"

"I think Sarah believes that too." he said, "And that's the best part of my plan. If something happens to me ... if none of us makes it home, you'll have Sarah and Sarah will have you."

"I hate this, Cas." said Jules, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"The farm?" he said.

"No, this fatalistic despair. I've seen people give into it before and it makes them lose the fight before a shot's fired. This will sound weird, coming from someone whose world was destroyed over years of losing battles, but there's always hope. There's always a chance, as long as you keep breathing. Good things do happen, Castiel."

"Do they?" he said. He looked into her eyes, wishing he could pretend to believe her, wishing he had enough faith in anything to go on hoping.

"Repeat after me, 'When Michael is dead, we'll all celebrate together.'"

"When Michael is dead, if any of us are still alive, we'll celebrate together." he said.

"I thought angels were good at following instructions."

"Yeah, I've never been that great at it." he said.

"You're not going to die, Cas. I won't let you. Neither will Dean or Sam."

"If either of them dies for me ... "

"They're not dying either." she said, "Our side will win. Three Winchesters, a nephilim, Bobby Singer and the only angel who ever managed an original thought? What does Michael have against all that? Michael is the one who should be in despair, only Michael is too dumb to know it."

She sounded certain. She'd seen her own world crumble and die and she still believed that Team Free Will and their friends could save his. He drew her towards him and kissed her. then summoned up all the tangled threads of his frayed faith and said, "When Michael is dead, we'll all celebrate together."

"That's better." she said.

"Yes, it is." he said, "How do you feel about road trips and karaoke?"

She smiled. "The horrors of war are nothing compared to hearing me sing."

"I can't sing either. Maybe we should do a duet."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I love it." she said.