"I must say, I am thus far unimpressed with your progress" H.P. Lenin sipped some of the wine that was kept in the massive wine cellar under the Orange House, "You've been at this for just under four years and the former President is still at large. If this was your plan to use my powers, then you truly are more foolish than you appear."
"WRONG! Fake News. Your puny god brain is too old and slow to keep up with the four-D chess that I have been playing. And I sure know my way around a chess board. It's True! Just ask Ben Garrison, he's my artist. Everyone will tell you, I'm the best at chess. I can see every move ten years before you think of it. You'll be thinking, I'll move my bishop. WRONG. I foresaw it, and I dismantled the church three years before you even thought to make that move. Now there's no Bishops. SAD!"
"Frightening" Lenin sighed, downing another glass of wine, "Well at least your wine cellars is as infinite as I am unfathomable. Truly the only mortal pleasure worthy of grace."
"Ok, here's the thing. My plan. Beautiful. Best plan I've ever had, and I have had many many plans I tell you. But. My next move. It is unstoppable. And soon, I will ascend to God Emperor. My experiment, it is almost read. It's true! And while Obama was off in la la liberal land, I have been testing things. Big things. Huge Things! Bigger than my wall, and that grows ten feet every time you mention it. You can look that up, not fake news that's for sure! I'm a smart man. Top scientists have told me this, and they are very smart people let me tell you. They come up to me and say 'you have the biggest, most beautiful brain we have ever seen'. Everyone says this. And my brain has told me that Obama has wasted too much time. Thanks to me! I made him do that. By misdirection. Very sneaky. Underhanded tricks, but I did them MUCH better than Crooked Hillary. Now he's too late. My ascension will already be complete. In fact, they already tested it. Just a little! No one can out-god me! But now I know it will work. Of course it will! It's made by very smart people, very loyal."
"Your plan is to ascend to the status of a god?" Lenin smirked but he had Wine Mouth, "There are many paths to power and yet godhood is the most dangerous of all. If this doesn't completely destroy you, then I will be most impressed."
"Of course it won't, I'm too awesome."
The Donald left the stool he was previously standing upon. Nude, he walked over to Ben Garrison, who was painting his likeness.
"Yes, I like what I see. This shall be my body when I ascend. And all the people will be like 'wow you're so perfect' and I will say 'you're right and I love you. In fact, they should give you an award for being so right. They can call it the 'you're the most right award''."
HP Printer filled his wine cup again, aggressively.
Putin arrived, shirtlessly.
"The lab is prepared for your ascension"
"Then let's not waste any time. After all, time is money. And I've heard this said all the time. By very, very wise people. People like Goldman Sachs. And they tell me 'Time is money'. CNN won't tell you this. BoO! They will tell you lies. All lies. Very sad!"
The Donald descended to the laboratory. On either side of a long bench were the tubes containing Ralph the Movie, and Ralph the Maker.
"The power of both provenience and moirai itself will percolate within you" Lenin mused.
"Look, you use a lot of big words. Say a lot of spiritual things. Well here is one of the biggest words I know; Connecticut."
A Scientist ties The Donald to the board and connects him to the tubes of the twin gods.
"This will hurt like a bitch." Putin warned.
Putin nods as two scientists turn on the machine, causing light to emanate radiantly throughout the room, so much that even Putin, who is immensely cool and stoic needed to put on sunglasses, but not to accentuate a pun but because his eyes would die instantly. Lenin was dead and being possessed by an elder god so he was fine tho.
After about a minute the metaphorical dust began to settle.
"This one is even weaker than his predecessor" Lenin quipped.
"Did he not survive?" Putin asked.
"In an instant, the twin god's dominated his mind. His own free will unable to compete with theirs."
"It's over then" Putin looked away from the body of his former comrade. If Putin could show emotion he might be right now.
"I would not say it is over, things have gotten far more interesting. Of course, this was your plan all along Mayor." One of the scientists took off his mask revealing a surprise villian who has not appeared yet.
"Honestly even if I said the tests were not successful, he would not have believed ego only kept getting in the way. A true waste to see an entire country's resources dedicated to raw frivrality rather than calculated Malice." The scientist runs a knife along the former president's hands, "If you have the money to play the game, why would you waste SO" CHOP "MUCH" CHOP "TIME" CHOP "building a monument to your ego." He picked up a finger and flicked it across the room.
"Who is this man?!" Putin demanded answers.
"I am Bloomburg, and from now on I own this country"
