sorry for a short chapter, and such a long time since updates last year. I am doing my best to make it more consistent. Thank you to all who continue to follow this story :)
Chapter 12
Another two weeks had passed and Astrid was starting to panic. She basically never looked at her phone anymore, couldn't bare to see all the worried texts from Hiccup. The reminders from Heather to eat while she was at school. Wouldn't dare to check if Connor had texted her.
Everything was starting to catch up to her and she could feel herself beginning to spiral. Midterms were coming up in less than three weeks, and she had barely made it to her lectures over the past month. It was too unbearable to sit in her usual seat next to Hiccup and pretend like she was able to listen to the professor when all she could think about was how she was still hurting everyone around her in her failure to own up to her mistakes.
She was feeling awful every day.
And she knew that it was guilt eating at her. That the only way through it was to be honest with everyone. But she choked up every time she thought about what she'd done to Connor. She knew he deserved the truth but she felt so undeniably guilty about his absolutely valid claim that she had wanted Hiccup the whole time they had been an item. It was a double edged blade to feel so guilty about Connor that she didn't feel good enough for Hiccup anymore.
She'd briefly talked to him about just needing more time, but if she was being honest with herself, she didn't know if she would ever find herself worthy of his love, and she missed him more and more every day. Felt his absence like a weight in her chest just like she had every time he had gotten too shy to talk to her in their youth. Except this time, it was Astrid's fault for pushing him away.
If they'd just taken it slow like Hiccup had wanted, maybe she wouldn't be in this mess.
Then there was the added stress she felt from potentially failing her looming exams, and everytime she thought about that it just made her brain foggy.
At least she had actually been eating somewhat again. Her hunger had returned with a force like no other yesterday. And Astrid had eaten so much in one sitting she'd puked. Exasperated, she made a mental note to add eating slowly to her growing list of things to do.
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Hiccup could not stop staring at Astrid when she walked in to class that day. She always had a slight panicked look in her eyes lately. But it had probably been almost two full weeks since he had seen her last and his chest ached as he tried to drink in her presence before she sat down.
He knew from the slump in her shoulders and the curve in her normally perfect posture that everything she was trying to work out on her own was beginning to really weigh her down. He was glad that she was at least eating again, which he'd heard from Heather. Knew that was at least one step in the right direction. He tried to smile weakly at her as she sat down, did his best to convey that he could wait and give her the time and space she needed to heal, and then faced forward as the professor walked in and got started. He knew as well that at least one of the things causing the panic in her eyes was probably their upcoming tests, so he did his best to focus in case she needed his help to study.
When class was dismissed he could feel the desperation in her as she huffed and closed her books. She was not prepared and clearly frustrated. And while Hiccup had told himself he was going to give her whatever space she wanted and wait until she came to him, he couldn't help his desire to help her in any way he could. Knowing Astrid's pride was her biggest downfall, he steeled his nerves and offered softly, "Hey, I know you still want some time and space, but why don't I come over to help you catch up on the course? I promise to only talk school and I'll leave as soon as you're too tired or need a break." He held up one hand and placed the other on his chest to show his sincerity. She had barely glanced at him while he spoke, still putting her books in her bag. He could see the slight reluctance in her downcast eyes, but knew when she glanced up that she was ready to accept some of the help she clearly needed.
"Okay," she said. "Let's go to my place."
