Hello everyone and thanks so much for your reviews! I can't believe I've already gotten over 400 from all of you. You guys are the best. Please enjoy this next chapter!
Chapter 12
Breakfast the next morning was a subdued affair. Harry did nothing more than poke his scrambled eggs with his fork, resulting in an unappetising mess. Snape didn't reprimand him for his lack of manners but kept glancing his way, a look in his eyes that Harry could not quite place.
Petunia had appeared particularly smug that morning, serving Harry and Snape their breakfast with a flourish, clearly happy to have the two wizards out of her house. Vernon simply ignored the two men, sipping his coffee while doing his best not to look at Snape again. It was a real surprise for Harry when he was spoken to at all.
"So, Harry," Dudley said in-between bites. "I hope you'll have a good year."
A loud clatter resounded when Petunia dropped her fork on her plate as she stared at her son with wide eyes. Harry stopped poking through the mess that was supposed to be his breakfast to look at Dudley. The whale of a boy was watching him with something akin to nervousness in his expression. A dab of yellow egg was stuck to the corner of his mouth and he seemed to be attempting a tentative smile.
"I'm sure I will," Harry replied, not ready to voice his concerns. Sure, he was ready for Hogwarts and more than eager to return to that familiar world of magic in which his friends would be waiting for him. But he also knew that with Voldemort back, this year was bound to be even worse than the last ones. The damage Voldemort had managed to cause when he was nothing but a phantom of himself had already been tremendous. And as soon as he had returned to flesh, he had killed Cedric. Whatever he was planning this year, it would not be good. And Harry dared not hope that Voldemort would come to his senses and decide that it was somewhat silly to be going after a specific teenage boy.
Petunia was whispering something quite vigorously in Dudley's ear but the boy didn't seem receptive at all. Instead, he glared at this mother when she was done, offering her no other response. Harry couldn't help but feel a bit better. Despite everything, Dudley seemed to have come around somewhat.
Maybe I should turn Aunt Petunia into a tree as well. Uncle Vernon is a lost cause, though.
"I will make sure that he stays out of trouble," Snape told Dudley while cutting the crust off his bread. "If not, he will have to serve detention with me." He glared at Harry but there wasn't much bite behind it.
"Good luck with that," Harry muttered, referring to Voldemort's expected interference but Snape seemed to interpret it differently.
"Don't start with me, Potter," he said. "If I must, I will confiscate that blasted cloak of yours."
Wonderful. Cut my chances against that snake in half, why don't you?
"I'll do my best not to get murdered, sir," Harry replied snarkily.
"M-murdered?" Stammered Dudley.
"Don't think for one moment that that will get you out of handing in your homework," Snape retorted casually.
Harry chuckled. "I didn't expect so."
Wait. Did Snape joke around with me, just now?
"Eat something, Potter," Snape then urged. "You won't be on the train so you won't be able to fill up on sweets."
"What?" Harry asked. "Why not?"
"Have you forgotten about the Dark Lord?" Snape asked, raising one sardonic eyebrow. "More than ever, travelling is dangerous for you."
"What about all the other students?" Harry asked, his temper rising.
"They will be relatively safe," Snape replied calmly. "I informed the Dark Lord that you will not be taking the train because you are already at Hogwarts. Now, should you end up taking the train anyway, word might get to him and you can imagine how that would end for me."
Harry slouched in his seat. "Badly," he said. "But you could have said something. I haven't been able to warn Ron and Hermione."
"And that's how it should be," Snape pointed out. "It's better if everyone believes your 'early return' to Hogwarts to be coincidental. And that includes your friends."
"You have an answer for everything, don't you?" Harry murmured.
"The result of thinking things through beforehand, unlike a certain Gryffindor I know."
There! That sounded like banter as well.
Dudley still seemed rather stunned at the mention of possible murder while Vernon and Petunia did their best to ignore the two wizards. Harry, in turn, ignored their occasional glances his way.
"Then how will we be travelling, sir?" Harry asked, pushing his plate aside. Snape raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything more about his lack of appetite.
"We will be apparating," Snape said before draining a glass of orange juice. "The floo network might be monitored. Especially now."
"We used the floo just fine last time," Harry pointed out.
Snape sighed. "Honestly, Potter," he said. "Use that brain of yours for once and think. We used the floo last time out of necessity. Surely you remember the state you were in."
Harry glanced at his uncle who seemed to be deciding between hiding underneath the table and bristling with anger. For the first time during Snape's stay, he seemed to choose the more Gryffindor approach and stared Snape right in the face, his own red and bloated.
"Now see here," he told Snape, careful not to come too close, though. "You know as well as we do that this brat is nothing but trouble. You've said so yourself!"
"Vernon," Petunia warned.
"Are you saying, Dursley, that your treatment of the boy was warranted?" Snape asked silkily.
Vernon seemed to falter for a moment. He glanced at Petunia but the slight shake of her head didn't stop him. Instead, her fear-filled expression seemed to egg him on even more.
"I should say so," Vernon then replied. Harry almost groaned in the face of his uncle's stupidity but managed to stop himself. "He's a menace that has a severe lack of discipline. If we don't punish him appropriately, he will end up as even more of a delinquent than he already is."
"Is that so?" Snape purred. His voice almost sounded pleasant but Harry recognised the dangerous tone behind it. It was the same one he used in class when someone was about to get into a heap of trouble. Usually Neville or Harry himself. "And this appropriate punishment of yours includes beating your nephew within an inch of his life, does it?"
Vernon's moustache twitched comically as he seemed to think that over.
"He didn't mean to do that," Petunia replied in his stead. "He hadn't meant to go that far. He never has before! The boy just made him so angry."
"Ah," Snape said easily. "That makes it understandable, I suppose?"
Oh God, why are they so stupid?
"Maybe we should just go, sir," Harry urged, not in the mood to see this turn into a bloodbath.
"Just a moment, Mr Potter, I'm rather intrigued by your uncle's pedagogic expertise," Snape answered easily. Harry did not like the smirk on his face. "So tell me, Dursley, would you agree with me using on your dear son the same kind of punishment you subjected your nephew to?"
Dudley squeaked and tried to get up but Snape was faster. One flick of his wand had Dudley affixed to his chair and the chair to the ground.
"Dad, stop it!" Dudley yelled.
"Professor," Harry urged again, a bit more desperately this time. "Please leave it. You're not supposed to –" A firm glare shut Harry up quite effectively.
"If Dudley ever behaved like the hooligan that freak is, then yes. I just might," Vernon spat.
"And how would you classify attempted murder?" Snape asked, fiddling with his wand.
"Enough!" Petunia screeched. "Snape, you can threaten us all you want but I swear. If you so much as lay a finger on us, the boy will not be allowed back here. Ever!"
Snape got up so fast that his chair clattered to the ground. "You dare!" Snape exclaimed. Despite her bravado, Petunia did shrink back some.
"Sir," Harry tried again, not knowing how to finish that sentence.
Snape's gaze swept across the room. He looked at the Dursleys, taking in the quivering mess he had reduced Dudley to and ended up staring at Harry with those piercing eyes.
Don't look at me! I wasn't the one who provoked them like Malfoy did Buckbeak.
"I don't know what happened here while I was gone," Snape growled. "But something did."
"We didn't touch him," Petunia said haughtily. "Not a hair on his head, as you said."
"Mr Potter," Snape hissed. "Care to inform me why you've been in such a sullen mood this morning? I would hate to leave this place without repaying your relatives for their… wonderful care."
Yeah, like I would definitely like to rehash that conversation in front of my aunt.
Harry glanced at Petunia who stood there with pursed lips and crossed arms before looking Snape resolutely in the eye.
"Nothing happened that's worth mentioning," he said. "Now, can we please just go? I've had it with this place."
"A sentiment we share," Snape replied. "As you wish. Go ahead and get your things."
"Yes sir," Harry said.
Don't maim them while I'm gone.
Harry hurried up the stairs, grabbed his pre-packed trunk and owl cage and hurried back downstairs. It had taken him only a minute tops but when he returned to the kitchen, he saw the Dursleys cowering away from Snape, their faces blanched and barely daring to breathe. Snape looked entirely too smug.
"Ready?" he asked when Harry had come back up, not even bothering to look at him.
No, I came back down because I needed you to help me pack my boxers.
"Yes, sir," Harry replied rather than voicing his sardonic thoughts. The sooner they got out of there, the better. Harry met Dudley's eye one last time and smiled very lightly. Dudley swallowed and returned the sentiment equally half-heartedly. He didn't look at his aunt and uncle anymore, though. If he did, he might just start screaming at them himself.
Snape might even let me.
Together, they walked outside. Harry was lugging his heavy trunk behind him as he followed Snape into an abandoned alley. After making sure that no muggles were near, Snape extended his arm.
"Grab hold, Potter," he said, frustration still evident in his voice. "And don't let go of either me or your trunk."
Harry really didn't want to touch Snape in any way. But he knew that he had to. He half expected the man's body temperature to mimic that of a snake or salamander, cold-blooded as he was. But he was warm, just like any other human being would be.
And then he experienced the feeling of being pushed through a much too tight tube. The world around him collapsed and he did his best to hold on tight to Snape's arm. Much tighter, in fact, then he had been at first.
And then they arrived at the gates of Hogwarts. Harry stumbled a bit when they landed but managed to keep himself upright. His stomach was churning awfully and he was suddenly very happy that he hadn't eaten that morning.
While the sun had been shining back in Surrey, Hogwarts was surrounded by the typically dreary Scotland weather. The sky was grey and even though it wasn't raining, Harry knew that would only be a matter of time.
"Come," Snape ordered. He flicked his wand once and Harry was aware of his trunk becoming much lighter. "We have no time to waste."
You're the one who insisted on picking a fight with my relatives, you great big git.
Harry followed close behind Snape, needing to jog somewhat to keep up with the Potions Master's long, urgent strides.
"What happened after I… left, Potter?" Snape asked.
Harry snorted. "Why were you summoned, sir?" he asked in exactly the same tone as Snape had used.
Snape shot Harry a withering glare. "I cannot and will not divulge that information to you," he replied icily.
"Nothing happened," Harry then replied.
I won't tell if you won't.
Suddenly Snape stopped so brusquely that Harry collided with his back, stumbling backwards to regain his footing. Without turning around, Snape spoke again. "Potter," he said. "I am not your enemy."
Could have fooled me.
Now he turned around. "Something happened while I was gone. Something that clearly has you out of sorts."
"It was nothing I'm not used to," Harry said in a low voice. But that wasn't exactly true, was it? While the Dursleys had been decidedly cruel in the past, Petunia cutting with words while Vernon simply cut him, no one had ever made him admit to and apologise for the deaths he had caused. Petunia had never before voiced so clearly why it was that she hated him.
And how could he not understand her? He killed her sister. He hurt her son. He knew now that he would never be able to earn her love, no matter how hard he tried. Because there was simply no way to get back those he lost. Those she lost.
"Potter!"
Harry snapped out of his reveries at the sound of Snape's harsh voice. The man sighed and Harry wondered about that. It wasn't in the man's character to show any outward sign of an emotion besides anger and sadistic joy. And right now, he seemed more exasperated than anything.
"You weren't listening to a word I said, were you?" he asked.
"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I'm just tired."
"You would be after being up so late, wouldn't you?" Snape pointed out rather icily.
"I couldn't sleep," Harry replied. He was tired of this conversation and where it was headed so he moved past Snape and started walking forward. It wasn't as if he would be unable to find the great big castle. But Snape was quick to catch up and was walking next to him within seconds.
"And so we touch upon this subject once more," Snape said as they walked.
Leave me alone.
"Why couldn't you sleep?"
"Hogwarts jitters," Harry deadpanned.
"Hogwarts jitters had you staying up until the dead of night, sitting in the dark while staring at what I can only assume was a photo book?" Snape asked.
"Leave me alone!" Harry shouted. "What's it to you what I do at night? It doesn't matter, all right? Nothing happened! They didn't hurt me while you were gone. Did you want me to undress so you can check me for injuries?! Or will you finally take my word for it?"
They had stopped walking. And Snape was standing there, infuriatingly calm, with his arms crossed as he patiently waited for Harry to finish his rant. Harry's arms were flailing in desperate attempts to accentuate his screamed words.
"It's not like you even care so don't, even for one second, pretend that you do! All you care about is the cause! That's all anyone ever cares about!"
Harry was breathing harshly. He pressed both palms of his fists to his forehead, clenching his eyes shut. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to talk to Snape about any of this. He just wanted to pretend that everything was alright.
A sigh that wasn't his. The clinking of potion vials. The feeling of a warm hand on his wrist.
Harry lowered his arms and opened his eyes only to stare at a potion.
"Drink this," Snape told him.
Harry frowned suspiciously. "What is it?" he asked, his voice still trembling with suppressed rage.
Snape scoffed. "I had hoped that you would recognise a calming draught by now, Potter," he said but there was no bite to his words. "If you need help remembering the effects of said draught, it's in the name. It will calm you down."
Git.
But Harry took the blue potion, sniffed it and finally downed it in one big gulp. It calmed him down immediately, effectively pushing the anger back down.
Snape accepted the empty potion vial and placed it back into his inner robe. Harry vaguely wondered just how many potions the man had on him. He probably carried ingredients around as well. Maybe that's why he vaguely smelled of herbs and spices. Harry was especially able to make out the cinnamon and cloves. It was a nice smell, really. Not as chemical as Petunia's perfume and not as overbearing as Vernon's cologne.
The first raindrops fell from the sky, one of them splattering on Harry's nose. But neither Snape nor Harry made a move.
"Now," Snape then spoke, capturing Harry's gaze fiercely. "While I imagine that I am the last person you wish to discuss this with, I know for a fact that you were hurt last night."
Harry scoffed and looked away.
"Hurt is more than just the physical," Snape said. "And though you've had your fair share of the physical version, I've noticed some of the other kind seep out every now and then."
Harry cringed. Stop talking. The rain began to pour a bit more heavily.
"You seemed rather used to being called a freak. A waste of space. I don't believe I've ever heard them address you with your name."
Keen observation skills, Snape. Now drop it.
"But whatever they said to you last night; you were not, as you say, used to."
"Even the Dursleys can be original from time to time," Harry replied easily. He looked at Snape again, trying to ignore the raindrops that splattered against his glasses, blurring his vision.
"They are vermin," Snape then said resolutely.
They're all I have.
"You would do well not to dwell on what they said."
"Sticks and stones," Harry murmured.
"A rather ridiculous proverb even when not taking into account that words in the wizarding world can equate to spells that most definitely can harm you," Snape replied. Harry noticed that the man was getting soaked. "But even in the muggle world, I know the kind of damage words can cause."
From the flicker of pain that flashed in Harry's eyes, no matter how brief it was, Harry knew that the man wasn't lying. He did know.
There was a very long moment of silence that stretched between the two wizards as they gauged each other. This time, Harry was the first to speak again.
"I'm sorry, sir," Harry said. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."
"No," Snape agreed. "You shouldn't have. But seeing how the term hasn't officially started yet, I can't take points or assign detention."
Harry blinked. Snape wasn't even going to punish him for his outburst? "Sir?"
"Come along now, Potter," Snape said. "I am not enjoying this weather we're having very much and I imagine that you don't want to end up sick on your first night back."
They started walking again, Harry feeling a bit more relaxed than he had before and Snape slowing down his stride somewhat so Harry could follow him more easily.
"You probably have some pepper-up in those deep pockets of yours, don't you?" Harry chuckled.
Snape raised one eyebrow and Harry imagined that for a moment, he smiled. With all that rain it was hard to tell, though.
"Indeed I do," Snape replied.
"Why do you carry so many potions with you?" Harry asked curiously.
Snape snorted. "It astounds me that you believe to be able to distract me from your current state of mind with such a Gryffindorish attempt at diversion," he drawled.
"I thought we were done," Harry mumbled.
"You thought wrong," Snape said resolutely. "You have not yet informed me of what exactly transpired in your home."
Harry looked at Snape strangely. "You don't honestly believe that I'll be telling you, do you?" Harry asked him. "What with your temper, you're likely to blow up Surrey!"
They now ascended the stairs leading up to the large door. Snape pushed it open, then turned to look at Harry. "That's a rather odd observation on your part, Potter," he said evenly. "What makes you think I care enough to do so. Even if I indeed had the power to blow up an entire county, which I most certainly do not, mind you."
Harry walked past Snape, ducking underneath his outstretched arm with which he still held the door open. "Aunt Petunia certainly seemed to get under your skin," Harry said as he watched a small pool of water and mud start to form where he stood.
Filch is going to have my head for this.
"She most certainly did not," Snape denied rather harshly.
"I know, I know," Harry said, holding his hands up in mock defence. "Don't ask."
Snape sighed. "Follow me," he said, beckoning Harry with one long index finger as he turned and walked into the Great Hall. It would be several more hours before the train arrived in Hogsmeade so now they found the place completely empty. Harry obeyed and followed Snape as he swept over to the staff table, his robes no longer billowing behind him because of the rainwater they had absorbed.
When Snape sat down in his usual seat, Harry stopped and frowned at him. "Sir?"
"Don't be difficult, Potter," Snape said. "Have a seat."
Harry glanced towards the Gryffindor table over his shoulder when Snape sighed and forcefully pulled a chair from underneath the staff table. One that was two seats to his right.
Getting his intention but still not trusting it very much, Harry sat down very carefully in the seat Snape had offered. When the chair didn't jump back or grab hold of him somehow, Harry relaxed. Snape took out his wand but before Harry was able to grab his own, he had already flicked it. A warm breeze engulfed Harry for a moment and when it disappeared, Harry was dry. Snape did the same to himself before leaning back. He snapped his fingers and a house-elf appeared.
"How may Binky assist Professor Snape, sir?" the elf asked.
"Tea and sandwiches, I think," Snape said resolutely. The elf bowed and disappeared. Only a moment later did the ordered food items arrive.
Harry watched in amazement how Snape shoved one of the cups in Harry's direction, filled his own and then handed Harry the pot.
When Harry accepted it but didn't pour the tea, Snape sneered. "I assure you that the elves are not able to poison any food they send up," he said. He added cream but no sugar and stirred the beverage with a spoon. Harry carefully filled his own cup and reached for the sugar.
"Eat," Snape ordered
"We just had breakfast," Harry objected.
"No, I just had breakfast," Snape corrected icily. "You merely played with your food, youR fork not once making contact with your mouth."
Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm just not hungry, all right?" he said.
"As you wish, Mr Potter," Snape drawled. "They'll be here when you change your mind. Now, why were you still up when I got home last night?"
"Maybe I was worried about you," Harry replied sweetly.
Snape snorted into his tea. "Very amusing," he said. "But it'll take more than that to break through the metaphorical shield charm. Now, the truth, please."
"I couldn't sleep," Harry then replied.
"Clearly," Snape said, his voice a bit tighter than before. "And why couldn't you sleep?" His voice then took on a deeper tone that Harry really didn't like. "Nightmares?"
"No no no," Harry protested vehemently. Snape already knew he had nightmares but the last thing he wanted to do was discuss those as well. "I hadn't even fallen asleep yet. I was looking at some photographs and lost track of time."
"In the dark?" Snape pointed out. "It's no wonder your eyesight is so bad, Potter."
"I'm pretty sure it's been bad my entire life," Harry retorted. "It's probably genetic."
Snape narrowed his eyes at him for a mere second before averting his gaze to stare at his tea. "We're getting nowhere speaking like this," Snape then said. "And I imagine that much of that has to do with our difficult relationship."
Ding ding ding. One hundred points to Slytherin.
"Be that as it may, you are clearly distressed. Might you consider speaking with the headmaster?"
Harry laughed bitterly. "The man who won't listen to me even when there's evidence of what the Dursleys did?" he spat. "No, thanks."
"Hagrid, perhaps?" Snape offered.
Harry shook his head. "That would mean explaining things I don't want him to know."
Snape growled in frustration. "Who, then?"
"I don't need to talk to anyone, sir," Harry said. "I don't know why you think I do but I don't. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't go and talk to people in my stead, either."
Snape refilled his and Harry's cup before pushing the plate of food just a few inches closer to Harry.
"Fine," Snape said. "I'll be frank with you, then. You. Are. Not. Fine."
Harry opened his mouth to object but Snape raised his hand to stop him. "Your relatives hurt you and they did so in more than one way. They beat you within an inch of your life, they talked you into believing you're a freak and they locked you in a cupboard for Merlin's sake – yes, Potter, I didn't forget that little fact you let slip before. I can see you retreating within yourself and quite frankly, that probably has a lot to do with that dream you had of the Dark Lord a few weeks ago. If you don't deal with this, you will only get worse."
"I've been dealing with things alone my entire life," Harry said somewhat angrily. That calming draught from before seemed to be wearing off.
"Have you?" Snape asked, that infernal eyebrow raised in question. "Because what I see is someone who is plagued with nightmares, guilt and low self-esteem."
Harry snorted. "What happened to the Harry Potter who is spoiled and arrogant?"
Snape carefully regarded him for a moment before replying, "I've been wondering the same thing."
He rose from his seat with a tired huff and retrieved another potion from within his robe, setting it in front of Harry.
"Eat," he said again, this time less coldly. "And drink the pepper-up. I won't have you be sick in your first Potions class. Oh, and Potter? Think about what I've said."
He didn't wait for a reply. He turned on his heel and swept out of the Great Hall, his robes billowing behind him.
Harry stared at his retreating back and waited for the door to close before picking up one of the sandwiches. After staring at it for a ridiculously long time, he took a bite.
It tasted delicious.
A/N: Unfortunately I've fallen a bit behind on my writing since I've been catching up on Boruto (I love it so much!). So don't shoot me but the next update is planned for Friday rather than Tuesday. Please don't neglect to leave me a review!
Guest reply: One of my guest reviewers asked for some writing tips. I'm afraid that I don't have anything clear cut to tell you. I am not someone who follows a lot of the rules and expectations one would have for good writing. (For example, I do end some sentences with prepositions.) and I still don't think I get all my punctuation right. When you check out my earliest work on this site (do so witth caution) you will see that I didn't start out as the writer I am today. The only advice I can give you is to read a lot. And I mean a whole lot! And start writing! Even when you expect it's not good. Practice - as they say - makes perfect. Yes, you will make mistakes but that's all part of the process. Work on the things you think you're bad at (I started out TPA thinking my dialogue skills were subpar) and don't be afraid to try out new things (Harry's internal monologue has been really gratifying to write). Just don't give up and keep going. It takes work and dedication but when one is as excited about a fandom as I am, that dedication is easy to come by. I hope that somewhat answers your question.
See you guys on Friday!
