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Always and Forever
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Disclaimer: Harry Potter, and all the characters associated there with belong to JK Rowling, and Scholastic. Also, any similarities to any other work is unintentional. I make no profit from this story. I wrote it, just for fun.
AN: As always, a very special thank you to, Dementor149, for his tireless efforts in helping me with this story.
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Chapter 39
A Slip of the Tongue
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Neville had just finished eating dinner alone. Ever since last Saturday night, things had gone from bad to worse. Both Harry and Hermione were never around anymore and now Seamus seemed to be keeping his distance. None of the girls in his house ever really talked to him much, except Hermione, but that was before. Ron and Dean also pretty much ignored him but he was fine with that. So, now he sat alone. 'Bugger this,' he finally thought as he got up. He had decided to have dessert with Luna at her table. "Hi," he said with just a bit of lingering irritation as he slipped in next to her.
Luna turned and quirked a brow for a second then smiled, "Hi, I was hoping you'd come over," ignoring his temporary attitude.
"I thought you were a seer of sorts," teased Neville, feeling better already.
Catching on, she replied, "Well, of course I am, but that doesn't mean I'm always looking."
Neville grabbed her hand and squeezed it and then half laughingly said, "Well, I guess that would take all the fun out of it, wouldn't it?"
Luna just smiled, she was glad that Neville liked her just the way she was. He was always honest with her and didn't mind her being honest with him, even if she was brutally honest sometimes. "Look, there's something I have to tell you," she said a little more seriously than normal. "Hermione will not be coming to the D.A. meetings anymore."
"What, why not?" he asked a little surprised.
"Well, she feels it would be too awkward, at least for now."
Neville was beginning to hate the whole situation concerning Harry and Hermione more and more. Hermione was pulling further away from everyone and Harry was getting colder towards everyone. Now the D.A. was losing one of its best minds.
"And she wanted you to help Seamus, tell Harry," Luna continued.
"Merlin, are you joking!"
"No, I'm not," Luna said seriously, "she said it needs to be Seamus, but she's afraid he'll lose his nerve and not show. So… she wants you to go with him and back him up, to make sure he doesn't."
"Great… will you come with us when we tell him?"
"No, not for this." Seeing the look of panic and disbelief on his face, Luna added, "It'll be all right, Neville, you'll see."
~oOoOo~
Katie and Su Li were studying together in the library when Padma came walking in. Looking around, she quickly spotted her older friends and headed over. "Working on Runes too I see," Padma said, as she flopped down next to them.
"Yeah, and we're having a bit of a hard time with them, how about you?" Katie asked with a hopeful look.
"Don't look at me, you guys are a year ahead. I was hoping one of you could help me."
Su sighed, "Boy, I never thought I'd say this but I wish Hermione was here."
Padma nodded in agreement, "Yeah, she's never around anymore."
"Speaking of never being around, has anyone else noticed that Ginny also seems to disappear a lot?" Katie asked.
~oOoOo~
Dean had almost beaten Ron at chess for the first time, so he was in a rather good mood when he smirked, "What's the matter Ron, afraid someone might take your crown away?"
"I'm not concerned," Ron answered simply, "not going to happen, not today, not tomorrow."
"Whoa, careful mate, confidence is one thing, cocky is another." Dean studied him for a moment. Was he confident or was he just scared, he really couldn't tell. Deciding to change the subject, he asked, "So, now that you're no longer with Romilda, are you thinking of getting back together with Lavender?"
"No, I don't think that will ever happen. I'm pretty sure she hates me now."
Dean quirked a brow, "And Romilda now too I suppose."
Ron looked pensive for a moment, then said casually, "No, I think she was alright with it."
"What about you?"
"Oh, I'm fine."
"Yeah? You don't sound fine."
Ron seemed a bit sheepish as he answered, "No really, it's good… we were just getting a little tired of each other, that's all."
Dean eyed Ron for a minute, "I see," then with a smirk added, "already got your eye on someone else then I reckon."
Ron smiled, "Maybe," then added smugly, "look mate, maybe you should just concentrate on your O.W.L.s. and stop worrying about my love life"
"Well, you're one to talk. I'll have you know, I'll do just fine on my O.W.L.s, thank you very much."
~oOoOo~
Exams were still a couple of months away, so most students were not worried about them yet. Only the fifth and seventh-years who had O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s had anything to really worry about. There were a few students, mostly Ravenclaws who were starting to study a little harder. Harry and Hermione had been working hard since the start of term and even harder during the last few weeks. For both of them, their day started out well before dawn and lasted late into the night leaving them only a few hours for sleep. Although neither slept very much these days; Hermione couldn't concentrate very well during the day and then couldn't relax at night to sleep. Harry was only a little better off, his problem was his nightmares, they were getting worse. When they were not in class or doing classwork, they were either studying extra material or were working out physically. They had managed to rearrange their schedules so they saw very little of each other, except for the D.A. and that was about to change.
It was Thursday night when Harry finally called for the next D.A. meeting and pretty much the whole D.A. showed up. One person however, was noticeably missing, Hermione. Harry went ahead and reluctantly called the meeting to order without her. He couldn't help but notice that most in the group looked distracted, while Seamus looked positively green. Harry had to give him credit, he didn't think he'd show.
'Guess I'll have to talk to him,' Harry thought. Although, what he really wanted to do was use him for target practice.
Seamus had thought about quitting the D.A. He hated the idea, but after last week, he really couldn't see any good coming from continuing. However, once again, Hermione had convinced him to do something he really hadn't wanted to do by talking him out of it. Just coming tonight would have been bad enough but Hermione had also insisted he be the one to tell Harry she wasn't coming anymore. She had said, that if he still wanted to be friends with Harry then it had to be him but she didn't explain why.
Once the group had settled down, Harry paired them up and grouped them by what they needed the most work on. Then, while they were practicing he went around helping wherever he saw a need.
Nearly two hours later, Harry called for a stop, "Okay everyone, you're looking great and I really mean that," Harry said encouragingly, "so, I want you to practice what you can and we will try and meet again next week. See you then." Harry noticed Neville hanging back by the exit but it was the other person who had yet to leave that had his full attention. Seamus looked scared. He also looked conflicted, like he wasn't sure what to do or how to go about it. Harry figured he wanted to talk, or maybe needed too, but was probably nervous or something.
Seamus was pacing back and forth trying to figure out exactly what to say. Suddenly a thought brought him back to his senses, except for Neville, he was alone in the Room of Requirement, alone with Harry. He looked up and saw Harry slowly walking over with a serious look in his eyes that was anything but friendly. 'Crap, this was a stupid idea,' Seamus thought and started to turn to walk away.
Harry saw the sudden panic in Seamus's eyes and really didn't blame him. When he thought about him and his Hermione… together. He could feel the anger and the hate start to rise up within him like a coiled snake ready to strike. He wanted to hurt the boy who had taken… his Hermione from him. However, the mere thought of her and what she would think, caused that line of thought to die as quickly as it had started. He realized, that as unfair as it all seemed, he had no right. A wave of guilt and shame washed over him when he thought of what Hermione would have said if he had actually hurt him. Somehow, he would have to find a way to let it go… at least for now.
"Seamus, wait… you look like you want something," Harry said, while just barely leaving out, 'Like my girlfriend.'
Seamus froze thinking, 'Well, at least Neville here, he'll be able to get me to the infirmary if need be.' Turning back around and looking Harry in the eye the best he could, he cautiously began. "Hey, Harry, I um, well that is… I have, um"
Seeing Seamus, the one guy in Gryffindor who was always so happy and carefree acting so terrified caused Harry to ease up a little. Then, it occurred to him, that it might have been Hermione's idea that he come here tonight anyway. The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed, knowing the two of them as he did. 'Hell, she probably had to talk him into it…' His last thought brought him up short, 'But why would she want to do that?' He wondered. He'd have to think about that some more later, right now, he had a friend who needed to know he wasn't going to kill him… yet.
"Seamus, it's okay, just tell to me."
From a distance, Neville raised a brow, 'That didn't sound too threating,' he thought.
Seamus stared at Harry for a moment trying to judge him. He was having a hard time figuring out just where to start. "Harry, well you know, you, me, and ah…"
"Hermione?" Harry added for him tersely.
Seamus slowly walked up to Harry, for some reason no longer quite so afraid. Again, he stared into his eyes, he wasn't sure what all he saw there, but he was damn sure he didn't see any intent to hurt him. "It's about Hermione, she wanted me to give you a message…"
"She's not coming to the meetings anymore, is she?" Harry asked, looking plainly sad.
In a low quiet voice Seamus answered, "No, Harry, I'm afraid not."
"Did she say why?"
"She only said it would be too awkward."
Harry looked down deep in thought. After a few seconds, he raised his head and with a sad, half-smile said, "Yeah, I guess I can see that."
"And, Harry, if you'd rather I not come either, I'd…"
"No, the D.A. needs you, I'd like you to continue."
Seamus could only nod his head, glad but slightly confused that Harry was even speaking to him. "Harry, I'm sorry… I'm sorry about everything." Seamus instantly regretted saying anything. The look on Harry's face changed. He could see the hurt and pain in Harry's eyes and he knew that at any second he was going to lose it. Seamus was sure that Harry was going to send a hex or two in his direction any second now. Then as quickly as it came, the look was gone. Seamus held his breath as Harry's hard look changed to something more resigned, as if a simple understanding had suddenly come over him. Harry stood silent for a moment as he looked down and fingered the pendent that hung from his neck.
So again, Seamus was completely caught off guard when Harry stuck out his hand in an offer of peace and friendship.
"It's okay, we… we weren't together then, we…" Harry couldn't finish, he was choking on his own words as he stared at Seamus through glassy eyes.
Not knowing what else to do, Seamus reached out and took his hand in his and gave it a firm shake. He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't find the words.
"I don't know what's going on with you and Padma," Harry caught a subtle look of surprise on Seamus's face but ignored it as he continued, "but if you're going to be with Hermione in some way…" Harry had noticed on a few occasions, Seamus and Padma sitting together and looking at the other with what appeared to be more than a simple casual interest. This only made it that much harder to understand what he was doing with Hermione, 'Or maybe what she was doing with him,' he thought. Harry was beginning to wonder more and more, just who's idea all this really was.
Seamus raised his hands, "Harry, I…"
Harry anger flared up a split second, "Stop!" Then after a long shuddering breath, he whispered, "Just don't hurt her." Turning quickly, Harry grabbed his things and hurried away, leaving a shocked Seamus and a surprised Neville behind.
A moment later, Seamus snapped out of his stupor and walked over to Neville, "I can't believe what just happened."
Neville shook his head, "Got to admit, I didn't see that coming either. Thought for sure I'd have to try and pull Harry off of you before… well, you know."
Seamus nodded, "Yeah… I know." Then with another nod, said, "Thanks for staying."
As they started the long walk back towards the Gryffindor tower. Neville kept replaying the talk Seamus had just had with Harry; never in a million years would he have thought Harry would act that way. That he would still want to be friends with Seamus. He had been so sure that Harry would get angry and at the very least yell at him. Then it occurred to him. "She knew!" Neville wondered out loud, Hermione knew Harry wouldn't get mad and hurt him. As Neville continued on, he wondered if there was any other couple that knew each other as well as Harry and Hermione did.
~oOoOo~
It was the second D.A. meeting that Hermione had skipped. Since she wasn't going to the meetings anymore she pretty much had the common room to herself whenever the group met from now on. She had been sitting in her favorite spot studying and really hadn't been paying any attention to who was coming or going. She was just tuning everything out, 'getting pretty good at that,' she thought. She hadn't realized how late it was and that the meeting was long over, and so didn't notice Seamus approach until he was almost on top of her. Suddenly out of the corner of her eye she saw him, and looking up she could tell he was upset. She was pretty sure Harry wouldn't have said or done anything mean; this time or last, so she hoped maybe it was something else.
"Merlin, Seamus, what's wrong you look upset," she said quickly.
"Yeah? Well, that's because I am," he blurted out.
Hermione leaned back a little warily.
Neville, who had been sitting by the fire got up and walked over and joined them but stayed quiet. He had a fair idea of what the conversation might be about and wanted to be ready to help if necessary.
"Look, I don't know what's going on with you and Harry," Seamus started, still quite agitated. "You said you needed to do this… whatever, this is," he continued while raising his hands up in frustration. "You asked me to do that… sleeping with you thing… which I did and yet you still won't tell me why you used me like that."
Hermione's eyes went wide, 'He didn't just say that.' she quickly looked around to see if anybody had heard. It appeared as though no one had, that is until her eyes connected with Ginny's. She was staring daggers at her. Hermione looked away and bowed her head and whispered, "Oh my God." Since Harry hadn't told anyone, she had hope that by some miracle it would all stay a secret. How was she going to explain this?
Seamus saw Hermione's panicked look and realized he had just let the Kneazle out of the bag. "Oh, shite!" He said suddenly, realizing what he just said and how it would have sounded to anyone listening. Sitting down across from Hermione he pleaded, "Hermione, I'm sorry, oh Merlin I so sorry… I was just so mad… I'm sorry." Now, Seamus felt bad for Hermione, whereas a moment ago it was Harry.
Hermione could tell Seamus was very confused and upset. "Look, don't worry about that now, I know you didn't mean to say that out loud," but Hermione was still wondering why he was upset. "So, calm down, Seamus, and talk to me. What happened at the D.A. meeting tonight?"
"Nothing!"
"Well, then what happened at the last meeting, the one where you talked to Harry?"
"Nothing… nothing happened. That's just it," Seamus said.
Hermione glanced up at Neville for a second looking for some form of explanation but got nothing but shrug. Turning her attention back to Seamus, she asked, "I don't understand, you were mad at me a while ago… because nothing happened?"
"Yeah, I know, it's…" Seamus answered slowly. He was trying to figure out how to explain his thoughts.
Hermione watched patiently as Seamus tried to calm down, he was still fidgeting a little with his hands but she knew he would tell her what was wrong as soon as he collected his thoughts.
"I guess the thing is," he started hesitantly, "I like both of you. You have both been really good friends." Seamus looked at Hermione with a tired smile. He was still confused and maybe still a little mad, but he wasn't quite sure why or at whom. "I want to help you and I still believe everything you said before." He paused and took a breath. "But when I see what it's doing to Harry, I… I just don't know."
Hermione knew exactly what he meant. Her eyes were tearing up slightly as Hermione fought to keep her composure when she said, "He didn't get mad, did he? He said he understood… didn't he?"
Seamus sat there and just stared at her, and then finally said, "Yeah, that's right he didn't… how…"
Hermione cut him off, "Like I said before; because it's not in his nature, that's not how Harry would act."
"No, I mean how is it, you know him so well?"
This caught her off guard, Seamus was no longer mad, now he was just curious. Hermione thought for a minute, then looked at him and said softly with a smile, "I don't know exactly, but I think it's because I understand him. I understand his feelings and his needs." The last part seemed to remind her of what was going on and as she said it, her smile faded away.
"Why are you really doing all this, Hermione?" Seamus asked seriously, "and don't give us any of the shite you told Harry."
Hermione's smile vanished, "What do mean?" She asked, pretending not to understand.
"I mean," Seamus started, "I know you don't want to do this; you told us as much before. Plus, you made us swear not to talk to Harry about any of this." Seamus paused and raised a brow, "So, that means you have to do this, or someone is forcing you but you won't tell us why for some reason.
Hermione sighed, "Okay look, like I said, yes I have to do this and no I most certainly don't want to… and no, nobody is forcing me to do anything." Hermione looked down for a moment, "There's just so very much at stake… I don't really have a choice," she finished in a near whisper before returning her gaze to Seamus. At his skeptical look, she added tersely, "Do you think I want to hurt Harry? It's… it's killing me."
"So then WHY!"
"I can't tell you!" Hermione nearly yelled as her voice loss all its warmth from before. With a cold look, devoid of any emotion, she continued more quietly, "One slip, one overheard comment… and evil wins." Hermione squared her shoulders and sat up, "I've probably already told you too much," looking both boys in the eye, she said sternly, "I hope you both remember your solemn promise not to say anything to anyone about this."
Neville knew right then that she was hurting as much as Harry was and that whatever was happening, it wasn't her choice. Neville was mad again, but this time he was mad at the world for all its injustice; Voldemort, his parents, Harry's parents, and now Harry and Hermione's relationship. "Damn I hate this," Neville said, getting worked up. "It's so damn unfair," he practically yelled, then realizing someone could be trying to listen, he lowered his voice and continued, "we're just kids, we shouldn't have to, to… and you… you should be with Harry. Merlin, Hermione, you guys are made for each other. I just don't understand and it's so… frustrating, you know." Neville finished his whispered rant with a long sigh and looked down.
Hermione was impressed, they were good friends and not just to her, but to Harry as well. Maybe it had been a bad idea using him and Seamus for this. "Believe me, I know what you mean." Hermione saw Neville in a new light, gone was the scared, unsure little boy. Here in front of her was the new Neville, more confident and brave in his own way. He was definitely a good friend and Merlin knew she needed a friend. She reached up and took his hands in hers, "Neville, I… look first I want to thank you," and after a nod to Seamus, "both of you, for all you have done. I know it wasn't easy. Second, it's over, I won't ask either of you to do anymore."
Neville looked down at Hermione and could see she was telling the truth. "Thanks, Hermione, but still, if you need anything…"
Hermione nodded gently as she wiped away a lone tear.
Seamus stood to leave, "Yeah," he said with a nod, "I may not like it but I still want to help too."
Hermione quickly asked, "Can we still be friends?"
Seamus chuckled and pointed his thumb at Neville, "Of course, you think we'd let a good one get away?"
Neville was still looking down at her as he thought she never looked as fragile as she did right at this moment. 'I wish I knew what this was all about, maybe then I could really help.' Snapping out of his gloomy thoughts, he said, "He's right Hermione, I feel the same way and I know Luna does too," and with a soft touch to her shoulder added, "we all want to help, both of you."
Hermione watched them climb the stairs to the boy's dorm feeling a little better. Then suddenly remembering, she looked around in a panic, "Oh no, where's Ginny?" She asked herself. Obviously, at some point during her conversation with Seamus and Neville, Ginny had decided to leave. Hermione sighed, there'd be hell to pay later.
~oOoOo~
Hermione sat at the breakfast table barely eating, she still hadn't been able to talk with Ginny about what she had overheard a couple of days ago. Hermione was sure that Ginny would have at least told the other girls in Gryffindor and that by now the whole school would surely know, but everyone was still acting fairly normal. 'Maybe she didn't really hear what I thought she'd heard,' she thought. But then again that look, and now Ginny was avoiding her. 'Well, I guess she'll come to me when she's ready.'
She also had a letter in her pocket that needed to get mailed. It was to her mum. Hermione was afraid she might hear something from one of the other witches in her group about what was going on. She had written that there were some nasty rumors floating around and not to believe everything she might hear. Hermione asked her mum not to worry and promised to explain everything when she got home.
~oOoOo~
"You're worried about her, aren't you?" Luna had been watching her boyfriend as he, in turn, watched Hermione.
"Well, yeah a little, I feel responsible, you know for giving away her secret. I should have known Seamus would say something." Neville turned back to Luna, "You're not jealous or upset are you?"
Luna gave him one of her famous dreamy smiles and said, "No, of course not, she's one of my friends too you know."
Neville gently took one of her hands and gave it a little squeeze, "Thanks," then still looking at her, he added, "they have done so much to help other people and when she needed our help, all we could do was make it worse."
Using her other hand she turned his face so they were looking straight at each other. Then in a soft and even voice that only Luna could produce said, "Neville, you and Seamus have already helped her and you two were the only ones who could have. It was just a matter of time before others found out."
Neville looked down, "Still, I feel terrible."
Luna squeezed his hand, "I know." After a quick glance towards Seamus, she added, "He does too." At her boyfriends raised brow, she offered, "His smile is not the same anymore. It's not real."
"Do you think it will ever get better?" he asked.
"Oh yes, but I'm afraid it may get worse before that happens." She answered knowingly.
~oOoOo~
As she ate, Ginny sat and studied Hermione trying to make sense of her actions. To say Ginny was confused would have been the understatement of the year; Hermione had slept with Seamus, she was sure of it. She could tell by the looks on their faces when they had realized she had overheard them. Not to mention, it fit with the way they acted around each other. Then there's the fact that Hermione couldn't look Harry in the eyes anymore and was avoiding him. And Seamus seemed to be terrified of Harry, at least at first, but now they were talking again, 'That's weird,' she thought. Then it was also quite obvious that Seamus and Padma liked each other, at least a little. On more than one occasion she had seen them sitting together and smiling at each other. Were they a threesome? She really didn't think so, Hermione didn't seem the type. Then thinking of her own situation, she sighed and shook her head… confusing didn't even begin to cover it.
Then there's Harry she thought, he was never around, he'd go off in the morning to Merlin knows where and wouldn't be seen again until bedtime. If Hermione was the one who cheated on him, why was he the one hiding? And why wasn't he mad, why hadn't he told anyone? 'He hasn't told a soul, not even my brother.' Then it occurred to her, that she herself hadn't told anyone. She had known for three days now and she hadn't said anything to anyone.
This was the juiciest piece of gossip she had ever had. Hermione, the bookworm, the Muggle-born girl that everyone thought would be the last to do anything like this. The brightest witch of her age, had gone and done the stupidest thing of the year. 'So why haven't I told anyone yet?' she asked herself, a little voice in her head answered, 'because she's your friend.' It was true, she was. Hermione was almost like a big sister to her and had helped her whenever she had needed it. But most importantly, Hermione had accepted her as an equal and had never looked down on her because she had red hair. Because she was a Weasley.
'But she hurt Harry,' how could she do that to him? Ginny would have given anything to have the relationship with Harry that Hermione had. Yet Hermione had thrown it all away. Ginny loved them both but Hermione was wrong. She'd made up her mind, she would stand by Harry. 'This weekend,' she thought, 'I'll get some answers.' In the meantime, she'd remind their mutual friends that it wasn't Harry's fault and even though she didn't want to spread rumors about Hermione, if they asked, she'd tell them why.
~oOoOo~
Ron was still sitting at breakfast even though he was done eating. His Saturday morning had started out normal enough, but it hadn't stayed that way for long. His little sister had just left with several of her friends after giving him some of the most unbelievable news he'd ever heard. He still couldn't believe it, Hermione and Seamus, what did she see in him? 'I wonder if that was her first time. No probably not, more likely she just got tired of shagging Harry.' Ron's line of one-track though continued in the same direction, 'Guess I've been wasting my time with those other birds. Yeah… if she's willing to shag Seamus, I bet…'
Dean interrupted his crude thoughts when he came in and sat down, "Oi mate, you finally eat too much?"
"What, what are you on about?" Ron snapped.
Dean raised a brow, "You don't look well, mate."
Ron looked around before turning back to him, "Well, when I tell you what's happened, you're not going to bloody well believe me."
Dean raised an eyebrow and just stared at Ron for a few seconds before asking, "So, what the bloody hell happened?"
~oOoOo~
Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati, along with Padma, and Katie had left the Great Hall together in search of Hermione. They knew she would probably go to the library to study, maybe have a bagel or some toast while she read. After a brief search with negative results, they sat down at a table to try and figure out where she might be.
"I don't get it, she's always in here," complained Padma. She had only just started having feelings for Seamus and although he didn't know that, she was pretty sure Hermione did. Padma wanted to know why. Why had Hermione gone and ruined her relationship with Seamus before it had even started?
"Well, she's not here now," Ginny noted, then went on, "she might be working on something special."
They were discussing different possibilities as to where she could be when Lavender suddenly looked up, "You know, we have that potions project, maybe she's down there." That seemed as good a choice as any for their next place to search, so the five of them set off again.
Hermione was slowly walking back from the dungeons looking down at her notes. As she rounded a corner she walked straight into the path of a hurrying Ginny. Hermione never saw her coming and suddenly found herself flying backward. Ginny had been practically running, so she had much more momentum as she plowed into the very person she had been looking for. Hermione landed on her backside with a hard thump. Seeing stars, she sat there and tried to clear her head, while her books and notes lay scattered all over the floor around her.
Ginny was also slightly dazed, "Bloody hell, Hermione!"
The other girls had stopped and now stood in a circle around Hermione. Lavender ended up standing directly behind her and when she looked down, Lavender noticed Hermione's wand sticking half-way out of her wand holster. While Hermione and Ginny traded glares, Lavender bent down and quickly snatched it. Hermione felt her wand being taken, and immediately turned and tried to grab it back but she wasn't fast enough.
"What are you doing, Lavender, give me my wand," Hermione said as she started to get up.
Ginny had knelt down in front of Hermione so as to be face to face with her. When Hermione turned and tried to stand, Ginny took a handful of her hair and pulled her back around. "You're not going anywhere you, you… tart… not until we get some answers!" She stared into her eyes trying to see what Harry saw. Ginny tried to see why he trusted her so much. Why he loved her. But all Ginny could see was a stupid girl who had thrown it all away. A girl who had hurt Harry.
Lavender laughed as all her old dislikes for Hermione came rushing back, "That's right. You're not going anywhere until we're through with you."
Hermione winced in pain as she was spun around and forced backed down. On instinct, she reached up and grabbed Ginny's wrist at the pressure point and was about to twist it to force Ginny to release her. It was a simple enough move, but it would cause Ginny a fair amount of pain. So, at the last second, Hermione stopped and released Ginny, she didn't want to hurt her. For now, Hermione would keep her karate training to herself. After being turned back to Ginny, one look told her she was mad. No, not mad, furious. "Ginny, you don't understand…" Hermione started.
"How could you!" Katie shouted, cutting her off, "after what happened to me. After all the things you said."
"Katie, it's not like that," Hermione tried.
"SHUT UP… You slept with Seamus…Did you mean any of those things you said!" Katie said emotionally, looking very betrayed. After all the nice things Hermione had said to her, she couldn't help but now wonder if they had all been nothing more than a pack of lies. Cormac had lied to her and now so had Hermione.
Lavender was tapping Hermione's wand on the side of her leg and smiling down at her. After that long heartfelt talk Hermione had given her not that long ago, all Lavender could think of was that Hermione had taken her for a fool as well, and Lavender was tired of having her feelings played with. She couldn't wait for the talking to stop so she could hex the bookworm but good.
Padma knelt down in front of Hermione, next to Ginny. With tears in her eyes, she asked, "Why'd you do it, Hermione…? Why Seamus? "Padma wiped angrily at her eyes as they turned cold. "You knew I was starting to fancy him and you took him… why?"
Hermione closed her eyes as she realized she had hurt yet another person. "I'm sorry…" she whispered.
Parvati was the only one not saying anything. She just stood there staring at Hermione, wondering how it all could have come to this. Remembering a promise she had made to Harry last year and why, she held her tongue. This time she would wait until she knew more, and knew for sure before she said anything.
Ginny wasn't so understanding, she wanted answers, "So why did you do it, Hermione, wasn't Harry good enough for you, wasn't being the smartest witch enough…? Merlin, what more do you want?" When Hermione failed to say anything, Ginny lost her temper, "Answer me, WHY?" Ginny finally yelled.
Hermione lowered her head, there was nothing she could say. And even if she could, they wouldn't understand. "I can't tell you," she said in a small voice.
Harry had been working on the very same potion assignment as Hermione. He had been working in an un-used classroom nearby waiting for Hermione to leave the potions lab so he could use it. It was from there, that he heard the confrontation with the other girls. Like them, he wanted to be mad at Hermione, and of course, he also wanted the same answers. But just like with Seamus, he knew she didn't deserve their anger, nor had any obligation to explain herself.
Hermione had never lied to him about any of this. In fact, she had told him upfront, that this was something she had wanted to do. However, he couldn't for the life of him understand why. Especially when it was so out of character for her. It just didn't add up. As hurt and betrayed as he sometimes felt… he couldn't shake that last thought, 'It didn't add up.' That, and Harry knew he still loved her.
"Oh, you'll tell us all right, or…" Lavender started to say but was suddenly cut off.
"No, she won't."
Everyone's head snapped around at the sound of his voice. There stood Harry with his wand out, looking straight at Lavender, "Give Hermione her wand…" he said in a low threatening voice that almost sounded like a growl, then more strongly commanded, "now!"
Lavender jumped a little but wasted no time in handing Hermione her wand back and then moved over by Ginny. Both girls slowly backed away from Hermione.
Harry slowly walked over to Hermione and without breaking eye contact with the other girls, reached down with his free hand and helped her to her feet. "In case you all have forgotten, we weren't together at that time," Harry said in a cold voice. "She doesn't owe anyone an explanation." Glancing at Hermione for a moment he added, "Not even me." Harry looked at each of the girls in turn, to make sure he had their attention, "So leave her alone."
Hermione was dumfounded, a moment ago she thought she was going to end up in the hospital wing at the very least. She could have fought back but she didn't want to hurt her friends. She really couldn't blame them for thinking the worst and a small part of her actually thought she deserved their anger. Now however, it looked more like they would be the ones getting hurt and judging by the scared looks on their faces, they thought so too.
"Fine," Ginny said, "but you of all people, why, Harry, why are you defending her?"
"That's none of your business either." Harry no longer looked hard or threatening, nor did he look sad. He had an almost neutral expression on his face as he added, "If you really don't know, then you're not nearly as smart as I thought you were."
Finally making her voice heard, a surprised Parvati said, "You still care for her,"
Harry turned and smiled at her, "Yes, I do, five points to Gryffindor." Turning to her sister, Harry said gently, "Padma, I seriously doubt Hermione or Seamus knew of your feelings for him. I refuse to believe either one of them would do that to you. Then looking at the other girls, Harry when on, "Have you all forgotten Hermione is your friend? Forgotten all the times she has put aside her own work to help you with yours. Lavender, even though you make fun of her behind her back, doesn't she still offer to help you with classwork?" Padma, I know she helps you and some others in Runes and you're not even in the same house." Then he looked straight at Ginny he added accusingly, "And you, she treated you like a sister." Total silence, so Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. "Hermione is the most caring and giving person I've ever known. She deserves better from you, from her friends."
Hermione had been standing right behind Harry, almost hiding from the others. After he started in on the other girls, she took a little half step back and stared at him. She could hardly believe he had saved her from her angry friends, let alone all the wonderful praise he had just given her. So taken by his words, she barely noticed when Padma and Parvati came up and handed her the books and things she had dropped earlier.
Hermione startled a little when Padma touched her arm. She turned and looked at her, still slightly shocked by the turn of events.
Padma handed her a couple of books and whispered, "I'm sorry," before quickly running off, a moment later Parvati followed.
Katie, although now confused by her feelings about what Hermione had done, was at the moment more ashamed of her own actions. She gave Hermione a nod and gently touched her hand. The gesture was an unspoken offer, giving her the benefit of the doubt. After a second of staring at each other, Katie turned and followed Patils away.
Lavender just huffed, obviously disappointed with the turn of events. After a last glare, she too left.
Ginny just stood there trying to make sense of it all. "I just don't understand, this is just not right," she finally said, before turning and slowly walking away.
Hermione stared after her for a moment, then turned and looked around. She wanted to thank Harry, thank him for saving her, and thank him for his kind words. She wanted to thank him for still caring enough about her to say something. For being Harry, but he was already gone, he had slipped away at the last moment. Hermione was alone again.
~oOoOo~
Several students had seen and heard the whole altercation and word of what was said spread like wildfire. As Hermione entered the Great Hall for dinner later that evening, there was no doubt left, the whole school now knew her secret. It seemed as if every pair of eyes in the Hall were on her. Hermione wasn't the first girl at Hogwarts to go 'all the way' with a boy, but it was pretty rare for a fifth-year girl. Moreover, if said girl was Hermione Granger, the smartest witch of her age and ex-girlfriend to Harry Potter…well, that was indeed special. As she sat down at the Gryffindor table you'd think she had leprosy or something. Hermione sat alone and ate quietly as silent tears leaked down her face. Although she couldn't make out what they were saying, Hermione knew the words being whispered were anything but kind.
When she had finished her meal, Hermione dried her eyes and gathered her things. She took solace in the fact that she knew who and what she was. If she alone knew the truth, then so be it, she did what had to be done. She would concentrate on school, study for her owls, and try to work out as much as possible. She would stay fit and be ready to fight. Perhaps when things died down she might even rejoin the D.A.
Hermione stood and took a slow look around the hall, ending on her friends. On her face, she wore an expression that said, 'I'm Hermione Granger and I'm not ashamed of what I did, so take your best shot.' The Hall grew quiet except for a rude comment that came from the Slytherin table. No one challenged her, regardless of what they thought. Hermione Granger was not someone that you wanted mad at you. Even the Professors up at the staff table were impressed with the way she carried herself. One even wore a sad but proud smile as she watched her prized student leave the hall. Dumbledore however, had a different look. If anybody had noticed, they would have wondered why he had been so focused on Hermione.
~oOoOo~
Harry had just finished practicing his latest Occlumency lesson with Professor Dumbledore and was feeling a little frustrated. Things were going slower now that he didn't have Hermione to practice with and he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever be able to block the visions Voldemort was sending him every couple of nights. If only he was a little better, 'Yeah, as if that's all it would take to make things right,' Harry thought sarcastically. He would wake in the middle of the night covered in sweat and lie there shaking, trying to put the pieces together so he could try and understand what they meant. The next Hogsmeade visit was tomorrow and the first thing Harry wanted to do, was make a floo call to Gringotts, he had several things to discuss with the Goblins. Then he'd meet with Remus for a long talk and hopefully some answers. He had briefly thought about asking Dumbledore again about Hermione, but he knew he wouldn't get any more answers this time than he did the last. 'Seems Dumbledore is back to his old tricks,' he thought regretfully.
~oOoOo~
The next morning was Sunday and as students got ready for their Hogsmeade visit an angry Professor McGonagall tried to reason with the Headmaster.
"Albus, it's gone too far, you are pushing them too hard."
"Minerva, please calm yourself. Yes, they are both a little stressed, but given time I am confident things will work out."
McGonagall stared back at the unconcerned face of Dumbledore, while hers' showed something altogether different; shock, anger, and a considerable amount of disbelief, "A little stressed, is that what you call it? Have you seen Harry lately…? No, I thought not… he's rarely seen by anyone anymore, he never eats in the hall, never studies in the library, never sits in the common room. Not even Mr. Longbottom has seen him lately. And, on that rare occasion that I have seen Mr. Potter, well to be quite honest, he's changed. He's growing cold and more distant by the day and I fear given time as you call it, he will lose all that is good in him."
Dumbledore sighed and started to reply but she continued, "And Miss Granger, once a bright, outgoing and a strong leader, has shrunk into a shell and hides away. She's wasting away. Do you know what she has had to resort to in order to get Mr. Potter to move on? Do you have any idea what the other students are now saying about her?
"I have heard," Dumbledore said with a slow nod, "and I know it must have been very difficult for her to do as I asked, but…"
"For you…? She's not doing this for you. She's doing it for Mr. Potter because you have convinced her it the only way to save him… and it's destroying her." McGonagall took a step towards Dumbledore and eyed him with contempt, "Is this really what you want?"
"Minerva, we have gone over this before," Professor Dumbledore said, this time with less patience in his voice. "I have given these matters a great deal of thought. I knew… there would have to be sacrifices."
"Sacrifices," she said, her voice low and calculating, "I'm afraid I don't share your confidence on 'these matters', perhaps you need to revisit your thoughts on them." McGonagall turned and started for the door, then stopped and turned back around and said, "Last summer, you asked me to let you know if you were stepping over the line again. Well, I'd say you were so far past it, you can't even see it anymore."
Dumbledore just stared back at her but said nothing. At the same time he was wondering if he'd need to take more drastic action with his deputy. Dumbledore sighed, he hated the idea of using magic on someone like that, but they needed to cooperate. Harry had to survive at any cost… so much depended on it.
By the time McGonagall had reached the bottom of the stairs, she had already made up her mind. Her next stop was a floo call to Augusta, maybe the group could help.
~oOoOo~
"Oi, Harry, wait up."
Harry stopped and turned, he really didn't want to talk to anyone but he felt he owed Ron at least a moment. He hadn't spoken to him in over two weeks, ever since Ron had thought he had cheated on Hermione. As Ron walked up, Harry gave him a curt nod.
"Hey, ah... look, Harry, first I'm sorry about… you know."
"Acting like a git?" Harry said coolly.
"Yeah, that and, well, you and Hermione."
Ron wasn't looking at Harry and he seemed a little nervous. Harry stared at Ron for a moment before deciding he might have meant what he had said. But even if he didn't, Harry really didn't care, it wasn't important to him at the moment. "Look, Ron, just forget it, but next time you think I've done something you don't like at least asked me if it's true before you go and get all mental on me."
Ron relaxed a little, "Sure, Harry, sure. Hey, you going into Hogsmeade?"
"Yeah, I need to talk to Professor Lupin, you?"
"Hoping to meet someone at the three broomsticks… someone I'd like to talk to," Ron answered quickly
"Oh, good or bad?"
"Depends on how it goes, could be good… especially for me."
Harry knew that Ron had broken things off with Romilda and was probably already looking for another girlfriend. Even though Harry didn't really care all that much who he dated, he knew she would soon be hurting once Ron was done with her and he couldn't help but felt bad for whoever she was. That made him realize, 'Ron seems to be going through the girlfriends lately.'
"Look, Ron, I don't know what's up with you and all these girls, but at least try and be nice, you know, think about how they might feel."
Slightly surprised, Ron answered, "Yeah sure, I didn't know you cared all that much about Lavender or Romilda."
"It's not like that… being on the receiving end of a breakup," Harry looked down, "it's harder than you think, that's all."
"Oh, yeah sorry… so you and Hermione, it's really over?"
When Harry looked up, Ron was staring right at him and something in his eyes bothered him, they almost seemed hopeful, but he answered anyway, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me anymore… thanks for your concern," the last part coming out with more than just a small touch of sarcasm. After a moment of uneasy silence, Harry turned and started away while saying, "Well, I have things to do."
"Yeah… later, Harry."
~oOoOo~
"… I tell you, Augusta, I was just about to strangle the man!"
"Do you want to intervene now?"
Minerva sighed, "No, not yet. There are still too many things that can go wrong. However, in the meantime I want you to pay Mrs. Granger another visit. Make sure she knows the truth of the matter and tell her we may be forced to move up our time table."
~oOoOo~
Ginny had calmed down overnight but being Ginny, she couldn't let it go. Earlier she had told her friends to go on to Hogsmeade without her and that she would catch up with them later. So now, she was running around the castle trying to find Hermione. Ginny was about to give up but decided to check the dorms one last time in hopes that her friend might now be there.
"Merlin, Hermione, where the bloody hell have you been? I've been looking all over for you," She asked out of breath.
Hermione had been sitting on her bed reading when Ginny had burst in on her. "Sorry, next time I'll leave a note," Hermione replied coolly.
Ginny walked over and slowly sat down next to her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." The two girls stared at each other for a moment until finally Ginny looked away. "I'm also sorry for calling you a tart," Ginny said as she slowly turned back.
Hermione wasn't sure if she meant it or not. Since Ginny looked both confused and concerned, Hermione simply said, "Ginny, just say what's on your mind."
Ginny glared at Hermione for being so harsh, but after a moment she softened a little. However, her eyes were still intense as she spoke, "I still don't get it, Hermione, and you yourself said we didn't understand, so tell me, why… I mean what the hell."
"I can't tell you, believe me, I wish I could… I really wish I could." Hermione would have loved to have been able to confide in someone other than a couple of professors, but the risk was too great. One little slip like the one Seamus had made a short while back and it would be all over. Harry would soon hear of it and then he'd never let it go.
Hermione's face had gone from cold and angry, to empty in just a few seconds. Ginny sat there studying her best friend. Something was very wrong. "Hermione… okay, you can't tell me what's going on, I get it… I think. It's something bad, something top secret… but at least tell me there's a good reason for the way you're acting. That you have to do these things and that maybe someday you'll be able to tell me and I'll understand."
When Hermione finally looked up, tears were sliding down her face, "A good reason… how about life and death," Hermione said without thinking, then with a huff at her own inability to control her emotions, added, "is that a good enough reason?"
Ginny gasped, "Life and death…" She shook her head, "and this is something you have to do?"
After a short pause, Hermione answered quietly without looking at Ginny, "We all have to do things sometimes that we don't like, some are just harder than others." Hermione couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips, "If we… if I survive… perhaps I will be able to explain and I can only pray that you… and that everyone else will understand."
It was a lot to ask, especially considering she wasn't sure she fully understood herself. She didn't trust Dumbledore or the prophecy. However, if there was the slightest chance he was right and the prophecy was real… she'd never be able to live with herself knowing she had been responsible for the death of so many people… and for the death of Harry. 'But do I really think he might be right? And when did I ever believed in prophecy? So then why am I… Ahh?' Hermione shook her head, 'What was I just thinking about?' she'd lost her train of thought again, it seemed to be happening a lot lately.
Ginny knew that by everyone, Hermione meant Harry. She moved over next to Hermione who for a second tried to withdraw. Reaching out, Ginny took Hermione gently into her arms and pulled her tight. Hermione hesitated at first but then returned the hug. She laid her head on Ginny's shoulder and let herself go. Ginny was a little shocked, normally Hermione was so strong and confident, this was just so unlike her best friend. Ginny slowly rocked Hermione while rubbing her back, "I may not know what you're going through, but I'm still your friend… I'm still your sister and I'm here for you." Hogsmeade would have to wait, her friends would understand. Right now it was her best friend that needed her the most.
~oOoOo~
As Harry left the castle and headed to the Three Broomsticks to meet with Remus, he thought about his floo call with his solicitor, 'That went better than I thought it would.' Harry had wanted to find out as much information as he could regarding his and his parent's accounts. He also had set up a meeting for his next visit with a solicitor to talk about his rights as an underage wizard. Harry was going to try and take control of his life; at least as much of it as he could.
Stepping into the pub, Harry spotted his ex-Professor sitting in a corner sipping a whiskey and walked over, "Hello, Moony, thanks for meeting with me."
"No problem, pup. So what's up?" Remus asked as he gestured for Harry to have a seat.
Harry sat down wearily and ordered a butterbeer.
Remus could tell right away that Harry was completely overwhelmed by something serious or at the very least, bothered by it. Like a man with a problem and no one to help, 'But Harry wasn't a man yet… or was he?' He thought. "So what's troubling you, Harry?"
"It's that obvious, huh?"
Remus smiled, "I guess after learning how to read your dad's moods, some of it had to apply to you."
"Well, some of it is about summer and where I'm going to live."
Remus raised a brow, "Oh, I thought you'd be living with Sirius?" Then with a slow smile creeping up his face, asked, "Or… were you hoping to stay at the Granger's again?"
"Well, I had hoped to visit and maybe stay for a few days," Harry turned away and stared off into the distance, "but that's not likely now…"
Remus eyed Harry, wondering what he meant by that last comment but before he could ask, Harry continued.
"I'd like to stay with Sirius… but he's so busy catching up with everything. I don't want to be a burden… I thought maybe if I lived somewhere close by maybe…"
"Harry, listen to me," Remus interrupted, "yes, Sirius is busy. He's busy now because he's trying to get things done while you're still in school so he'll have more free time to spend with you." Softening his tone, Remus added, "Harry, you're his first and only concern, don't ever think otherwise."
Harry nodded as he thought about it, then turning back to Remus, he smiled, "Thanks, I guess I needed a little reassuring." After a moment of silence, Harry went on to explain his floo call to Gringotts and his talk with a solicitor.
"I think those are fine ideas. You're old enough now, you should know about your rights and I'm glad you're thinking ahead and about your future."
"Thanks…" Harry hesitated a little before going on and asking, "Moony, I know you're not my Professor anymore but I was wondering, hoping actually, that you and Tonks, and of course Sirius, could resume training me this summer…"
"I don't see why not, the situation should be similar to last summer. I assume you'll want Hermione to join us?" Moony knew they were a team and worked best together.
Harry sat still for a moment while looking down at his mug, "I don't think so… she's not… we… were not together anymore." The tone of his voice suddenly turning sorrowful.
Remus hadn't known and nearly dropped his glass in shock. Now it all made sense; worrying where he'd live, worrying that he might slowly lose Sirius, wanting to stay busy this summer. The one person he cared the most for had left him! 'But that doesn't make any sense,' he thought, 'I know she cared for him just as much.' If he was going to be able to help Harry he'd need some answers. As soon as he was done here he'd talk to Minerva and maybe Emma as well. Turning his attention back to Harry, he could tell Harry was very upset by that fact and probably wasn't ready to talk about it yet. "Oh, Harry, I didn't know…"
Harry gave him a strained smile and nodded. He was relieved Remus didn't press for more information. He had thought about talking to Remus about her, but realized Remus hadn't seen her since Christmas, so he probably wouldn't have known anything anyway.
"I know I've said this before, Harry, but I want to remind you. I don't think of you as an old student, or as just the son of James and Lily. They were two of my best friends… and now, I'd like to think of you as a friend as well. If you ever want to talk… well, you know I'm here."
Harry looked at Remus for a moment and he could see that he really did care for him and it made him feel better. He knew he could always talk to Sirius, but he was currently a lot harder to meet with, so knowing Remus was there too helped a lot. "Moony, there's one more thing."
Remus looked up surprised, 'How can someone so young, have so many problems. It's not fair,' he thought with a shake of his head. "I'm not in a hurry, Harry, what is it?"
Harry told him about his dreams, how he had tried to tell Professor Dumbledore and how the Headmaster had brushed them off as if it were nothing to worry about.
"First of all, Harry, I don't agree with the Headmaster and I don't think Padfoot would either."
"Can you talk to him? See what he thinks? I'm worried he might be in danger."
Remus smiled, this was the Harry he knew and loved. The one who was always thinking about someone else's well-being. "Don't worry, I'll discuss it with him. Have you considered it might be a trick?"
Now Harry smiled, glad someone was finally taking him seriously, "Yeah I have. I thought it might be a trap to get me, but why at the ministry? Seems like there'd be a lot of other places a whole lot easier to spring a trap from. Also, even if it is a trap for me, he may still try and get Padfoot too… I just don't know."
~oOoOo~
On the other side of the Three Broomsticks, Neville and Luna sat enjoying each other's company. Neville had noticed when Harry came in and so couldn't help but steal a glance now and then.
Luna finally broached the touchy subject, "So, how is Harry during?"
Neville looked sheepish knowing he'd been caught. "Well, right now he looks better than I've seen him look in quite a while."
"I'm not surprised, the Pillwedders are dormant right now," Luna replied seriously.
Neville just nodded, then asked, "How about Hermione, have you talked to her or seen her lately?"
Luna seemed to consider her answer for a moment, "Like Harry, she's been quiet, quite elusive actually, she's never around other people but I do think she's doing better too."
"Are they," asked Neville skeptically, "or are they both just working hard so they don't have to think about their problems?"
"Umm, could be. You know I work out with Hermione when I can. The other day she was practicing her hand to hand fighting skills and I swear she was trying to disembowel the work out dummy."
"Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Whenever I run into Harry, he's so intense, so driven, like… it's a race to save a life or something."
"Maybe it is," Luna said with a sad smile.
Neville let out a tired sigh, "I wish we could do more to help them."
Luna took his hand and with a look that only Luna Lovegood could give, told him, "Neville, things happen for a reason. I know you care for them, I love them too. Believe me, there will come a time… a time when we both will help them."
Neville stared at Luna, she had beautiful blue eyes that just seemed to say, 'trust me'. Even though most people thought she was 'Looney', Neville most certainly did not. He interlaced his fingers with hers and gave them a squeeze. Smiling he said, "Okay, I believe you, but I'm still a little worried."
"I am too."
~oOoOo~
.
AN: "The cleverest witch of her age" As far as I know, JKR never used that phrase as a title for Hermione, but she did come close. In book three, POA, Remus makes the comment, "You're the cleverest witch of your age I've ever met." However, I like calling her that and so I will use it… just didn't want you to get all snooty with me about it.
AN2: As a reminder, there are no Horcruxes in this story, so Dumbledore does NOT want nor need Harry to die, in fact, just the opposite
AN3: Some of you might be starting to figure out what has happened to Hermione to cause her to act this way. If not, you'll find out in the next chapter. I know there are many of you who don't like the direction the story seems to be going. I am grateful for all of you who are willing to stick it out to see what happens. I hope that once you see where we end up, you will understand. The story is finished through chapter 48, which is the end of their fifth year… so in hopes of easing your pain, I'm going to post the next couple of chapters rather quickly so we can get back to happier times a little sooner.
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