Author's Note: So, uh, where was I these past few days? Has it been over a week? No update for either stories on their respective due dates even though the chapters for both were half-finished on the days they were due. I'm sorry. Even this chapter was a day later than I wanted to post (although technically it's a week late).
I took time off from writing to both deal with mental health and physical health. By that, I mean I had to focus solely upon my job and pick up some crazy amount of hours. I did my taxes this year and I owed. A lot. Won't really give exact numbers, but seeing four digits made me cry on the inside. And no, before someone becomes a smartass and says "twenty dollars isn't that bad!", I mean four digits without a decimal point. Things were screwed up in some paperwork that was done last year… it was a mess. An absolute mess. This is gonna set me back a few weeks…
Thankfully, it was a one-time thing, but… I had to focus on work more than ever and… I had to put the stories aside for a bit. I mailed the check today to pay the bill, but man… that hurts. A lot.
So, now that that's out of the way, I wrote furiously on this chapter. I wrote and wrote and wrote to get it out of my system.
Also, not gonna lie, writing two death chapters back to back was… taxing on my mental state. Emmeryn's death, yeah, we expected it. All of you have most likely played the game. You knew that was coming. Just didn't expect one RIGHT after, did you? I didn't. It just came to me randomly while I was writing.
I'm still expanding my horizons as a writer. I still have trouble handling death scenes. I still have trouble writing romance. And, to re-iterate like a broken record, I hate… hate… HATE writing battle scenes.
Also, for those that follow the other fanfic… you can already see I'm falling into my habit of veering away from my promise of "no shenanigans" with this story and slowly morphing in some more original concepts. I can't help it. I have so many ideas stewing and brewing, but I PROMISE no dream sequences or interdimensional mental travel or ex's speaking telepathically or anything as crazy as that.
This chapter and the next chapter were originally one chapter, but it expanded to 14K words and I felt a lot of the scenes were rushed in sort of a "here's a scene, here's a scene, here's another scene, here's an overview of a scene", so I split it into two chapters. So, uh, yeah, next chapter is over halfway done already! I needed the chapter to end on a specific event, and it's going to. It's just going to happen next chapter.
Also gives me a chance to breathe after all the doom and gloom and death.
Gonna have fun figuring out what to do during the two-year gap between these events and the start of the next chapter in-game. I can already foresee Raven and Ricken getting along spectacularly!
Chapter 18
The Leader of Ylisse
I stared at Gangrel and Aversa before me, every fiber of my being pulsing with anger and desperation. I felt her lance in my hand, tinged with a purple aura from this newfound power that was speaking to me. I heard her last words in my head, echoing over and over as the last memory of her I would ever have and the last thing she would ever say to me. I looked at her one last time, trying to absorb every detail I could before they gave her a funeral and put her away forever.
I looked over to Marth to see she had been healed up by one of the Shepherds. I looked to the other Shepherds to see they were still furiously battling Gangrel's guard, struggling but still holding their own. I looked at Chrom and saw his face was an indescribable maelstrom of malevolent vengeance. Gangrel had taken his sister… and potentially his future wife. He had more of a reason to fight than I ever could.
I saw Marth still holding her head and looking slightly disoriented, as if that headache that was bothering her was refusing to go away, despite being healed up.
"Marth, look alive. I'm not losing you, too," I said to her firmly. She unconsciously snapped back to attention before looking at me.
"Sir Raven, thank you for your concern, but… I think that is easier said than done," she replied quietly.
"One red-headed wench down, a few more Ylissean dogs left to go. How many more of you pups must I put down before you realize the futility of your struggle," Aversa said with disdain. Chrom said nothing, but charged forward. Instinctively, I followed behind him with my lance at the ready. We both struck blows at Gangrel, and he managed to sidestep my thrust while parrying Chrom's swing. I followed up again with two more thrusts as Chrom began to follow up with a few more maneuvers. We both were stepping forward and he was stepping back, but he was deftly dodging and parrying our blows with a level of skill a part of me admired.
I smiled to myself as I increased the intensity of the thrusts, speeding up faster and faster until he was forced to switch tactics and try to dodge Chrom's swings while parrying my attacks. I glanced over to see Marth was doing everything in her power to keep Aversa busy so we could face Gangrel uninterrupted, but it was a losing fight. She had no real chance of winning that battle. Aversa was just too nimble. I couldn't help her, because I couldn't afford to leave Chrom alone.
Chrom was acting uncharacteristically aggressive, so I tried to match him step for step. It wouldn't help if he fell because he was pushing too hard. I watched as Gangrel deflected a blow, causing Chrom to lose balance. He pointed his sword at Chrom and a few bolts of lightning flew from the sword and struck Chrom. I heard Chrom cry out in pain, before he regained his footing.
"A Levin sword," I commented.
"So, you do have a brain," Gangrel replied. "What say you, you don't seem to have a strong allegiance to the princeling here. How about you join me, roast these two bluebirds, and sing merry tales as we stick their heads on pikes?"
"I would sooner die," I replied. "Even if I didn't want to side with Chrom, I would never side with a madman like yourself."
"Tch, have it your way then! I think I'll make sure you stay alive long enough to watch each and every one of your so-called friends die," he said. Nothing further was said as Chrom regained the momentum of the battle. I dodged a fireball thrown at me to see Marth was wearing down quickly. Damn it, do I help her or do I help Chrom? Chrom's more important, but… I can't just let her die after all she's been through…
"Chrom," I said.
"I'll be fine for a minute, tops," he replied, understanding without me needing to tell him. I nodded and flicked over to Aversa, swinging my lance at her at the same time. The blow connected with her and sent her stumbling backward. The cleric nearby immediately healed up the wound. She looked at me with a cold fury.
"Here you go to try and save this pathetic girl. She should mean nothing to you. She can't do anything!" Aversa said. "She's weak. She's unskilled. She's not worth your time. Why do you defend her?"
"I defend her because she is a precious life that's worth living. I defend her because she means something to me. I defend those who cannot defend themselves against those who wish to oppress them. I am the light in the darkness and the beacon of hope that she lit," I said. "I am an ally to justice and an enemy to you."
Aversa scowled at me as she conjured a fireball. I rushed at her as she threw the fireball. Using the butt of my lance, I knocked it toward Gangrel. The fireball hit him in the back, surprising him. Chrom, seeing an advantage, landed a powerful blow on Gangrel that cut through the armor slightly. I smirked as I looked and saw Marth had quickly and efficiently dealt with the cleric nearby. Why didn't we target him first?
"Pah! That was your first and last blow," Gangrel declared. He raised his sword and thunderbolts started dancing on his sword. I kept pushing the advantage on Aversa. I couldn't land a blow, but I was more cautious and she couldn't grab my lance again. It was enough to keep pushing her backward.
"Ngh, curse you," she growled. She conjured a huge ball of fire and threw it at me. I felt an instinct in the back of my head and succumbed to it. Immediately the dark aura on the lance enveloped my body, but nothing else happened. Before I could dodge, the fireball hit me. Surprisingly the fireball bounced off me and flew twice as fast back to Aversa while my purple aura receded back to the lance. I saw her eyes widen in shock before the fireball caught her, throwing her back.
"Marth!" I said as I ran back to her.
"Understood. I will keep her busy," she replied. "I'm… sorry I cannot do more."
"Not your fault. It appears I never trained you properly," I replied sadly. "I didn't do a lot of things properly, apparently…"
I ran back toward Chrom to see him trying to dodge the lightning strikes that Gangrel was launching from his blade.
"This ends here!" I shouted as I ran toward him and slashed him a few times. He dodged each blow, so I changed from slashing to thrusting to get more precise, faster strikes in. Gangrel kept dodging all my blows, but he could not counterattack with the speed this purple-enhanced state was giving me. I could see out of the corner of my eyes the Shepherds were gaining momentum.
"What ends here?" Gangrel said back to me tauntingly. He took one step back and immediately froze as a bloody sword was suddenly protruding through his shoulder.
"You end here," Chrom said with finality. He put his foot into Gangrel's back and yanked his sword out with a sickening sound. Gangrel cried out in pain as his injured arm hung limp by his side.
"Finish him. Kill him. There will be no peace as long as he lives."
That weird impulsive voice kept speaking to me as I flicked forward with my lance, aiming a blow for the head. This was for Cordelia.
"Raven, stop!" Chrom said. I stopped, the tip of my spear ready to end the existence of this miserable being.
"Kill him. Injure him. Suffer… suffer… as his blood runs along the ground. Soak the soil with everything he has…"
I stood there, trembling. Chrom's command was echoing as furiously in my head as the impulse kept speaking to me. I felt myself trembling with so much internal conflict, eyes clouded with tears, anger, and frustration. She had to be avenged. He could not live!
"Chrom…" I began.
"No. He will not die here. He will not die today."
"But… your sister… Cordelia… Phila… all those lives that were lost!"
"Raven, if we kill him, we are no better than him. That's not true, though. We are better men than him. Let us take that first step in proving that," Chrom said. Gangrel was silent, his free hand holding his bleeding shoulder.
"So, what, we let him rot in a prison for the rest of his life?" I asked.
"So long as he lives, there will be no peace."
There's that… weird intuition in my head again. What was it? I felt a full throbbing pain trying to think about it and knew this was a part of who I once was. That was a mystery I could not unlock right now.
I looked over to Marth to see her kneeling on the ground, severely injured. Before any of us could react, Aversa got on her Pegasus and flew away, fleeing the scene. So much for loyalty. Even your own right hand abandoned you in your time of need.
The rest of the Shepherds caught up and I saw Sumia kneel by her friend's body, weeping bitterly for the loss of one of the only friends she had. Frederick grabbed a rope from his horse and bound Gangrel's hands behind him as Lissa partially healed the wound on his shoulder. Gangrel was still laughing to himself.
"This is even better than murdering you! Getting to see what you held most precious. I had the utmost pleasure taking it away from you!" he cackled. I gripped my lance tighter. Just say the word, Chrom. Please, say the word.
"Raven…" Chrom said to me, knowing what I was thinking.
"Ngh, of course, Chrom. We must be the better people," I replied in a strained tone.
I saw a Feroxi soldier approach us as fast as he could.
"Sire, the remaining Plegian forces are surrendering en masse!"
"Order our forces to cease fighting at once. We are here for peace, not war," Chrom said.
"Yes, sire!"
The soldier departed as we all looked at each other. We won, but… it didn't feel like a victory. Too many important lives were lost in this battle. Too many people we cared about perished to put this wild calamity at bay.
We returned to the main Feroxi force and saw both khans directing their soldiers. We approached them with Gangrel behind us.
"You spared him?" Khan Flavia asked.
"It takes person of stronger mettle to not perpetuate the cycle of hatred," Chrom replied.
"Hm, spoken like a true ruler. Then... it is finished. Once their messenger delivers our terms, that's it. We put an end to this bloody business once and for all," she said.
"We've won…" Chrom said, his voice laced with exhaustion as he finally relaxed.
"Even though we have, there feels little reason to celebrate," Robin added. I nodded as well in silence. Khan Basilio gave us a look of pity.
"Victory… can be bitter as well as sweet, boy. It's good you learn that now," he said as he put a comforting hand on Chrom's shoulder.
"Regna Ferox lost many good soldiers today. We need to see to our dead as well. After that, it's time to attend to the living and rebuild the army," Khan Flavia said.
"I… your sacrifice to our cause will not be… forgotten. I'm sorry, Flavia. Ylisse will compensate—"
"Don't worry about our finances, Chrom. You have your own dead and your own issues to tend to first. Honor those who fell for you first. Reparations will fall to Plegia, and I've seen their treasury. They can well afford it," she interrupted. I saw Khan Basilio laugh to himself.
"Pity the man who stands between Flavia and a full coffer, boy," he said.
"Heh… I'll have to remember that when you come to visit Ylisstol," Chrom said, though the joke was half-hearted at best.
"What about him?" Khan Basilio asked, pointing to Gangrel.
"He will be a prisoner of war," Chrom said.
"Of which nation?" Khan Flavia asked.
"… he could be yours, as part of the reparations," Chrom offered.
"Done deal. He will never see sunlight again," Khan Basilio said with a small smile.
"Regna Ferox would love to help him understand why impersonating Prince Chrom and pillaging the villages on the border was never a good idea," Khan Flavia added with a smile of her own.
I shuddered to myself. There was no pity to be felt for the mad king, but the looks of almost glee on their faces reminded me why they were a land of warriors that commanded and demanded respect. They earned it… with a trail of tears and blood strewn behind them.
The two khans and Chrom bid their farewells as they made their final arrangements. It was a bittersweet departure. The Shepherds went east back home; the Feroxi force started heading north to the border so they could return to their more familiar climate before heading northeast to their capital. We gained a recruit in Olivia, but… we… we lost Cordelia. Her body was wrapped and preserved with magic in the supply convoy. An oddly ironic place to be carrying her back since that's where she spent most of her time.
I also discovered, much to my embarrassing horror, that our new cleric was actually a priest named Libra. For the sake of my sanity and dignity, I will spare the details of how I discovered this detail. I can only say I have less of a reason for making remarks about Chrom walking in on Elise taking a bath. At least Elise was female...
After travelling for some time, we managed to cross the border from Plegia back to Ylisse. Chrom asked if we could take a small detour and Frederick, oddly enough, obliged. I wonder what reason Chrom could have for taking a detour, even if it was less than a half of a day's detour.
"Robin. Raven. Elise…" Chrom said to as we were marching. "You three… you all stuck by my side when you woke up. Perhaps it was because you had nowhere else to go, but… the loyalty you have shown me since you joined has touched my heart."
"Chrom, loyalty is earned over time. Not by one instance, but by many instances that fosters trust and respect," Robin replied. "I choose to follow you because you inspire me to follow you."
"Same," I said. Elise nodded as well.
"We're… just about here," he said. I looked around in a confused manner. We were just near a field that was on the edge of a forest and… there was… a town in the distance. Wait, was this…
"I believe it was right about here, milord," Frederick said as we stopped the convoy. A few looks of confusion came from some of the newer Shepherds and Marth seemed to not really care as she was still suffering from her headache, but Lissa gave a look of recognition before smiling widely at Chrom.
"This was where we found the Bird Gang!" Lissa said. The rest of the Shepherds gave a look around before looking at the three of us.
"It was at this spot that I made the conscious decision to stop and help three souls who seemed like they needed help. From those three, we found an amazing tactician in Robin. We found an amazing warrior in Raven. We found an amazing cleric in Elise. That day reminded me why I formed the Shepherds. We fight to help save as many lives as we could, not just Ylissean lives, but human lives. All of humanity deserve life, whether Ylissean or Feroxi or Plegian. All of humanity deserves to live. I chose to come to this spot to reaffirm to each and every one of you my belief that we must continue to fight. The war may be over, but our fight is far from it. Bandits still plague our countryside. We must work even harder to protect the good citizens of Ylisse from these bandits. I ask each of you, will you stand by my side? Will you help me bring Ylisse back to glory, prosperity, and peace?" he asked. A resounding cheer came from the group. Chrom, your heart may be heavy with grief and sadness, but even in these moments, you still find a way to bring our spirits back. We don't deserve a leader like you…
"Then, let us return home and put that determination to use!" Chrom said. "Shepherds! Move out."
I nodded and looked around the countryside. Bandit attacks were still plentiful in these areas. I began wondering something.
"Hey, Elise… Robin…" I said.
"Yes?" they both said, almost at the same time. I saw Chrom was curiously looking over.
"… what do you think you would have done if Chrom hadn't found us?" I asked.
"Panic," Elise replied simply.
"You? The paragon of stoicism? You seem the least likely of the three of us to panic. I'd expect that more out of myself. Heck, I'd probably be less surprised to see Robin panic than you," I said.
"I would actually have to agree with Raven there. You don't exactly strike me as a panic type," Robin added.
"Waking up from an unconscious state with no memory, surrounded by two strange guys? The conclusion drawn would have been seared into my head," she merely said. I thought about it. She was right. That is a rather odd situation to wake up to.
"What do you think would have happened if the bandits got a hold of us?" Robin asked.
"Probably would have been robbed, enslaved, and then executed when we outlived our usefulness," I casually said.
"You two would be executed… I probably would have suffered a worse fate," Elise quietly said. The two of us put a consoling hand on her shoulder as she trembled slightly.
"Then let us stick together… stick by Chrom. We owe him our lives. Let us dedicate ours to him," Robin said.
"Hear, hear," I said with a smile.
"Th-thank you," Chrom said with a faint smile. "Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing."
"Oh, it's… it's fine," Robin said. I looked toward Frederick as he seemed to be staring intently in the distance.
"Milord, it appears we might… have company," Frederick reported. I looked over where he was looking to see what appeared to be a small group of people making their way toward us.
"Who?" Chrom asked.
"They look like bandits. Approaching from the northeast," Frederick said. Chrom sighed to himself.
"The job of the Shepherds is never over," Chrom said. I put a hand on his shoulder.
"Together, we ride. The many of us can accomplish more than the few we once had," I said. Chrom nodded.
"Well spoken, Raven," he replied. We stopped our convoy and watched the bandits approach.
"Heh heh, what do we have here? A merchant caravan and a mercenary company? The Flying Bandits would be happy to relieve you of your duties! Hand over the goods and we'll spare your lives," the leader said.
"The Flying Bandits?" I asked. Chrom shrugged.
"It appears one group of bandits decided to name themselves. How… quaint," Frederick commented before readying his lance.
"There will be no mercy for those who prey upon innocent Ylissean lives," Chrom declared as he readied his sword.
"Pah, a royal guard. Let's kill 'em and take their weapons, boys! Bring them to our leader and get our reward," the group leader said.
"… a leader? An organized bandit group?" I asked.
"That's new," Chrom replied with a frown. "Looks like they're adapting."
"Be as it may, milord, it would be wise to show prudence with this group," Frederick advised.
"Naturally," Chrom said. We charged forward toward the bandits and found ourselves oddly struggling with them. They were better trained than we gave them credit. Perhaps the bandits were evolving. It only made our role as the Shepherds more important going forward.
I engaged with one of the bandits and swung my lance. He blocked it with his sword and I smiled before doing my usual follow up against sword wielders. I gasped in surprise as he executed a pretty graceful movement and parried the blow, causing me to lose my balance slightly. He pushed forward and swung at me. I had to use the shaft of my lance to block the blow before kicking him in the chest to push him backward. This was… no ordinary bandit.
I continued my assault, this time taking him seriously and found myself having the advantage, but not being able to land any finishing blows. I glanced over to see the rest of the Shepherds were having their own issues. I growled in frustration and flicked behind the bandit before stabbing him in the back, paralyzing him. I fell down to one knee in exhaustion. I need to better gauge my energy before using those movements…
Although they were better trained than the average bandit rubbish that smeared this countryside, the group eventually fell with no serious injuries sustained on our end. Chrom paused for a second as he looked around. What's wrong, Chrom?
"Sentry. They had a spotter watching the fight on the hill over there!" Chrom said as he pointed at a hill in the distance.
"They're too far away for us to catch," Frederick replied with a frown. "Were they observing how we fought?"
"If this bandit group gets to be any more organized, we could be having a serious organized bandit issue on our hands," Chrom commented.
"Indeed, it would seem so," Frederick agreed. Robin rubbed his hands together in thought.
"If they were observing us, that means that group we faced was probably some lesser trained grunts that they were willing to sacrifice in order to gain information on our techniques, fighting styles, and habits. At least, that's what I would do if I was leading a bandit organization," Robin mused aloud.
"This is a bit of a problem if that theory proves true… but we have far more pressing issues to deal with," Frederick reminded us.
"Yes we do. Let's return back to the capital. We have to… pay our respects to those who have fallen," Chrom said quietly. We nodded in reply and continued our trek back to Ylisstol. Plegia had conceded, King Gangrel had been captured, and the Fire Emblem was safe, but… it didn't feel like a victory. Not even close. They were two losses, but they were monumental to our lives. Exalt Emmeryn was a shining beacon of peace and serenity and Cordelia… grew to become one of my dearest friends.
We arrived back to the capital to see the city was partially destroyed. Buildings were torn down or burned down, while some seemingly sturdy castle walls were seemingly knocked down by magic. Yet, despite all the destruction, we saw the Ylissean citizens working together and working hard to help restore the city. As we walked through the capital's streets, people were cheering for us thinking we had returned triumphant.
In a manner of speaking, we were…
We returned back to the castle and deposited our equipment before preparing the city for an important announcement. Tomorrow at noon in the town square, Chrom would break to the nation the grim truth of what happened to their ruler.
We had a smaller funeral for Cordelia, for everyone in the Shepherds. I looked at the other graves in the graveyard where we held the service and it sunk in with me that she was not the first Shepherd to die in the line of duty… and she probably would not be the last either. At the very least, we prevented Marth's bad future…
… I looked around as the service for Cordelia went on. Sumia was beside herself, constantly being reassured by Lissa that everything would be okay. For her to lose her childhood friend like that must have been traumatic. I saw Chrom sit in his chair with his hands cupped together in his lap, staring at his thumbs. It was as if he was doing all he could to focus on the bigger picture and realize how many lives were saved by overcoming Gangrel. I saw Marth sitting in the corner, staring at the coffin that had Cordelia with a look of fear and frustration on her face. There… was nothing more you could have done. There was nothing more I could have done.
Damn it, Cordelia! Why did you have to try to be a hero? I was on my way over to help you and Chrom, and you just had to… had to… give your life to save the man that was always in your sights. Damn it, Gangrel! Damn you to hell! You should have died there that day, not her.
The rest of the service was a blur. I could barely focus as they lowered her body into the ground. I didn't pay attention to most of the service. The few Shepherds who stepped forward to honor her with words felt meaningless and empty to me. As soon as it ended, I quickly departed from the scene and headed to my room. I wanted to be alone.
I needed to be alone.
I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling. Tomorrow would be the same emotionally as we made the announcement of the exalt's death. There would be a memorial service held for her in the afternoon after the announcement. Two deaths being mourned in two days; two lives being celebrated in two days.
Cordelia told me to cherish the life she lived instead of mourning the death she was experiencing, but that was easier said than done…
Cordelia, why… why!
I heard a knocking at the door. A part of me wanted to ignore it, but a part of me felt like I needed someone to talk to and just let it out. I glanced at the door, debating taking a chance answering just to see who was there.
"Raven, are you in there?"
It was Lissa. For some reason… her company sounded nice right about now.
"Yeah…"
"Mind if I come in?"
"Are you alone?" I asked.
"Yes."
"That's fine," I said. She opened the door and came into the room before closing the door behind her.
"… is there a reason you asked if I was alone?" she asked.
"I… don't really particularly feel like dealing with a large group of people. Or most people, right now," I said quietly as I stared at the ceiling. She sat down on the side of the bed and looked at me. I looked back at her and made eye contact. It was clear she was going through a rough time with her sister's death.
Grief was like this presence that slowly but surely receded, but never faded away. Even if one learned to eventually accept it and move on from it, there will always be those moments where it will hit and pierce them through the heart. Gone, but never forgotten… what a bittersweet phrase, with all its positive and negative connotations.
"Raven, I…" she began. I looked at her with curiosity. She sighed before speaking again. "I know you were really close to Cordelia. I know how you felt when Chrom asked her to dinner. I know you're probably not used to losing people close to you. Especially considering your situation, you probably have no idea what it's like to lose someone like that. Perhaps you did at one point, but you don't right now. I can remember the first time I lost someone close to me. It… hurts. But you can't shut yourself in like this."
"Lissa, I just… this is who I am. I am the type of person who works through things alone. That's nothing against you. You are probably one of the only people I actually am glad to have around me in this time. I just… with everything going on… with your situation… your burden must be far worse than mine," I said quietly. She smiled slightly before laying down on the bed next to me, staring at the ceiling as well.
"Raven, those graves you saw next to Cordelia's were once Shepherds. They were hand-picked fighters who worked with Chrom in patrolling the countryside. I got to know many of them… one of them even trained me on how to use a staff properly. He died protecting Frederick from a fatal blow. That's why Frederick is so resolute. Every death… in that graveyard and in our lives… they shape us into stronger people. Emm's death… it hurts a lot… but I'm doing my best to remember her for who she was and not where she is now. That's what you have to do, Raven… think of the good. Celebrate their lives," Lissa said. I sighed quietly.
"I… I want to, but… I didn't get to know her well enough. I didn't know either of them well enough. I only talked to your sister once in the throne room and Cordelia was with us only a few weeks," I said.
"A few weeks seemed enough time for you to get close to her," Lissa said. "Life has a funny way of teaching us that the time you know each other is not a factor in compatibility."
"Lissa, I'll… I'll never talk to her again. I just… I…" I mumbled.
"Raven, I… I'm sorry, I'm bad with words. I wish… I knew what I could say. I really only know what to do," she replied. I felt her pull my head into her shoulder and I just broke loose. All those emotions I kept inside to try to stay stoic and passive in front of everyone exploded. I held her tightly as everything came out. I felt her hold me back as well as she buried her head in my shoulder and let out her own grief over Emmeryn's death, letting loose the emotions she kept hidden as well.
Together we just lay there, away from the prying eyes of the public. In this moment we shared here in this room, we trusted each other enough to drop our masks and let loose our true feelings. The always cheerful princess and the very guarded warrior both revealed the sad feelings they had deep inside. Slowly, the roiling cacophony of our emotional states rumbling through our very beings began to subside into a quieter glow of silence and reverie.
We lay there, heads in each other's shoulders, neither one of us wanting to move from the safety and comfort of the other's embrace.
"Raven…" she said quietly, her voice muffled from being buried in my tunic.
"Yes, Lissa?" I asked, afraid to move in case she was feeling the same security I was feeling right now.
"I, um… look… no matter what happens from here on out, I will always be here for you," she said.
"… and I for you as well," I replied. "You were one of my first friends here, Lissa. Please stay that way…"
"Raven, I…" she began, before pausing. She shook her head as she pulled away and rolled on her back before staring at the ceiling. I felt my arm tingle as I realized she had been laying on it for quite some time, but… this embrace we shared, laying here… it felt so comforting. It was like being in a zone of safety and security… and if a little bit of tingling was the price to pay for this feeling, then so be it. I pulled her closer, as if trying to signal everything was okay.
"You what?" I asked. She shook her head again.
"Nothing, nevermind," she said with a sigh. "I feel like a hypocrite sometimes."
"How so?" I asked.
"Tell people keep smiling. Tell people to stay confident. Telling people they miss a hundred percent of the swings they don't try. I give people advice when I feel they need it. Yet, here I am… breaking every piece of advice I've given recently," she mused aloud.
"Nobody is perfect, Lissa. That's why we are human. That's why we have friends. To pick us up when we fall. Nobody has to go through life alone," I said to her.
"… why are you so good with words, Raven? You cover that weakness of mine so well," she replied with a small smile.
"Because I hardly have strengths anywhere else," I replied.
"Please, Raven… stop doubting yourself like that. It's not right. Have more confidence in yourself, the way I have confidence in you," she said.
"… I want to, but I feel like if I focus on my strengths instead of my flaws… then I'm ignoring the fact there's always room for improvement."
"Being confident is not the same as being full of unwarranted bravado," Lissa quipped. " You're Raven, not Virion. A true warrior acknowledges their strengths as well as their weaknesses."
"Hm… perhaps," I replied, not able to find an answer to that. I heard a knocking on the door. Who else could want to talk to—
The door began opening and I saw Chrom start to walk in.
"Raven, I just wanted to ask ab—er…"
"Brother!" Lissa said, quickly disentangling herself from the embrace and quickly hopping off the bed. She smoothed out her dress quickly. I quickly realized the kind of situation we were in and I felt awkwardly embarrassed. I quickly wiped my eyes and saw Lissa was doing the same as well.
"I, um… perhaps… that… wasn't the best time to, I mean… I knocked… but… should've waited for an answer and, um…" Chrom kept mumbling awkwardly. "I could've walked in to something far worse if I arrived any later..."
"No, no, Chrom, whatever you're thinking, that wasn't the case," I said quickly as I felt my face flushing.
"Look, I mean, if you two… I mean, you have my blessings, but… I wish… I mean, it's not my business, but… my sister… I'd like to have known… just… as a courtesy…"
"Chrom, it's not like that," I insisted. "We… just… had an emotional moment, considering earlier today and what will happen tomorrow."
"Earlier today? With the funeral? Were you and Cordelia close?" Chrom asked quietly as he sat down in the chair, staring at the floor as his mind suddenly jolted to the topic at hand.
"You never noticed?" Lissa asked.
"I'm not the best at noticing things," Chrom said pointedly, before looking at her and then me.
"We did a lot of the inventory together. Spent time together. I knew how she felt for a while, Chrom. I was glad when she mentioned you asked her to dinner. In that short time, we grew to be close friends. I…"
Chrom shook his head.
"Say no more. I understand. This… was something that affected you and I more than most of the other Shepherds. Sumia was her only other close friend here, it seems. She's… absolutely distraught over what happened," Chrom said. I got off the bed and walked to him before putting my hand on his shoulder.
"Chrom, how about you? Have you talked to anyone? Have you… opened up? I know you can't possibly be shouldering this burden alone," I said.
"Yes… Robin has been talking with me. It's… nice that he's been able to help me through this. I know you have as well. Everyone has been making an effort to help me through this," Chrom said. Thank you, Robin. Thank you for taking care of Chrom…
"We're all in this together. Once we know that we are… we're all stars and we see that," I said, thinking about the conversation Cordelia had outside of the bakery with Chrom. The stars in the sky… hidden in the morning, but always there even when unseen. Hopefully Cordelia is looking down upon us, her star somewhere in the sky, as she looks down on the rest of us in pride and joy.
"Indeed. We're all in this together… and it shows when we stand, hand in hand, to make our dreams come true," Chrom replied with a smile as he held out his hand. I took it and shook it firmly with a small smile. Together, we will push toward a brighter future together… with the rest of the Shepherds.
"That… was touching," Lissa commented, sniffing slightly.
"As brother and sister… and for you two, as future husband and wife," Chrom said with an inclination of a smirk on his face.
"Chrom, not funny," I said with a frown as Lissa blushed furiously. Was… that a joke? Was Chrom reverting back to the Chrom we knew?
"Seriously, brother, jokes like that are in poor taste! Grasp the atmosphere," she protested before weakly punching him in the shoulder. I smiled slightly to myself. Moments of levity…
"I have to tease Raven about something, since he has so much on me. How many times have I walked in to you two in circumstances that could easily be misunderstood?" he commented aloud.
"True, but…" I said.
"But, nothing. You two are terrible at keeping a secret from me," Chrom said before getting up and walking to the door.
"Chrom, but, there's no secrets… there's nothing…" I protested. He smiled at me as he walked out the doorway.
"Raven, you better protect her with everything you have," he said before shutting the door. Lissa and I sat there in stunned silence.
"Lissa, look—"
"Don't worry, Ravey, I'll clear it up with him. You look exhausted. Perhaps you should get to sleep soon," she said as she headed toward the door.
"You as well. Tomorrow is going to be a long day," I replied. She nodded with a sigh as she left the room. I changed into my sleeping outfit and lay down on the bed. I looked out to see the sun had finally set and the moon had started to rise. Normally, I wouldn't be so tired right now, but these past few days have really taken its toll on me.
I heard a knocking at the door.
"Chrom, if you're going to apologize, I already got over it," I said aloud. "I'm not even upset."
"… Raven?"
Whose voice was that muffled through the door?
"Who is it?" I asked, frustrated. Can people just leave me alone?
"It's… Marth," she replied.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"… is it okay if I spend the night in here?"
"Chrom didn't give you a room?" I asked.
"… I would rather not disturb him with such trivialities when he has so much more to reconcile with right now," she replied. I sighed to myself in frustration. Just one night, Raven. Just one more night and you'll soon have the room to yourself.
"… fine. Come in," I said. She walked into the room, already dressed in what looked like a blue, long-sleeved nightgown. Her disheveled hair was ruffled in all directions.
"What's wrong?" she asked me.
"I… um… I've never seen you in anything but what you usually wear. You really are a female," I commented. She gave me a withering glare.
"What gave it away?" she asked in a sarcastic, patronizing tone.
"You're wearing a female outfit for once," I said.
"… some things don't change with you," she said. "What part of the floor would you prefer I sleep at?"
"Wait, floor?" I asked.
"Yes. Floor. This thing here," she said as she stepped on the floor for emphasis a few times.
"How about bed? I can take the floor," I said.
"Sir Raven… drab and plain as it may be, this is still your room," she said. "I cannot take the bed while you sleep on the floor."
"Marth, I'm not arguing with you on this. This is my room and what I say goes. You have the bed," I said. "I'm not going to hog a luxury while you suffer on the floor. Maybe I'll have less nightmares if I sleep on the floor, anyway."
"Raven, I must—"
"You must insist what?" I interrupted. "That you grew up without luxury? Without a bed? Big deal. Enjoy your life while you still have it. Luxuries are not meant to be avoided, but enjoyed when they are come across, as long as you realize it's a luxury and not a necessity."
"… very well," she said with a sigh.
"Why are you here, anyway?" I asked. "The battle is won and Chrom is safe. I thought you were going to depart."
"I have a few matters to tend to first and I am awaiting Selena's return… if she returns," she said carefully.
"What do you mean if she returns?" I asked.
"I know for a fact she… is in a precarious situation. If she does not return, I will have to continue her quest in her stead."
"Well, that answers the one question of why you are still here. Now for the other question," I said.
"You are always so full of questions."
"I know. Tell me, Marth. Why are you always around me lately?" I asked.
"That should be an obvious answer."
"I know your secret, yes, I get it," I said.
"… I grew up around the Shepherds, Sir Raven. They were like family to me. I watched them go on missions to save Ylissean lives and bring them back to the capital. As a child growing up, I would watch times when five would depart and four would return. I saw the glimmer of life fade from their eyes as their numbers dwindled. Seeing them my age… so full of life… it breaks my heart to reminisce on who they were in my childhood and how much they suffered," she said.
"Are you afraid you're going to get attached to them?" I asked.
"… we all are the same age now," she replied.
"That is a very poor non-answer, Marth."
"Yes. What if I befriend one and… I accidently let slip my secret? Or what if I altered something and caused them undue and unnecessary stress. What if I altered a relationship? I love each of the Shepherds dearly for having them all raise me, but I cannot bear the thought of losing any of them a second time."
"I… then… how are you handling Cordelia's death?" I said quietly. She looked at me and I strangely saw a look of fear more than sadness.
"I don't know how to handle watching her die a second time," she replied.
"You watched her death the first time?" I asked.
"She died protecting me. Her and Lissa were hiding with me in what they believed to be a safe place when we were ambushed by the Risen. Lissa… she… stayed behind to fight them all off by herself to buy us time. We ran. We ran as fast as we could through those woods, but… they started catching up. She… she… she pushed me away, told me to flee to Ylisstol and survive, pulled out her lance. I wanted to stay with her, but she yelled at me to run… so I did. That was the last I saw of her. That was the last I saw of either of them…"
Lissa…
I shivered at hearing that story.
"I… I don't know what to say," I said quietly.
"There is nothing to say that will change the past. There is only what we can do to change the future," she replied. She sat down at my desk as I began staring at the ceiling. Lissa gave her life to save Marth. The hope of the next generation. Her and her friends were supposed to take our mantle and protect the nation. A nation that was in ruins. We gave them an impossible task and they naturally failed.
"I… oh…"
I looked over to Marth and saw she was looking at my journal. Quick as a flash, I flew toward the desk and snatched it.
"What are you doing?" I asked hurriedly.
"I… mean… I didn't… I saw it said 'Notes', but I thought it was combat notes or something. I didn't… I'm sorry," she quickly said. I sighed.
"I shouldn't be leaving this out in the open so carelessly," I said apolgetically.
"What is it?" she asked.
"… notes from the nightmares I've been having or the visions I see on occasion," I said.
"You have nightmares of Cordelia?" she asked. I blushed slightly. That's my private journal entries.
"No," I said curtly.
"You wrote her name quite neatly a few times on a few different pages, and… and… oh," she said, her eyes widening. "Oh… Raven, I'm so sorry… I mean, I didn't realize… were you two close?"
"Yes," I said in a gruff tone before shoving the journal in my pocket and laying back down on the floor. "Doesn't matter anymore. Marth, please, I don't want to think about her. So, if you could… just… not…"
"I'm sorry. I… understand," she said quietly.
"I just… I want to sleep," I said. "I just… want to sleep. After everything that's happened. I just want to sleep."
"Very well. Perhaps I should, too. I apologize for taking your space like this and… I appreciate you letting me in here," she said as she made her way to the bed.
"Think nothing of it, Marth. You saved two of the three siblings. I cherish them both… and that makes you trustworthy and worthy of respect in my book," I said.
"Your book? Your journal, you mean?" she asked. I sighed.
"Nevermind. Goodnight, Marth," I said with a small yawn.
"Goodnight, Raven," she replied.
I lay there on the floor staring at the ceiling when I was hit hard by a pillow.
"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to throw it that hard," she said. I glared at her.
"What was that for?"
"… I figured you would probably like a pillow down there," she said. "There's two here for some reason."
"Mmm, thank you. Good. Night. Marth."
Even one as oblivious as her got that hint. It's time for me to… just… sleep. Just sleep.
Just… sleep.
… sleep.
… and drift off into the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.
