Hey Kevin, this is Obama. If you are reading this, I need you to do me a favor. Remember the five dollars you lent me in 6th grade? I kinda need you to pay that back. Please Kevin if you're in Milwaukee please just stop by I really need the money.

"Oh god Iowa's on fire" Obama statement.

"Yeah, you did that" Bernie said plainly.

Jeb! looked concerned, "I hope all those other guys made it out of the burning building"

Ron Paul who made it out of the burning building added "I'm sure they're fine. Except Andrew Yang, I don't think we'll see any more of him"

Bernie solemnly clutched the thousand dollars that Yang had given him, perhaps the only thing he'll have to remember him by.

I just looked it up and apparently Grover Cleveland is on the One Thousand dollar bill. Does anyone remember Grover Cleveland? Fun fact, he's the only president to win the election two times non-consecutively. Now you have learned something from reading the Obama Tales. Though some of you might already know that, so here's another one for you, did you know Grover Cleveland's first name is actually Stephen? Now you do. Tell that one to your friends or maybe your mom.

Now that our heroes were safely across the Mississippi, the fires could not reach them since fire was afraid of water.

"We should find somewhere to camp for the night" said Ron Paul who is still here, "we spent all day out running that fire, and quite frankly none of us are as young as we used to be".

Jeb! who used to be 24 nodded his head.

Beter who ages in reverse did the opposite.

Obama pulled out his favorite Corey in da House sleeping bag. He plomped onto the grass and started looking at the sky. Unfortunately the light pollution from the Great Iowinian Fire that killed over 3 million people made it impossible to see the stars.

"What does that one look like to you?" Obama asked Bernie who was now lying next to him.

"America's current healthcare" Bernie sighed looking at the empty night sky.

"Hey Bernie" Obama said.

"Yeah?"

"When this is all over. We can all have healthcare. Because Obama cares."

"Thanks Obama '' Bernie said genuinely.

"This reminds me of the time I was in Cool Kid Saves the Cats" Beter said.

Cuts to a scene of Cool Kid, locked in epic battle with Beter. Without hesitation, Cool Kid pulls the triggers of his pistols relentlessly. A hoard of bullets come screaming from the barrel of his guns. At first, Beter was taken aback.

Holy brap, Cool Kid's firing bullets faster than Jim Davis pumps out quality content!

Cuts to a scene of John Arbuckle sitting in his armchair.

Now where could my pipe be?

Beter, smoking the pipe says "Holy brap, this is smokier than Iowa in the Obama Tales!"

Cuts back to the Obama Tales.

It is now nighter time, but Jeb! can't sleep. He is haunted by his thoughts. He gets up and walks towards the Missississippi river. Looking into the reflection he sees not himself, but Dark Jeb!.

"Look how far you've come" Dark Jeb! chuckles. "We're practically indistinguishable!"

"No!" Jeb! panicked "I'm not anything like you! I didn't do it! I'm not a monster!"

Dark Jeb! laughed, his form shifting to that of the Donald "Jeb! is a waste! Jeb! is a big FAT MISTAKE. He's low energy! It's true! Just look at him tonight, he's practically pissing his pants!"

Jeb! hears the echoes of a thousand people laughing at him "I couldn't stop him" he cried through tears.

The Donald's image shifts again to George. He is turned away from Jeb!, talking to someone out of frame "and I told him to rig Florida, and he actually did it! What a fucking idiot!"

Jeb! cried harder, "I'm such a fool".

George then turns to Jeb!, and then morphs once more into his father. He lunges out of the water and grab's Jeb!'s throat. "Son, you are such a disappointment. The only thing you ever did that took any balls was killing me. Even then I can not find it in myself to care about you. It would be better if you stopped existing."

"Grghhhh, please" Jeb! choked.

"What are you going to do about it, son?"

Jeb! started turning, one eye glowing red. Fighting the urge, Jeb! slowly reached towards his pocket and grabbed a turtle. His eyes return to normal. He holds the turtle towards his father.

"Pathetic" George spat, disappearing into the water. Jeb! lay on the ground panting.

. . .

The sun showed bright on the new American morning, symbolizing that things may be improving soon.

"Time to hit the road! Obama shouted! HE then looked over to Jeb!. "Hey, uhhhhhh, Jeb!, you look rough. Did you, uhhhhh get enough sleep?"

"Sleep is important" Ron Paul noted inquisitively.

"I, uhh, had some stuff on my mind" Jeb! admitted.

"I know just the thing" Obama kicked, "this is my home state after all, I know all the best places!" Obama also knew all of the worst places, but he was not about to tell Jeb! that.

Obama stood at the side of the road and held out his thumb. Eventually a truck showed up. And driving that truck happened to be an old friend.

"Hank, I uhhhhh, knew I could trust you" Obama said getting in the Truck.

"I didn't think I'd see you here!" Hank said hugging his friend, "It's been so long."

"Too long" Obama corrected him.

"So is this the new crew you're with?" Hank said gesturing towards the other characters, "why's that man have a boot on his head?"

"He's a wizard." Obama stated.

"And the skeleton man?"

"Don't ask too many questions."

"Well, where do you want me to take y'all? You know I'd be more than happy to take you back to Texas with me for some steak."

"That would be nice," Obama admitted, "but first I want you to take us somewhere. Jeb! is troubled spiritually."

"Oh, you want me to take you guys there" Hank added cryptically.

Obama nodded knowingly, confirming that Hank was correct about his assessment. As a good friend Hank knew Obama well.

"Well, as they say in the Propane business, let's get this truck movin'" Hank put the pedal to the metal and drove down the road. Arriving minutes late to their next location.

Marianne's Orb shop.