Sugar Pie Honey Bunch
I'm weaker than a man should be
I can't help myself
I'm a fool in love 'ya see
Wanna tell you I don't love you,
Tell you that we're through
And I try...
But ev'ry time I see your face,
I get all choked up inside
When I call your name,
Boy, it starts to flame
Burning in my heart,
Tearing it all apart.
No matter how I try
My love I cannot hide...
I Can't Help Myself - Four Tops
The second worst part about the place was definitely the food, and he couldn't imagine it would improve much once they left. He realized that Rachel had completely spoiled him and his father for years, and he could easily eat twice as much as they were giving him, especially given how strenuous training was. If he was feeling wiped out by this, then he couldn't imagine how bad the wimpy kids had it. But the unexpected homesickness was definitely the worst part of all.
You spent your whole life bitching about the rez and tribe, made a big stink about getting the hell out, and now you're homesick? Right out of the gate? Pathetic.
Rachel commenced smacking him with a wooden spoon when he told her, first screeching about what an idiot he was, and then melting into a pile of tears and snot. Except for Billy, that sentiment seemed to be unanimous. His father was aware that Jacob was considering it for some time, and though he was hardly thrilled with the idea, he seemed supportive, in his own way.
"I'm proud of you, boy. You're doing a good thing. There's likely going to be a draft soon. Even Harry thought so. Better you go as a free man than get dragged in by the collar. Course, your uncle and I were older when we signed up, though."
"I'm ready as I'll ever be. There's no use waiting around." Billy frowned.
"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid, you hear? No heroics. And look after your cousin. Now, I know you've got your own ideas about what you're signing up for, but believe me when I tell you that it's not gonna be anything like what you imagined."
The old man was annoyingly right, as usual. He wasn't too keen on taking orders, or at least not from a total stranger, which was admittedly a major oversight. He'd get used to it eventually. And the cold showers. And the total lack of privacy. Hopefully one would help alleviate the other, but these early results were not promising. His tiny bed in that shoebox of a bedroom was looking pretty good right about now.
"Mail!" barked the postal clerk, interrupting the tiny sliver of free time they had before dinner. "Anderson, Andrews, Baker, Bennett, Black-"
Jacob jumped at the sound of his name, hitting his head on the bunk. Getting assigned the bottom bed had to be some kind of prank.
"You've got two."
He nodded before strolling back to his bed, looking curiously at the letters in his hand. Predictably, Rachel had written him on behalf of the family, probably a novel-length list of questions and well-intentioned demands. He flipped over the second envelope for the return address:
Bella Swan
503 Deerfield Lane
Forks, Washington
He blinked, rereading it over and over again to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with his eyesight, and dropped heavily onto the mattress. He debated whether or not to open it, as he had promised himself he wasn't going to think about her anymore, or talk about her, or fantasize about her. It wasn't going well.
"Oh, what the hell," he muttered, tearing it open.
Dear Jacob,
It's really hard to believe you aren't here. I keep expecting to see you when I'm driving through town or the mountains. I don't think it's sunk in yet. Maybe it won't. I went to the reservation today, in case you were wondering how I found you. It's too quiet there now, eerie even. I think it misses you too.
I'm heading back to school in a few days. All of my things are packed up in boxes, and I'd forgotten how much of a pain in the ass it is. Every surface has something on it, so I've got to write this on the floor, which makes this a literal pain in the ass, too. Dad's working late again, so Aretha is keeping me company. It feels so empty here without you.
I know you told me goodbye, and I understand that you aren't coming back to Washington, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends, if you'll let me. I miss you, and I want to know that you're alright. I might even forgive you for running off like that.
Be careful, and say hello to Jared for me.
Bella
"Shit," he whispered, his head landing on the pillow.
It was going to happen all over again, wasn't it? A familiar mixture of longing and guilt pumped through his veins. He thought he was going to leave her alone so she could go live her life, but she was stubbornly refusing to play ball. The increasing absurdity of his situation made him chuckle to himself. If she were there, she would probably punch him again, pink and pouty, going into extensive detail about how big of an ass he was, and then he'd have no choice but to lift her up and end the rampage with a firm kiss on the lips. How intoxicating it would be to breathe her air again, his fingers entangled in her hair, her little fingernails scraping across his chest and sending a shiver down his spine. One more taste of the delicious little bit of flesh just behind her ear.
He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to drag himself back to reality.
What the fuck do I do?
"What's the matter with you?"
Fred, a tall, lanky kid barely older than Jacob, was leaning against the bed railing, watching him with a quizzical brow.
"It's nothing."
"Rachel crawling up your ass, Jake?" asked Jared, perching on the opposite bed with his own mail.
"No," he grunted, shoving the letter under his pillow.
"Oooh, it's Bella, isn't it?"
"Who's that, his girlfriend?"
"No." He hoped his tone would end the questioning, but without success.
"Yes," said Jared. "Man, I told you she wasn't going to go along with it."
Jake sighed heavily at the unwelcome commentary. His cousin was against the idea from the get-go. It was easy for him to say: everyone liked Kim. He already promised her they'd get married once he came home. But for Jake, as much as it hurt, it felt like the right thing to do.
"Did he knock her up or something?"
"No. He tried to be all noble or something and dump her before he left for her own good. I bet she hated that," said Jared with a chuckle.
"You guys are talking about me like I'm not here."
"Sounds loony to me, man." Fred tore open an envelope and wandered off, nearly tripping over a chair on his way.
"Thanks for that," Jacob said darkly once he was out of earshot.
"I told you. What'd she say?"
"She asked to be friends." He was already weary of this. Barely five minutes to digest it before yet another person chimed in on his love life.
"Wow, she's taking it better than I thought."
"Believe, if she could reach through the page and smack me herself, she would."
"She's a feisty one." He paused, finally serious again, and studied Jacob's face. "So, what're you gonna do?"
"I don't know. I want to say yes. I miss seeing her and talking to her, but if I do, I'm done for."
"You're already done for, so what does it matter?"
What did it matter, anyways? There wasn't anyone else for him but her. Instead of lying to himself and trying to pretend he didn't need her as badly as he did, there could still be a small part of her that belonged to him.
"Yeah, I guess it doesn't."
It wasn't until it was too late that Bella discovered she might have bitten off more than she could chew. She stumbled out of her seat and gathered up a growing stack of books as thick as doorstops, trying not to slip and roll her ankle on the obscured steps in front of her.
Five classes? What was I thinking?
Graduating early was a lot more tantalizing in the abstract. Her time management skills had slipped a notch since she first started college, back when she was overloading herself with classes purely for the love of the game, before she had anything else to do with her free time. There came the occasional pang of worry that she wasn't doing college "right," whatever that meant. Perhaps she should do things with her friends more often, go to parties and formals and football games, instead of cloistering herself like a nun. A memory flashed before her eyes again: hooting and laughter and the crackling of roman candles, the wind in her hair as they careened down the highway with nothing but the moon to light the way. She sighed and shook her head before shoving open the front door to the English building and stepping blindly out onto the walkway in front of her.
Smack.
Everything in her arms hit the brick upon colliding with some innocent passerby. If it weren't for the cool hand delicately gripping her elbow, she would have gone down with them.
"Careful!"
A quick glance revealed that usual charming smile, although somewhat diminished.
"E-edward," she stammered as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight. He dutifully dropped her arm once she was stabilized. She could feel herself turning pink, half out of embarrassment from her moment of grace, and half because it was the first time their eyes had met since before Rose's engagement. He crouched down and began collecting her books, and she followed him onto her knee.
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. You don't have to do that-"
"It's quite alright," he replied, examining the spine of one of the lesser volumes. "Your books, on the other hand, might not last the semester at this rate."
He stood, lifting the neat stack he assembled, and offered it back to her. She managed a grateful smile.
"I was always hard on books," she said. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ears, fighting the impulse to hide behind it. "That's why I buy hardcovers when I can." He nodded.
"Good idea."
With the books collected and Bella righted, there wasn't much else to do but tolerate the palpable tension. She fumbled with her load, occasionally looking up at him in the hopes that he would say something. Finally, he cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry; I don't mean to keep you. It seems like you have a lot on your plate. I'll get going."
"It's alright," she squeaked. "I'm not in a rush. I'm just taking these back to my room."
"Mind if I walk with you?" he asked, gesturing ahead.
"Uh, no, not at all."
Tentatively, one foot, then the other, and suddenly they were walking together again under the creaking oaks that lined the mossy walkways of the academic campus. She wondered if it looked as strange as it felt. Still, despite the awkwardness, there was something about it that felt right.
His hands were in his pockets. She was used to watching him glide around campus with that debonaire smile that he gave like a gift to everyone, though somehow without the arrogance that usually accompanied such a personality. A blonde girl waved to him as she passed, but he didn't seem to notice.
Since when is Edward the shy one?
"Looks like you've got a full schedule this semester," he said. She nodded.
"I'm taking five this time around. I have twice as much reading to do now, especially since I'm not taking any more science courses. It's a lot, but I like my classes."
"I seem to remember you didn't care much for the frog dissection," he chuckled.
"Definitely not, but it was the cat that finally broke me. I'm not sure that was really necessary to understand the vertebrates chapters. At least he wasn't black."
"True. Though, I don't think Salem would have held it against you even if it was."
He remembers?
"What about you?"
"Me? Oh, the usual. Statistics is occupying most of my time. I'll have the senior finance course in the spring, and the rest is business electives. Nothing too exciting."
Running his fingers through his hair, he strolled along at the pace her shorter legs allowed. Were people looking at them? She was certain the breakup was old news by now, so this must have been a bit confusing, especially to his swarm of fangirls.
"I admire how hard you're working," he continued, to her surprise. "That's quite a workload. I might have graduated early if I was that motivated."
"You had a lot on your plate, too. I know the crew team was important to you."
"Crew was important to my father," Edward replied in a faintly disgruntled tone. "He was captain of his team for two years when he was at U-Penn. I don't regret joining, mind you. I enjoyed it, and I made some great friends on the team, but I do regret the time it took away from the things that were truly important to me." He sighed. "That's why I decided that last season would be my final one."
She came to a halt.
"Really?" He stopped, looking back at her with solemn eyes. He nodded.
"Wow, what did your dad say?"
"He wasn't pleased," he said with consideration. "But I didn't expect he would be, so I don't particularly care. I'll be done with school soon enough, and then he won't have a say in any part of my life. Not that he won't try," he added.
"He'll come around. I bet the wedding will help keep him occupied." He snorted.
"That's one way to put it. Speaking of which, they finally set a date. October 6th." She cocked her head.
"So soon? That's such a huge undertaking." He rolled his eyes.
"Mother booked the hall and made half the arrangements back in June. Which…" He reached into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out a lilac envelope. "Rosalie asked me to give you this."
Bella tugged carefully at the flap, and pulled out a little card. It was richly decorated, a lacy archway of pink and lilac roses embossed above a serpentine script so perfect and elegant that it was nearly impossible to read.
Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen
Request the honor of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter,
Rosalie Lillian Cullen,
To
Mr. Emmett Joseph McCarty
Saturday, October 6th
At St. Andrew's Episcopal Church,
Port Angeles, Washington
Reception to follow at
The Winston Hotel
Kindly R.S.V.P. at your earliest convenience.
She gaped at the invitation in her hand, trying to work out how and why she was reading it in the first place, before giving up and looking to Edward for answers.
"She invited me to her wedding?" He nodded.
"You were already invited, though since that was...before, I understand why you might be confused."
"And she still wants me to come?" It was increasingly difficult not to sound totally incredulous.
"I know it sounds odd, but I think she likes you, in her very… Rosalie way."
"Wow," breathed Bella, staring down at the frilly two-dollar cardstock. Maybe she should feel more honored than dumbfounded. Whatever had somehow endeared her to Rosalie was a complete mystery, especially given what had come to pass. Regardless, she would take whatever good will was offered to her.
"You don't need to answer right away. I know it's a little out of the blue, and she won't be offended if you can't come. She just wanted to extend an invitation."
"Please thank her for me," she replied. "I'll let you know as soon as I can."
"I will." He glanced at his watch. "Yikes, I should be going. I have class in ten minutes. It was nice seeing you again, Bella."
"You too, Edward." With a smile and a stiff wave, he departed, leaving her to make the rest of her journey alone and wondering what the fuck just happened.
When she arrived home for the weekend later that afternoon, she found that she was to receive not one mysterious envelope that day, but two, the second bearing two words she had hoped, but not expected, to see. She pressed her lips together, her heart now fluttering like hummingbird wings, and excitedly jogged up the steps to the front porch. Charlie greeted her inside with a hug and kiss on the forehead, but his eyes soon dropped down to her hand.
"Got some mail, did ya?"
"Yeah," she said, trying to swallow the mixture of emotions that were now beginning to cloud her brain. "Something from Mom."
"Right, right," he grunted.
Shit, I need to get these sent to the school.
"You're cooking dinner tonight, right?"
"Uh, yes. Just let me get some homework done first."
She breezed past him, climbing the stairs at breakneck speed and dropping her bag haphazardly by her bedroom door, when she finally came to rest on her bed. Now that she had it in her hands, his name staring back at her, she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to open it. He could agree, but he might rebuff her, and then this would be the last she ever heard from Jacob Black. Holding in a deep breath, she tore it open the battered paper with shaking hands.
Bells,
I'm glad you're getting back out of your old man's house. I know you're in a dorm with a curfew and everything, but promise you'll sneak out a few times at least. You've got to get into enough trouble for the both of us now. I guess you should actually study and get good grades, but you're such a giant nerd that I don't think I need to worry about it.
As much as I miss it, I'm having trouble feeling much sympathy for your ass. I thought I was in pretty good shape before I left, but I was sore for weeks after training started. I haven't run this much since I was a kid. I don't mind that stuff, really. It's the assholes yelling everything at you all damn day that grinds my gears. They make Leah look like Donna Reed.
I don't know that it's sunk in for me, either. I keep waking up expecting to be back home, listening to my sister yapping at Dad about his medicine before I go to work, like I'm at one of those fancy summer camps for rich kids, except not fun and I don't get to go home in two weeks. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I miss Washington already. I know I carped about it a lot, but it's still home. Everyone I care about is there.
And of course I'll be your friend. I'd tell you that I'm going to be fine, but I know you wouldn't listen, so I guess I'm going to have to keep telling you on the regular until I'm on the plane home. It's a big sacrifice, you know, but I think your forgiveness is a pretty good tradeoff.
I miss you too, Bells. I'm sorry.
- Jake
P.s. Jared said to tell you that I'm a dumbass and he doesn't know why you put up with me. I told him you already knew all that.
"Giddy" was the word for it, followed by the soreness in her heart that she'd only just recently calmed into a dull ache as she fixated on just two lines.
I miss you too, Bells. I'm sorry.
A forbidden tear clawed its way to the surface. The mix of pain and joy was dizzying. He left her right as she was teetering on the edge of something she hadn't felt before, something exciting, terrifying, amazing, overwhelming, and maybe a little nauseating. But now she had to move on, no matter how much she wished that summer would never end. She shouldn't let herself go there again, but now he would at least allow her to keep that little ember aglow.
She knelt down to stash the letter in the pocket of her bag, and discovered that she had put Rosalie's invitation there as well. With one in each hand, she pondered the whirlwind that was this day. Maybe things would work out. Maybe she wouldn't lose two of the most important men in her life, but gain two friends. Maybe everything would be okay.
A/N: Looks like this could be the start of something, but what? Things are beginning to heat up again for everybody, and not always in the way they hope.
Sorry, I know my pace has slowed down a bit. There's some big stuff not far on the horizon, and I want to make sure we get there the right way. I have also started working on a shorter J&B story set in the present, under the working title The Pact, which I will hopefully begin posting sometime in April.
Thanks for reading, and please keep leaving your thoughts in the comments!
