Why hello again- and only ten days later. I hope all is well and you are all practicing some major social distancing! Seeing as the world is imploding around us, I wish you nothing but safety and love during this turbulent time.
As for this chapter- it's more adult-themed and deals with difficult issues that may be triggering for some.
I hope you enjoy another chapter and have a lovely day!
Also! A HUGE Shout-out to my one reviewer!
Thank you so much Asteroth1
It's people like you that made me want to come back after my billion-year sabbatical. So, thank you.
READ ON!
I hear my classmate's reactions before I feel the pain. And boy do I feel the pain. I try to stay standing as I experience the spell ripple through every part of my being. Being a vampire doesn't stop the pain from an unforgivable curse- nothing does.
The cuts from my bleeding feel like they are re-opening- one by one, deeper and deeper they go. Meanwhile, my brain has the vision of Pansy and Draco on loop- torturing my self-respect as much as my body.
And just like that, it all goes away. I pant heavily leaning on my knees. The cacophony of classmates shouting at Carrow is deafening. My fangs had descended during the ordeal and I needed to focus to make them go away. This is not a vampire issue- this is a witch issue and I need to stay in control. No matter how much I want to rip out both of their throats.
"Continue. She's still got her wand in hand hasn't she?" Carrow says icily, ignoring the uproar of his students. I glance at the vampires along the wall- watching all of this. They look neither amused nor interested. Well, the bald one looked semi-gleeful, but that was it.
"Silencio," I mutter aiming my spell directly for Carrow. It hits him and I know I should have disarmed Crabbe or Pansy, but he was the reason we're doing this. He's the cause for the majority of the misery at this school. The look on his face when he realizes he can't hear himself speak is priceless.
I stand up straighter, ready for round two. I wouldn't be distracted again.
Except I was, I wasted my spell on Carrow and gave Pansy another opening, because I feel that pleasant gust of wind hit my face again.
No. No more memories. Focus. I raise my wand to shout my disarming spell when my mind goes blank.
I'm lying on a bed. I feel him on top of me, moving against me. Inside of me. No not me. Her. I'm not her. He's nuzzling her neck and she's moaning in pleasure. Pleasure I can feel, but I don't want to. This is wrong, and I hate this. I fall to my knees trying to think about anything other than what this memory makes me see and feel.
I don't hear Crabbe's curse, but I do feel the pain. It hits me even stronger than before- mixing with my inner turmoil. I need… I don't know what I need. The pain wouldn't be so bad if I didn't hear Draco's voice inside my head growing louder, calling out Pansy's name as he pumps faster.
I vomit all over the floor.
"Enough!" someone growls over the shouts- of disgust, pity, I don't know.
The pain stops- the memory doesn't. Draco and Pansy cry out together and he collapses on top of me, I mean her. The tears fall of their own free will. I've never felt so defiled and pathetic. Ever. And I was lying on a table bleeding to death only a month or so ago.
I laugh bitterly as I wipe off my mouth.
"Scourgify."
The puke disappears, and a shiny new floor lies in front of me.
"I didn't think vampires would be so squeamish." Crabbe guffaws- only a few laugh with him. A vampire made him stop?
"You girl- what memory did you throw at her?"
I dare a glance up. Paige is standing in front of Pansy looking like she'd love nothing more than to carve out her heart.
"I… I … It's none of your business." Pansy stammers, very weakly.
"It's fine. I'm fine." I croak trying to stand up. I lose my balance and fall to my elbow. I don't want Pansy sharing what she sent my way.
"You're not fine," Neville says gently, grabbing my arm and lifting me up- with incredible ease mind you. "And that's okay." He adds pulling me closer to him- and farther away from my attackers.
"I don't know what you're bothering her for- I'm the one that made her throw up all over herself." Crabbe boasts.
"Stupefy," Neville yells, hitting Crabbe directly in the chest. He flies backward landing limply in a pile of chairs.
"Detention Longbottom!" Carrow growls.
I grab Neville's wrist before he does something he seriously regrets. "He's not worth it," I mutter, trying to suppress my shaking hand. His blood calls to me through his skin, more so than usual. Probably because I feel like utter shit now, but whatever.
"I'm taking her to the hospital wing," Neville says venomously, pocketing his wand and steering me towards the door.
Carrow looks like he's about to pop a vein in his head. Before he can get another word in Amara speaks, very clearly- for all to hear.
"That does seem like the best course of action, seeing as she was hit with an unforgivable curse and a mind-meld spell within a few seconds of each other."
"Twice." Adds Paige, not having moved an inch away from Pansy in all that time.
"Oh yes. Twice. I'm sure the Vampire Liaison will be quite interested in hearing how his sister was treated our very first day here."
I glance over my shoulder to see Carrow grow a shade paler, and Amara wink in my direction before the door shuts behind us.
"We should have just dueled like normal, instead of playing around," Neville says under his breath half carrying me down the hall.
"But it was funny." I laugh through my shaking teeth. Although the pain is gone- the memory of her memory lingers so fresh in my brain I have to keep swallowing to keep from puking again.
"God Delilah. I'm sorry." He says pausing for a moment as he rubs my arms with his hands.
"I'm okay." I lie, "I don't need to go to the hospital wing- just take me to Headmaster Snape's office."
His hands pause. Ah, right, he hates Snape with an undying passion of a thousand burning suns.
"You won't have to wait with me- just get me there. He'll be able to help better than Madame Pomfrey, I promise."
He grants me a heavy sigh but doesn't argue as he steers me in that direction.
"Can I ask what happened back there?"
"I got my ass handed to me." I chuckle hopelessly, as another flashback of the memory hits me.
"With Pansy's spell I mean- it looked like you were almost in more pain before Crabbe did the unthinkable."
"Yes, well… I don't know that mind-meld spell, but it sucked. And it was not okay. Never in a million years- was what she did okay." I say slowly, resentfully.
She turned something that was supposed to be special- something that I should have experienced for the first time when I chose- into a gross and ruined memory. And to top it off- it was with Draco. My Draco. I think I may vomit again.
"Hey. You don't have to talk about it. I've never seen you more…"
"Weak? Pathetic?" I toss in.
"I was going to say sad. You looked incredibly sad."
"Ah yes, well the memory she shoved in my head had to do with my boyfriend."
"Malfoy." He says his name like it's something you'd find in a toilet.
I laugh sadly, "Yes. Though I promise- he's not all that bad."
Neville gives me a knowing look.
"Well, he's not that bad anymore," I add.
"If you say so." He laughs. "Woah, speak of the devil."
"Delilah?"
His voice stills my heart, and not in a good way.
It's not his fault… he was allowed to do whatever and whomever he wanted… his body his choice kind of thing. I just shouldn't have had to partake in it.
I look up to see him jogging towards us. I tense up. I didn't think I'd have to see him so soon. I wanted to get to Snape first.
"What's going on?" He slows to a stop in front of us, looking questioningly between Neville and me.
"Ask your ex-girlfriend." Neville snaps at him, taking a step in front of me. I don't know how he could feel my anxiety. That I didn't want Draco any closer to me.
"Which one?" Draco smirks evilly.
"You're a pig."
"Get out of the way Neville. I'd like to speak to my current girlfriend, alone."
"I don't think so." Neville has put himself wholly in front of me now.
"Delilah. What's going on?" He speaks directly to me. I can't even look him in the eye.
"I'll catch up with you later okay?" I say softly, trying to ignore the memory that has come back into play in my mind. Fuck. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
"Delilah?" the cockiness in his voice is gone now.
"She said she will catch up with you later. You can go now."
"I wasn't talking to you, Longbottom." He growls.
"Stop. Please. I need to get to Snape." I whisper.
"Fine. Find me after," He says simply, not bothering to give Neville a second glance and walks past us.
The breath I didn't know I was holding finally slips out of me.
"Thank you."
"Don't mention it. I don't know how you deal with him on a daily basis."
"I love him," I admit.
"Might be your one fatal flaw." He takes my arm and helps me move forward.
"Not cool dude." I nudge him.
Silence falls between us. Giving me way too much time to think. Think about how Draco took that last interaction. I hope he just gives me time. I need to get these memories Out. Of. My. Head.
"And this is where I leave you. You sure you'll be okay? Waiting?"
"I'll be fine. Thanks, Neville. I know you probably think I hate you and all things red and gold, but I promise I don't. I never have."
"I know Delilah. Be safe. And watch your back." He gives me a small nod as he leaves me by the eagle to Snape's office. Now I wait.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
What the hell was that? I prowl angrily down the hall. Away from Delilah and Longbottom.
I felt her. Again. It was worse than last night. Much worse. One minute I'm listening to Binns drone on and on about 18th-century magic and the next I feel like my head is about to explode. I've never had a headache that strong, and I knew instinctively it was Delilah. Just like yesterday what I felt almost had an aura about it.
Listen to me… talking about auras. I shake my head dismissively.
And then, in the hallway, with Neville standing in front of her- like he was protecting her from me, I almost lost it. But Delilah wouldn't even look at me. She was timid, fearful, like before she became a vampire.
I thought I heard Neville say this was all my fault; that my garbage friends did this to her. But he didn't. At least not out loud. I might be losing my mind.
I couldn't get a read off of Delilah- besides the fact she wanted me to stay away. It almost felt like she was still in pain, but I looked her over and she seemed to be all in one piece.
I need to find out what happened.
I head for the common room. Classes should be breaking soon and the gang usually hangs there. At least when its mid-winter and freezing outside.
Classes must still be finishing up because there is barely anyone in here when I arrive. Which allows me to sit and ponder what the literal fuck has happened within the last 24 hours.
I take a seat in an armchair by the fire. I haven't spoken with mom in a while, not since the announcement about Damon. I should check in with her, maybe she's found out more about the bond.
The bond that has me feeling Delilah randomly- or maybe it's just in my head. But I can feel more… I don't know how to put it… more powerful when she's around? But then we have these vampires milling about now, and the fact Delilah allied herself with Xerxes.
I shudder. I will never forget the way Delilah looked strapped to that table. He caused that. And one way or another I'm going to make sure he's dead before the end of all this.
I stare into the fire- getting lost in the heat. I didn't think things could get more complicated than last year… with everything on my plate. Something I haven't been able to talk to anyone about- not even Snape. Though I'm sure he's gathered enough during our Occlumency lessons.
An influx of sound stirs me from my thoughts. The chair I had chosen was a high-back arm-chair that is not facing the entrance. If I stay still- no one should even notice I'm here.
At first, I don't recognize the voices that have come in- but they all seem hushed and whispering.
A few moments later Crabbe's annoyed voice echoes into the room.
"I cannot believe we have to wait until next class to be chosen. The vampires will have forgotten all that I did between now and then!" He curses- I'm sure to no one in particular.
"You mean getting knocked out by Longbottom?"
"That was outside of the duel! It doesn't count! Besides- after making Kane puke her guts up I think…"
"Draco is going to murder you," Gretel says somberly.
"I'd like to see him try- now that I know things he can't push me around anymore."
"You know nothing." Gretel's voice turns maniacal.
"Both of you- did you not see that stupid scene he put on for her in the great hall? The way he LOOKS at her. He never looked at any of us that way."
"You sound jealous." Pansy butts in.
"No you fool; I sound right. Whatever you did- pray to whomever you believe in that Delilah doesn't tell him."
"I did what I was expected to do! Carrow's been training me! I couldn't take it easy on her." Pansy says defensively.
"She is our friend Pansy. What I saw back there… I mean great job with the spell, and the teamwork, but Delilah looked… well I've never seen her look like that." Daphne says softly, almost ashamed.
"What are you all going on about? It was me who threw the winning blow! Is NO ONE going to talk about my perfect execution of the Cruciartus curse?"
Up until that point, I had felt numb and confused. I don't know what exactly happened, but it sounded … horrible. Crabbe's cruel words lit a fire inside me that had me standing.
I flick my wand towards him- not uttering a word. He flies backward and hits his head against the wall- crumbling to the floor. Un-moving.
The whole room goes silent as all eyes turn to me. The anger burns me alive as I walk over to his unconscious body. What to do with him? Roasting him alive seems like an excellent option. Unfortunately, murdering a fellow student probably isn't allowed under the new regime quite yet. With another flick of my wand his shoes are tied together and I have him dangling in the air- upside-down.
"Draco…" Daphne says my name cautiously.
The look I cast them all silenced any further thought of speaking.
I float him up to the middle of the common room and attach him to the light fixture. A few spells later and I place my wand back in my pocket.
"How long are you going to leave him there?" Daphne asks.
"Until midday tomorrow. Or longer. It depends on how I feel. If any of you try to help him I'll do worse to you." I say bitterly.
"Draco, we were just doing what Carrow wanted," Pansy says raising her hands in surrender.
"And what was that exactly Pansy?" I don't keep the contempt from my voice as I glare down at her. The rest of our group averts their eyes.
"He wanted me to distract her so Crabbe could do his thing- I didn't know it would be an unforgivable curse."
"And how did you distract her?"
"I… I just placed some memories in her mind. That's it."
"Memories?" That gives me pause.
"A mind-meld spell Draco. Carrow's been trying to teach some of the females ways to distract in a fight." Daphne interjects.
"Instead of you know- just teaching us how to fight," Gretel adds with an eye roll.
"Yeah- see? It's no big deal." Pansy says pushing past.
I grab her by the wrist and yank her back in front of me.
"What memories?" I growl.
"Ugh, fine… it's not even that big of a deal. It was of us having sex okay?" She says semi-blushing.
"Us having sex?" I repeat, knowing I sound pretty lame.
"Yeah- like you've had with all your girlfriends?" she yanks out of my grasp.
I stand there… looking between them, the three of them, stunned. I guess I shouldn't be. They were all bound to talk.
"It still doesn't make it right Pansy," Daphne argues.
"Like when you rubbed it in my face after he dumped me and started dating you?"
"Whoa, that was like two years ago. Hold a grudge much?" Gretel steps in between the two of them.
"Don't even get me started on you!" Pansy shouts, shoving Gretel.
I take a step back from their commotion. The anger I had been feeling churns into something worse- something like… was this guilt? They'd all been my girlfriends at one point in time; I'd had sex with all of them. And I've slept with a handful of others that I didn't bother to date.
I don't regret it. Not entirely. But seeing how Lila looked at me. It wasn't jealousy in her eyes. She looked- she looked haunted. Why did she look that way? Why not angry or furious at having to see me with another girl?
"SHUT UP!" I shout at them. They'd only increased in volume and were about to have a catfight right here in the common room.
"All three of you knew what you were getting yourself into with me. I was very clear about my intentions and my commitment issues."
"Yeah, well, obviously things have changed," Pansy says, almost pouting.
"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask.
"She's just butt-hurt you didn't change for her. I mean, isn't that why we risked getting involved with you? In hopes, we'd be the one to make you fall in love." Daphne answers with a small, knowing smile.
Gretel scoffs, "Not me. I just wanted to have passionate unforgettable sex."
I laugh at that. She wasn't lying- she was one of the only reasons I didn't lose my mind last year. But all she had been was a physical way to let out my pent up fear and anger. She had never pried. And when I ended things she simply said, 'Thanks for the fun times.' And walked away.
"Did Delilah not know? About all of us?" Daphne asks, probably wondering the same thing. Why would she have reacted so poorly to seeing me with Pansy?
"No she knew, but she never made me feel bad about it. She never even showed that much jealousy over it. Only when I was with Beth did she go all… Delilah."
"Well, did she not like having sex with you then? It brought up bad memories for her?" Gretel chides.
I pause at her words. They didn't know we haven't had sex. I mean usually, sex is, well was, a pretty early and often kind of thing.
"Oh come on, she couldn't possibly have not liked it. I mean, even we all agree that you're pretty damn phenomenal."
"Don't tell him that! He doesn't need any more of an ego boost." Pansy snaps at Gretel, shutting her up.
"Not that it's really any of your business, but we haven't had sex," I admit. I'm not ashamed, but with her being a vampire it makes things just a tad more difficult. Not that I haven't wanted to. I don't think I've ever wanted someone more in my life. Just thinking those thoughts sends a shiver of pleasure down my body.
"Well, shit," Daphne mutters. She never cusses. Ever.
"Wait, why?" I look between her and Pansy who now looks paler than a ghost.
"Because that spell doesn't just show images. It's her literal memory getting implanted. So Delilah would have experienced having sex with you… through Pansy's memory… for the first time." Daphne explains, slowly.
"Having sex with anyone, actually," Gretel adds.
"Wait, what?!" Pansy looks at her, eyes wide.
"Beth told me the two of them were waiting… for their true love and all that. Insert eye-roll here of course, but yeah. If she hasn't had sex with Draco yet… then she hasn't had sex with anyone. Well, until that memory royally fucked with her head."
"I think I'm going to be sick," Pansy says.
That numb feeling comes back. I think I may have forgotten how to breathe. What am I supposed to do? No wonder she couldn't look at me. No wonder Neville hadn't let me go near her. I run my fingers through my hair in absolute horror.
At that moment Crabbe wakes up and starts screaming and screaming as he dangles from the ceiling. Without another word to the girls I walk away. I silence Crabbe as I exit the common room and head out into the castle not knowing where I was headed, or what I was going to do.
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