SS 98

Maya sat across from Shawn at a family diner about three miles from the hospital. Despite the mountains of Chinese food back in Riley's room, Maya hadn't been able to stomach the idea of eating anything at the hospital.

Maya almost groaned when she took the first bite of the massive cheeseburger that the waitress had placed down in front of her. Shawn, who had just taken a bite of his own burger had a similar reaction.

" So are we going to talk about it?" Shawn asked between bites of his burger, looking up to watch Maya from across the table. Maya stalled by taking a long drink of her diet soda, trying to decide exactly what she wanted to say.

" We could talk about it" Maya offered, poking her pile of fries around her plate with her fork.

"You start" Shawn prodded her forward.

"I think it was just being there, you know, in a hospital" Maya began, watching her fork rather than looking up at her dad.

"It brought it all back?" he offered. Maya nodded, biting the inside of her cheek.

"It's the same for me too " Shawn confided, Maya looking up, finally meeting Shawn's gaze. She felt her heart lift slightly as her own grief reached out to meet his. They were both passengers on the same ship that was taking on water. It was so easy for Maya to lose sight of that, and feel like she was the only one bailing out the bottom of the boat, but when she looked up and saw someone beside her, the rain almost started to clear.

"I think it was the smell" Maya mused

" and the lights" Shawn added, " and the chairs, do all hospitals have the same awful chairs?" Maya almost cracked a smile.

" I hate that that's my last memory of her. Fluorescent overhead lighting in a room that didn't smell right. It wasn't supposed to be like that"

Towards the end of Katy's life, nothing had gone as planned. Her doctors had estimated that she around 6 months left to live, but Katy had bearly lasted six weeks. An infection had ravaged her already weakened immune system, cutting her life even shorter than they had feared. Katy hadn't wanted to go into Hospice. She had wanted to be at home, but in the end, she hadn't gotten her wish.

"Do you think we talk about her enough?" Shawn asked, absent-mindedly poking at the fries on his plate.

" I hope we do" Maya answered

" Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't talk about her. Like today, this was so not supposed to be about me and yet I'm the one who started to lose it"

Shawn reached across the table to squeeze her hand.

" There's no time frame for grief, and I don't want you to ever feel like you cant come to me, or to anyone else about it"

" Well I don't want you to feel like you can't lean on me too" Maya responded.

"Because we're it now. We're what we've got"

Maya looked down at her plate, avoiding his eyes again.

Shawn squeezed her hand again, neither of them exactly sure what to say.

Josh, Amy, and Alan were all in the kitchen when Shawn and Maya arrived back in the house. Shawn shrugged off his coat and started towards the direction of the kitchen, but Maya had other plans, shuffling in the direction of the staircase.

She could barely bring herself to climb up the stairs of the Matthews house. Her feet felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each. Her crappy night sleep and the emotional upheaval of the day had completely drained her of energy. It was barely four o'clock in the afternoon, but all Maya wanted to do was crawl into bed and go to sleep. She stifled a massive yawn as she pushed open the door to the second bedroom and climbed into the bed, still wearing her jeans. It wasn't until her head hit the pillow that she realized she had once again made herself at home in Josh's room, rather than going back into the room she usually shared with Riley. Maya shrugged it off. She somehow doubted that anyone would give her shit for it that day.

Maya slipped into the sleep fairly quickly, her mind and body finally giving away to the exhaustion she had been trying to ward off all day. It was dark out when Maya woke up a few hours later. Her eyes were still heavy from sleep and her legs felt a little stiff from sleeping in her jeans. Maya had no idea what time it was but a big part of her just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.

Maya heard the door crack open. She rolled over and saw Josh slipping into the room, doing his best to balance a tray and close the door at the same time. Seeing that she was already awake, Josh flashed her a smile.

" My mom made soup" he offered, extending the tray out to her. Maya pushed herself up a little in bed so that she could accept the food.

" I feel like a little kid" Maya joked, picking up the spoon and giving the soup a small stir. Josh sat down on the bed next to her.

"Did you get some sleep?" He asked as Maya broke off a piece of the bread that had been placed on the tray and dunked it into the soup.

" Some, is everyone back?" She asked, wondering if Cory and Topanga had returned, or if they had any updates on Riley.

"Cory just got home. Topanagas staying the night at the hospital. They think that Riley is going to be discharged this afternoon"

"Good" the soup was almost too hot to eat, but Maya ate it quickly, not realizing how hungry she still was.

"But what then?" She asked as an afterthought.

"What do you mean?" Josh asked, unsure of what she meant.

" I mean, what's going to happen next. Rileys still going to have weeks of recovery. Is she going to come back home? I mean she can't go back to school, but then what happens with this semester?"

" I have no idea. I mean these are extraordinary circumstances, I'm sure Penn will let her off without incompletes. She'll just have to retake those classes next year" Josh reasoned.

"She's going to hate that. She hates feeling like she's getting left behind"

" I don't think she's got much of a choice"

" I know, selfishly I'd be happy if she was coming back home for a while. I miss her, but she also hasn't been herself in a while. It might be good for her too"

Josh nodded.

" Are you done with this?" Josh asked, referring to the tray on her lap. She nodded, letting Josh clear the plate away. He got up, placed the tray on top of the dresser, and went back over to sit on the bed.

"What time is it?" Maya asked, stifling another yawn behind her hand.

"A little after 7" Josh replied. " Do you want to go downstairs?"

"Not really" Maya answered honestly, nestling back down in the bed.

"Is it extremely lame if I say I just want to go back to bed?"

" A little" Josh teased. Maya stuck her tongue out at him before pulling the blankets up under her chin.

"Can I ask you to do something lame?" Josh smirked at her,

"Sure"

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Schoch over" he prodded. Maya moved over in bed, lifting up her head so that Josh could slide his arm behind her.

She sighed happily.

"Good night" She muttered. Josh pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Good night"