Getting Through It
"What happened?" Punk asked, watching AJ come back into the kitchen, holding Mirren who she seen to on her way back downstairs, scooping her tiny little self into her arms to save her daughter from having to soothe her.
"She basically threw me out of the room." AJ shook her head, still in a little bit of shock. She knew her daughter was struggling, that was very clear to her now, and she was clearly having a hard time adapting to motherhood and becoming confident in herself, but she didn't expect her to be aggressive. Jude was never an aggressive person and it worried AJ.
"What do you mean she threw you out?" Punk asked.
"She… grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room." AJ shook her head.
"Seriously?" Punk asked, "What the hell?" He shook his head, "I'm gonna go talk to her." He said, about to walk out the kitchen.
"No, just… just leave her." AJ warned, "She hates this. She hates everyone going up one by one to check on her. It probably reminds her of… when she was attacked." She said, "Everyone tiptoeing around her, checking in on her… it's probably bringing it all back for her." AJ said, "She's hurting right now and she's not herself." She said.
"What are we supposed to do?" Sean asked helplessly, "We can't drag her outside, and we can't force her to talk." He said.
"We just need to be there for her right now. Small steps." AJ nodded, "I'll see if Thea can come around tomorrow and talk to her. They can normally get through to one another." She said as Punk nodded.
"She has her down moments and all but… it's never been like this." Sean shook his head.
"It's a form of depression. And her not wanting to leave the house is… it's like anxiety too." AJ sighed, "But we'll be there for her."
"She needs to speak to someone." Punk shook his head, "Whether it's therapy or… just a doctor." He said.
"Telling her to do something right now is just gonna drive her further away from it. She has to realise on her own. We'll be there to support her, but she needs to realise she needs the help. Us telling her isn't registering." AJ said.
"I've suggested therapy to her before. Even before Mirren was born. I always talked to her about it, said it might be helpful to meet people who've been… sexually assaulted too. I figured it might not make her feel so alone." Sean said, "But… the idea never really hit home with her. I think she just sees it as a place to make it more clear what happened to her and that scares her. I don't think this is just postpartum depression, I think it's… it's that mixed in with stuff that's been on her mind for a long time." Sean nodded.
"We'll get her help." AJ sighed to herself, "This is just all really overwhelming for her." She nodded, looking down at Mirren who was quiet and peaceful in her arms, a little angel with the cutest little face and fuzzy brown hair, "She really is perfect." AJ smiled softly as Sean looked over.
"Yeah, I think so." Sean agreed as AJ smiled.
"I can stay here tonight if you need any help." Punk nodded to Sean.
"No, I'll be ok. Like you said, I think Jude needs a little space. As much as she needs to be around people, I think she needs to calm down a little bit first." Sean said as AJ nodded.
"Well we're here if you need anything. And we'll stop in every day." AJ nodded, "She'll get through this." She said confidently, "She's a tough girl."
"Yeah, she is." Sean agreed, "You guys should get home. I'll drop a text and let you know how she's doing in the morning." He nodded.
"Maybe I could go with Dominic to pack up stuff in Milwaukee and Thea could come here. Spend a day with Jude." Punk suggested as AJ nodded.
"Yeah, that's a good idea." AJ nodded.
"Yeah, well… we'll be home." Sean nodded to them tiredly as they gave him a sympathetic smile. On the upside, it was relieving to see their daughter had a great support system in Sean. He was always there for her, but they could see this was weighing him down too.
"Ok well dad and Dominic can go to Milwaukee and box more things up and… we can go see Jude in the morning." Thea nodded to her mother.
"Yeah, I think that's best." AJ said, "I didn't realise she was struggling that much."
"Neither did I." Thea shook her head, standing in the kitchen clearing up after dinner.
"She just needs some help, that's all. We'll be there for her." AJ nodded, "She's just always so hard on herself." She sighed sadly.
"She's been like that since she was a kid." Thea nodded, "I remember when we used to walk home from school and if she'd done badly on an exam or something, she'd beg me not to say anything to you." She shook her head, "She cares a lot about what people think." Thea nodded.
"The last thing I want is for her to think she's a bad mom." AJ shook her head worriedly, "She's just so new to this and she… she needs to give herself time to adjust." She said as Thea nodded.
"She'll get through it." Thea nodded confidently, folding her arms, "How's the head?" She asked.
"Yeah, it's alright." AJ said briefly, looking up at Thea who raised a brow, "Ok, it's… it's sore. Of course it's sore. But I'm not sitting on the couch all day, I'll go insane." She said, "And Jude needs me right now."
"Just take it easy." Thea said, "Where is dad?" She asked.
"He went to the station to see how things were going, talk to Cassie about it." AJ said.
"I thought he would." Thea nodded, "Dominic's taken the kids for their baths." She said as AJ nodded, "I wanna thank you guys for letting us stay here during all of this. It's been difficult trying to figure out where we're staying and this has made it really easy on us." She said as AJ smiled.
"It's ok, baby. This is always your home." AJ assured her, "And I'm glad that you're both back in Chicago."
"Yeah, me too." Thea said, "Milwaukee was trash. I missed my city." She nodded, "I'm just glad that I managed to get James back into school here. I feel terrible for moving him around so much these past few months. I'm frightened it affects him."
"I think he's doing fine." AJ assured her, "He's young enough for it not to be such a huge deal." She nodded.
"I can't stop thinking about Jude." Thea sighed, "What… What can we even say? She's feeling these things and us telling her it's gonna be ok isn't what she wants to hear." She assumed.
"Then we just be there for her. We don't need to tell her, we just… do it." AJ nodded, "I was thinking we could take some breakfast round for her in the morning. We could watch a movie or something. Just be with her." She said as Thea nodded.
"Yeah. She definitely needs people around her." Thea agreed.
"Mommy! Daddy says you've to come braid my hair!" Sofia ran into the kitchen with wet hair and her hooded towel around her as AJ chuckled.
"I like this towel." AJ smiled.
"It's Disney princesses." Sofia told her as AJ smiled.
"Who is your favourite?" AJ asked curiously.
"Umm…" Sofia thought to herself, looking down at the towel, "Jasmine because she has a pet tiger." She nodded as Thea smiled.
"That's a good choice, baby." Thea nodded, "Let's go get this wet hair braided." She said, lifting up Sofia and leaving the kitchen as Sofia waved to AJ over her mother's shoulder, causing her to smile.
"Hey." Punk stuck his head into the living room later that night where AJ was sitting on the couch.
"Hey." AJ smiled, "You been at the station all this time?" She asked him, noticing it had gotten really late.
"Yeah, just talking with Cassie and Jake about everything. The good news is they're not charging me with anything." He said.
"Oh, well that is good news. You going to prison would be the cherry on top of a disasterous month." She nodded.
"Yeah, tell me about it." Punk said, "Brought you home a chocolate chip cookie." He said, collapsing down beside her on the couch.
"I'm gonna get fat if I just sit on the couch all the time eating junk food." She said, nevertheless taking the cookie from him.
"It's an apology cookie for being gone for so long tonight." Punk said, kissing her cheek as she smiled.
"Don't worry about it." She patted his thigh softly, "How's Cassie doing?"
"She's good. She's tired but she's… she's working hard." Punk nodded, "Where is the rest of the crew?" He asked.
"They're all in bed." AJ said, "Me and Thea are gonna go to Jude's in the morning. Take over some breakfast and spend some time with her. You're gonna go to Milwaukee with Dominic and help pack up more things from the house."
"Yeah, that's no problem." Punk nodded, "I suggested to Cassie about maybe her and Thea going over to Jude's one night. Have a sleepover. Do… sister stuff." He said, "She was down for that."
"That's a sweet idea." AJ smiled, rubbing his arm.
"Can't stop thinking about her." Punk admitted.
"Me neither." AJ sighed to herself, "It's just knowing that we can't do anything to make it go away. I just desperately wanna make it all better for her." She shook her head as Punk nodded.
"Yeah, I know." Punk said, "But she's gonna get the help she needs. From us, from doctors if she has to go, she's not alone. And Sean is there for her."
"I know, we have such good son-in-law's." AJ nodded, "Makes things a little easier."
"Yeah, it does." Punk agreed, "What you gonna go do tomorrow? Are you gonna talk to her or-"
"Well I told Thea that we could maybe just watch a movie. We don't have to talk to her about things. It's probably just gonna make it worse at this stage. I just want her to have us around her and… if she feels like talking then we're there to listen." AJ nodded.
"You're a good mama." Punk said, kissing her head as she smiled softly.
"I just wish I could have been there for her more these past few days." AJ shook her head.
"April, please don't be hard on yourself. You're struggling too. You had a pretty horrific accident. We're lucky you're here at all." Punk reminded her, "Now, I know you like to go all wonder woman on me but… you gotta take it easy too." He nodded, frightened that his wife was doing too much too quickly.
"All I'm doing is moving from this couch over to Jude's." AJ said, "I'll be fine." She assured him as he nodded.
"Well you can text me throughout the day and let me know how it goes." Punk said, "Make sure you tell Thea not to be too hard on her. You know how she can get."
"Yeah, sometimes Thea hurts to heal." AJ agreed, "She's worried about her, though."
"Yeah well we all are. She's been through enough." Punk shook his head, "Whenever I see any of them struggling I just… I still see them as little girls." He said as AJ nodded, "I'd take all the pain and whatever from them if I could."
"Yeah, I would too." AJ nodded, "We'll help her through it." She said as Punk nodded, watching her eat the cookie.
"Good?" He asked.
"Yeah, it is." AJ said, "I don't take myself for the cookie type but maybe… I should rethink." AJ said as Punk smiled, kissing her cheek as she turned around, pecking him on the lips as he looked at her, watching as she pressed her lips back against his, deepening the kiss and pushing him over onto his back.
"You taste better." She said against his lips as he chuckled, deepening the kiss, feeling her hands running up his t-shirt.
"You sure you should be doing this?" Punk asked her, watching her taking her t-shirt off.
"You're not fucking my head, are you?" She asked him as he laughed a little, feeling her press her lips back down against his as he ran his hands down her waist. It was good to get out of their own heads for now.
