Obama Tales is 5 years old today (to future people, today is 2/24/20)
As Jeb! and Marianne emerged from the Orb tent which they were in last chapter, the Orb Mother herself approached Bernie Sanders.
"I too know of your fate. I have foreseen it in the Orb." Marianne said knowingly because she can see the future and stuff.
"My fate?" Bernie asked.
"It is foretold, since the beginning" Marianne spoke cryptically, "The Donald is powerful, but there is something that can defeat him."
"The Power of Friendship?"
"That is only part of it." Marianne explained, "are you aware of the concept of 'The Three Sacred Treasures'?"
"I can't say I ever really looked into that" Bernie admitted, having not really looked into that.
Ron Paul was also there, "It's not a tale the Americans would tell you. It's a Japanese Legend."
"Ron Paul is correct '' said Marianne who knew Ron Paul was socially liberal, "They say that there are three sacred items, originating with the Emperors of Japan, that contain immeasurable power. These being 'the Jewel' which symbolizes Benevolence, 'the Mirror' which symbolizes Wisdom, and 'the Sword' which symbolizes Valor. WIth possession of all three you will have the power necessary to defeat the Donald."
Marianne then reaches into her pocket and produces the Orb, "I happen to have one of these relics" she continues, placing the Orb in Bernie's hands, "I trust you with it, the Jewel."
"I am very honored," said Bernie, "but I must once again ask you, for I do not know the legend, where are the others?"
"One you already possess, and the other is one that you know well. I trust your instinct, for I truly know not where they are, only that the knowledge is within you," Marianne points to Bernie's Brian, "Go now, for there is more danger left to face! May you have positive vibes for all your days."
"Thank you, I will take your orb and your vibes, and together we will defeat the Donald, and the corrupt system he represents!" BErnie says.
Bernie walked over to Obama and the rest of the gang to show them his cool new orb.
. . .
Darth Vader walks up to the screen "The Dark Side"
He walks away revealing Michael Bloomberg and Vladimir Leninin (Not John Leninin), who is actually HP Minecraft possessing the body of Vladimir Lenin which was done by the Donald who is currently dead due to his failed attempt to merge with the twin gods Ralph the Movie and Ralph the Maker a few chapters ago, and also the body of the Donald whose eyelids are painted to make him look alive are all riding on Bloomberg's private yacht which he calls "Lob' and Fish". It is piloted by a Robot because that's how rich Bloomberg is.
Another Robot (He has two) hands him a Lobster meal "Your food" he spat.
Bloomberg took the lobster and ate it, shell and all. "MMMMMmmmmm Crumchy" he said.
"Is this really the most efficient way to get to Chicago" HP Minecraft said questioningly.
"Of course not, but it is the most expensive way" Bloomberg laughed, "Do you want any food, I'll have Jet find another Lobster"
"I don't eat"
"What about you" he gestures towards the Donald "Certainly such a big man must be hungy after such a long day at sea"
Bloomberg took the Donald's lips and started moving them, "I love food, I have the biggest food. It's true! The best food. Unlike Hill-Liar, who only eats chicken parm, and get this folks, she eats the parm first, and then the chicken. I saw her do it! It's gross. Bleh!"
"I will admit that's a good impression" HP Minecraft said, drinking another glass of wine.
"The city is up ahead" said the robot who was the pilot.
"Perfect timing, we'll have the ritual done by brunch! But first we need to get this blubbering buffoon to the convention center with no one noticing," Bloomberg clapped his hands together, "Jet, get over here and pretend to be this dead man"
The robot sighed and took off his comical chef hat. He then went behind the the Donald in such a way that he could move the body's arms and legs.
"Perfect!" Bloomberg grinned, and then hopped off the boat, "Toodeloo Captain Q! We're off! Keep the peasants away from the boat. Use lethal methods if possible."
The three men (but one was a robot) walked their way through the big city.
"Human's have certainly come a long way since I last walked the Earth" Minecraft said with Lenin's mouth, "I certainly never thought there would be this many of them. It's too much really."
"I agree," Bloomberg agreed, "Truly the dregs of society are just draining the resources of those who produce for them. It is unsightly." He turns to a random person on the street, "You HEAR THAT! STOP ExISTING!"
"No thanks man, I'm good"
Bloomberg turns back to Lenin, "You see? The arrogance!"
They arrive at a large convention center. "Can you feel that Minecraft? This place simply Oozes with presidential energy."
"I can not detect such energy, but I am getting a strong aura of death all around this city."
"This city does have a high amount of , a fire once wiped out half the city. And then there was the McDonald's incident of '64…"
"But here, what happened here that interests you so,"
"This is the site of the 1968 Democratic Primaries!" Bloomberg said gleefully, "A disaster unmatched in this country's political history. I can feel power emanating from this place. Enough to summon the spirits of past presidents!"
"Do you truly have such a power? The line of succession is quite clear according to the ancient laws" HP Minecraft noted skeptically.
"That is what he is for," he gestured towards the Donald "It may be an incomplete summoning for sure, but he has enough power left in him to conjure a spirit, and with this host body there is no need to go further than that!"
They walked inside the convention hall. No one is there since Bloomberg reserved it for the whole day. Bloomberg placed the Donald on the floor and then had Jet draw an American flag around him.
"This will only take a minute, I must say the sacred words" Bloomberg began speaking, "America… America…..America, Fuck yeah, Coming again to save the Motherfuckn' day yeah, America, Fuck Yeah, Freedom is the only way, yeah…"
As Bloomberg spoke the incantation, the Donald's eye's (the real ones not the painted ones) began to glow.
He stood up, "Bwahhhh! Damn Hippies! I told you that you couldn't defeat me!" He looked around, "You're not them! Where am I!"
"This may come as a shock to you Mr. Nixon, but this is 2020, you have been dead for half a century. But Rejoice, for you have life anew so long as you serve me."
"I serve no man, especially not one whose friends with commies!" He gestures to HP Minecraft.
"That's a long story. Elder god in Lenin's body. Not so long actually now that I say it, but you know."
"Ahh, elder gods, why didn't you just say so. I ascended too you know. Worked out great until…" Nixon shook his head, "Well nevermind, what's with this body!? It's gross and I hate it."
"Unfortunately it is necessary for the time being. This is the body of the current president. With this body you can pose as him. Control America as you once did."
"Ahh, the presidency. I had so much unfinished business too!" Nixon did the thing where he shakes his mouth around "I accept these terms! And I want to hunt down those sons of bitches who defeated me!"
"All in good time," Bloomberg smiled, "Truly ours will be an axis that can rule not just America, but the World! With my fortunes, and Minecraft's arcane power, we can achieve world domination eternally!"
Nixon laughed, "Well I that sounds great to me, but what does this Minecraft guy get out of this? Surely and Elder God has better things to do."
Lenin who had been silent smiled menacingly, "Let's just say I have been waiting to meet an old friend, and as fortune would have it, he is here in Chicago."
