One for Sorrow

Pairing: McRoll

Spoilers for season 10 - Episode 7

Chapter - 41

Sighing softly, Steve rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, blinking a few times to try to stay awake. Everyone had mostly gone home, it was just him, Catherine, Danny, Mary and Joan. Joan had gone to sleep hours before on her Uncle Chin and he had put her to bed before he left for the evening, promising with everyone to catch up before they had to leave to go back to San Francisco.

Sitting out on the back porch, looking out over the water.. He was thinking about how it was was over two weeks till Thanksgiving and then from there about another month till Christmas.. When all of this first began, he was hoping his mother would be with him for these moments and now he had just spent the day saying his final goodbyes to her.

"Steve? Penny for your thoughts?", Danny asked, looking over at him from across the table. "Sorry", he sighed again and moved his attention back to Danny and the girls. "I'm just thinking about how I was hoping Mom would have been here for Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Year.. and now she is gone".

Catherine and Mary could both sense that the two men needed to talk so they excused themselves and headed further down to the water and sat down on the chairs to have a conversation between the two of them.

"I know how you feel buddy.. When I found out Matty was dead.. I thought and felt the same things you are feeling and thinking now.. plus I was thinking how in the hell am I going to tell Gracie, and my parents he is dead.. It's all normal things to be thinking, and I know it will take some time.. you will heal and you know already that we're all here for you".

Smiling softly, he nodded his head, sipping his beer. He knew how hard it had been for Danny to grieve his brother and to slowly move back to normal, and he knew it would take a while to heal.. "I appreciate you being here Danny, and with my Dad, I didn't have a lot of time to grieve.. I hit the ground running as soon as I got here.. I barely had time to be at his funeral and then as you know, we were working on getting Hesse.. this time.. I have the time to take to grieve and I just..".

He shrugged his shoulders taking a deep breath, "I feel like if I start crying, I'm not gonna stop you know".

Putting his hand on his shoulder, Danny sighed and nodded, "I'm right there with you buddy… I was exactly the same and I felt I had to be strong for Grace and my parents as well.. I'm not gonna make promises or say words that don't mean a thing.. It's gonna be tough Steve and it's gonna hurt.. but you need to cry and grieve.. I know you have told me before McGarrett men are built differently and not to touch on their emotions, but this brother.. even if it's crying on Cath's shoulder, do it.. you need it".

It all made sense and he knew Danny was right about it all. He had never really grieved for his father, he had jumped in and taken the man responsible for his death down and then he got busy building his new task force up and adjusting to living full time back on the island. "You and Cath, you two have been mine and Mary's backbone through it all, and we can't thank you both enough for just being here for us".

Even now, Steve had to thank them, did he not yet realise that both Danny and Catherine would do anything to prevent Steve and Mary from feeling any pain if they could.. All they could do now was to be there to help them both pick up the pieces and deal with the grief. Danny had both parents still as did Catherine but that didn't mean they couldn't empathise with how Steve and Mary felt.

"Of course we are going to be here for you both.. We're your family Steve, we're Mary and Joanie's family.. of course there is nowhere else we'd both rather be".

The very fact that Steve had to thank the two of them for being there, it showed that Steve was used to doing thing alone and being abandoned by the ones he loved and cared for.. It broke his heart a little to be honest, but he knew that Steve was a lot better then he was ten year ago when they first met.. He is a lot more open to trusting people and letting people in.

"I know.. and I can't believe that ten years ago, I came back to this island alone and I found in you a best friend and a brother for life.. and five-o is really become a family for all of us.. I was hurting and in pain when I came home, having just lost Freddie and my Dad.. I wasn't looking for a new best friend because I thought it would dishonourable to Freddie, but than I had a dream.. Freddie was telling me to let you in, that you were a good guy".

It felt like he knew exactly what Steve was referring to because he had a similar feeling when he first met the guy.. His grandfather whom had already passed away, he appeared to him in a vision or a dream.. He had only gotten close to one person on the island and that was Mecha and then he met Steve, whom at the time felt like more of an annoyance then a friend, but his grandfather appeared to him, telling him to give the guy a chance.

"Funnily enough, I had my grandfather appear in a dream, I was close to him as well.. and since moving to the island, I had only gotten close to Mecha and then I met you.. I wanted to walk away from the taskforce, tell Tanaka I wanted back into HPD, but then the day before I was going to do that, I had that vision.. and it was my grandfather telling me to give you a chance.. and honestly buddy, I'm glad I did because I realised that you are the best friend a guy could have".

They had come a long way, from two men that had pointed their guns at each other in the garage of this very house when they first met, and now considered each other brothers and best friends.. "Right back at ya", Steve responded, smiling softly, his eyes twinkling a little, half from the tears and sadness he felt and half from the happiness he felt at the same time.

Author's Notes

First and foremost, I just want to thank each and every single one of you for coming on this journey with me and my McRoll story. It is not done, not by a long shot, but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you all, and feel so blessed to have amazing readers who love what I write. Again, I want to reassure anyone that hasn't kept up to date with my other stories, my time here will not come to an end once Hawaii five-o is done.. I'll keep writing and keep creating as much amazing content as I can.

With everything that is happening in the world, with much of the world on lockdown, and not being able to go out and enjoy our usual things, we turn to novels, books, fan fiction, movies, tv shows, crafts, etc to entertain ourselves so that is another reason I'll be remaining right here where I am, continuing these stories. Much of the state I live in, in Australia has been shut down to non-essential services. My role is still in a essential service role, however I am very lucky that I work in a contact centre and am able to work from home.. It means I am able continue working and stay safe at the same time as I am immunocompromised.

I hope everyone is staying safe, and washing their hands regularly, practicing social distance where you can, and only going out to get essential goods and services. For a lot of you, it won't mean much getting this virus, but for someone like myself, it can mean major health issues so lets look after each other, be kind to each other, don't hoard and be kind to yourself as well.

SteveMcGarrettLover:

Thank you so very much, I really am glad you liked that chapter, I'm still really enjoying writing this one, and I don't think it will be stopped anytime soon, I also love included as many of the guest starting roles as I can, the ones that we all know mean a lot to Steve and I know it is a massive difference to when his father died, it was just him.. and now for his mother's death, it shows how far he has come in his journey that he has so many people there for him.