Chapter 41
The train ride was long and lonely. My mentor was on the train as well, but he spent the entire time by the drink cart. He offered me a drink, but I hate the bitter taste of spirits. The way it burns as it goes down your throat. It's disgusting and sick. I've only tried it one, but once was enough. Then Dad caught me, and I swore I'd never touch another drop again.
I feel gentle rocking lessen as the train slows down. We're almost at District Five. I'm almost home.
The platform comes into view as the train speeds along. I spot the twins first, Patrick and Pete! With them are my parents, breaking out into tears. I'm crying myself. But they're the emotional, happy tears, unlike last night. Even thinking about yesterday couldn't stone down the hope and joy in my chest. This is it. I'm home.
The moment the train door opens, I throw myself out into the crowd. Into the large arms of Pete, or maybe Patrick. It doesn't really matter because I hug the other twin next.
"Lil," I turn to see my mother and father, both crying as much as I am. I've never seen Father cry. Not even that the twins found me, "our Lillith's home." I go to Mom next. Her arms are warm and inviting, and I never want to let go.
"I love you, I love you so much!" I repeat it over and over again, as if it would make it more and more true. I'm finally with my family. My friends. Where are my friends?
"Lillith?" I look over, and see Jamie, holding Hayley's hand. Brendon's behind them.
"Oh my god!" Over and over again, I hug each and every one of them. Finally, I go to hug Jamie. I don't want to let go. He's safe. He's Jamie. I don't want to think about anything else.
He lets go, taking my hand and pulling me a few steps from the group as some form "Hey, can I talk to you? Alone sometime?"
I shrug, "Of course," I stop as I realize something, "Oh my god! Your flower!" The beautiful, delicate paper flower that he gave me on reaping day. I left it in the
"What? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
I shake my head, starting to tear up, "I left your flower in the Capitol. I don't know where. I lost it, I lost it. I'm a terrible friend-" he puts his hands on my shoulder, the type of contact I wasn't expecting. He saw my face change as I flinched away in fear.
"Let's go home, Lillith. Find our house in victor's village?" I want nothing more than to go, after one thing.
…
I found Drake Ru's family in the crowd that was on the platform. I knew they would be there. His older sister, who I saw on the reaping clips, was married to the Mayor. He was there, but his wife wasn't. Apparently she was their home, raising a beautiful healthy boy. The boy I met was going to be an uncle, and he never got the chance to meet her. The mayor had a glint of pride and sadness in his eyes as he said the boy would be named Drake. My heart broke into a million pieces at those words. I spoke to each of them, together and individually. Apologizing over and over again for the death of their son, brother, or brother in law. I don't know what I was expecting from his father. I half expected him to slap me or something. Instead, he pulled me into a warm embrace. Of all things, he thanked me. I had to leave before I started to cry. More than I already was.
Finally, I step away, finding my family and once more.
It was hard, but it was necessary. I will have to make a point of talking to all of them regularly. It's the least I can do. For Drake. I didn't even know him, but I will. I'll do as much as I can to alleviate that loss.
Jamie looks nervous, looking around and shaking.
"Jamie… what's wrong? You're acting all weird."
He shakes his head, "What. nothing? I'm always weird."
"I know, you're just weirder than usual," that's when it hit me. I knew exactly what was happening.
He hasn't changed. I have. I'm different now. He isn't acting weird. I am.
Of course, everything is falling apart. The world is splitting to pieces under my feet, and I'm about to drop right through the floor. I'm going to die. I'm being ripped away from everything and everyone I care about. I'm a monster now, a horrible person. A murderer. He watched me murder innocent children. All he saw was me on a screen, a killer. Now he's going to leave me. Everyone's leaving me-
"Do you want to go out with me sometime?"
That was definitely not what I was expecting. I try to form words, but the most I get out is a stunned syllable or two as my throat closes over. What is he talking about?
"You mean, like with Hayley and Brendon? Of course. I want everything to get back to normal."
"No," he shook his head, "No. I wanted to spend time with you alone."
Alone? Mine. All alone. Knife in his hand. Rust in the air. No. Jamie would never hurt me. He's Jamie. He helped me that night, he's helped me more than anyone should have to. God damn it, I love him.
"Like a date?"
He laughed, "yeah. Like a date."
He took my silence for dismay, disdain, "I know, I know. It's stupid. I'm sorry. Nevermind," Jamie turned away, aggressively running his hands through his hair.
"Hey, it's not stupid," This is Jamie. My best friend, "okay."
"Okay?"
I laugh, feeling kind of giddy, "I would love to go on a date with you." That's the first time I've laughed in... an eternity.
So we'll give this a go. I can try. It'll be just like before.
No. Nothing can be like it was before. I'm different now. Everything's different now. Who knows? Maybe it can be better.
Here we are. At the end. I'm going to be honest, I never this day would come. But here we are, almost a year later. I've improved and changed so much as I wrote this book. I love every character in this book, even the ones I despised. I can't explain just how much I loved this book. You are all so ridiculously supportive, every reader, every reviewer. Each of you mean so much to me. Now I'm getting all sassy. So this is me, saying goodbye to There's Blood In The Water. And to all of you. I hope you all continue reading my work, and contribute to my new SYOT. Or don't. Just thank you, all of you
