Chapter 41: Shatter
The Dragon's Claw was successful for two reasons: the wide range of ninja-related weapons and gear on offer and Takeshi's impeccable service. His passion for weaponry shone through every interaction he had, and his knowledge often resulted in sales for his business and a satisfied customer.
Sometimes, listening in on conversations inadvertently led to even more sales, as these conversations revealed useful information that an enterprising ninja could employ to great effect. All it required was a bit of discretion.
"So if I wanted to make a smoke bomb that released black pepper, you can make it?" Naruto asked.
"That's right," Takeshi said. "I can put in a custom order for you, you'll just need to supply me the materials. When do you need it?"
"Before noon."
Takeshi frowned. "I hate to say it, but I'm not sure if I can get it to you on such short notice."
Naruto hummed. "I'll just have to make do, then. What smoke bombs can you sell to me?"
Takeshi pulled out a box. They were filled with tiny pellets, each a different colour from the rest. "These are samples of what I have in stock. Are regular smoke bombs not working out for you?"
"They're working great, but I was thinking about other ways to use them besides making an escape." Naruto pulled out a bright orange smoke bomb. "What does this one do?"
"It releases smoke filled with capsaicin. In smaller doses, this compound can make food feel spicy. In higher doses, it can make your eyes water and keep you from breathing."
"That's so cool," Naruto said, the excitement in his voice easy to hear. "I'll take a set of these, and a set of pepper bombs."
Takeshi went into the back of the store. Naruto set his hands on the counter, waiting for him to return. The chance to approach Naruto for a conversation was there for the taking.
So Kurenai took it. Even though she arrived after Naruto had, she already had the items she needed in her hand. She just made sure to loiter around the clothing section while Naruto spoke to Takeshi: the opportunity to listen in was something she couldn't resist.
When Takeshi returned, he had two cases containing the smoke bombs Naruto requested.
"Kurenai, I'll get to you in a second," Takeshi said.
Kurenai smiled. "Please, Takeshi, take your time."
"What's the total?" Naruto asked.
Since Naruto was only buying smoke bombs, the total he had to pay wasn't all that expensive. What surprised Kurenai was how Naruto's lime green toad wallet was overflowing in more cash than she'd ever seen him have. He pulled out some notes and gave Takeshi the exact amount. After that, Takeshi handed the cases over.
"Thanks a lot," Naruto said.
Takeshi smiled. "It's my pleasure and privilege. Welcome back, and I hope to see you again soon."
"I'll be sure to come back." He turned around, a detached look in his eyes.
"Hello, Naruto," Kurenai said.
"Yo," Naruto said, in the most bored tone she'd ever heard from him.
Kurenai smiled. She wouldn't let something like this keep her down. "Buy something nice?"
"I guess," Naruto said. He stared at her intended purchases, and took a second to find his words. "Buying something for your team?"
She was reminded of their talk at his apartment, when he asked her about her genjutsu training. He was trying to be civil, and she knew it from the lack of enthusiasm he exuded. Was it because of Takeshi's presence?
"I still do missions with them from time to time, but they haven't been my team in years. Hinata and Kiba are chūnin, while Shino became a special jōnin not too long ago. This is all for me."
Shino had been a chūnin for as long as Naruto had. Come to think of it, it was quite fortunate that he wasn't the type to throw a party. If he had been, and it had been on the same day as the party Shikamaru's mother hosted, she'd be forced to neglect Shino. No, not forced, she'd choose to neglect her genin because Naruto was her priority, and she'd make up some excuse to placate Shino and prevent him from being disappointed that his sensei couldn't be there for him.
"Cool," Naruto said, and just like last time, his flippant responses were getting under her skin. He was about to move past her, without even bothering to say goodbye.
"Wait, Naruto, why don't we leave together? I'll pay for my things and join you. It won't take long."
Naruto's eyes narrowed, before he shrugged. "Hey, uh, Takeshi, where do you keep your sealing scrolls?"
Takeshi pointed at the clearly labelled 'Sealing' section. Naruto went there and poked around. He didn't need sealing scrolls. She saw the gesture for what it was, though, so she wouldn't point it out.
After she placed her goods on the counter, Takeshi quickly calculated them. Kurenai wondered if it was the right time to ask. She'd planned to do this before entering, but Naruto's presence made her hesitate.
"Takeshi, do you have an order for Asuma Sarutobi ready for collection?" Kurenai asked. This was just a favour for a friend, and Naruto would know that as well.
Takeshi raised an eyebrow. "I do. Why do you ask?"
"He's currently indisposed, so he asked me to collect his order for him." She pulled out all the necessary documentation from a sealing scroll she held in her pouch, handing it over to Takeshi.
Takeshi smiled. "Alright, I'll bring it out for you."
When he left, Naruto walked back to the counter. His face was blank, and if it wasn't for the skin tightening around his eyes, she'd assume that he was completely aloof.
"Do you have plans for today, Kurenai?" Naruto asked, flatly. Too flatly; now she knew for sure that he was trying to contain his emotions. His technique had improved drastically, but it wasn't enough to fool her.
"No, I'm free after two. I have some admin work I have to do."
"Good. I'll see you at four. We can make it a date."
Kurenai frowned. "What brought this on?"
"You said you're free."
She bit back the urge to bristle. How annoyingly vague. "Fine. I'll see you at four."
Naruto nodded. "See you then."
Before he could take a single step, Kurenai moved in front of him. "Why don't you come after two, Naruto?"
"Got something to do."
He didn't elaborate. There was no way she'd let him leave her hanging. "What is it?"
"None of your business," Naruto said, with such finality that she was too shocked to react. He walked away as if he hadn't shut her down so forcefully.
What had happened to him?
"I got what you requested," Takeshi said, his voice shaking her out of her reverie.
Kurenai put a hand to her temple. "Right. Thank you, Takeshi."
He looked around his shop, a slight frown on his face. "Where did Naruto go?"
She frowned. "I have no clue."
And it wasn't supposed to be that way.
Kurenai visited the hospital first. Compared to the reports she had to compile, this would barely take any time. Visiting hours had started by the time she arrived, just as she expected. And nobody was in to see Asuma.
When she reached his room, Kurenai took a moment to relax, detach herself from her worries and her fears. Keeping her thoughts in order was a skill she learned long ago, but they'd been thrown into chaos thanks to her encounter with Naruto. She was here to see Asuma, so it wouldn't do if she couldn't focus on the task at hand.
Being able to do your duty without being compromised by emotion was a skill every ninja worth their salt had to hone, but she'd refined that skill and turned it into an art form.
She entered Asuma's room. He was sitting in his bed, looking at the window, and she cleared her throat to grab his attention. It was enough; he greeted her with a warm smile.
"It's good to see you, Kurenai," Asuma said.
Kurenai smiled gently. "Likewise. I retrieved your order from the Dragon's Claw." She pulled out the invoice Takeshi gave her, handing it to Asuma. "Once you're out of the hospital, it'll be waiting for you at your apartment."
Asuma's smile grew. "Thank you. I really appreciate it."
"Why did you ask me to do it? The Dragon's Claw can deliver your orders straight to your place of choice."
He arched his head at the chair next to his bed. "Why don't you take a seat?" Kurenai did, pressing her legs next to each other, instead of crossing one over the other as was her wont. "Honestly, I just wanted an excuse to see you."
"Did you think that I wouldn't?" Kurenai asked.
"I was sure you would, but I wasn't certain. Even guys like me get a bit insecure."
Kurenai smiled. "I would have seen you anyway."
"Music to my ears." His tongue circled his lips. "Damn, has it really been that long?"
"What are you talking about?"
Asuma's fingers twitched. "It's been five days since I smoked."
Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Why did you stop in the first place?"
She wasn't fond of smoking in general, but she couldn't begrudge Asuma's vice.
"My friend Chiriku was killed. Every time I thought about smoking, I remembered him and I lost my appetite."
A large frown immediately enveloped her face. "I'm sorry for your loss, Asuma. I know that anything I say won't bring him back, but if you need someone to talk to, then I'm here for you."
Asuma smiled, a bit wistfully. "Thank you. Chiriku was a good man. He made me a better person. I've had a lot of time to think about everything that happened, and I'm glad that I knew him. I'm also grateful that I'm still here."
"So am I," Kurenai said. She'd been utterly frightened after learning that Asuma had ended up needing emergency surgery. He was strong, but ever since her friend had died in the Land of Water, she couldn't help but worry, even if it didn't always make sense to do so.
A slight itch brushed her scalp, and she brought up her hand to scratch it. When she moved it back down, she saw Asuma focusing on her wrist.
"Where did you get that bracelet?" Asuma asked.
"It was a gift from... an admirer." She held her wrist up, saw how the gemstones glittered in the morning light. "It's very nice, don't you think?"
Asuma nodded. "It is. Wish I'd thought of giving you a bracelet."
Kurenai didn't make a habit of wearing the bracelet around the village. Sometimes, she'd take it with her on a mission, and wear it around Naruto, but most of the time, she kept it at home. The bracelet held a lot of sentimental value. It also attracted unnecessary attention. Since Naruto's return, she'd taken to wearing it as a reminder.
"It's the thought behind it that I appreciate more than the gift itself. When I got this bracelet, my admirer told me why he gave it to me. I was moved by his sincerity."
He chuckled. "He must be one lucky guy if he made you drop your guard."
Kurenai let her hand fall back to her lap. "I wouldn't call it luck." She gnawed at her lip. Luck was the last thing she'd ever call it. "Did you learn when you'll be allowed to leave?"
"No, not yet," Asuma said. "Why are you asking?"
"Just curious."
He smiled, and Kurenai balked from the hopeful stare he was giving her. "In that case, when I leave the hospital, why don't we go out for a drink?"
She frowned. "We've had this discussion before."
"I know, I know, but I'm not looking for anything serious. Just a chance to celebrate with a good friend."
This wasn't Asuma trying to ask her out. She made it clear that she didn't want a relationship with him. However, he seemed to be genuine about wanting to keep things platonic.
"Would you mind inviting some other friends?"
"If it means spending time with you, then no, I don't mind."
Kurenai smiled. She always appreciated how Asuma had taken her rejection in stride, preventing it from compromising their friendship.
There were times when she thought about taking time off from her career to pursue and maintain a serious relationship, and to be honest, Asuma might have been a good match under better circumstances.
He was a good man and a good friend, and had been ever since they were placed on the same team for their Chūnin Exams. Even at his worst, when he was brash and foolhardy and suffering under the long shadow his father cast, she still had a soft spot for him.
When he left the village, she took some time for herself to figure out what she wanted. None of her relationships ended up lasting. She had some good times, of course, but she didn't want anything serious.
Then Asuma returned. His stint with the Twelve Guardian Ninja had made him more secure and self-assured, and as they spent more time together, the idea of being with him became more and more appealing.
Unfortunately, she couldn't give him what he wanted. She had no interest in following in her father's footsteps and getting knocked up at a young age, not when she still had aspirations of her own. The time to start a family would come when she became a jōnin.
Yet, even after she earned that promotion and established herself as the Leaf's premier genjutsu master, she still wasn't keen on romance. Other duties had come up, and she couldn't let anything interfere.
"Do you think you could introduce me to that admirer of yours?" Asuma asked.
Kurenai frowned. "I don't think you'd get along." That was a lie, of course, but it hadn't been the first time she lied to someone she cared about.
Asuma smiled. "Judging from the way you talk about him, I think we'd get on famously."
Well, she knew for sure that they'd get along.
"I'll tell you what," Kurenai said. "Once you get out of here, if I can get hold of my admirer, then I'll think about introducing you two. Until that happens, make sure that you put everything you have into recovering from your injury. Understand?"
"Yes, ma'am," he said, complete with mock salute.
Kurenai stood up. "Good. I'm going to get going."
"See you later, Kurenai," Asuma said.
She gave her oldest friend a parting smile, before walking out of his room, a slight weight loosening itself from her chest. Keeping Asuma out of the loop, preventing him from getting involved in her affairs... she'd made the right decision. It wouldn't do if more people got hurt when it wasn't necessary.
On the way out of the hospital, she came across Shikamaru.
"Hey, Kurenai-sensei," Shikamaru said.
Kurenai smiled. "Good morning, Shikamaru. How are you doing today?"
Shikamaru shrugged. "I'm fine. How about you?"
"I'm fine as well," Kurenai said. "Asuma's awake, so if you want to see him, he's in need of good company."
"That's why I'm here."
She appreciated her talks with Shikamaru. He was a fine young man, and it was thanks to their mutual friends that they could develop a cordial relationship. A spark of inspiration stimulated her mind, bringing a question to her lips.
"Have you spoken to Naruto since he returned?"
Shikamaru nodded. "Yeah, I did. I came back with him, actually. He's the one who saved Asuma-sensei's life."
Kurenai's eyes widened slightly. "Really? Did he do it on his own?"
"His partner helped him out."
"And what was his partner like?"
He shrugged, again. "She was pretty quiet, but she seemed nice."
At least it seemed like Naruto had a decent partner. She thought about asking more about Naruto's partner, but discarded the thought. Shikamaru probably wouldn't know much else about her. "How about Naruto? How was he like?"
Shikamaru's eyes lit up. "He was doing great. Gave me some great advice." He smiled. "I guess he did a lot of growing up while he was away. You know, with the Akatsuki and everything."
Kurenai nodded. "I suppose he did. Thank you for telling me about him."
"Any time," Shikamaru said.
They went their separate ways. And like clockwork, her thoughts turned back to Naruto.
Kurenai wasn't surprised that Naruto hadn't forgiven her. Everyone had their breaking point, and someone as understanding and sweet as Naruto was no exception. That was why she gave him some space, so that when he was ready, they could figure out where to take their relationship.
However, this... behaviour wasn't what she expected from Naruto, not one bit. Even when he was angry or annoyed, he still treated her with so much respect. But when they talked, he'd been cold, flippant and aloof. If anything, her apology hadn't settled the deep, foul resentment that seethed beneath Naruto's detached facade.
Why that was, she didn't know, but from the scant clues she'd stumbled on, she was starting to get an idea of how he had changed over the years. What she wanted to know was 'why?', and before the day was done, she'd make sure that question was answered.
Kurenai had been filled with a manic kind of energy when she started working on her reports, and she'd managed to finish them by 12:30 in the afternoon. Part of that energy was fuelled by utter frustration. In a sense, she was channelling Naruto's tendency to put all his extra energy into doing whatever he set his mind to.
Naruto had always been determined, that was one of his most endearing traits, but one thing that never sat well with her was his penchant for bottling up all his anger. For one thing, it wasn't remotely healthy. Of course, it had helped her get closer to him, but at the same time, there were issues that even she couldn't help him resolve.
How could she, when she was perpetuating those issues herself?
She sighed, and stood up from her desk. Administrative work helped her pass the time whenever she wasn't on a mission. Now that she wasn't managing a genin team, she had an abundance of free time. She was glad to do it, though.
This was yet another way she served her village, though it was far less messy or complicated. All it required of her was to organize reports concerning internal issues involving the village, and summarize them.
Now that her work was done, she would just have to hand it in and collect her pay. Then, she'd be free for the rest of the day.
So Kurenai left her apartment and walked towards the Hokage Admin Complex, thankful that she could do her work from home instead of having to man a desk. Part of the perks that came from being such a respected and trusted ninja. She'd put her life, her dignity and her reputation on the line for this village, this was the least she had earned for herself.
Handing over her paperwork was a simple process. It helped that she had an amicable relationship with the clerk on staff. On her way out, she passed the Hokage's office. A slight shiver went down her spine, along with some butterflies that kicked up a storm in her stomach.
"Naruto's back in the village," the Hokage said.
"When did he arrive?"
"A couple of hours ago. Remember our little talk?"
"I do."
"Then you know what to do. You'd better not screw this up, Kurenai."
Kurenai hadn't screwed things up yet, but it was harder than she thought to follow orders. What didn't help was that Naruto wasn't the same wide-eyed young man who desperately needed some love and affection. Not by a long shot.
She still couldn't believe that he'd spoken to her that way. It was one thing to be rejected while they were alone, but she was quite grateful that Takeshi hadn't witnessed her being stonewalled by her apprentice and supposed boyfriend. That said, Naruto's bizarre behaviour was something she'd have to deal with.
If only she knew where to start.
Kurenai left the building, walking over to a particular restaurant. It was a good time for lunch, and the food and service she was about to experience was just what she needed to soothe her nerves. In less than ten minutes, she had arrived at Ichiraku Ramen.
"Good afternoon," the owner, Teuchi, said. "What can I get for you today?"
"One regular bowl of dipping noodles," Kurenai said. She didn't mind the change in Ichiraku Ramen's menu. The broth was lighter in calories and the noodles were still as rich in flavour as always.
Teuchi's daughter, Ayame, got to work on her order. It was clear that she'd inherited her father's skill, or at the very least, worked incredibly hard to hone her own skill at her chosen trade. Her own father had taught Kurenai how to use genjutsu, and she'd taken it far further than he ever had. Maybe Ayame would do the same.
"Enjoy!" Ayame said, a warm smile on her face.
Kurenai took her chopsticks and dug in. She'd started coming to Ichiraku Ramen after Naruto had left the village. It was funny how she'd entered the noodle shop of her own volition, without Naruto bringing her over to be introduced. Maybe it was because of how she'd refused to come with him that she went over in the first place, to make up for her mistake.
She hadn't mentioned who she was to either of them. It wasn't necessary, and fortunately, neither of them asked questions. It made her wonder if they would be willing to tell her what she wanted to know, and she decided to take her shot after finishing her meal.
"Excuse me."
"Is something the matter, ma'am?" Ayame asked.
"Has Naruto Uzumaki come here recently?"
"Why are you asking?" Teuchi asked, in Ayame's stead.
Kurenai licked her lips. Some broth lingered there. "I used to teach him. He hasn't been around in a long time, and he always liked coming here."
It still rankled that he'd tell these two that he'd left and not her, but he hadn't told Kakashi or Anko or Hinata, either. He hadn't even told Iruka Umino, so it was probably just him keeping his departure on a need-to-know basis. Of course, there was no reason why she wasn't included in that exclusive list.
"He came in yesterday," Ayame said. "It was great seeing him."
"Did he react to the menu change?" Kurenai asked.
"Yeah..." She frowned slightly, almost like she didn't want to be rude.
Teuchi set a hand on Ayame's shoulder. "Why don't you take her bowls, Ayame?"
"No problem, Dad." Ayame grabbed Kurenai's empty bowls and hustled her way to the back of the stand.
"I don't think Naruto would appreciate you asking about him behind his back," he said.
Kurenai frowned. "I'm his teacher, not a stranger."
"If you are, then I suggest that you ask him directly."
She swallowed back the impulse to make this noodle shop owner take back his words. He had no right to protect Naruto from her.
"Fine, I will," Kurenai said, because Teuchi still had a point. "Did he seem happy to you?"
He nodded. "Of course he did. He was surrounded by people he could trust."
That statement stung her far more deeply than she expected. But he was happy, which pleased her all the same. She pulled out her wallet and handed Teuchi her fee.
"Thank you. The noodles were excellent."
He smiled. "You're welcome."
Kurenai departed from Ichiraku Ramen. It was clear why Naruto had so much affection for Ayame and her father. They gave him respect and dignity when almost no one else would and in turn, they earned his loyalty. In the process, they formed a genuine relationship, and were protective of him to this day.
About the only thing she didn't like about the noodle shop was that the noodles didn't come with a nice drink. She was craving a lemon cocktail to go along with her noodles: it'd be the perfect complement. That said, if they did that, Naruto might have never been allowed to enter Ichiraku Ramen, and this time, it wouldn't be because he was a jinchūriki.
It always seemed to come down to that. If he'd been born after the Nine-Tails' attack, or even before then, he'd be a normal child with a loving family. Instead, his parents were gone, and their child was seen as a menace, a ticking time bomb, someone who had to be lied to because of circumstances he never asked for.
Kurenai took some time to herself, making her way over to the private clearing and the hot waterfall it contained. Her shower was the one significant flaw her apartment had. Sometimes, the water didn't heat up. Other times, the water didn't come at all. It didn't happen so often that it became unbearable, but it happened enough that it dampened her mood.
This waterfall was always hot, and with a simple genjutsu, she was able to clean herself with complete privacy. If anyone tried to enter the area her genjutsu covered, she could choose to either send them away or keep them rooted to the spot. Then, it was a matter of either letting them see her or placing an image of her choosing in their mind, one that fed on their imagination.
As a result, nobody could look at her body without her consent.
Kurenai finished her shower and dressed up, thoroughly satisfied. She took the long way around, walking through some of the village's forests. All of her former genin loved nature in some way. Kiba liked exploring it with Akamaru, Shino always enjoyed finding new insects, and Hinata loved immersing herself in all the sensations of the forest. It had been ages since they'd gone on a simple forest hike together.
As she grew older, she learned to cherish what relationships she managed to hold onto. She might have been the life of the party, but that was long ago, and her career always took precedence. What sort of legacy would she leave behind, when all was said and done?
Professionally, she might be remembered for her mastery of genjutsu and her loyalty to her village. Personally, however... she wouldn't dwell on that, not anymore.
Eventually, her solitary hike ended and she found herself back in the Leaf Village. There wasn't much else that she wanted to do at the moment, so she decided to return home and prepare herself for her date with Naruto. It was almost four, after all.
However, when she reached her apartment, she felt the telltale signs of a genjutsu in place, and immediately released its hold on her. Naruto leaned against the wall, arms crossed, eyes closed. He breathed out and faced her.
"You're here early," Kurenai said.
Naruto frowned. "I suppose I am."
He made eye contact with her, and for only the second time, Kurenai's breath hitched. Not only was Naruto taller than she was now, he had also grown in other ways. The baby fat in his cheeks was almost all gone, making his face look sharper. When he wasn't angry, his blue eyes were so dense with emotion that she could gaze into them without ever getting tired.
He filled out the orange shirt he wore quite well, and it complimented his black pants. It was unfortunate that he'd completely abandoned the gray clothing she'd picked out for him, but at least he kept some gray in his scabbard.
"Where did you learn how to use a sword?" Kurenai asked.
"Someone taught me while I was away."
More vagueness. One thing was clear, though: in spite of his attitude, Naruto held himself with an unflappable confidence, smouldering with a resolve that most ninja couldn't possibly match. He was strong, capable, self-assured. He was on the cusp of full adulthood, no longer a child, and she could finally be excited by the prospect of being his girlfriend and truly being with him.
That was, of course, if he still wanted her.
"Will you give me a few minutes to get ready?" Kurenai asked.
Naruto shrugged. "Do what you want, I don't care."
Kurenai frowned. "Don't talk to me like that."
"Why shouldn't I?"
She glared at him. "I won't tolerate this attitude from you. You're not a child any more, so stop thinking it's okay to throw a tantrum and be moody just because you're angry at me."
A frown cracked his facade. "Fine. Let's talk like adults, then. You know what that means? No lies."
Kurenai sighed. Her brain started to throb. No lies, huh? "What do you mean, no lies?"
"Why weren't you willing to be seen with me?" Naruto asked.
She gnawed at her lip. "What do you think?"
"A lot of things. Answer the question. It shouldn't be that hard."
She scoffed. Someone was being pushy today. "I didn't want to invite any unnecessary attention. It isn't often that you see a relationship like ours, and people frown on that. And when you consider your reputation, it would only lead to more problems for you."
There was a good reason why their relationship barely happened: it would be easy for an adult to manipulate a child, even if that child was a ninja. The only solution was time. Once the child ninja grew up, gained some experience and maturity, it would give them more power in their relationship.
"Then why would you go out with me in the first place?" Naruto asked. "Why not wait?"
Kurenai took a moment to gather her thoughts and shove her mounting worry to the back of her mind. Sometimes, time wasn't a luxury one could afford. What was necessary became more important that what was acceptable, as harsh as that sounded.
"You've been hurt before, and I didn't want to be the one who hurt you by dismissing your feelings. I wanted you to feel like you were valued and loved by someone."
Naruto's eyes widened, mouth opening from surprise. Then he glared at her. "Bullshit."
Kurenai scowled. "What did you say?"
His scowl ripped across his face, shredding his mask to shreds. "If you really didn't want to hurt me, you should have told me you didn't feel the same way! I would have understood, it would have been fine!"
"You say that now, but if you weren't in your apartment, you would have ran away as soon as I turned you down!"
She gasped. It wasn't what she intended to say, but at the same time, she couldn't take it back.
"Maybe I would have ran away," Naruto said, "but if I had some time to think about it, I'd be able to understand why you did it. Don't tell me I wouldn't have."
Kurenai's scowl waned. "You're right, you would have understood." He'd gone through a lot of rejection in the past, but it was the significance her rejection would have held that made her fear the worst. "Is that all?"
"No, we're not done yet," Naruto said.
"Then by all means, continue," Kurenai said. She'd be sure to get what she wanted, as well.
"You said you were afraid of yourself, that's why you wouldn't take things any further. If you knew that, and you wanted a relationship with me anyway, then why did you let things get that far?"
Something burned behind her eyes. Spitting in his face would have been less gut-wrenching than what she did to him.
"That's my business. Not yours."
But with how he'd treated her, she wasn't feeling like spilling her heart out to him, not when he was controlling the conversation.
"Oh, I get it." Naruto's scowl gave way to a slimy, unsettling smirk. "You're angry."
Kurenai grit her teeth. "Of course I am."
"Why? You can't be mad just because I wanted to keep something from you."
"That's exactly why I'm mad," Kurenai said. "Even if you haven't forgiven me, that doesn't erase everything we went through."
Naruto snorted. "So? What does that have to do with me wanting to keep one thing private?"
Kurenai frowned. "Was what you had to do so important that you couldn't tell me about it?"
"It wasn't, but I didn't feel like letting you know."
She squared her shoulders. "Why?"
"Because you didn't need to know."
This was going nowhere. She needed to turn the tables, and she needed to do it quickly.
"Then we understand each other," Kurenai said.
"What?" Naruto asked, face scrunching up in bewilderment.
Kurenai smirked. "You heard me. I have my secrets, you have yours. If you don't want to tell me something so mundane, then that's okay. I still love you."
Naruto took a step back, aghast. "You're lying."
Her eyes suddenly widened as she processed what her mouth just uttered. She hadn't planned to say that, not at this time or under these circumstances. What was more disturbing was Naruto's reaction. The way he looked at her, it was like she was holding his heart in her hand, and he was waiting for her to crush it.
"Why would you think I'm lying?" Kurenai asked.
He wiped his eyes, and when he moved his hand away, his face was like a mask chiselled from ice. "Because you're a liar."
She kept her expression equally as cool, to hide how much he'd just hurt her. "I'm not lying, Naruto. I do love you. Why wouldn't I?"
Naruto didn't immediately respond. Even his eyes were cold, chilling her to the bone. "You were lying this whole time. You have your secrets, that's fine, I can respect that. But there's a difference between secrets and plain disrespect."
"What are you talking about?" Kurenai asked. "I've never disrespected you."
Naruto frowned. "Okay, then. Tell me the truth: were you dating Asuma behind my back? Have you slept with him?"
Kurenai clicked her tongue. This again? "Of course not! Asuma is just a friend. I told you before, there's nobody else I'd rather be with than you."
"Really?" Naruto asked, and for a moment, she could see through his mask, see the young man that she hurt, see the hope he held in his heart.
"Yes, Naruto."
Naruto closed his mouth, and the mask was back up. "I wish I could believe you. I still have all these feelings for you and I can't deny them. But..."
She allowed a smile to appear on her face. "Don't worry, Naruto. We're still together. You can trust me."
Naruto's eyes flashed red. "Let me finish, damn it."
"Finish what?" Her smile slipped away, like water. "You can't forgive me? Tell me what I did wrong, Naruto, and I'll do my best to fix it. You don't have to hide anything from me."
"What about you?" Naruto asked. "Do you have anything to hide?"
Kurenai's indignation faltered. Was he implying – no, he couldn't possibly know.
"Answer me."
His sudden shout helped her regain her bearings. "I don't have anything to hide, Naruto, not anymore."
Naruto took two steps forward. There was nothing separating them, and the intensity in his eyes was almost overwhelming.
"It's okay, Naruto," Kurenai said. "We'll work through it, together, okay?"
He pressed his lips together. They were thin, but he was good at kissing...
"Stop it," Naruto said. "Please, stop doing this to me."
Kurenai hissed. "Where the hell is all of this coming from, Naruto? Don't you trust me at all?"
Naruto frowned, his eyebrows bunching together. His lip began to quiver, as if he had something else to say.
"Well, Naruto? What do you have to say for yourself?"
His entire frame was coiled up, like a wounded animal preparing to lash out. And honestly, it frightened her that he was acting like this around her. She looked into his eyes again, hoping for some kind of reprieve, and all she saw was clarity.
"You still won't tell me the truth?" Naruto said. "Fine, then. The only reason why you ever spent time with me was because the Third Hokage told you to."
Kurenai's entire world spun, and she grabbed the wall to keep herself steady. There was no way he knew, no way.
"Can't deny it?" Naruto said.
She tried to look at Naruto, but she couldn't. He knew. He knew what she did. Who told him? How did he find out?
Naruto slammed his hand next to hers. "What's the matter, Kurenai? Trying to find another lie? It won't work."
Kurenai bared her teeth. "Get away from me."
"No. You don't get to push me away this time."
She pushed off the wall and brushed past him, taking her key and trying to open her door, but she fumbled with the lock. She couldn't do this. This wasn't supposed to be happening, not like this.
"Look at me, Kurenai," Naruto said, voice coming from right behind her.
Kurenai turned, and she was in between her front door and Naruto. She was trapped, unless she wanted to fight her way out. Her breaths were coming out ragged, unsteady. It was too late.
No, this wasn't lost, yet. This wasn't the time to be freaking out and panicking like a baby. She had to control herself. That was what she was good at, controlling her image, how she presented herself.
"When did you find out?" Kurenai asked.
"Before I left with Master Jiraiya."
And now she knew why he was acting so strangely, because his world was shattered, and he'd been living with the remains for years.
"That long?" Kurenai asked.
"It gave me a lot of time to think about why you would do this, why you'd lead me on and manipulate me," Naruto said. "You didn't have to date me to fulfill your mission, but you did it anyway. You couldn't have possibly thought that you could keep this from me forever, but you still tried to keep up this ruse."
"So what?" Kurenai asked, one last ounce of defiance stirring her forward. "I never lied about anything else. Everything I said to you, I meant. None of this changes how I feel about you."
Naruto frowned, yet for some reason, he seemed to be at ease. "I know, and honestly, it confused me and scared me. But I realized something. It doesn't matter why you did this. It doesn't matter if you meant everything you said or if you truly cared about me. It doesn't even matter that you were following orders. None of this changes what you did."
Kurenai frowned. "I know. Give me a chance. Please."
"I might have, a long time ago, but I won't."
She gulped deeply. "Why?"
"I can't trust you anymore," Naruto said. "I'm done being your boyfriend."
Kurenai stared at him, a blank look enveloping her face. "You're... done?"
It wounded her so deeply that she just wanted to wither up and disappear, but she could endure. She could live with that.
"Yeah. I'm done. I guess you can't do your mission if I want nothing to do with you, huh?"
She looked at her bracelet, and chose to stand up to her full height. She'd face Naruto with what little dignity she still had left. "I'm still your teacher, mission or no mission."
Naruto smiled, and it was so sincere that she wanted to wither up and disappear. "And I'm still your student. Even after everything that happened, I still appreciate all the time we spent together. But I think that it's time I moved on." He stepped back. "Goodbye, Kurenai."
With one last look, he nodded to himself and walked away, so far away that she couldn't reach him, even if she tried.
Kurenai breathed in deeply, trying to find some tether to calm herself down before she lost it. Nothing was going her way, and worst of all, it all seemed inevitable. But there was no use in grieving outside, in public. She opened her door with ease, now that she wasn't smothered from guilt.
She walked inside her apartment, closed the door behind her, then trudged over to her couch and dropped into it. She stared at the ceiling, and for a long time, she let the conversation play itself in her mind like a repeating video tape.
Kurenai could have told Naruto that the mission had been cancelled, but it wouldn't undo what she did to him. He had no reason to trust her, no reason to ever associate with her. She'd broken his heart, betrayed his trust, and she couldn't fix it, not like she planned to.
All she was left with now was a pile of regrets, and she had no one to blame for her misfortune but herself.
