Her scream was ear piercing as it rifled through the darkened room.

Having bought Addy into bed with them when Lola left with Sam she had thrashed about all night. Alfie hadn't slept that well either and both of them kept Quinn awake.

It was her scream though that shattered the morning.

"Adelaide. What's wrong?" Alfie sat bolt upright in bed. She wasn't even really awake, she was gasping for air in between her screams and just sitting there in between them, completely out of it.

Wrapping his arms around her suddenly she started sobbing. "Don't go Alfie."

"Shhh Addy, Daddy's here."

"I stay, I stay here." Addy climbed onto her Dad and Quinn arm's circled both of them.

"It's okay Addy, please don't cry Darlin'."

Gradually she calmed down and drifted off to sleep in Alfie's arms. Every time he tried to move her she woke and cried, clinging to him like her life depended on it.

Quinn stroked her hair softly as Alfie's heart started to return to normal. He rested his head on hers, tucked up under his chin and Quinn noticed even he was a little out of it. They'd been ripped out of sleep as well and it took a moment to get their bearings.

"How are you?" Quinn gave him his morning kiss.

"My heart is broken."

"I know, I can see it."

"I don't want today to start, like this is the first day of the rest of my life, without all of them."

Quinn just rested her forehead on his and helped him cuddle Addy and said nothing. There were no words to help him, she just had to be there for him. Quinn desperately wanted to find the right thing to say to ease his pain but it would just seem like lip service. The house felt desperately quiet and heavy.

Alfie groaned when he felt the warm wetness spread across his stomach. "Fuck…" He tried to lift Addy off him but she woke and clung to him. "She's pee'd on me." He eased himself off the bed.

"It's okay Darlin'." He tried to reassure her as he stripped out of her wet clothes, turning on the shower Addy looked reluctant to get in until Alfie stripped off too and offered to get in with her. "Let's get this cleaned up."

It wasn't until he was kneeling in front of her drying her off that she broke his heart all over again. "Alfie, Where am I going to live now?"

"Addy, sweetheart, you aren't going anywhere."

"I want to stay with you." He tried to reassure her that she wasn't going anyway but Addy didn't seem to hear him. "Mummy died and Pops died and now I go away again. I want to live with you."

"Addy. You are staying here with Daddy and Quinn."

"I want to stay. Don't make me go Alfie. Save me." If that wasn't a kick in the nuts.

They were both crying. "Addy, please don't worry. I won't let you go; I promise." He hugged her tightly and Addy threw her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist so he had no choice but to pick her up and she wouldn't let go. They were both stark naked, freezing cold and desperately sad.

"Save me Alfie, save me."

Quinn could hear them while she changed the sheets and noticed his tears when he came out. She wiped them away and prised Addy off him so he could get dressed. Addy didn't want to let go and was screaming and clawing at her Dad until Alfie yelled at her to stop. She'd hurt him, he had a deep scratch mark on his back where she had dug her fingernails in and he snapped and instantly regretted it. She threw herself on the bed when he untangled her arms but she baulked and thrashed and screamed louder as Quinn touched her.

Bug was down in the kitchen making the first of what she assumed would be many cups of coffee. She had heard Addy's screaming and it reminded her of the first few weeks that they had her. The house felt eerie, there were flowers everywhere and food stacked in the fridge. It settled over her uneasily, Colton was in the shower and he'd been amazing yesterday, he'd comforted her until she finally fell asleep about three am. Now she was exhausted, devastated and had no idea what to do.

Suddenly she felt rudderless. All she had known was Pops and MiMi, they'd been such an enormous part of her life, maybe the most important part of her life and suddenly there was just this void. Even when MiMi passed away she at least still had Pops and now he was gone too. The house felt empty, even though only one person was missing. It was just that he was the biggest part of this house.

Quinn came down first while Alfie was struggling with Addy. "Everything okay?"

"You heard her?"

"We did. Is Addy okay?"

She gratefully accepted a cup of coffee and pulled up a stool at the counter. "We are not sure, Addy's pretty upset. She thinks that she has to go away now that Pops died."

"Why?"

Quinn shook her head sadly, it had been devastating listening to her, she was so distraught and Alfie was struggling as well. "She had a nightmare, with all the upheaval for her when Jedda died she's worried that it will happen again. She's fairly clinging to Alfie like a barnacle begging him to save her."

"My poor baby." Iris wiped away her own tears, they were pretty close to the surface anyway the thought of Addy begging to be saved broke her completely and Quinn reached for her hand.

"Hey Bug, Alfie's looking after her."

"I know, it's just…" the tears just flowed out of her and Quinn jumped up and hugged Iris. "…I can't believe he's gone. I am so broken."

"You are allowed to be, you all are."

"I know, I just wish this day had never come. I didn't want to open my eyes today."

"Neither did your brother."

"How is he?"

"He's like you. Devastated."

Colton joined them and started cooking breakfast while Alfie finally came down with Addy. "Hey sweetheart…" Iris rubbed her back. "..how are you?" Addy shrunk away from Iris's touch. "I love you Adelaide." When Iris went to kiss her Addy lashed out with her hand and collected Iris in the face.

Alfie grabbed her hand. "Adelaide, stop it. You don't hit Bug." He demanded she apologise, which she did reluctantly. So far she had lashed at Iris and scratched and fought him and refused to talk to Quinn.

"This is a fucking hoot isn't it?" Iris grumbled. "Welcome to hell."

Addy didn't eat, she sat on Alfie's lap, facing his chest and ignoring everyone else with her head tucked up under his chin and her Echidna clutched under her arm.

Eventually she moved off his lap but only once Lola and the kids arrived and Sam begged her to come watch TV with him, their favourite show was on. She looked up at her Daddy and he promised that he'd be right here if she needed him. Sam was so sweet with her, he held her hand as they disappeared into the lounge room and he sat right next to her and it wasn't long before they could hear them talking and giggling. They were laughing at Billy who had got himself stuck trying to get down off the couch, eventually tumbling head first to the floor which made them laugh hysterically.

Gradually the house filled up again. Mae arrived with Poppy, she looked green this morning, a sleepless night had exacerbated her morning sickness and George would be happy to know that Mae was being mollycoddled. He had to go into work for a meeting that he couldn't get out and he was worried about Mae and Poppy had been up and down all night. George had let Lola know they had a bad night which pissed Mae off but Lola didn't care. "Suck it up Mabel." Lola flipped her off. "It is what it is."

"Hey Termite…" Lola slipped his arms around her brother's neck as they sat at the table. "Look at that boy of mine, I think he's got a little bit of you in him. He's being all man of the house over Addy and Poppy, making sure they are okay. Just like you did." He now had both girls sitting up with him while he was in between them with his chest puffed out like he was king of the world.

"He's a good boy. I've taught him well."

Alfie was talking to Joey Halstead, who they weren't surprised to see. He'd eventually come back to Chicago and joined CPD, following in his Dad's footsteps and was pretty close to Gus still. He would drop in and see Adam a couple of times a year. Adam was the last of them. Jay, Kevin, Antonio were all gone. He felt a tug on his hand and was expecting to see Addy but it was Sam. "Addy needs you." He whispered, pulling him away.

"What's up?"

"She needs you, she's crying….." he was desperate. "…she wee'd."

"Okay." Sam tried to keep up with Alfie as he took the stairs two at a time.

Addy was up in her room trying to change her clothes and Sam just stood at the door and waited for his Uncle to help her, he looked so worried about her. She burst into tears when she saw her Dad and that started Sam off too, it was heartbreaking. "I'm sorry Alfie."

"It's okay sweetheart." Leading her through to the bathroom he stripped her off quickly, grabbed a washcloth and cleaned her up and helped her get dressed again. "Please don't cry sweetheart. It's okay."

"Sam helped me."

"Yes he did, that's because he loves you so much Addy."

"I miss Pops." Alfie wasn't sure how many more times his heart could break. "I want him to come back."

"Me too Darlin'."

"Then I can stay."

Alfie didn't know how to get through to her that she wasn't going anywhere. "Adelaide, sweetheart. This is your home, here with Daddy and Quinn. You aren't going anywhere, okay? You are staying with me."

"Promise."

"I promise Addy. I promise I won't let you go." She climbed into his arms and Alfie hugged her tightly. "I love you Darlin'."

In the quietest voice she whispered in his ear. "I love you Alfie." It was a baby step, hearing her say that she loved him but she still hadn't called him Daddy since yesterday.

He felt Addy stiffen when they headed downstairs and it was full of people. "I play in my room?" she begged and Alfie was more than happy to let her. It was something he remembered, not wanting people around. He took her back upstairs and Sam followed and Alfie stood outside the door for a few minutes and listened to them.

"Let's make a cubby?" Sam suggested. "Then we can hide."

"Then nobody can take me away." This girl was breaking his heart right now.

"I'll help you hide. Don't worry Addy." Sam wasn't much better either, he was breaking his heart too. "I promise. I won't let them take you away."

It was a long day for everyone. The house was full, people came and went all day. Gus was doing it tough; it was heart-warming to see how much Adam had touched so many people's lives and they loved hearing stories about him. There were a lot of laughs, crazy kids, food coming out their ears, flowers and cops everywhere they turned.

Sam and Addy eventually came downstairs as the crowd thinned out. Addy's room was absolutely trashed, Poppy and Billy had ended up in there at one stage and there was lots of squealing and laughing. Unlike the sanctuary that Lola, Mae, Alfie and Iris sought when they were little and their world fell apart these four were having a hoot. Back then there was no laughing or playing, just an overwhelming sadness.

"Mom." Sam found Lola in the kitchen cleaning up after a hastily put together dinner for the kids. While they weren't particularly hungry the kids were starving. "Can I have a sleep over?"

"You want to stay here?"

"Yes. I think Addy needs me."

That made Lola cry. "Oh Sam, that's very sweet of you."

"She's sad Mom, she's scared that she has to go away. I don't want Addy to go away." Sam shook his head. "She really likes it here and she likes Alfie and Quinn and me."

"I know she does."

"I want to stay and then I can stop them taking her away. I'll save her."

Lola picked him up and sat him on the bench. He was a beautiful boy, full of beans, loud, funny and always on the go but he also had a very sweet nature. He looked like his Dad and Lola loved that and she loved how much he adored his Daddy. Sam had told them that he wanted to be a Doctor like his Daddy and when they mentioned like his Mom too he shook his head, 'nope like my Daddy.' He had Riley's sweet protective nature as well and that's all Lola could see right now.

"Addy's not going away Sam, this is her home, here with her Dad and Quinn. I know she's a little scared but it makes me so happy that you are taking care of her." Lola brushed his hair from his forehead and kissed it. "You know when we were little, when our Mom and Dad died Alfie took care of us."

"Was he as big as me?"

"A little bigger actually. Bug was little like Poppy and Alfie made sure he stayed with her so she didn't get scared and lonely. Is that why you want to stay with Addy?"

"Yes." He looked at his mom sadly. "I'm a little scared too."

"Why sweetheart?"

"I don't want you and Daddy to die."

Lola held his cheeks in her hands. "Sam, Daddy and I aren't going anywhere, not for a long, long time. We've got to see you and Billy grow up and be big and strong like Pops was."

"Promise."

"Oh Sam, I never want to leave you and Billy, ever."

He did stay, Riley stopped by home on his way home from work and picked up some clothes and pyjamas for him. Addy had begged her Dad to let Sam stay as well. They seemingly had hatched a plan at some point. They worried about the trouble these two were going to cause in the years ahead.

It did give Alfie a chance to catch his breath once they got into bed, sadness oozed from him still and he was exhausted but he did lie in the dark and talk about Adam for a while. He talked about those first few weeks when their parents died and how he'd promised to help him be the man of the house. In some way he could see that with Sam and Addy now and that comforted him. It worked for them and he was desperately hoping it would work for his daughter. Adam would have been proud of little Sam, they all were.

Rather than wake up to a screaming child, they woke up to giggling ones. It was a sweet sound and Quinn wasn't surprised when Alfie teared up a little. "How beautiful is that?"

They came bursting through the door. "Daddy." Addy leapt on the bed and Sam scrambled up with her. "Me and Sam are going to cook breakfast."

"Really." This sounded like it was fraught with danger. "And what are you going to cook?"

"Pancakes."

"Who is helping you?"

Addy rolled her eyes like he'd just asked the stupidest question ever. "Sam."

"Ahhhh, Sam's not old enough either. Do you want me to help?"

"No, we can do it."

"How about I just come and watch and you will need help to cook them because you can't touch the stove."

"Oh bugger…" she dropped her head a little bit. They really hadn't thought of that.

"I promise just to help you cook them, you can do everything else." He bargained with them both.

"Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes." Sam started chanting and Addy soon joined it. He did wonder what the hell they were on. This was remarkedly like 'crackhead' behaviour.

Alfie smiled at Quinn. "I guess we are having pancakes." Both of their little jumping beans cheered. "Okay, get off my bed." He tickled them both. "Bathroom and I will meet you downstairs."

"You do realise sending them both to the bathroom at the same time could be considered risky?"

"What? Those angels." He mocked her and then faked a look of concern. "But hey did you notice anything?"

"She's happy."

He rolled towards her, pulling her close and kissing her softly. "She's happy." He repeated.

Quinn ran her hands through his hair and down his back. "I know that means a lot to you, but don't forget to make sure you are okay too?"

They were back, screeching at him to hurry up. "Sam, why are your pyjama's wet?"

"They not."

"I can see it dripping off you from here."

"They fell off."

"Where…" Alfie reluctantly hauled himself out of his warm bed.

Sam looked at Addy and they both looked as guilty as sin. "In the toilet." Addy blurted out and then they both laughed nervously.

"Seriously?" Alfie put his hands on his hips and looked at them both. They were impossibly cute, holding hands and bouncing around like they had ants in their pants. Quinn was struggling to hold back her laugh. "How?" he held up his hand. "You know what, I don't want to know. Go get dressed." He waved them away and turned to Quinn. "You're not helping. Like seriously how the hell?"

She just giggled and reminded him that leaving them to their own devices for too long probably wasn't a good idea, the train had already started to slip off the rails.

Alfie called his sister while all the ruckus was going on in the kitchen. "Watch this." He turned on the video chat and held the phone up so she could see what was going on. They were both covered in flour and the milk barely made it to the bowl but they were having fun.

"So, it's all good?" Lola asked him when he took it off video.

"Yeah, so far so good, they both slept fine. No nightmares and Addy is happy today."

'That's good Alfie."

"Although Sam's Pyjamas are wet because they fell in the toilet."

"What? How?"

"I really don't know Lola, it's Sam and Addy, isn't that reason enough?"

"True."

"Thanks for letting him stay Lola Bear."

He really appreciated that Lola probably wanted her son close but knew that he desperately wanted to help his cousin and she put that before her own desire to snuggle up to her children and grieve.

It wasn't all smooth sailing though. Breakfast was great, Addy and Sam loved cooking everyone breakfast, although it took Quinn a while to clean up the damage to the kitchen and Sam was ecstatic to see his Mom and Dad and Billy arrive.

They had an appointment at the funeral home today and Heidi stayed with the kids and Addy dropped her bundle as soon as Alfie told her he had to go out for a little bit. "No Alfie, No." she screamed, clawing at his leg. "No, I don't want you to go. Stay with me." She begged to come too which was heartbreaking.

When he finally prised her off after trying to reason with her Addy threw herself onto the couch, wailing. Nobody could go near her and Sam stood back and looked worried, his own bottom lip trembling. Alfie thought about not going but they were planning Pops funeral and right now that's where he needed to be.

Eventually she let Heidi sit with her as she continued to sob. "Is Alfie coming back?"

"He will sweetheart. Very soon."

"I miss Alfie, he's gone."

"He's coming back Addy. I promise, he loves you very much."

"Alfie go away and die."

"No, Addy, No, Daddy will be home soon. He's just got a meeting; he goes to work and comes home every day remember." Heidi knew that Addy was struggling, they had all seen it yesterday and she knew how much it was worrying Alfie. She'd been through so much in her short life, but what Addy didn't understand was she was in the best place now, if anyone was going to understand what she was going through it was her family. They'd all been there and come out the other side.

Heidi still missed her brother, he'd left a huge hole in her heart but Lola, Mae, Alfie and Iris had filled it a little and now with their growing families she felt like she still had Sam and Polly in her life.

"I don't want to go away again." Addy buried her face in her hands. "Alfie come back; Alfie come back. Please call Alfie, please." She begged.

"Adelaide, please don't cry sweetheart, Daddy will be home soon."

"You call Alfie. Please." She sobbed. Heidi was worried about calling him and him not answering because they were busy, she wasn't sure Addy would cope with that. "Please call Alfie."

Sam did his best and Addy did eventually stop crying and they started to play happily. Alfie called and Heidi thought it best not to let Addy know or talk to him, he was upset enough as it was it would only make him feel worse. She did tell her that Alfie sent her message saying he'd be home soon.

"He coming home?" her voice quivered a little.

"Very soon sweetheart."

As soon as she heard the cars and the voices her walls crumbled and she was just standing in the middle of the room, head in hands sobbing her heart out. Sam was beside himself, trying to get Addy to stop crying. "They home now, please don't cry Addy." Sam begged his cousin. "It's okay now."

It tore Alfie's heart out seeing her and she collapsed into his arms. "Oh Addy, I'm sorry Darlin', please don't cry sweetie."

"You go away."

"Just to a meeting, I was always coming back to you."

"I miss you Alfie."

"I know." He sat with her on his lap while Heidi made them all a coffee and they filled her in on the funeral plans. Eventually she drifted off the sleep and everyone could see the strain it was putting Alfie under. He never expected Addy to struggle so much. He was barely handling his own grief; the grief of his daughter was unbearable.

"You know, this is bringing back a lot of painful memories." Heidi smiled sadly. "Those first few days was terrible. We didn't know how to fix you and everyone wanted too."

"What did you do?" Alfie would do anything to make this easier for Addy.

"In the end, we just had to let the four of you take care of yourselves and wait. We supported you, loved you, cared for you but what really mattered the most was that you were all together. I see that a little bit with Sam and Addy and it's painfully sweet." It was such a terrible time for everyone and Heidi took a moment and let all those memories come back. "When Iris cried we wanted to help her but you wouldn't let us, you all cuddled her, took care of her, took her to the bathroom, slept with her, helped her get dressed, everything and we had to let you. In your own way, and in your own time you each came and got the help you needed but we couldn't force it."

"I just don't want her to worry." His tears broke his Aunt's heart. He was so desperate to help his daughter; she'd been through so much already. "I don't want her to hurt anymore. She's been hurt too much."

"You can't stop that Alfie, you've just got to love her."

He wiped his face angrily. "I just want to hear her call me Daddy again, then I know she'll be alright."

Heidi reached for his hand and squeezed it. "One day at a time Alfie, you can't rush her through her grief. Like you can't rush through yours." He nodded. "We'll all help you."

Lola and Alfie decided that Sam could stay one more night. He had begged to stay again. It had been a tough decision and this time they decided to stay as well and Sam had been delighted. While he wanted to help his cousin he missed his parents and brother too.

Sam couldn't keep staying though, he was a little boy and the burden wasn't his to carry. Heidi saw some of his grandfather in him which was bittersweet.

It wasn't only Addy that Alfie was worried about, it was Quinn too. Addy had pushed her away and as much as Quinn told him she understood he could still see that it hurt her. She was thrust into a family situation that felt overwhelming. Addy turning away from her had to sting and she was trying to be okay with it. Alfie had Addy to worry about, he was grieving for his grandfather and also for his parents all over again and he was worried about his sisters, particularly Mae and to a lesser extent Iris. He felt like he needed to be the 'man of the house' again and Quinn didn't know how to help him.

Heidi pointed that out to her, that Alfie was doing exactly what he'd done before. He was doing the only thing he knew how to do.

Riley had noticed that Quinn was quiet. She spent most of her time in the kitchen cleaning up or making coffee for visitors. "It's not easy is it?" He made her jump when he came in and leant on the bench. "At times like this it's not easy."

"I guess not."

"This is what they do, they have to do it this way. Pull together, comfort each other because that's how they survived."

"I just want to help, both Alfie and Addy."

"You are helping Quinn, trust me, he knows you are here and at some point he's going to turn to you and need you. It's hard stepping back, I learnt the hard way."

"When?"

"When MiMi died. Lola was seven months pregnant and I wanted to hold on so tight, MiMi was in hospital and I fought to get her to eat and sleep and not spend every minute of the day and night by her side. I worried about Lola and she hated it because she thought I was keeping her from her MiMi and Pops. The harder she fought, the harder I pushed back. She had contractions and all I wanted to do is hold her and protect her and my baby." He shook his head. "Iris came into see her and they slept together and I slept in a chair beside her bed. My wife was having a threatened pre-term labour and grieving for her grandmother and she had her sister comfort her. It was really fucking hard."

"What did you do?"

"Let them do it their way and after a day or so it settled down."

"It's so hard to stand back and see Alfie struggling. Addy is making it hard for him and I just want to ease some of that burden for him and she won't let me."

"Addy is a whole new kettle of fish. She is clinging to the one thing she knows, her Daddy. He's all she had for a while, her world has been turned upside down again and she's just a scared little girl and she also knows her Daddy is upset and that's not helping."

"So I am being selfish?"

"No, you are in love with Alfie and he's hurting and you want to help. You can see Addy hurting and you want to help her too. It's not selfish Quinn, it's just love."

"How do you do it?"

"Got no choice." He shrugged. "Lola is my life, all this crazy comes with her. I chased that woman for two years, fell in love with her in one day. This is just how it goes."

"I feel like that's where I am at now." This was the first time Quinn had to deal with any family drama, she knew they'd had more than their fair share but in the time she'd known Alfie it had been pretty smooth. It had surprised her a little at how fierce they were. Riley saw that, he remembered what his first time was like and he'd lived through a few now. It was a force of nature and you felt left out, but they always knew you were there and always came back to you.

Riley pushed himself off the bench and embraced her. "Welcome to the circus, it's not all sunshine and roses, sometimes Quinn it's really fucking hard."

Addy did say goodnight to her when she was going up to bed. She had Sam staying again and was happy and Quinn loved the hug she got and hung on a little tighter. "I love you so much Addy." Quinn whispered in her ear "I am so happy you are here with us."

If Alfie thought finding out he had a daughter, taking over the care for her and bringing her home to America was a challenge, nothing could prepare him for the absolute devastation of watching her fall apart. He didn't know how to help her.

It was a wild ride, made all the harder because it was piled on top of his own grief. Adam's death had hit them all hard, harder than they imagined. MiMi's death had broken their hearts, Adam's death obliterated them.

He was all at sea and Addy was a nightmare. One minute she was happy, the next minute she was a mess.

When the house filled up she retreated to her room or to the safe arms of her Dad. She had started calling him Daddy again and that was a relief.

It was fleeting though. When the Funeral Director arrived with her brief case to run through the final details Addy completely dropped her bundle. "No, No, No." she literally crawled up Alfie's leg. "No, I stay Alfie, I stay with you."

"Adelaide. It's okay. You are staying with me."

"They take me."

"They are not taking you anywhere." He was starting to wonder what actually happened when Jedda died. As far as he knew she was with Tara at the time. Nobody mentioned anything about how Addy coped with all that and maybe for her it felt exactly the same this time around. Addy didn't know what she was feeling and that manifested itself in her hysterical erratic behaviour.

Leonie, the Funeral Director offered to come back later but he doubted anything would change. "Thank you but no, let's do this. I want to get it over and done with." The last thing anyone wanted was to drag this out, it was hard enough as it was.

Addy sat on his lap; it would have been preferable if she wasn't here at the table but she wouldn't even go play with Sam today. Sam begged her and he was upset that she didn't want to play with him, he didn't understand why.

He just wanted the next few days to be over and then wanted to take Quinn and Addy to the Beach House. It was his sanctuary and he always wanted to run away and hide up there. It gave him the space to breathe and he could switch his mind off and be in the moment. Addy loved it too and she always wanted to go back.

Gus saw that Alfie was struggling with Addy. His heart was breaking even more than he thought possible and it bought back memories that he had buried a long time ago. Those first few days after Polly and Sam died and their funeral had been horrific for everyone and seeing it all again was tough. He found Alfie sitting outside all alone with a beer. Addy was finally asleep and he was catching his breath.

He handed him another beer and sat down on the step next to his nephew. "Tough day?" He tapped the neck of his bottle on Alfie's

"Yeah."

"You know Addy will be okay?"

"I hope so."

"I know so, you know why?" Alfie just looked at him, he was so worn down. "Because I've seen it before, I watched you go through this, all of you."

"I don't really remember it. Like I remember some parts and I know it felt big, I know I wanted to protect Iris and the girls, I remember needing to do that. The funeral, it's just this strange crushing feeling."

Gus swallowed a mouthful of beer and stared out into the backyard. He loved this place, it had been such a big part of his life, the only house he ever lived in with his parents and his sister. They'd spent so many days playing out here, so many nights on this deck. "I remember every single minute."

"How'd you do it?"

"What choice did I have? God, Alfie, I loved your Mom and your Dad was just immense and they were gone." He clicked his fingers. "Just like that. You needed us, you'd lost everything, your whole future. Shit, I'm in my sixties and I've just lost my Dad and it's fucking hard. I miss my Mom every day and I had a lifetime with her. You were seven." Gus couldn't even look at him. "I never wanted that for you. I don't want this for you now, I don't want this for Addy."

"Watching her fall apart is like being stabbed in the heart. I just want to help her."

"You are, we did. You just be there for her, tell her you love her every single day, hold her when she wants it, listen to her, be patient, cry with her and one day soon you'll hear her laugh again. I promise you Alfie, you and Addy will get through this. Lean on Quinn, she's going to be there for both of you. I couldn't have made it through losing Polly and Sam without Rhiannon, I didn't make it through losing Mom by myself and I know I have Rhiannon right now."

"I'm sorry you lost your Dad."

"Me too."

Alfie tapped his bottle this time. "Love you Bus."

Gus took a long swig on his beer. "He was just so big, ya know? We didn't always see eye to eye. I remember when Polly was going through her shit and I wrote myself off, I was sixteen and had alcohol poisoning. Dad could've lost his shit at me but he knew that I was just scared that Polly was going to hurt herself. I told him that and made him promise not to tell Mom and he didn't, when she found out she reemed him out but he didn't tell her because I asked him not too, he refused to break my trust. He picked me up from school one day and we just went boxing, he let me hit him and get it all out. I used to think that he loved Polly more but he didn't, he just showed us in different ways. All I hope is that I am half the man he was."

"Hey Bus, you are way more than half. He was proud of you, he told me that he thought you were a better man and cop than he ever was and that made him happy. I love that you have always been in our life. He loved you, we love you."

Everyone was surprised when Alfie decided that Addy wasn't going to the funeral. She didn't need to see that, nor would she understand what was happening. He hated the very vague memories of his parent's funeral and how horrific it was, he didn't want that for Addy. It was barely a year ago she was at her mother's funeral and while she was younger, like Iris who didn't remember anything it wasn't worth the distress it would cause her for something she won't remember.

She wasn't coping with a lot of people around and there would be plenty of people there and Alfie wouldn't be able to stay with her the whole time. He was a pallbearer and giving a eulogy and the last thing he needed was having Addy screaming hysterically in the church. He couldn't do it to her or to Quinn who would struggle to contain her, it wasn't fair on anyone.

Not that leaving her at home was pleasant either. They appreciated that Meg and Joel stayed home with her, Alfie did feel guilty that he left her with them when she was so emotionally unstable, they had to peel her off him when they left. Quinn's parents were amazingly patient and kind. They had made Addy feel welcome in their home and their life and he loved that Addy adored them.

Lola ended up leaving Billy with them also. Sam really wanted to go and Mae wanted Poppy to stay with her. By the time they got home Addy was utterly miserable and had told both of them that Alfie was never coming back and she didn't know where she was going to live now. She was cuddled up on Joel's lap, her echidna and Alfie's giraffe firmly in her grasp. "Addy, sweetie. Daddy's home." He whispered to her and Addy shot out of his lap and ran sobbing into his arms.

"Hi Darlin' I'm so happy to see you."

"You came back?"

"Of course I came back. I will always come back to you."

"Alfie. Can you stay now?"

"Yep." He spent the next hour with Addy attached to his hip. Even when people turned up she had decided being in Daddy's arms was the best place for her, then she could keep him close. Rarely did she talk to anyone though, even when they tried to talk to Addy she would just bury her head in Alfie's shoulder.

They let the dust settle for a few days before heading away and as soon as they got to the Beach House Addy was a different girl. She calmed down, her bright personality came back, she slept better, ate better and seemed happy. Still loving her cuddles she told Alfie that she loved it here, that she loved him and Quinn. "I love my house." She flopped down in front of the fire having put Ed on her bed.

"I'm happy to hear it."

"I love my house, I love Ed, I love Daddy, I love Quinn and I love me." She preened happily and Alfie glanced at Quinn and saw the tears in her eyes. It had been so rough for her every time Addy pushed her away.

Alfie reached for her hand and squeezed it. They had a bit of an uphill battle and this was the first step, he knew how hard she was doing it.

They decided to go for a walk along the beach, it was too cold to swim but Addy wanted to get out. Alfie helped her get into her coat and then helped Quinn. "I can't wait to help you get out of your clothes later."

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise." He hooked her little finger with hers. "Serious business."

Addy interrupted them; she was ready to get out. "Come on Daddy. Let's go." Addy tugged on his hand. "Come on Quinn, hurry. We need to find some shells."

She held both of their hands, skipping happily between them. When they hit the beach Addy took off and Alfie instantly grabbed Quinn's hand and curled his fingers tightly around hers. "This feels good."

"Less hectic that's for sure."

"It's been crazy yeah?"

"How are you?" The enormous strain on Alfie had taken its toll. He looked tired. "You look like you could sleep for a week."

"I probably could. I'm okay."

"It's okay to say you are not okay. This is tough for you. You came back to Chicago because of Pops, he was such a big part of your life. It's okay to miss him and admit that you are struggling with that."

"I can't think about myself, I've got Addy to worry about."

"Alfie, sweetheart I'm worried about you."

"I know. I know I've been a bit distant and distracted but I really do appreciate that you've been here with me. I'm glad I have you." Addy came barrelling towards them, her face glowing and lit up with the brightest smile. "She looks happy."

"Yeah, this is good for her."

"It's good for us." Quinn tugged on his hand and leant on his shoulder briefly. "I love you Babe."

Addy wrapped her arms around his legs. "Oh Daddy, I'm puffed."

"So you don't want me to chase you?"

"I do, I do." She took off again, squealing as her Daddy chased her. "Help me Quinn, help me. Catch Daddy." They just had fun and it felt good.

Alfie got her into the bath after they lit the fire while Quinn cooked dinner. They had a picnic on the floor and toasted marshmallows and Addy actually asked to go to bed. "I'm very tired." She leant on Quinn's leg. "Ed is sleepy too." And Quinn was happy that she asked for her to take her to bed.

Alfie was waiting for her with a glass of whiskey. He was stretched out on the floor in front of the fire, the lights were off and only the fire lit the room and the light from the hallway that was always left on for Addy. Holding out his hand Quinn was happy to join him. "She's asleep? That was quick."

"Out like a light."

Alfie propped himself up on one elbow as Quinn lay down beside him. He took a sip of whiskey and set the glass down. "Today was good hey?" He had so much to say and didn't know how to start.

"It was nice to hear you laugh and see you smile."

"I saw you smiling too. I liked it. I haven't given you much to smile about lately."

"It's been a tough week."

He dipped his finger in the glass of whiskey and ran it over her lips, before she had the chance to lick it off he kissed her. Softly, slowly and passionately. "I love you, I'm so in love with you." He whispered, pulling back slightly so he could catch her eye. "I adore you."

Quinn reached up and held his cheek, running her thumb over his lips. "I've never felt like this, I never thought I'd feel like this about anyone."

"I've felt you with me, I was so broken and you were always there."

"We've got this Alfie. We've can do this."

"I know we can, we are doing it." He reached for the glass and took another mouthful. He wanted this, whatever it was and wherever it was going to last. Intimacy isn't always just getting naked, it was. probably less about that and more about these moments. The moments before and the moments after. It's the sweet words, the comfortable silences, the gentle touch, comfort from being near someone and not touching them, the joy that you feel when you come home and they are just in your world and the peace that all that gives you.

"Moment by moment."

His eyes glazed over for a few moments and then he started speaking. "When my parents died I was so angry with them. I remember telling Bug off one day because she kept asking for them. She asked for Dad and I yelled at her to stop talking about him because it was his fault. He let my Mom die…"

"Oh.. baby." It was the softest of touches, her hand on his neck but it was all he needed to keep going.

"I was just angry. I didn't understand. He was driving, he crashed and they died so it was his fault. Why didn't he not crash, why didn't he avoid the truck, why didn't he save my Mom?"

"You were seven."

"I know, then I wanted to know how they died, were they together, did Dad try and save her? Was there lots of blood?"

Quinn didn't know what to say in response to that so she just left her hand on his neck, her fingers softly stroking his warm skin.

"Pops never told me much but he told us they died instantly, that they didn't suffer but they did. He lied, I found the report from the coroner. When the truck driver got out Mom was still alive, so was Dad. She only lived a few minutes more and Dad was holding her hand, he didn't let her go and then he died, looking at her. It would have destroyed him watching her die, he was never going to survive after that. Pops was the only one that saw them and he never ever talked about it. Never. He knew everything, Pops knew and he never told me. He carried that burden to his grave and I let him."

"He was just protecting you."

"I don't hate him for that and I will never tell the girls. You are the only person I have ever told, I've just buried it. I don't want them to know, I don't want that pain for them, I don't want them to hate Pops for not telling them but I can't carry it anymore." He was so raw, it took her breath away.

"I don't hate them for dying or my Dad, I don't blame him anymore, I don't think I really ever did, I was just a scared little boy. I don't hate Pops for dying now either. He lived his whole life for us, he made sure we were all okay and loved and happy but all he wanted to do was see MiMi again. All he wanted was to see Polly one more time. He's there with them and I hope he's happy." Quinn just let his tears fall. "I'm still going to miss him though; I wasn't ready to say goodbye."

"He knew didn't he?"

"He did and I like that, that he was ready. He met Addy, he met you and I am so glad he did."

"I'm honoured that I got to spend so much time with him, getting to know him and learning about you. It was beautiful watching him with Addy too. I can't wait to see you be that amazing man he raised you to be."

Alfie rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. It was Quinn's turn to prop herself up and watch over him. She placed her hand on his chest and he covered it with his. "When I met you I had so many doubts. I'd had my heart broken and suddenly there was this guy, there were a thousand people at that dinner and you talked to me. I'd listened to your sister talk about your parents, the love they had for each other and I could see how much they meant to all of you but you talked to me and not because you had to but because you wanted too, at least that's what I told myself. You went out of your way to make me feel special."

He didn't open his eyes. "You were."

"Every single day, since that night I've thought about you. There was just something that I couldn't put my finger on. I wondered what it would be like to kiss you, be touched by you, to be with you. I crashed head long into loving you and I don't regret one single moment. You always said your life was messy. Loving you isn't messy; it's fun, it's hard and it's easy, it's emotional, it's challenging, it's heart stoppingly beautiful and tear inducingly painful and it's all I ever wanted and more."

"I crashed head long into loving you too."

"I love you so much Alfie, so much it makes my heart skip a beat every morning and every night. I don't want to imagine life without you in it. I like life with you, it's perfectly chaotically beautiful. You and Adelaide are everything."

Returning the favour Quinn dipped her finger in the whiskey glass and wiped it over his lips and kissed him slowly. "You make me feel…" she tried to find the right word. "…finished. I feel I am finished with you. Like this is me now, complete."

They touched each other, kissed each other, talked and held on. For three hours, on the floor they did everything but have sex. It was emotional, it was passionate and intimate.

Their relationship had moved quickly but it felt right.

They talked about Adelaide. "I'm sorry she pushed you away."

"Alfie, she didn't know. Addy was struggling, she's four, she's had her world ripped apart twice in little more than a year. You've always been her centre, since the moment I met you I can see that. Sure, I wished that it was different, I wanted to help her because I love her and couldn't bear to see her hurting but she needed you and that is far more important than my stupid pride and ego."

"It's not stupid."

"I know, it hurt, I'm not going to lie but it was also incredible watching you both together. She's an amazing little girl, I adore her and I adore you and from the very beginning it was such a big part of why I fell in love with you. You as a father is beautiful, I'm glad I got to see it, I'm glad I get to see it every day."

"She loves you so much. She was always asking me when we could go see Quinn and when I told her that we were all going to live together she wanted it to happen that day."

"Well, why wouldn't she, I'm awesome."

"Extremely. I had all these doubts for so long, when I first bought her back here. How could I ever find someone who wanted to take on me, this tortured being with a crazy little three year old? I thought they are going to run a million miles and that's why I struggled to find a way to tell you. That night, when you ran out of the bar my heart sank. I thought, this is it, this is what life will be for me. Me and Addy, that's it. I was desperate for you to give me a chance. I felt it, even then. I felt this." He rested his hand on her chest, over her heart. "I wanted more, but I didn't dare dream of all this. You own me and I really like that feeling."

"Me too."

"I was embarrassed too and I hate that there is three years of Addy's life that I didn't know about, the photos don't fill that void. I should know, it's the same for Iris, as much as we tell her Mom and Dad loved her she never felt it, or doesn't remember feeling it. I can't tell Addy I always loved her because I didn't know about her and that will always hurt."

Quinn held his hand on her chest. "That's always going to hurt Baby, you can't change the past. You know this, you never regretted spending that time with Pops. Tell me, if you'd known about Addy, if you'd know Jedda was pregnant would you have come back?"

"No."

"Then that's all that matters. If you'd known about her you would have been there for her. And when you found out how long did it take you to decide to go get her?"

"In an instant."

"Baby, that's a good thing. You adore her, you are fierce, she's safe and loved and happy. Sure the past week has been rough because she was scared about not being with you, that's how much you mean to her. She won't remember feeling her mother's love, like Bug doesn't, but she will always remember how much you loved her. She feels it every day."

"I don't want her to lose anyone else that she loves. So stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere Alfred…" Quinn lifted his hand and kissed his palm and smiled sweetly. "…except maybe to the bedroom. You pinky promised to help me out of my clothes. I need to feel you, all of you. I need to be connected to you. You need to make love to me."

He may have had all these uncertainties swirling around inside him but that didn't stop him being strong.

They took their time, they'd rushed into loving each other, they weren't about to rush this moment. It was incredibly intense, reaching highs they'd never hit before and falling deeper into their future together.

"Oh god." Quinn gasped searching for his lips.

"Fuck, I breathe because of you." He muttered against her lips. He knew that this was his wife, he was going to marry her. Now just wasn't the time. They had both agreed that right now Addy was their focus, she deserved all the support she needed to make her feel safe and secure. Mae's baby was also important, that baby was going to heal them. He didn't want Quinn to be lost in all that, she deserved her fairy tale.