XXXXII.


Putting one foot at the ground, slowing down the bike, Daryl barked at the radio, pulling it up toward his mouth, "Rick! Rick!"

There was no answer from the other side. Daryl swore loudly. Everything felt like shit. "What's happening?" Sasha called in, instead of Rick, "Were those gunshots?"

"Sounds like it," Daryl said back, craning his head back checking the herd, then his eyes turned toward Alexandria… He tried to call in Glenn, but there was only static. He wasn't in the range. Rick must have been just at the border of their radio's reception between them and the rest of the team. If only he could talk with Glenn too. He could've made him to get Beth, so he could hear her voice. To think that Beth was there when those sons of bitches had attacked... He should be there with her, to protect her. There were also Judith, Carl, Carol, Sam… They were all there, and Daryl was here.

It was wrong. It felt wrong. His place was with his people. Daryl knew himself. He wasn't Rick. Daryl couldn't do what the other man could. He was the protector. So he should protect.

Abraham and Sasha could continue, he could turn back— Daryl grunted out again. It was too late now. The damn man! The damn man had lied to him. Rick knew Daryl would've turned back, so he lied to him, made him keep going. He understood Rick's point but still. Beth was there. So, he should be there, too. It was simple as that.

But it wasn't simple as that, Daryl also knew, even the thought had brushed off his mind.

It was never simple now.

Fuck!

Nothing went well, he—he'd been glad when Rick had sent Beth back to Alexandria, to warn them. He had never wanted her to be here at the first place, but now, he regretted that decision. He'd thought she could've been safer back at the town…What a dumbass he was, Daryl Dixon stupid.

Nowhere was safe. He'd always known that. The town had gotten him too, much like Beth's soft lullaby, candles and smiles, the comforts of Alexandria had gotten him. They'd turned him softer.

But everything was so good with Beth. Rick was having it hard with the town and Shepherd but Beth and him—they were settled—like—like they'd been doing this for a long time—like—like for his whole life he'd been waiting for this, and when it happened, it just happened. Sometimes he still felt a beast next to her, but he also accepted it. Beth loved him whole, this and that, whole package.

He tried to imagine what Beth would've wanted him to do—then Daryl knew the answer. Beth would want him to keep going, complete the mission, and protect them at any costs. She was fiery in that way, never losing hope, always trying to save people.

Putting his foot back on the bike, he turned on the motor again, and brought the radio up again. He called in, "Come on, let's finish this," he told Abraham and Sasha before started again riding away from home.

# # #

Thank god for small mercies, Alexandria still had sanitary pads. Inside the bathroom, Amanda sat at the edge of the toilet and started taking off her tactical boots and then hissing, she pushed off her trousers too. They were almost clung on to her, plastered on her skin with dirt and blood.

The garment pooling in her feet, Amanda looked at the ruin thing. Maybe she really should stop wearing it. She was no longer a police officer now. She didn't feel like one but seeing it like this…ruined—like a part of her ruined too—she stopped her thoughts again.

She was not going to think like that! She was not.

She had come in and decided to change so Rick wouldn't see her like this. She bowed her head and looked at between her legs. Blood was still slowly oozing out of her, now towards the tiles of the bathroom.

The sight made her tremble, but it wasn't so bad—she told herself—it wasn't pouring anymore… and painkiller had started showing off its effect, it wasn't hurting so badly, either. She lowered her bloodied underwear as well and hopped into the shower. She washed her lower body with only water—then putting two sanitary pads at once she put on new panties. Denise had told her before she shouldn't use tampons to stop the bleeding, so she only put the pads and walked out the bathroom.

She changed her shirt too and took another cargo trousers she'd found earlier and put them on, too. She looked…decent. The black trousers were a simple, plain thing, without any pockets as well, and there had been only a chain across at one side, attached to the belt, but Amanda had already taken it off. She turned to look at the mirror, nodding at her image back there. She could do this. She had to.

Crying in self-pity did no good to anyone. Rick was going to come soon. He needed to see her like this, not like that. Her eyes caught at his white t-shirt still was on the ground, the basic shirt he wore to the bed when it was colder at nights—She walked to it and took it off—and brought it to her face.

She deeply inhaled, breathing his scent… and almost started crying again.

With a huff, she dropped the t-shirt at the bed, and left the room.

She went back to the porch and sat beside Carl again, but before she could take Judith back into her lap—Carl shook his head. "Uh—you shouldn't keep her," the young boy said, "She's heavy."

Yes, Judith was getting heavier, a fact both Rick and she had gladly noticed, but Amanda understood what Carl had meant to say. Even sitting at her lap, the weight of the baby would be too much for her. She nodded briskly, reaching out to caress Judith's cheek, and felt tears welling inside her eyes again. Damn!

When—when she'd turned into a cry baby like this!

Then at that moment, she noticed the shouts! She whipped her around at the left side where the main gate was and raised at her feet—holding back a hiss. It wasn't hurting as much it had, yes, painkillers in her blood stream had worked their magic, but it still hurt… She turned aside to Carl, "Go inside. Back to the room."

Nodding, Carl listened to her again. She started walking to the gate. Glenn was yelling at Michonne to open it from the platform above where he was at the watch-out. Spencer had taken the lookout at the bell tower too, checking out the perimeter and his sniper gun was directed at the gate, Amanda saw craning her neck up.

Hurriedly, Michonne slid the gate open, and then getting closer, Amanda saw it.

It felt like something else had ripped off her again and—she felt something leaked off between her legs into the pads. Rick—Rick was running, his feet barely touching at the asphalt, yelling at them to open the gate as walkers were just coming behind him, barely out of arm's reach.

Some of them were trying to get him and pushing and throwing Rick were getting them out of his way. From above them, Glenn had started taking shots at the closest ones as Michonne waited at guard at the gate, her hand going back touching at the handle of her blade, ready to take out her katana for any emergency. The sight—the sight disturbed her profoundly, switching something off in her.

She drew out her gun, thankful that she'd taken it back from Enid, and started running to the gate. Her blood fastened, she could feel it—but she wasn't going to stand back and watched Michonne protect her husband! Damn her if she let it happen!

She stood a few feet ahead of them and stepped outside of the gate, running to him— and walkers, "Rick!"

"Get back!" he yelled at her, "Get back inside!"

She didn't listen and started shooting at the walkers. A second later, he caught her, still running, and pushed both of them inside the gate as Michonne closed the gate at their back against the upcoming herd. "Amanda—" Rick almost started, but she just threw herself at him, cutting his words, and hugged him tightly.

He'd come back. Walkers had come with him, too, but he had come back. He was standing in her arms—hugging her back—so it didn't matter. She—she could…she could cry now. Only she couldn't.

Walkers had come. The townsfolk were looking at each other with utter shock and dread, catching the glimpses of the scene outside the world, hearing the tell-tale snarls and gnarls. They were going to look at them for guidance. They were supposed to be their leaders—Rick wanted her to be the woman she was… and she supposed a leader wasn't to get an emotional breakdown in front of all of her people. No. She had to be strong and suck it up. Later… When everything was settled down. They…they would talk.

She might cry then, when it was only two of them. Now, there was simply no time. Steeling herself, she took a step back. "What happened?" she asked as Glenn came down from the platform, too.

Rick stood in the middle of the circle the townspeople had made. "One of the Wolves attacked me. The RV got hit. Couldn't get it running back," he explained, and turned his eyes at the gathered crowd, weighting them.

The crowd shared again frightened looks, and someone from them cried out, "You brought them here!" his tone was accusing as much as his words, "You brought them just back to our home!"

Amanda scowled as Rick shook his head, wandering his eyes at the townspeople, "I know you're scared," he told them then, "You haven't seen anything like this. But it's happening. They're here. And we're lucky that it's only the half," he continued, "the other half is still following Daryl, Abraham and Sasha. But we must deal with them. We must," he stressed out, "We must protect our home. Our walls are strong. They're standing—" His eyes again wandered at around them, "But will you too?"

Carter stepped out from the crowd. "How?" he asked, "How will we protect our home?"

"That truck outside hit at the panel, but it's still standing. We're going to reinforce it. The whole wall. Then we'll think something. We'll find a way out. We always do. And if we not, we'll wait until Daryl, Abraham, and Sasha come back and pull the rest of the herd away from us, too. Until then, we'll hold."

Someone else from the crowd, a redheaded woman asked, "What if we can't?"

But this time it was Carter who answered, "We will—" the man said, and his eyes skipped at Rick, "We got no options."

Amanda wondered what had passed between out there, because it looked like something—happened, and they'd—they had come to a sort of understanding with each other. Rick nodded. "We'll do our best. We'll keep the noise at minimum, will blacken out everything, even put some shades at the windows. This town gotta be as silent as a graveyard. With no voice, some of them would get distracted and leave."

Rick looked at them again then and moved toward Glenn. He waved at Carter too. "Round up people who might be helpful. Not everyone. We meet at Deanne's house in a half of an hour," he told them, giving a look at Deanne, too, "We'll discuss then what we're going to do."

With that, he took her hand and started walking her toward the house.

It was amazing, just the way his words, his presence had calmed down the panic in the town. Okay, maybe not for everyone, Alexandrians had been still giving each other those looks, but it certainly had calmed Amanda down.

Back at the house, just after they stepped into their room, he quickly grabbed her at the waist before she could take a step away from the door and his lips hungrily caught hers, as if it took everything in him to wait until they were back at their room, alone. Amanda responded with the same intensity—coiling her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her as he pushed her back against the door, kissing her as desperate to water as a man dying from thirst. He pulled back after a moment and rested his forehead at hers, sighing deeply. "I was so afraid—" he muttered, "I was so afraid something happened to y'all."

"So was I," she told him back, sighing out. She thought about telling him what had happened, but something held her. He didn't need to know it now. Not yet. She hadn't wanted him to see her like that, blaming himself—feeling guilt seeing her like that, but the herd was making it even harder now. Perhaps it was even better if he learned it after they dealt with the herd.

Rick gave her a kiss at the forehead again and took a step back, unbuttoning his dripping wet shirt. "What happened here?" he asked, taking it off, "How those assholes found us?" He paused, his eyes skipping at hers, "I really should listen to you more—" He shook his head. "You wanted us to find them. You wanted us to leave a car here too."

Amanda shrugged, letting out another sigh, and sat at the edge of the bed, "You accept it at least. Dawn never used to."

"Yeah…" Rick muttered, taking up the white t-shirt she'd thrown back on the bed earlier and put it on. Amanda remembered how she'd smelled it a few minutes ago, wanting him back. And he was back, but it wasn't over yet, it wasn't far from being over. It never ended. She then recalled his words at the barn. It only ends when we die…

The barn—the night they'd shared there then sometimes felt like it was just yesterday, sometimes it felt like a million years had passed. Everything felt different, yet still the same. Bad things were always there, waiting to happen to them. But every day was a new day, and they got up and went to fight. They always held up.

Rick went to bathroom to wash his face, and Amanda walked to him as he started wiping his face off with a towel. "It was Nicholas," she stated then, standing at the threshold of the bathroom's door, leaning at the frame, holding up.

His hands stopped and lowering the towel down over his chin, Rick gave her a look in the mirror, his face closing off— "They found him," she explained further, "I saw his backpack with one of them. He told me."

He threw the towel away angrily. "I knew it!" He shouted, stepping out of the bathroom, "I told her! I so fucking told her!"

"Rick—" Amanda said back, turning aside to him, "Reg—Reg died. She's paying the price, too—"

He took an angry step forward back to her, and caught her arm, "You all would've died!" he shouted again, "I—I had to choose between you and walkers, knowing damn well something might happen to you—all of you…" He roughly pulled her at his chest, "Do you know how it felt?"

She felt blood leaked out of her again at the his rough gesture, but maybe it was just because of his words, because she knew damn well how it felt making a choice... She grabbed his arm to steady herself, not giving in temptation to hiss in pain. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you okay?" he asked, "Your face is so white." He paused, "What happened?"

"Nothing," she said, pulling back herself an inch away and leaned again against the frame, "It was a long day."

He gave her another look, and took another step, "Amanda, what happened?" he asked again, this time sterner, then his eyes lowered down and she knew he was checking out on her to see if there was any blood… Then his eyes narrowed even further, "Your pants… you changed them," he declared.

Amanda stared at him—sometimes she was forgetting he was a cop, too. "Rick—"

"Amanda," he cut her off, not letting her talk, "have you started bleeding again?"

She swallowed… "I—I—" she breathed out, and started to tell him what had happened, she couldn't hide it anymore from him, not anymore, "There was this man," she said, "The one told me about Nicholas. I—I had to fight with him. Managed to kill him, but took a few hits, too. It's not much…but—"

Even before she could finish, bending, Rick swooped her up in his arms. "Rick!" she cried out as he started carrying her outside, "What are you doing?"

"What are you doing, Amanda?" he hissed out at her, "What were you doing running like that at the gate? Why are you even here?" He shook his head, frustrated, "Why the hell aren't you in the infirmary?"

She exhaled deeply. "Have you seen the infirmary?" she asked back, "Denise got no time for me. We've got people severely injured."

He dipped his head down to find her eyes, "You're bleeding, Amanda."

"I'm fine—" she repeated the same thing she kept saying. She'd made a choice. She'd chosen to protect Judith, Carl, her family…her people, and she was going to do it! She was going to hold up. Rick had told them to hold up, so she was going to do, too. "Put me down, Rick."

His steps faltered after her order, but in response he only looked at her. "Walkers are just outside of our gates. You told us to hold up, and I will," she told him, "I'm not going to lay in a bed feeling sorry for myself while you fight for our lives. I won't!" she paused, and ordered again with a clear voice, "Put me down. I'm coming to Deanne's, too."

He gave her another look, but still didn't put her down. "You've done your part," he said, frowning, "You can't fight like this."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to fight! I'm not that stupid. But I can't be here. We have to decide what to do with that herd." She paused, "You told me not to run away from responsibility, Rick—" she reminded him his words then, "told me to be the woman I'm supposed to. I am listening to you."

His frown loosened a bit, but still he didn't move, "Then listen to me again. You'll come to the meeting, but you won't tire yourself, and after it's done I'll bring you to the infirmary," he asked, "Are we clear?"

She nodded, "I'll come back here and rest, I promise," she agreed, "But I'm not going to infirmary. I really don't have a place there right now, Rick. And Denise would just tell me the same. Lie down and rest."

Nodding back, he finally put her down. She breathed out again, and started opening the door, but his hand stopped her again, taking her back in his embrace. "Amanda, it's going to be okay. It will."

A part of her just wanted to snort, tell him don't lie to her, because it was never going to be okay, never again… It would never end. They might be dead, their home might get overrun—at best, she might never have another baby again… but she just held him back instead. "Promise?" she asked.

His lips brushed her hair again before he did, "I promise."

# # #

For this time since Daryl had stayed with her after the dawn, Beth felt…desperate.

They were all gathered inside Deanne's hall how like Rick had demanded, discussing what they should do, faces tired but holding up.

They were all holding up, even the Alexandrians that Rick had decided to come in to the meeting. There was that man—Carter—the one she'd always thought was a bit whinny, talking now, and funny enough Rick was listening to him intently—Back at the gate, she'd heard the man standing up for Rick too, so Beth figured out something had happened—a life changing thing had happened between them out there. It was always like this with them now—bonded by tragedies and hardship, becoming a family.

"We can't use the bell tower anymore, it might collapse—we're lucky it took the first impact of the crush—" Carter said, looking at Rick as their leader stood perched at the couch's rest where Amanda lay her legs over it.

Rick nodded. "We'll use the platforms, double up the patrols and watch outs." He twisted to Spencer and Rosita, "You do it—Take if you know anyone with a good shots with you. Michonne will help you, too." His eyes skipped at Michonne before he dipped his head, and asked Amanda, "Have you managed to stash the guns in the town?"

Amanda shook her head, "We were just talking about it when they attacked. No."

Rick nodded. "Maggie, Beth, you're on it," he ordered them, too, "Four section, each part gotta have a good stash. We define a team leader for each section and they'd lead their people out in the meeting point if the wall falls down."

"The meeting point?" Amanda asked.

"The warehouse. It's the largest one, and closest to the outside of the wall. We regroup there. We might set up a perimeter too. It'd hold them back for a while if we're breached." He turned to Tobin and Glenn, "Tobin, Glenn, you're at it."

Tobin nodded, as Carter frowned and looked at Rick. "What about the damage panel? We could try to reinforce it from inside, but outside it's another story." Carter stopped, "If Reg were here—" the man continued, skipping his eyes at Deanne, then stopped.

The leader of Alexandria's face was ashen. Her whole appearance was like a ghost. Beth felt so sad. Reg was a good man, the reason why they all were still here, safely behind the gates he had built. Her thoughts then moved to Daryl and she thought of him—doing this without her. She—she had to be there with her. She'd wanted to be with him, she always wanted to be with him, but she also knew if she hadn't returned with Maggie and fought for the armory, things would've gone very badly. It was a blessing.

Maybe—maybe she should start praying again—it was since a long time she hadn't prayed—there was only one pray had left to her now—please don't let me die—and she hadn't—she wanted to pray for Daryl, too—for his safe return. He was going to come back. She knew it. He was—but she wanted to pray too… It's been such a long time. Father Gabriel had started a pray circle too after the noon—for their injured ones and for the death that circled them around. Rick had only snickered, shaking his head, seeing it, Amanda had sighed out, but both hadn't commented. Beth just—had walked away.

"It has to do," Rick said "Daryl, Abraham, and Sasha will return in the morning. It's gonna need to hold until then."

"What if they don't return?" Spencer Monroe asked, and Beth snapped her head back at him.

"They will," she told him with a certainty she couldn't exactly feel, but she still did, "They will come back."

The younger man shook his head, "We still need a contingency plan—" he said.

Rick gave the man a hard look then shared a brief glance with Amanda, and Beth didn't miss it. "We—we might create a distraction to support the panel from outside then. It might help until they come back."

Spencer shook his head, "We might try to break off and return to the quarry to take back one of the vehicles," he argued.

Amanda's eyebrows pulled together. She looked more collected with her new clothes, but Beth knew it was still a bravado she was putting on her. Beth was also half surprised to see her with them again, seeing Rick letting her to stay with them, instead of bringing her forcefully into the infirmary.

But they were all doing whatever they could. "He's got a point," Rosita commented, "If we can take back one of the vehicles. We might try to pull away the herd on our own. And we don't have to wait for that."

Rick shook his head, "Yeah, but without the bike we could only get away half—"

"And it's too risky," Amanda cut off in, "Wolves might be still outside. We wait for Daryl." The other woman turned to her, "He's gonna come back."

Nodding, Beth wondered if the words had meant for her, to make her feel better. She usually stood at the other side of the line, trying to comfort others, and it was always her too—she was the believer—but when their roles had changed—Beth realized it was harder.

She always hated to be left behind—but left behind like this was even worse. She had to be there with Daryl—just be there with him. It was always them for a long time now—it felt since like the beginning now—and Beth didn't want that change. They made a good team.

After the meeting was done, Amanda came to find her outside at the porch, and held on her arm. "Walk me back to the home?" she asked, "I promised Rick I'm gonna return to the house and rest after the meeting."

Beth looked at her, "Was it how you convince him to come here?" she asked.

She let out a sigh. "He wanted to take me to the infirmary—"

"It isn't such a bad idea—" Beth said in return, "Denise—"

"Won't able to help me, Beth," she completed for her, "You know it. She doesn't even know how. She tries her best but—this is out of her practice. I—I need a gynecologist."

She turned to look at the older woman. "Maybe when this all finished, we can go out and look for someone—Deanne still wants us to look for people, right?"

Amanda shook her head, "I don't think Deanne will able to do any of ordering anymore, Beth—" she said with a sigh, as they started walking to the door, "I think she's lost her spirit… and I'm not sure if it's really a good idea looking for people—not before we enforced what we have here and deal with our neighborhood first. We can't let anything like this happen again."

Beth frowned at her again, "What do you mean?"

"It was Nicholas, Beth," Amanda told him then, "I just told it Rick. I saw this man—the man I was fighting. I told me they found Nicholas. It's how they found us."

Beth felt her eyes burning, suddenly take it hard way, "It's always going to be like this, right?" she asked, "Always?"

Amanda took her hand, and tightened her fingers, "We'll find a way, Beth. We always do." She paused, then said, "Daryl will come back, we send those sonsofbitches away from our home—" It really felt like their positions were reversed, and instead of talking to her down, this time it was Amanda who was giving her…hope, "Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

Beth smiled between her tears, "Can you—can you come with me to pray?"

Amanda looked at her, "I—I forgot all the words, Beth."

Beth looked at her back, "So did I—" she said, but maybe they could find them together again.

Amanda then turned to left and looked at the church, "I promised Rick I'd return to the house," she said after a while.

Rick was still inside the house, and Beth knew he had got so much to do. And so she did. Maggie and her had to stash the weapons but—but Beth wanted to do this first. "We—we can pray in your room," Beth said, "I need to help Maggie too."

Giving her a look, Amanda then nodded. They went back to the house, and Amanda lay down in the bed, resting her back against the headrest as Beth sat at the edge of the bed. She took the older woman's hands in hers, and they bowed their heads.

Beth tried to find the words again—passages from Psalms flashing through her mind—about pestilence and plagues, and terror of the night, and strengthen—but at the end no word came to her. They stood in the silence then, holding each other hands, and their foreheads touched at each other as they listened to the faint snarls and groans of the walkers from outside, coming to them in the silence the town had bestowed upon. Beth then slowly muttered the only prayer she still could find in herself, "Please… Let us be okay."

And Amanda repeated it the same low voice after her, "Please… Let us be okay."

Beth then stood up and left to find Maggie. The dead was at their doorsteps, snarling and trying to crawl their way into their side—like how night was always crawled its way into the day—but at the end—a new day always come back.

He would come back.

Beth knew it as sure as she knew a new day would come in the morning.

# # #

As Amanda and Beth started walking back to their house, Rick watched them, standing at the porch of Deanne's house. The old woman came to his side a few minutes later, and started watching the town with him as they stood silently.

The people was still around, clearing off the streets from dead bodies and washing off the blood as silent as possible, while construction crew started taking off materials from the warehouse for reinforcements. He needed to prepare these people for a fight, in any case—at worst case. They had to understand, they needed to fight, or they were going to die. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, either, but one day.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Rick said then, skipping his eyes at Deanne, "He was a good man."

And Rick meant it. He—respected Reg. The man had built what Rick had been trying to manage since the beginning of the turn—a safe haven. "You warned—you both warned me." She shook her head, "I—I should've listened to you. I'm sorry, too."

Rick turned aside to look at her properly. A part of him still wanted to get mad at her, still wanted to snort at her, told her this was the civilization they were living in now—but words just didn't come out. He'd been right, but so she had been, a part of him also knew that, even though he didn't want to admit. "We're still here," he told her then the only truth he knew, "We're still fighting."

Deanne shook her head slowly, "Maybe—maybe we're meant to suffer through this—to understand—to realize what it means." She exhaled deeply, "There's this Roman poet Reg used to quote a lot while we tried to put up the wall—his favorite—Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim." Deanne quoted, "Be patient and strong; someday this pain will be useful to you."

Rick nodded, "It will." Be patient and strong. Alexandria… The ancient city of the civilization, built thousands years ago for the first time, a place of wonders and knowledge—For a little while it felt so ironic—the town's name—and perhaps—fitting. Alexandria still lived, still surviving. "We're going to have to fight," Rick told her then, "We have to."

Deanne nodded. "Then we will," she said, "Believe in us," the old woman continued, "You always say we have to come back to the real world, but you never believe we could make it."

No, he hadn't. And he'd been right. If his people hadn't been here, if they hadn't bled for Alexandria—they would've suffered the same fate of Noah's hometown. Rick knew it, Deanne knew it, but they had fought. Much like Amanda, they'd bled for it, too—Rick had seen the infirmary, and it was as worse as Amanda had alluded. They—they were holding up.

Rick nodded then. "We will, Deanne," he said, "We'll make it."

His mind making up, he went to find Carl. His son was sitting at the porch of their house, his rifle still balanced between his legs. Rick really felt glad that he'd left it to him before he'd left for the dry on. "Where is Judith?"

"Amanda took her after Beth left—" Carl said back, "They're together."

Rick frowned. "She has to rest. Judith might tire her." He made a move to go in and took Judith back, Carol might look after her, but standing up, Carl stopped him. "No—Dad, let her. She—" Carl started then stopped. Rick stared at his son, waiting, his eyes narrowing a bit. "She—she had a gun," Carl then continued after a second, "I was with Judith with Enid in your room, we were protecting her. Amanda—she found us. She came to check on us. I had my rifle, but Enid didn't have a gun, Amanda gave hers to Enid." Carl bowed his head, looking at his feet, "She wanted us to protect her—If she had a gun, she might've not need to fight with that man. I'm sorry."

Something in his chest tightened so badly, Rick felt he was going to die for a second. He swallowed hard through a lump in his throat, and held his son by his shoulder with one arm. Her gun! Rick had never thought of it—just assumed she'd just run out of the bullets…or something… She'd given up her own protection just to make sure Carl and Judith were safe. "She wanted to protect you," Rick told him, and took a step back. "I'm—I'm gonna teach these people how to shoot. We can't practice with bullets, but they gotta learn how to use a gun. Gather all people at the backyard of the warehouse in half of an hour ago, okay?"

Carl nodded. Rick then left for the infirmary. He had to be sure. Denise still needed to see her.

The infirmary was as worse as Amanda had told—Denise had lost one of the wounded, Rick had heard it before they'd gathered at Deanne's, and the rest of them now were put into sleep. Heath, and two others from his team were at guard—if they didn't make it out. Within the sight, Rick understood why Amanda didn't want to come at the infirmary. Standing at the threshold, not wanting to disturb the forced tranquility Rick first nodded at Heath. The younger man came at his side. "How are they?" Rick questioned.

The supply runner shook his head, "Denise managed to stop bleeding, but they lost blood. They started blood transfusion, but—I don't know." Rick nodded. He remembered how it'd happened with Carl back in the days—that nightmarish waiting—and took a step further into the man, and dropped his voice a tone down. He gave the younger man his cuffs, "If their conditions worsens, put them on. We—we can't take any changes."

Taking the cuffs silently, Heath nodded. Rick moved in and found Denise. "Doctor—" he called out as silent as possible, "A word, please." Denise walked to him. "Amanda—" Rick started explaining once the woman arrived at his corner, "She started bleeding again. She didn't want to disturb you now when—they're others—but if there's something we can do-"

Shaking her head, Denise cut him off, "I'm sorry, I don't know. This—none of this—is really my expertise—" she exclaimed quietly with a breath out.

"You're doing well," Rick told her.

She shook her head, "I'm doing my best," she said in return tiredly.

And that was what they had. "She has to lie low and rest, I would've given her a sedative to put her into sleep too, but doesn't sound like a good idea now."

No, it wasn't. They had to put those wounded into sleep because they were screaming and in pain, but if—if something happened—she had to be consciousness. But still… "Can you give her something to relax her a bit?" Rick asked.

"Hmm—" Denise hummed thinking, "I guess she could half of an Atarax. It's not as strong as Diazepam. Usually we used it for children and…um…cats."

Rick stared at her, "Cats…?"

"Yeah—when they're in—um—heat, you know…to calm them down—"

Rick continued to stare at her, and she blushed, and turned aside, "I find you one. Just give her half of it—should be enough to relax her without knocking her out."

Rick nodded, taking the little pill the woman had given her without any word, and went back to the house. He found Carol, and gave the pill to her, "Can you give this to Amanda—half of it—don't tell her—just mix it into a protein shake or something. Denise gave it, should relax her a bit."

Carol gave him a look. "Drugging her now?"

"She needs to rest. She's feeling anxiety."

Taking the pill, Carol nodded. "Judith is sleeping now. I'll take her too when she wakes up."

Rick nodded, "Thank you." He paused, "Are you okay?" he asked then, giving her a look.

"Yeah. I am." She paused, "As good as anyone can be—while those walkers are out there."

Rick nodded too. As town slowly fell into the silence, the only sounds of the herds were coming to them clearer. For a moment, Rick thought to go to her and put her into sleep himself, holding her in his arms, caressing her hair—whispering into her ears—making sure everything was going to be all right, making her forget the snarls and groans from the outside, making her forget blood oozing out of her insides… making her forget everything but them—together.

But he just could not. Alexandria needed him—needed to see him—fighting—enduring. He walked around the town—checking all the preparation, making sure this time everything was in place. He helped Tobin and Glenn and their teams as they set up ditches in front of the warehouse, and help Carter as the man tried to reinforce the damaged panel. Rosita and Spencer were at the guard at the platform, as Michonne had the patrols at the ground.

They were holding up, fighting, enduring; all this pain—all this—blood—all these sacrifices… they were worth of something.

Home.

It was for home.

Rick walked to the backyard of the warehouse, and stood in front of townspeople—possibly people had never held any gun before… He saw the old couple of sixty years, the one that had a liking to Judith from the first day, he saw the redhead woman who had given him those desperate looks and words when the herd had come back first, he saw her boyfriend, he saw Enid, he saw another old lady, who had silver hair, he saw Jessie, Ron, even little Sam… he saw all Alexandria—prepared to fight for their home.

Carl was standing a feet in front of them, looking at him, behind a small table he'd also prepared, guns on it, and his old Sheriff hat were on his head, holding up his rifle at his shoulder, ready. Rick walked to his son, and nodded at him like a proud father he was.

"All right, people," he told his townspeople, "Let's do this."

Then Rick started teaching them until the sun set down behind the horizon. They first started with guns—holding them up—trying to get them accustomed to the weight of it, the feel of it. Then thought them how to take an aim—how to make sight alignment—how to draw, then they moved to knives and blades—how to make moves, how to make a charge. They worked on them as silent as possible as the day aged to night, and the growls and snarls had increased louder and louder—

By the time they had ended the training session, it was all dark, and the town now was in a deadly silence—apart of the growls, snarls and gnarls.

He'd found Amanda in the bed back at the home, holding Judith against her side lightly, one arm gently touching her as if to make sure she was right there with her as they both slept. With a sigh, he took Judith up and put her back into her cot, giving a kiss at her forehead. He took his shirt off, but left his jeans on if something happened and they had to leave urgently, and he saw Amanda had done the same too—her new trousers were still on. Rick checked it out and saw no blood… He then slipped in the bed, crawling toward her back and finally held her against his chest. She mumbled in her light drugged induced sleep— "Rick—?"

He kissed her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist tightly, "'Shss, go back to sleep."

Her body relaxed against him further—and she sighed out deeply—her arm reaching out to find Judith—then her body tensed when it came empty— "Judith—" she cried out, her voice rising a bit—her words half slurred, "Jud—"

Rick tightened his arms, and kissed her shoulder again, "It's okay—she's okay. She's sleeping in her cot. Go back to sleep, baby. You saved her."

She let out a breath, his words calming her down— "No one can—hurt my baby…" she slurred out, her eyes closing again.

Rick buried his head at her shoulder, breathing her deeply, "No one," and he agreed.


A/N: For anyone who wasn't aware-because I think they didn't mention it in the show, the Latin quote Deanne mentioned was actually a line from Ovid's Metamorphoses, the infamous Roman poet, which by happenstance is one of my favorites, too. I think it was a great moment for Deanne.

For some reasons, I struggled very much with this chapter, but at the end it turned out okay, I guess.

Like always, hope you liked it.