Snap
"Did you really come here and expect Phil to want to talk to you?" AJ asked, looking across at Sam.
"Well… no, he never wants to talk to me. Even before all of this." Sam shrugged, "I just don't want him to think I'm the bad guy in all of this-"
"Well you sort of are." AJ said, "You lied to him about his father."
"You wanna talk about lying, April? Really?" Sam laughed a little, "Don't act so innocent. You've been lying to him just as much."
"I did it to protect him. He didn't need to know all of that stuff about my parents. It wasn't gonna change anything-"
"Yeah and me telling them about what happened with their dad wasn't gonna change anything either." Sam said.
"I thought me and you were friends." AJ said truthfully as Sam looked across at her, "I actually thought that maybe… maybe Phil was too hard on you sometimes. That maybe he could give you a chance. And then you came into my house and threw me under the bus like I didn't even matter to you." She shook her head as Sam looked at her.
"I was… I was drunk-"
"You're always drunk." AJ shook her head, "I actually thought you had some decency inside you. The way you've looked out for Thea in the past. The times you were there for me when Phil was in prison." She said, "And that's how you treat me? I was only home from hospital for a few hours." She emphasised.
"This isn't even about you." Sam shook her head with frustration, "Not everything is centred around you and your feelings."
"Oh, well clearly." AJ understood that.
"Don't you think I feel bad? About how much I sucked as a mom?" Sam asked as AJ looked at her, "And you make it look so easy." She shook her head, "I didn't want to give my sons anymore reason to hate me-"
"But that's selfish on your part. They deserved to know that… their dad came back, and that he took the fall for you." AJ said, "They might have been angry and upset but they would have respected the fact that you told them the truth." She shook her head.
"Well I thought it would benefit everyone if they didn't know." Sam said, "Daniel still left. He left for three years. The only reason he came back was because I was in trouble. He left them. That fact remains the same." She said.
"But he came back and tried to do the right thing. I'm not saying he's a saint. Far from it, clearly. But to two kids who grew up thinking their dad walked out and never came back… finding out he did come back and he got his time cut short, that means something." AJ said, "And if you don't get that, you really just don't care about Phil or Dean."
"I care about my sons." Sam warned.
"You never ever show it." AJ shook her head.
"I was caught up in mess. You know what that feels like." Sam said, "I was on my own with them-"
"I also know what that feels like." AJ added.
"Yeah well I was paying off debts that came from your mom and dad. If we really wanna blame someone here, it's them." Sam said.
"This isn't about them. This is about you not telling Phil and Dean the truth, and then trying to make me look bad to… take the heat off of you." AJ shook her head.
"Well I was upset. And I knew that you had never told Phil all of that stuff and I… I just hate being the disappointment all the time-"
"Then start treating your sons like they're your sons." AJ shook her head, "It's that simple. You've had all this time. You've had chances." She said.
"They know I love them." Sam shook her head.
"Do they?" AJ questioned, "Cause I don't think they do. They've always been on their own. Since birth. I can't bare it when Phil starts telling me about birthday's when he was a kid, spending them with Dean, hungry, scared… alone." She said as Sam looked at her, "And I think about my kids, and if I ever treated them like that, if I ever abandoned them that way… I couldn't live with myself."
"Yeah, exactly, April." Sam nodded, "That is why I find it so difficult to talk to the boys. Because I do know what they went through. I do know about the abuse and the… horrible childhood they had because I… I wasn't ready to look after them." She said, "So don't tell me things I don't already know." She warned.
"You can only give so many excuses, Sam." AJ shook her head, "You've had time. Fifty years of it. And your relationship with them has never gotten better. If anything it's just gotten worse. And I hate it because… those times you've been there for me, you did help me. You gave me advice. You comforted me. You… You did more for me than my own mother did." AJ said as Sam looked at her.
"It's easier. I didn't abandon you." Sam shrugged.
"You can't think like that." AJ shook her head, "They're your sons and… they deserve better than that-"
"That's the whole point. They do deserve better." Sam nodded, "Believe me, I know that."
"Well you don't act like you know it." AJ said as Sam looked across at her.
"You think you're so perfect, don't you?" Sam nodded.
"Me? No, I really don't." AJ said.
"You do." Sam said, "Perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect life-"
"Far from it." AJ said.
"Yeah, it is far from it." Sam agreed, "Both my boys never became drug addicts… so, maybe I did something right." She said as AJ glared across at her.
"You take that back." AJ warned.
"So perfect, huh?" Sam nodded, "Mother of the century goes to you, April. Well done on the drugs and the abortions and the kidnaps and the rapes-"
"You shut your mouth!" AJ yelled, "Get out of my house, right now." AJ said, before she felt herself ready to lose it.
"What? You wanna stand there and lecture me about how bad a parent I am when I already know!" Sam assured her, "You look down on me and you're… you're just as bad." She shook her head, "The truth is, April… your girls turned out to be just like you when you were young, and that sure is hell is not a good thing." She shook her head.
AJ heard enough, reaching over and grabbing Sam by the hair, toppling herself onto her as they fell to the ground, punching her across the face and grabbing at her hair as Sam whined and complained below.
Luckily, Punk had gotten home from work just in time, walking through the house, alarmed at the screaming and squealing, running into the kitchen where he saw AJ on top of his mother.
"Hey Hey! What the fuck is this?!" Punk yelled, taking a hold of AJ by the waist as she elbowed him accidentally in the crotch, causing him to gasp a little and double over in pain.
"Get off of me!" Sam yelled, trying to reach up and grab AJ's face.
Punk looked over, taking a few deep breaths before trying again.
"Ok, that is enough!" Punk yelled angrily, grabbing AJ by the waist fiercely, picking her up from the ground as she kicked her legs.
"Let go of me!" AJ yelled.
"What the fuck are you two playing at?" Punk asked, putting AJ down, holding her back, "This isn't the streets." He warned as Sam got to her feet, wiping her bloody nose.
"Get her out of my house." AJ warned as Punk looked over at Sam.
"You heard her." Punk said, "Get out." He nodded as Sam looked over.
"I'm going." Sam said, walking out of the kitchen as AJ watched angrily. She hadn't snapped like that since she was young.
"What the hell was that about?" Punk shook his head, turning to AJ, "April, you're head." He reminded her.
"Is still on my shoulders, it's fine." AJ said, pacing the kitchen a little too cool off.
"No, April you're gonna end up back in hospital if you carry on like that. What if you hit your head? Or my mom hit you? You're being stupid right now-"
"Phil, please… stop." AJ nodded, "You can see I'm mad, don't make it worse." She stared at him angrily as he looked across at her.
"No, I will… I care about your health, April. You should too." He warned, "What the hell was all of that about? What did she say?"
"Just give me some space." AJ shook her head, leaving the kitchen, too angry and upset to even have a conversation, storming upstairs leaving Punk in the kitchen wondering what the hell happened.
"Hey, I've made some tostadas if you want some." Sean said, walking into the living room where Jude was sitting on the couch.
"I'm ok just now, maybe later." Jude smiled as he nodded, "Is Mirren ok?" She wondered. She hadn't really been caring for their daughter as much as she knew she should have. Sean was pretty much doing everything. The feeding, changing, winding and putting her down to sleep. She felt pretty distant from her daughter, but she supposed that was only normal given how she had been feeling.
"She's all good. Fed, changed and down for the night." Sean smiled, sitting down beside her on the couch.
"You're good at this." Jude smiled, "Probably gonna have to catch me up to speed." She thought to herself.
"No, you got this." Sean assured her, "Look, I… I understand if you don't wanna talk about it but, are you at least feeling a little more positive about therapy and going twice a week?" He wondered.
"I mean… it was one session." She reminded him as he nodded, "Tracy is lovely. She's bright and sweet. Kind." Jude said, "And she didn't get grossed out when I started blowing snot bubbles whilst crying." She said as Sean wrapped his arm around her, "But it was still hard. And I guess it just reminds me of all the therapy and all the process when I was raped." She said, "Tracy said that's PTSD, more so than it is depression." She said as Sean nodded.
"You just gotta take it one small step at a time. Like you've done before." Sean nodded, kissing her head.
"Only this time it's not just me, though." Jude said, "Mirren needs me. And I… I don't wanna be a mom who struggles to bond with her baby. I already feel like I've really let her down and she's only been here for two weeks." She shook her head.
"Hey, you've not let her down." Sean shook his head, "You've had a hard time. You've been emotionally drained and you need to focus on you, not just her. That's important." He said, "A happy and healthy you is… ultimately what she needs-"
"And I'm neither right now." Jude figured.
"You're getting through it." Sean said, "And I'm so proud that my little girl has the strongest mom ever. She is so lucky to have you." He nodded as she smiled.
"I wanna get better for her." Jude nodded. Being on medication for a few days and having her first therapy session, she was aware of her role as a mom suffering in all of this, and she didn't want that. She wanted to be better for her baby girl. She was just struggling to get there.
"You will." Sean nodded, "She ain't going anywhere and neither am I." He promised.
"Thank you for always being there for me." Jude nodded. She wasn't sure if she said it enough, but she felt incredibly lucky to have him by her side. She wasn't going to degrade herself and say that she came with a lot of baggage, but she knew Sean had seen her at her absolute worst, and somehow that had always made them closer.
"You don't have to thank me." Sean shook his head, "I love you." He nodded as she smiled.
"I love you too." Jude sighed, curling into him as he kissed her head. It was one small step at a time for now.
