Disclaimer: If Narnia belonged to me, I would not have a day job and I'd like to think I'd be updating this a lot faster…sorry about the wait.

Thank you to BrokenKestrel for betaing the chapter :)

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter ends with a description of attempted suicide, and the resolution carries into the next chapter.


Chapter 19

Captain Nemo stared at the old man.

Breakfast? The batty codger had just heard he was harbouring a murderer – and he wanted to talk about breakfast!

"I do not eat with my enemies," Captain Nemo said. "Or with those who harbour them."

There was perhaps a flicker of sadness in the old man's eyes, but his voice remained steady. "Of course not. But this is a refuge for all who are penitent, and serves as a neutral ground where enemies may find reconciliation – with God, and with one another."

Reconciliation? What did this man know of what Vasiliev had done?

"I do not know who you are," said Captain Nemo, "but this man is a murderer. There will be no reconciliation between him and me."

"You may call me Father Christmas," said the old man, "though you may have known me be another name once."

Captain Nemo was sure he had never met this Father Christmas before, but he did not argue. Vasiliev's fate was far more important.

"It is a terrible thing to refuse even considering reconciliation," Father Christmas continued.

Captain Nemo gritted his teeth. "He has done terrible things."

"So he has told me. But I did not mean for him but for you. For it is written, 'With what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.' And, 'Judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy.'"(1)

Captain Nemo hesitated for a moment. Could anyone stand before divine judgment without some mercy? He had lived an upright life, in general, but were there not things he should have done – pursued Vasiliev harder, been more patient with his parents.

Then he looked at Vasiliev.

No. Vasiliev was a pitiless murderer, who had destroyed innocent lives. This was a sinner, a man who deserved divine punishment. Nemo's sins were nothing in comparison.

"I am not the one in need of mercy," Captain Nemo snapped.

Before Father Christmas could respond, another voice cried out.

"But I am!"

Vasiliev was kneeling in front of Father Christmas, his hands clasped and his face upturned. He continued to tremble, but his voice grew clearer and steadier. "You said He is just, but He is also merciful. You said He wants to forgive."

"What sin would you have forgiven?" Father Christmas asked.

Captain Nemo's eyes narrowed. Father Christmas's voice was firm, but he was not outright condemning Vasiliev. The door to forgiveness was far too wide open.

"I betrayed and murdered my sister," Vasiliev began. "She could have come home with me – her and the two boys. My parents – they would have taken them in, if they had known they were alive. There were letters – I made sure my parents never saw them. They would all be alive but for me."

Vasiliev began to shake with sobs. He could no longer speak through his tears. Vasiliev turned his tearstained face up to Father Christmas.

Father Christmas looked at Vasiliev, then solemnly placed his hands on his head.

"As you believe, so may it be done to you. In the stead of my Lord Jesus Christ, I forgive you all your sins, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."

Vasiliev was still crying, but there was a change. He was…smiling? Yes, there was a faint trace of a smile beneath the tears.

Captain Nemo began to tremble with rage.

"A muttered prayer," he spat, "a babbling plea to avoid justice, all uttered in the fear of death – and you say he is forgiven! You call this God's justice?"

"It is something far greater than God's justice," said Father Christmas. "It is His mercy."

"Mercy." Captain Nemo spat out the word. His furious gaze came to rest on Vasiliev. "You look for mercy – I will show you the same mercy you showed Anna: I will make your death quick." He drew out his pistol. "And you have no children to watch die in your arms!"

"Do you dare to override God's judgment?" Father Christmas interrupted. "You dare to enter into judgment without mercy?"

Captain Nemo's eyes smouldered. "The only thing I fear to answer to God for is not pursuing vengeance for those I have lost!"

"The only thing?" asked Father Christmas. "Very well. You had a very strange way of fulfilling this vow. How were you supposed to find Vasiliev – or anyone else responsible – when you had buried yourself at the bottom of the ocean?"

Who was this man? He knew nothing of the challenges Captain Nemo had faced – the obstacles inherent in opposing powerful men of a mighty empire with almost nothing…

"He fled without a trace," Captain Nemo snapped. "Direct pursuit was impossible. Besides, it was not he alone who needed to be punished."

He stood straighter and looked down at Vasiliev, still kneeling at Father Christmas's feet. "The murder of my wife and two young sons was only the latest in a century of depredations in the invasion and oppression of Poland. All resistance had fallen – the task of vengeance was left to me.

"If I had engaged the Russian army directly, my few men would have been crushed at once. But at sea – we might survive long enough to inflict a revenge of significance for all we had lost. And, the earth is mostly covered by water. Perhaps, somewhere I would find my enemy – as indeed I did."

Father Christmas looked at Captain Nemo solemnly. "This lust for blood would shock any conscience not dead to all feeling," he said. "Is it any wonder that your crew has finally mutinied and refused to obey your orders?"

The reminder of the betrayal stabbed Captain Nemo like hot iron. Betrayal was worse than death. Death left memories, bittersweet, even painful, but whole. Betrayal turned the memories to ash.

"Was I not their captain?" he shouted. "Was my crew not bound to obey me?"

"There is a limit to any human authority," said Father Christmas.

"They came with me willingly, there were no conscripts aboard the Nautilus. I freed them from the living death of Siberia, kept them alive in the wilderness, eluding pursuit. I gave them a home, the first some of them had ever known. Shelter, food, and clothes; and such family and love as a man such as I could provide. And how did they repay me?"

"Some would say by awakening your conscience," said Father Christmas, "which is no small service. I have no doubt you have been a great source of good to your crew. But that does not give you leave to bind men's consciences – to set your will as the ultimate law. You are not the ultimate good to your crew or anyone else. That honour belongs to God alone."

"I ask no one to bow down to me!" Captain Nemo said. "I only require the respect a crew owes its captain!"

"By claiming to rule even their consciences?" Father Christmas asked. "With no recourse to a higher authority? You have set yourself as the ultimate authority to your crew, and thus as a false god to your crew. And look where it has led you – merciless bloodshed so repulsive, none will follow you anymore!"

Captain Nemo clenched his teeth. What did this man know of war and its lack of mercy?

A lack of mercy Captain Nemo had consistently returned, with nothing to show for it. Ghosts of war haunted his dreams, and not all of them were his family and countrymen.

"You accuse Vasiliev (and truly) of betrayal and murder," Father Christmas continued, "yet you yourself are stained with the same sins."

Captain Nemo's eyes flashed with anger. "Betrayal?" he shouted. "What betrayal? I am the one betrayed!"

"Your ship arrived here on Perelandra on the wings of a great storm, did she not?"

"I believe so," Captain Nemo said stiffly.

"You believe so? Then you were not at the helm when the ship and all aboard were in dire peril."

"I was not."

"You refused to go to your post when your ship was in dire peril. What do you call this but betrayal? Had loss of life resulted, what would it have been but murder?"

If there was a response to this, Captain Nemo did not know what it was.

"You said you provided a home, a family to your men?" Father Christmas stared at Captain Nemo. "What was this, but betrayal of your family?"

Captain Nemo reeled as though he had been struck.

It was not true, it could not be true – he was nothing like Vasiliev. Not a murderer, a betrayer of kin.

Then he looked at Vasiliev, still kneeling in front of Father Christmas. No, Nemo had never laid a hand in anger on those he loved. But in the storm, he had abandoned his crew. They could have died while he stood by and did nothing.

Were he and Vasiliev so different after all?

Captain Nemo looked down at his hands. They were shaking. And, to his horror, they were stained dark red – the colour of dried blood.

He looked up. There had been a small house and a rising forest, set against a clear morning sky. Now he saw a stormy sky over a rising ocean wave. The wave was dark, but dark red. And on the wave was an army of ghosts. Captain Nemo could only hear indistinct rumbling, but he knew they were coming for him. The ghosts of the men whose lives he had unjustly taken – the men he had murdered.

Father Christmas had spoken of mercy. But mercy was only for those who have shown mercy. Captain Nemo had shown none.

The overwhelming guilt pressed down on him. He stumbled to his knees.

For years, Captain Nemo had been kept alive by the pursuit of vengeance. Now his ship was crippled, his crew in revolt, and worst of all – it had all been for nothing. Vasiliev was beyond his grasp, set free by God Himself.

No, it was worse than for nothing. The bloody vendetta had only led to damnation. Sooner or later, he must face the wrath of almighty God.

There was no reason it should not be now.

Captain Nemo's entire body was shaking now. But he still held his pistol. He raised it and pressed it to his temple.

But before he pulled the trigger, a voice called out.

"Hold, Captain."

It was the voice of King Edmund.


(1) Matthew 7:2; James 2:13