I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes and grammar mistakes.
Chapter 58: Pony. mov
"Let's go! First video!" Nova said.
Apple. mov
Applejack: (eating apples) Boy, let me tell ya, I sure do love apples.
"Yeah, no shit." Yang said.
Twilight: Applejack, what are you doing? You can't eat all those fucking apples.
Applejack: Fuck you, I can't eat all these apples! (eats apples)
This got a few laughs. "Oh man, I missed that so much." Nova said.
Twilight: Man, I've never seen a pony eat so many apples! (more apples)
"Wow, the lip movements are perfect. How long did he take to make these?" Jaune said.
Rainbow: Whoa ho ho ho, Applejack, you eat all those apples, you're gonna get a wicked bad tummy ache.
"Of course she has a manly voice." Weiss said.
"Tummy ache? Everything I know is a lie! Keeps the doctor away bullshit!" Nora said.
"It's one apple a day keeps the doctor away." Ren said.
"It's a lie! Can't you see?! It's-"
"Don't say that it's a conspiracy." Weiss said.
"Fine! But don't come cry to me when you become a vegetable!"
"Fruit." Ren corrected.
"No Renny. She's not juicy enough to be one."
"Excuse me?!" Weiss said.
"OHHHH SHIT! She called you flat!" Nova said.
"Shut up!"
Applejack: (sexually pleasured with the apple and eats more)
"Who loves apples that much?" Ruby said.
Rarity: Whoa guys, check it out! Applejack's eating a shitload of apples!
"Wait, is that Arin?!" Jaune said.
"Holy crap, it is Arin." Yang said.
Applejack: *speaks with full mouth*
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! This I gotta see.
"Why that voice? Why?" Weiss whined.
Applejack: Hey sugar cubes, look! I'm a walrus! *walrus noises*
Pinkie: Whoa, Applejack! If you eat all those apples, you'll get a wicked bad tummy ache!
"Why does she has a unibrow? That's ugly." Blake said.
Rainbow: Oh, no way! I just said the same thing, you crazy cunt! Hehehe!
"Wait, what?!" Yang said. Some started laughing.
"You can't say the c-word like that!" Ruby said.
Twilight: Go Applejack, go!
Applejack: (eats every apple in that basket.)
Spike: Oh my god, Applejack. You crazy dude.(snorts)
"Why is Spike a stoner?!" Weiss said.
"He's seeing those purple dragons, am I right?" Yang said and everyone groaned.
"Nice try." Nova said.
Applejack: (kicks him to a tree) More apples.
"Okay, no one loves apples that much." Blake said.
Applejack: (throws the empty basket at Spike at gets a new one)
Some of them laughed.
Applejack: (eats apples nonstop)
"Is this going somewhere?"
Applejack: (she eats until everything around her is dark)
"What is happening?" Pyrrha said.
"She can she everything!" Nora said.
Applejack: (She sees apples flying past her. It all made sense. Everyone and everything is apple. She is an apple. We all are apples.)
"She found out the secret of the universe!"
"Or she has a mental breakdown." Weiss said.
"Nuh uh!"
"Oh yeah? If I'm right, you won't do anything crazy for the rest of the day."
"That's not fair! I haven't said anything in the last chapters because the author couldn't think of anything for me to say!"
"... What?" Ruby said.
Applejack: (no, she has a mental breakdown)
"Told you." Weiss said.
"Damnit! The vegetables won!" Nora said.
Spike: Yo Applejack! You alright?
"Does she look alright?!" Pyrrha said.
Spike: Yeah, you're gonna be fine.
Twilight: Let me tell ya, that pony sure does love apples.
Applejack: (eats the last apple)
[Extra scene]
"... Okay..." Yang said.
"Are the rest of them like that?" Weiss said.
"No, they're worse. NEXT!" Nova said.
Dress. mov
(People scream in panic as Discord destroys Ponyville)
"Holy shit, that looks sick!" Yang said.
Twilight: (watching from afar) Dear sweet Celestia! Discord, the god of chaos, has returned from his stone imprisonment to lay waste to everything and everyone we hold dear! Spike, we have only one option. We must locate the Elements of Harmony!
Spike: (smokes) Yeah, far out dude.
Everyone laughed. "I love Spike!"
[Title drop]
"That was ominous." Ruby said.
(Fluttershy is eating grass probably and Twilight is behind her, ready to poke her butthole with her pointy horn)
"What?!" Yang said while laughing. Everyone was laughing.
"Don't do it!" Pyrrha said.
Fluttershy: (gets poked)
"Look at her face!" Yang said.
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! Quit poking me with your thing!
Twilight: Fluttershy! Have you seen the Elements of Harmony? I can't find them anywhere!
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! I sure haven't, purple guy. Stay out of my shed, okay? (Closes the door)
"I don't like that shed." Nora said.
"Oh come on, what could she be possibly doing inside?" Ruby said.
"Ruby, I don't know if you noticed it, but she's probably a psychopath." Blake said.
"What?"
"She acts weird! She has a shed! And her cutie mark is a knife with a bloody point! Connect the dots, you dunce." Weiss said.
Twilight: Wanna help me look, Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow: Yeah, who don't you suck my tit, you dumb bitch? HEHEHEHEHE, swag.
"That's just rude. Why are you friends with her?" Ruby said.
Twilight: (hoovering herself) I know! I'll ask Rarity!
"Woah, wait! Why is she fingering herself?!" Yang said while laughing.
"Especially with a hoof?" Blake said.
"I don't feel comfortable." Ruby said.
Twilight: (knocks Rarity's door) RARITY! GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT HERE AND HELP ME FIND THE ELEMENTS!
Rarity: Oh, I simply can't, darling. I'm entertaining family today!
"Why is she fat?"
"Because she a cruel narcissist?" Blake said.
Twilight: (sticks her head through the mail slot)
"Why? How?" Weiss said.
"It's a cartoon, don't question it." Nova said.
Twilight: You are family with over 30 illegal Mexican immigrants?
"What?!" everyone said.
"I didn't expect that at all!" Blake said.
"How is he allowed to show that?!" Pyrrha said.
"Other times. And don't start with that SJW bullshit, okay?" Nova said.
"Now it makes sense why Arin agreed to do this." Yang said.
"Well, he and the creator are Newgrounds veterans."
Rarity: Of course dear! Who do you think makes my dresses? They come over, they look at my posters, I pretend to whip them, it's a silly pretend game, hahaha. Like a family tradition, hahahahaha! Except they're not allowed to live!
"Why is this funny?!" Yang said while laughing.
Twilight: That doesn't exactly seem ethical, Rarity. *duckface*
"Why the duckface?" Ruby said.
Rarity: Oh please. Everybody knows Mexicans aren't real people.
"Stop! It's terrible!" Blake said while laughing.
Paco: Oh Mrs Rarity, my little fingers hurt from making so many dresses against my will.
"Aww..." Pyrrha said.
Rarity: Oh my poor baby! Let mama Rarity look. I'll fix you up. (breaks his fingers) No need to thank me, my dear. Generosity is my middle name.
Everyone was shocked by this. Then some laughed.
Paco: Oh no! Looks like hard times ahead for Paco!
Rarity: Oh, I truly am the most beautiful creature in all of Equestria. To gaze upon me, is to know divinity itself.
Mexican girl: Mrs Rarity, I'm so thirsty.
Rarity: (spits on the glass) Drink that dear.
"Eww!" Ruby said.
"That's very harsh." Jaune said.
Mexican girl: When are you going to pay us, Mrs Rarity?
Rarity: I'm sorry darling, I can't understand your thick accent. You simply must learn to speak English properly if you're going to live in this country.
Twilight: *fart*
"Wow, I forgot about her." Yang said.
Rarity: (comes out with a dress, slamming Twilight with the door) Oh Fluttershy, I've had the help throw to get a dress for you. Maybe now you won't look like such an unwashed tramp.
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! Stay out of my shed!
Rarity: Yes, that's me! The most generous pony in Ponyville! (then a giant Mexican grabs her and squishes her like a toy)
"Oh boy, I'm smelling a revolution!" Nora said.
Giant Mexican: Revolución.
"Well, she's fucked." Yang said.
Rarity: I'm sorry darling, I'm... certain I don't speak that ghastly... taco language of yours...
"Taco language? Okay this video can't get any racist." Blake said.
"Tacos are Mexican?" Ruby said.
Giant Mexican: Revolution.
Rarity: That's what I was afraid you said. (he closes the door) NO! NOT MY FACE! NOT MY GENEROUS FACE! NO! AHHH! NO NO! AHHH! THIS HURTS! THIS IS A GENEROUS BEATING! OH! OH DEAR! OHHHH MY!
"She deserved it." Yang said.
"After this, I'm expecting the faunus working in the mines to start one." Blake said.
Discord: I'm your god now! Bring me your virgins!
"Okay, that was funnier than the last one." Yang said.
"Ask Jappleack?" Nora said.
"He made a small comic. NEXT!" Nova said.
"You don't have to scream." Weiss said. Then Nova snapped his fingers and a megaphone appeared, setting it to earrape.
"Yes, I do!"
Shed. mov
"We will see what's in the shed?" Jaune said.
"I don't want to." Ruby said.
(More chaos! Also Applebloom got her cutie mark.)
Applebloom: Look girls! I've finally got my cutie mark! I've got my cutie mark, girls!(they leave her because Discord will step on her) Girls, where are y'all going? (gets stomped)
"Noooo, that poor baby pony!"
[Title drop]
Spike: *autistic sounds*
Rainbow: *autistic sounds*
Pinkie: *autistic sounds*
"... What the fuck?" Nora said.
"Wait, the blue one has a lesbian mark!" Yang said.
(They all reach the shed.)
Rainbow: Whoa, whoa, wait up you assholes. What are we doing here?
Spike: Twilight said that we have to find something called the helements of armory.
"I don't know why but this always makes me laugh." Nova said while laughing.
Spike: We have to look at Fluttershy's shed.
Pinkie: Wait a minute! Didn't Fluttershy said something about people going in her shed?
"Yeah, to stay out of it!" Pyrrha said.
(Spike tries to remember)
Memory 1: (Twilight, Rainbow and Pinkie play spin the bottle)
"We should do that someday." Yang said.
"Yeah, no thanks. We are not gay." Weiss said.
"Okay. Pussy."
"What?"
"What?"
Rainbow: Yo Fluttershy. You want to play spin the bottle with us?
Fluttershy:(laughs shyly) Come on guys! Don't tease me, I'm shy! Stay out of my shed.
Memory 2:
Rainbow: Yo, I'm bored. You wanna go hang out with Fluttershy?
Pinkie: Okay. (They both beat up Fluttershy)
Rainbow: He he he, take that you stupid cunt. Yeah, welcome to Ponyville faggot. Bad-a-bone!
Most of them gasped in shock.
"If she's really a maniac, I hope she kills Rainbow Dash first." Ruby said.
Fluttershy: Come on guys... you really got me... stay out of my shed, okay...?
Memory 3:
Principal: And this year's prom queen is... Fluttershy! (applause)
Fluttershy: Oh my god! Now that I've won this, I finally like myself!
"Please don't do anything bad..." Pyrrha said.
Rainbow: Yo, this is gonna be so totally fucking rad! (Pinkie pulls a rop and drops a bucket with red liquid on Fluttershy)
"What a bitch! She dropped red paint on her! No wonder why she is a psychopath." Yang said.
"Wait, that doesn't look like paint." Ren said.
"Tomato juice?"
"It's not that liquid." Nova said.
"Then what is it?" Ruby said.
Spike: Hey guys, look! Fluttershy is all wet! (stone laugh and everyone else laughs and takes photos)
Rainbow: Yo, that's my period you dumb bitch! That's my period! (more laughter as Fluttershy sees the blood on her hooves)
Everyone again was shocked. "Period blood?!" Weiss said.
"Yeah, I hope she dies. Painfully." Nora said.
Fluttershy: No! Don't laugh at me! STOP LAUGHING AT ME! STAY OUT OF MY SHED! *echoes* STAY OUT OF MY SHED!
End of memories
Spike: ... I think she said we're always welcome in her shed.
"You're an idiot." Blake said.
(They open the door and they see the open corpses of animals on the walls as decorations, a corner with bunny brains and etc.)
Everyone was shocked again. Ruby even fainted because of the graphic horror.
"What the f-" Weiss said, ready to throw up.
"That's so messed up..." Pyrrha said, also ready to throw up.
Spike: Oh my god! Look at all this porn!
Some of them facepalmed and Ruby woke up.
Rainbow: (boner) Swag.
That made them laugh a little.
Pinkie: Man, Fluttershy sure has a lot of weird art.
Rainbow: Yeah, but what do you expect from some quiet bitch who spends all the time in the woods with small woodland creatures?
Pinkie: Yeah, what a freak. (freaky laugh)
Spike: Oh god, look at what she did to Derpy!
"A toaster cozy?!" Ruby said.
"Who in their right mind thinks that this is funny?!" Weiss said.
Spike: She turned her into a... decorative... toaster cozy.
?: Hey hey hey...
"Oh no..." Ruby said.
(They turn around to see-)
Fluttershy: What'd I tell y'all about COMING IN MY SHED?
Spike/Nora: Well we're/they're fucked.
Fluttershy: Take it away, fellas. (Then the corpses play music with their ribcages)
"Okay, this is very creepy." Jaune said.
"And terrifyingly good." Ren said.
Fluttershy: I'm gonna sing a song for you!
(Pinkie and Spike jump out the windows, leaving Rainbow alone)
And I'm gonna show you a thing or two!
(Pulls a lever and straps her in a chair)
Go have a seat my dear
And if it's all the same.
Just sit back and relax
WHILE I EAT YOUR BRAINS!
(Yar ha ha, eat your brains!)
Brain, brain, brains!
(Yar ha ha, eat you brains!)
(Starts sawing her in half while Rainbow screams)
(Yar ha ha, eat your brains!)
(The police finally arrives.)
They were shocked, but they didn't feel bad.
"She deserved it... but that was too much." Blake said.
"That was a disturbing jumpscare." Yang said.
Officer: Alright, Alright! What's going on in here?
Fluttershy: Um... this isn't what it looks like? He he? (sitcom music and laughter)
(In the next scene, she is dragged in a room, inside an asylum.)
"And she ends up in an asylum." Weiss said.
Spike: Why have things been so weird around lately?
Pinkie: My daddy makes me put glass in my vagina.
"What!?" the girls said.
Spike: Yeah, okay well, good luck with that.
(Discord fucks a building.)
YOU JUST WATCHED AN ANIMATED PARODY OF MY LITTLE PONY ON THE INTERNET (jumpscare)
Everyone didn't had anything to say.
"... Alright, next video." Nova said.
Magic. mov
(Celestia appears to fight Discord but her attacks are shit and her head gets eaten.)
"Yeah, pretty much." Weiss said.
[Title drop]
(Spike humps Twilight's back with cartoon sound effects.)
"Oh come on, it just started!"
Spike: So Twilight, how come we're hanging out in the pony boneyard?
Twilight: We need six ponies present or the Elements of Harmony won't work, Spike. Fluttershy killed Rainbow Dash and we've got to try to bring her back.
"So they'll revive her like in the movies?" Jaune said.
"A zombie pony! Kinda cool." Nora said.
Spike: Man, you're one crazy talking horse.(stoner laugh)
Twilight: I'm going to try a black magic resurrection spell.
"So she will use black magic. I'm expecting more bad than good." Blake said.
Spike: How about you reserect my penis? With sex. (she looks at him) What?
"He's already the best character." Ruby said.
Twilight: For thou who sleeps in stone and clay
Heed this call, rise and obey
Drag on to the mortal door
Assemble flesh and walk once more!
(She summons a pentagram and summons the what's-his-name demon. Wolfmother?)
"Wow..." Blake said.
"Wait, wasn't she suppose to bring Rainbow Dash back?" Ruby said.
(Wolfmother walks towards Discord.)
"Sweet! A battle between giants!" Nora said.
(They high five and destroy the city together.)
Everyone started laughing.
(Both Twilight and Spike watch with Simpsons faces.)
Twilight: Oops... guess that was the wrong spell.
Spike: Any more bright ideas, Einstein?(sitcom laughter)
That's Spike!
"Waka waka!" Nova said.
Twilight: Oh, I'm full of ideas, Spike. I'm a genius! (takes a shit)
"Eww!" everyone said.
"A genius that doesn't use the restroom!" Weiss said.
(The scene changes to a robot)
"Woah, what is that?" Ruby said.
"It looks like a Rainbow Dash robot." Jaune said.
Twilight: Behold, the RDASH-5000. Physically superior to Rainbow Dash in every way.
"She built a Rainbow Dash? Genius!" Nora said.
Twilight: I figured if we don't have the realRainbow Dash, then building a Rainbow Dash is the next best thing.
Spike: You're an idiot.
(She presses the button with her finger and activates the robot)
Robot: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag.(x5)
(Then it destroys the wall with its laser and flies to destroy the city.)
Everyone laughed.
"Why would she make it like that?!" Yang said while laughing.
Spike: Smooth move, smart guy. (more sitcom laughter and cartoon sounds)
THAT'S SPIKE!
Twilight: There's one last thing we haven't tried, Spike. One place, where even the maverick mind of my own has feared to tread.
"Come on, just give up! At this point, you can't do anything!" Blake said.
Spike: Uh... Twilight, you're starting to sound less like a maverick and more like a maniac.
"Ooh, she became a crazy scientist!" Nira said.
Twilight: History is full of maniacs, my friend. Men and women of intellect, highly perceptive individuals whose brilliant minds do neither restrain nor taboo. Such notions of the devil we must slay for the edification of ponykind, even if said edification means violating the rules of decency, society and righteousness itself.
"You know, that's actually right. Some things wouldn't happen if important historical names didn't break the limits." Pyrrha said.
Spike: Blah, blah, blah. Keep talking you stupid crud. (Undigs a grave)
"Yeah, after that, everyone would be tired of it." Yang said.
Twilight: Take her. We've got to get back to the lab before anypony sees us.
Spike: You're the boss.
"Wait, they will try to bring her back again? But they failed." Ruby said.
"They will probably do it the movie way now." Jaune said.
(The screen then shows a table and sound in the background for like 10 seconds. Then the corpse of Rainbow Dash gets thrown on it.)
"Eww, that's so sick!" Nora said.
Spike: Aw, this is fucking rad, dude. (pokes the corpse)
Twilight: Listen closely, Spike. What happens here tonight must never leave this room. For if anypony were to know of this gross bastardisation of god's law, their ignorance would label this as the ultimate crime of hubris.
"You'll revive a dead person, you're not gonna rape it!" Yang said.
"Yang!" Ruby said.
"What?"
Spike: Are we gonna rape it?
Everyone laughed.
Twilight: Spike, this is serious! You can't tell anypony! Because we'll be in deep trouble-
Spike: You know, you can say anybody. Instead of anypony.
"Yeah, it sounds weird. Anypony." Ruby said.
"That's racist." Nora said.
Spike: Frankly I don't see the point of that is. I would have known what you had meant if you had said anybody. Seems to me like that's the kind of thing that everybody's doing just because everybody else is doing it. So... (eats a worm from the corpse)
"You didn't have to do that! Eww!" Weiss said.
Spike: ... What? Look, I'm cool dude, I'm down, okay? Frankly I'm just happy to be here today! Let's just zap this bitch already, okay? I'm getting antsy. Give me a break today, huh? My girlfriend's trying to get me to quit weed.
"That was a weird scene." Ruby said.
(The process begins.)
Twilight: This is my favourite kind of magic!
"This is so wrong! This is supposed to be a magical world!" Pyrrha said while laughing.
(Lightning strikes the what's-its-name.)
Twilight: Now Spike! Pull the switch!
(He pulls the switch and the lightning hits the corpse.)
Spike: I've heard of shock humour, but this is ridiculous!
"I was about to say that!" Yang said.
Twilight: That's enough! Kill the power!
(He turns off the power. Rainbow's hear become an afro.)
"That happened to me once." Nora said.
Spike: Yo Rainbow Dash! You alright?
(She leans to the corpse to hear her breathing.)
"I don't want another jumpscare!" Ruby said.
(But nothing happened.)
Twilight: I don't get it. In movies when they shot dead bodies with lightning they always come back to life. I thought it would be that simple!
"I thought so too." Jaune said.
Spike: I guess it's true what they say. There really is no sense in beating a dead horse.(ba dum tss!)
Yang couldn't stop laughing. "That was gold!"
Twilight: Oh well, go bury her again. (walks away)
(Spike hits the corpse with the shovel.)
"Why would he do that?!" Ruby said.
Spike: Didn't get me a birthday present last year. Fucking biiiitch!
"Okay, that makes sense." Nora said.
Twilight: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learnt... (tries to think what she learnt)
"About what?" Blake said.
"About friendship." Weiss said.
"What could you learn about friendship after that?"
"Uh... movie logic doesn't work?" Ruby said.
Twilight: Well, maybe I'll learn something tomorrow.
(Meanwhile, the gods and the robot destroy the city.)
YOU JUST WATCHED AN ANIMATED PARODY OF MY LITTLE PONY ON THE INTERNET (jumpscare)
"Next!" Nova said.
Party. mov
[Title drop]
Spike: Boring! What else is on? (changes channel)
"Wait, what?" Ruby said.
Narrator: Pinkamena Diane Pie was the first true celebutant of the pony world.
"What is happening?"
"Oh no, a celebrity documentary. I'm glad that they didn't do one about me." Pyrrha said.
"Yet." Nova said.
Narrator: Over the course of her life, the limelight she experienced, broadcasted her most intimate moments to a sensationalist public. And the world watched as she transformed from an innocent pop icon poved by millions, into a disastrous cautionary example about the dangers of an insatiable addiction to partying.
"Wow, that's a deep backstory." Yang said.
[Intro plays]
"You can't be serious." Blake said.
Narrator: Pinkie Pie's downward spiral began in 2009, on her 21st birthday. (shows footage)
"Why is that so accurate?" Yang said.
Narrator: With newfound freedom and her inhibitions entirely abandoned, she was left to explore a frightening nightclub world without a single notion of moderation. (the paparazzi appear and take pictures of her vagina)
Pinkie: (drunk) Nooo, don't shoot my potty pink princess!
"She went without panties? Who does that?"
Narrator: Wherever the party took her, the paparazzi shadowed her relentlessly, eager to document her tragic overindulgence.
Pinkie: I think I'm getting my period. (sprays the paparazzi)
Some of them laughed.
"That's nasty." Blake said.
Narrator: After a brief fling with Alice in Chains guitarist, Jerry Cantrell in 2010, Pinkie Pie's partying escalated from drinking to heavy drug use.
"That how they all end up." Weiss said.
"Yeah... I hope Fiona doesn't end up like that." Nova said.
Spike: She started chasing that purple dragon. Not me, cuz I'm a purple dragon, but I mean like... the heroine. It's a metaphor, look it up, you have the internet! But I mean, come on, everybody knows drugs are dangerous. (smokes pot) This isn't a drug.
Narrator: Pinkie's experimentation with cocaine, also took its tool.
"Holy crap, she looks like she's about to explode." Jaune said.
(She can't be calm and yells.)
Pinkie: Do you know what I can't stand?! Internet piracy! How would you like it if musicians stole from you?! What if Cannibal Corpse stole your precious glasses?! And you! What you do if (I didn't hear the name that well) just waltzed into your house and stole your... favourite dress?!
Random pony: I think I'd mostly just be confused?
"Yeah, who would do that?" Yang said.
Narrator: In 2011, the scandal reached its peak for explicit footage leaked onto the internet, featuring Pinkie performing sex acts, on a currently unidentified partner.
"No, I don't want to watch it!" Ruby said, covering her eyes. But she was peaking.
Pinkie: Yeah, that feel good, baby?
?: Yup.
"Nooo! It's Big Mac!" Weiss said.
"Who?" Jaune said.
"Applejack's brother!"
Narrator: The tabloids were merciless.
Spike: Oh, she'd fuck anyone. Chicks, dudes, didn't matter. Fat guys, skinny guys, guys who climb on rocks, dogs, cats, squirrels, bugs, snails.
"How is that possible?!" Weiss said.
Spike: She fucked a snail. I watched her fuck a snail once. That sounds weird, right? Just hearing me say it? Imagine how weird it was to see it. She fucked! A snail!
"Please no." Blake said.
Narrator: As the partying to become more extreme, Pinkie became belligerent and lashed out at her friends on several occasions, calling them in the wee hours of the morning.
Pinkie: Spiiiiike...
Spike: What?
Pinkie: Spiiiiike...
Spike: What?
Pinkie: Spiiiiike...
Spike: What?
Pinkie: Spiiiiike...
Spike: What? Who is this?
Pinkie: It's Pinkiiiiiiieeeee!
Spike: What do you want?
Pinkie: I always thought you were cute. Come over and fuck me.
"Well, add dragons to the list." Yang said.
Spike: I think I'd rather stick my dick in an anthill.
Everyone started laughing.
"Bro!" Nova said.
Pinkie: I want you... to get some beer... get some oxycontin... come to my house.
Spike: Let me stop you right there because I'm not going to do any of this. It's 3 AM.
"3 AM?!" Weiss said.
"She obviously has a hangover." Yang said.
Pinkie: Come on Spikey, I thought we was friends.
Spike: Well, no offence friend, but I hope you're buried alive.
"Dude, that's so harsh!" Ruby said.
Pinkie: Hang on... there's this stupid bitch staring at me...
*SILENCE*
Pinkie: Oh wait, that's me, I'm looking in a mirror.
Everyone started laughing again.
*SILENCE*
Pinkie: ... Hang on, I gotta go talk to this mirror, I'll call you later Spike.
*PINKIE HANGS UP*
They couldn't stop laughing.
"She reached uncle Qrow's level of drunk!" Yang said while laughing.
Spike: AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD OF TECHNICOLOUR PONY WEIRDOS?!
"More so." Nora said.
Twilight: I thought it might motivate Pinkie to get straightened out if we got a bunch of her friends together and sat her down.
"Kraut?" Ruby said.
Twilight: Not because I care about her but you know... Elements of Harmony.
"Aren't those elements powered by friendship and stuff?"
"Yeah, why you ask?" Weiss said.
"If she doesn't care, then how would the elements work?"
"That's... a good question."
Narrator: And so Twilight set her plan into action.
Pinkie: Don't touch me motherfucker.
"I did not hit her, it's not true, I did not hit her, I did not. Oh, hi Mark." Nova said getting some laughs.
"Nice one." Yang said.
(Twilight notices that none of her friends came, only some random side characters.)
"Wow, no one came." Jaune said.
"Their either hostages, or in an asylum, or dead." Blake said.
Bon Bon: I'm texting my dog.
"I wish mine could." Ruby said.
Twilight: What kind of turnout is this?! Spike, this is supposed to be an intervention! Where is everypony?
Spike: Applejack's in a coma, Rarity is being held captive by Mexicans, Fluttershy is in the nuthouse and Rainbow Dash is dead. Any more questions, smartass? (Pinkie Pie vomits on his face) *sigh* I knew I should have stayed in bed today. (sitcom laughter)
"Yeah, very funny. Now seriously, who thinks that sitcoms are funny?" Yang said.
"There are a few good ones." Jaune said.
Twilight: Pinkie Pie, you need help! You're addicted to parties!
Pinkie: Shut up! You're just jealous cuz boys think I'm prettier than you! You have a big horse face!
Twilight: No, I don't! *neighs*
Sone laughed with that.
Pinkie: You guys aren't my friends. My only friend is 40 ounce of 190 proof straight vodka. (drinks it all in one shot)
Spike: That's impossible...
"Holy shit!" Yang said.
"She's worse than uncle Qrow!" Ruby said.
Spike: Fuck me, Pinkie you are amazing! (she falls down)
Pinkie: Uhh, I think I'm having my period. (sprays Spike)
They couldn't stop laughing.
Spike: Oh dear god, it got IN MY MOUTH! You got any more fluids you want to spray in me, you stupid cunt?!
Twilight: Yeah, this could've gone better.
Lyra: It's twins, in case anyone is gonna ask.
"Aww..." Pyrrha said.
Lyra: I'm gonna name them Snippy and Prickly Pete.
"Nooo! You can't do this!" Weiss said.
Narrator: In a PR attempt to be perceived as more of a victim of circumstance, Pinkie released an autobiography entitled My daddy made me put glass in my vagina, describing in great detail her relationship with her father, the reverend Peter Daniel Pie.
"I bet that she lied because she wanted attention." Blake said.
Peter: Don't believe a word this book says. I didn't insert glass into my daughter's genitals. Okay? I didn't force her to eat her own her. I did not hit her over the head with a Sega Dreamcast, in a fit of drunken hysteria. And I did not lock her in the basement and blast Blood on the dance floor for 17 hours straight, when she refused to say the lord's prayer. What is that, a band? I don't even know!
"Only an insane man would do that to his child!" Pyrrha said.
"Nova?" Blake said.
"Yes?" he said.
"When the video ends, can you put that part again?"
"Sure. But why?"
"I have my reasons.". 'It can't be...'
Pinkie: Yes, I lied about my father. But I had a good reason! Nobody was paying any attention to me.
Narrator: Pinkie Pie's story is a tragic tale of how fame, money and indulgence can bastardise any of us. If something is pure and adorable as a fluffy pink pony can be tempted into a sinful life of self-destruction, none of us are safe.
"Aww, she's so adorable!" Ruby said.
"And honestly, this is a good message." Pyrrha said.
Narrator: After an arrest for attempting to shoplift large quantities of ammonia and pseudoephedrine in April of 2012, Pinkie is currently once again undergoing rehabilitation and her future is uncertain. You might ask yourself why things like this can happen. Are we the public to blame? Is it our sadistic lust for watching these giants fall and crumble that pressures them into their ultimate downfall? And finally, why do we as the media choose report all of this to you?
"For ratings?" Jaune said.
Narrator: The answer is simple. Because there is not a single thing happening in this world right now that's more important than the personal lives of celebrities.
(Shows Discord and Wolfmother having sex and an army of robots.)
Everyone laughed.
"Why is this so accurate?!" Weiss said while laughing.
Narrator: Pinkie Pie has brought smiles and joy to so many ponies throughout the years. With how exhausting it can be to bring happiness to others, perhaps it's no surprise that she seeks parties as an escape from her stressful life. Regardless of it all, one thing is certain. We should all be far less judgemental of this innocent, beautiful creature.
"In comparison to the others, this one was kinda nice." Ruby said.
Narrator: Pss, hey um hm... what uh... what are your rates?
Pinkie: 10 for a tuggy, 20 for a blowy and 25 if the cameraman's gonna watch.
"And you ruined it." Weiss said.
NEXT TIME...
... ON THE EPIC CONCLUSION!
WILL RAINBOW DASH BE ABLE TO SAVE PONYVILLE?
(Spike pokes her corpse with a stick.)
Everyone laughed.
PROBABLY NOT!
DON'T MISS...
THE PONY. MOV SERIES FINALE!
SWAG. MOV!
YOU JUST WATCHED AN ANIMATED PARODY OF MY LITTLE PONY ON THE INTERNET (jumpscare)
"This is going to be so epic!" Nora said.
"Can you put that part again now?" Blake said.
"Okay." Nova said. He played that part again and after hearing it well, she couldn't believe it.
"No way... No fucking way!"
"What is it?" Ruby said.
"Pinkie's dad... sounds like Adam!"
"Who?"
"My ex!"
"You can't be serious." Yang said.
"I'm 100% sure that's his voice!"
"Not this again..." Weiss said.
"What happened?" Jaune said.
"We watched dubbed clips of Dragon Ball and some of the characters sound like our relatives."
"Really?!"
"Are you sure?!" Pyrrha said.
"Then that must mean... that we are-"
"I checked it. There's nothing about you." Nova interrupted Nora.
"Then why is this happening?!" Blake said.
"I don't know! Anyway, last video."
Swag. mov
ONE YEAR LATER
"A timeskip?" Jaune said.
(Everything was destroyed. Discord, Wolfmother and the robots left.)
"Wait, it took them one year to destroy the city? With the power they probably have, they would do it in less than a day!" Nora said.
(Nothing was left. Everyone was dead. Twilight walks towards the city's sign.)
Twilight: *sigh*
"Yeah, you failed." Yang said.
[Title drop]
(The rest of her "friends" took their own paths. Rarity escaped from the Mexicans. Fluttershy is rehabilitated and went to start a new life. Pinkie Pie was in a motel, looking awful.)
"The snail!" Ruby said.
(Spike was poking Rainbow Dash's corpse. Until she started screaming. And then Spike started screaming.)
"She's alive?! But..." Weiss said.
"The experiment worked!" Ruby said.
Spike: What the fuck?! You're alive?! Oh my god, Twilight's experiment really bring you back from the dead?
Rainbow: I was never dead, I was in a coma. Thanks for burying me alive by the way.
"What?! But her brain was cut in half! How did she-"
"It's a cartoon." Nova interrupted Pyrrha.
"Oh... sorry."
Spike: Oh yeah, sorry about that. I guess at some point, somebody probably should have taken your pulse or something.
Rainbow: Well what'd I miss, fag?
"The apocalypse?" Blake said.
Spike: Uh... things haven't been going so great actually. Discord, Wolflord, an army of robots that look like you, tornados, fires, earthquakes, meteors, there was a flesh-eating virus for a while, a bunch of people got lymphoma after the bombs dropped, then there was this whole civil war between the earth ponies and the pegasi,-
Rainbow: Where's Twilight?
Some couldn't hold their laughter.
"What is going on anymore?" Ruby said.
(Spike showed her a sad Twilight.)
Rainbow: Hey Twilight! (I didn't understand what she said there.) (she was still sad) Yo I'm back. Are you happy to see me? (still sad)
"No one is, fuck you." Yang said.
Rainbow: Hey Twilight, who am I?(does sad face) Who am I, Twilight? I'm you, sourpuss! Hehehe! (still sad)
"Go bury yourself." Nora said.
Twilight: I wanted to save Ponyville, but I couldn't do it. I failed. All because I was abandoned by people I thought were my friends. Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie. None of them would help me find the Elements of Harmony. Now everyone in Ponyville is dead. So much for friendship being magic.
"It is magic. You have just being hanging out with the wrong people." Ruby said.
Rainbow: Ah, come on Twilight. There's no problem that friendship can't solve!... Yeah okay ,that sounded kinda gay, but you'll see! There's nothing a little Sonic Rainboom can't fix. Watch! (She then flies at high speeds.)
"Sonic Rainboom?"
"She just breaks the sound barrier, but with colours. It's actually beautiful." Weiss said.
(Her friends watch the colours from where they are. But she flies so fast, her skin is getting ripped, exposing her stapled skull.)
"Okay, that's too fast." Ruby said.
(She breaks the barrier, making a flashy black hole. Everyone who was watching, gets their face melted. Everything gets sucked in it, until there's nothing left. Only white.)
"Holy crap, she reset the universe!" Yang said.
"Is that really possible?" Pyrrha said.
"Not with that speed. You must be like, a million times faster than light to do that. Unless she had [Made in Heaven], it's complete bullshit." Nova said.
(Then it showed a Rainbow Dash baby and it was woke. She used her third eye to rewind to a specific point.)
"What the hell?" Blake said.
"She's woke." Nora said.
Applebloom: Look girls! I've finally got my cutie mark! I've got my cutie mark, girls!(they leave her because Discord will step on her) Girls, where are y'all going?
Rainbow: DISCOOOORD!
(He stops to see who said his name while Appleblooms leaves. Then suddenly, they all see a pony giant coming.)
"No way..." Yang said.
(That giant was Rainbow Dash.)
"I can't believe this is happening." Weiss said.
"So cool!" Ruby and Nora said.
Rainbow: You've ravaged this city, crushed our homes and destroyed countless lives. The atrocities you've committed against ponykind are abhorrent and unforgivable and demands swift sovereign justice. But because I'm honor bound by the laws of peace and amnesty, I am issuing one final warning to you, Discord. Leave this place, or die. (shows her wings)
"How can you turn a show like that into something that epic?" Ren said.
(After the silence, Discord screeches, saying that he won't leave.)
Rainbow: You've got it. (And the battle begins. Her friends are on a roof to watch the fight.)
Twilight: Gott in Himmel... (Everyone else is running away so they won't die. Discord throws Rainbow Dash and she lands on some ponies.)
Rainbow: Oh shit, did I just squish someone?
"Only a hundred ponies, no big deal." Yang said.
(Discord is firing his laser, but Rainbow Dash jumps away. She flies behind him and gives a shoryuken.)
Spike: Well, might as well make this interesting. (He decides to smoke a joint, making the fight even weirder.)
"Of course he would." Blake said.
(Rainbow had Discord on a headlock, but he escapes. He sweeps her legs and gives her a strong left, sending her skid through the ground. She tries to get up, but he stomps on her back, making her gasp in pain.)
Everyone winced with that hit.
"That must hurt a lot." Ruby said.
Discord: You cannot defeat me rainbow pony.(He then grabs her wings.)
"Oh no, I don't want to see! He'll rip them off!" she said covering her eyes.
Discord: Your virgins will be mine. And your world will burn. (He then proceeds to pull them and Rainbow screams in pain. Everyone was watching with fear what will happen.)
"Oh, I can feel the pain." Blake said.
(Her scream could be heard from far away. After so much pulling, he rips her wings off and throws them away. She was defeated.)
"No don't give up now! You can win!" Ruby said.
Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash! (Rainbow opens her eyes and sees Scootaloo.) Please, get up! You've gotta get up, Rainbow Dash! You can do it! I believe in you! (Rainbow gets filled with determination. She kicks Discord away.)
Rainbow: Nobody fucks with Rainbow Dash.
"Yes! She's up!"
"Finish him! Break his legs!" Nora said.
Discord:(he crashes at a mountain) PONIES ARE FOR LITTLE GIRLS!
"Those they don't." Yang said.
(He then charges at Rainbow Dash.)
Rainbow: Twilight! Now! (Twilight looks at her book for The Sword of the Holy Titans spell. She does the spell and from the sky descends the sword. She grabs the sword, making a He-Man reference, filling her with power. She waits for the moment to strike. She waits. She waits. He was close. Then!) Swag. (She hits his neck. He's screaming while she's cutting his neck. She cuts his head, sending it fly to the sky. He was defeated.)
Some of them were actually celebrating her victory. "Weiss, you're cheering with us too?" Ruby said.
"What?! No, I... yes." Weiss said, blushing a little.
(She drops the sword and screams like Godzilla. Then blood comes from Discord's neck. But since he was a giant, a giant wave of blood was coming towards the ponies.)
Spike: I hate mondays. (sitcom laughter)
"So the city will get destroyed anyways? Come on, that's not fair!" Ruby said.
(The tsunami hits the city. Everyone was screaming in panic. Meanwhile, little Paco was dragging Derpy toaster with him. Then he saw a penny.)
Paco: *gasp* Look Mrs Derpy! A penny! Oh and it's heads up, too! See a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have good luck! I guess this must be our lucky day! (He then notices the tsunami and does his cross, before he gets hit by the wave.)
"No, poor Paco." Pyrrha said while laughing.
(The blood stops moving.)
Spike: Oh god, it got in my mouth again!
"Again? But the universe was reset." Nora said.
Paco: Who's above me, shithead!?
Rarity: Paco! Did you just say the sh-word?!
Paco: Oops, sorry Mrs Rarity.
"She gonna get the whip." Yang said.
(Rainbow Dash shrinks to her original size and form and passes out.)
Spike: (slow-motion) Yo Rainbow Dash? You alright? (Later she opens her eyes, on a hospital bed and all her friends were there.)
Twilight: Rainbow Dash, you were absolutely wunderbar out there!
Rarity: You are positively fabulous, darling! And I'm not just being generous!
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! You can come in my shed anyday!
"Not again!" Ruby said.
Pinkie: Geez Dashie, you're one hell of a party animal!
Spike: *sigh* Thank you for saving Ponyville, Rainbow Dash... I guess.
Fluttershy: Seriously though, don't come in my shed.
(Rainbow Dash sits up and feels her wings are missing.)
Rainbow: Aw geez, my wings are gone. Yeah, not like I wanted those or anything. Those wings that I used to fly.
Pinkie: Hey, you know what I still don't understand? Whatever did happen on those Elements of Harmony.
(Spike digs for gold and finds the Elements.)
Spike: Hey look! Here are the Elements of Harmony! They were up my nose the whoooole time!
"You can't be serious. You can't do that!" Weiss said.
"Why do I feel like we forgot something?" Ruby said.
(Then a portal appears.)
Rainbow: Yo, what the fucksickle?!
(Out of it comes Applejack.)
Pinkie: Look, it's Applejack!
"Oh yeah! Where she was?" Jaune said.
Spike: Applejack, where have you been? I feel like we haven't seen you in forever.
Applejack: Hey y'all! I'm back from my adventures in another dimension!
"Cool, I want to hear them!" Ruby said.
Spike: Yeah okay, whatever, nobody really cares.
"I care!"
Applejack: Nobody cares? But I saved the entire multiverse from a giant-
Spike: NOBODY CARES, Applejack!
Applejack: But- but I-
R&F&P&S: NOBODY CARES!
Spike: You stupid cunt, shut your fucking mouth! (she gets sad) Oh my god, shut up, a million times shut up, I'm going to kill you, shut up! Nobody cares.
Some of them laughed.
"That's not cool, man!" Yang said while laughing.
Rainbow: Hey guys, you know what I just realized? We're uh... all together again! You know, like a... family or something.
Twilight: I guess friendship really is magic!
"Why that face?! It makes the whole thing stupid!" Ruby said while laughing.
Everyone (except Spike): Aww... (Twilight takes a shit)
"Eww, not again!" Weiss said.
Spike: Man, you guys are gay. I need to het some guy friends.
"Don't ruin it!" Ruby said.
(A montage follows with everyone doing their part of rebuilding Ponyville.)
"Why would you use the blood as paint?!" Blake said.
(After some time, everyone was back to normal. Applejack again was eating apples and her friends were with her.)
"Nice throwback." Ruby said.
Applejack: Well, I did it. I ate every apple in the whole dang orchard. Every last one. How do you like that, apples?
PONY. MOV (small jumpscare and credits)
"It really was Arin." Jaune said.
"Wait, I want to see!" Blake said. "There is the name! Garrett Hunter! That's the one who sounds like Adam!"
"Well, I don't know if he works as an actor, but it's still weird." Nova said.
[After-credits scene]
"Oh no, it's the shed again!" Ruby said.
(Fluttershy was drinking tea in her shed. Suddenly Discord's head fell and crashed on her shed.)
"Her shed doesn't have dead animals anymore. That's good." Pyrrha said.
(Discord opens his eyes.)
Fluttershy: You're in my shed.
"That's it everybody! How it was?" Nova said.
"Funny and fucked up at the same time." Yang said.
"Great. Now, who wants to see a black guy yelling?"
"Me! I want!" Nora said.
"Good!"
And done! It was a big one. Like, follow, leave a review, sent a PM if you want and read the Nova Force. See you soon!
