I'm sorry it's been a while since I updated. But I honestly think I should quit saying that because I keep going months without updating the same story twice. Anyway, I just wanted to say that right now several of my stories are getting close to their endings. These…
-When I returned
-The search for a family
-Shake it out
-What goes around comes around
-You are the best thing (that's ever been mine)
So those are five stories. And until then I have ten. Which means that I'll have five stories left to write for. Which hopefully and might mean I'll update this one and the rest of the stories I'm working on more often.
"I HATE maths."
As we were on our way out from the school after meeting the whole glee club and their families Jim showed very well how much he "liked" having to get caught up in maths during the summer holidays.
He actually chose to use more than words and threw the book through the hallway.
"WHOA Jim!" Kai scolded his best friend. "Don't take that out on maths. Maths is precious and missunderstood. It's not maths' fault school make it so hopelessly hard and unable to figure… Are you any good at math Cai?"
"Ehrm…" The question threw me off for a second. "I… I guess I don't know… really?"
"Well." Jim took the book again, riffled and stopped at a page. "Here's where I am right now. Can you solve that now? Because if you can then you're like the most math genius I know…."
Jim handed the math book along with a notebook and a pencil.
I would guess Jim was… Jim…
"I just have some things in my locker."
Jim jogged away through the hallway and I was left with Kai, his aunt, Burt and Carole and holding onto Jim's math gear in my hand staring down at the page and numbers he had pointed to.
"You don't have to do that Cai." Kai said with a laugh. "He's just mad and probably looking for someone who can do those instead of him. He's right—those things are hard but if he'd studied like he should have…"
I looked through the numbers…
To let me do it for him would be cheating of course. But then we could have the whole summer so maybe…
I looked up to Kai and I couldn't help but smile slightly…
Jim had just asked me to do this…
I looked to a bench and a table over at the side of the hallway…
Ignoring that I sat down right where I was on the floor. Sitting in Indian style on the floor I put the book opened and the notebook and laid them in front of me while I took the pencil in one grip…
It had been so long since I even held onto a pen or a pencil…
"I'm sorry." Jim came running back with what looked like a whole library and a bit in his bag. "I thought I already had some of it. Cai?" Jim kneeled just as I put the dot on the last number. "Geez. I was only joking…" I pushed the books back towards him, he looked at me with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "Now what's this?"
The whole group around us was quiet while I stood up and wiped off my pants with my hands. I didn't dare look at neither Burt or Carole nor Kai or even Mr. Schue who had come through the hallway and stopped to see what on earth we were up to.
"Oh man." At last Jim took his things and still reading he stood up. "I'm no genius but… Here. Mr. Schue."
"I'm no math genius neither."
The group was so still I could hear my own heart beating while both Mr. Schue and Kai looked at it from either direction.
"Come here." Mr. Schue took the books and hurried away through the hallway. "Mr. Carter." In an office in te bottom of the hallway stood a teacher in the works of packing his things for the summer. "Good- you're still here. Look at this."
"Jim? Is this yours?"
The teacher smirked slightly but took the books and read through them.
"No. It's hers."
The teacher handed the books back to Jim and glanced towards me over the frames of his glasses.
"And what's your name?"
"Cai… Caitlin." I answered shakily. "Caitlin Romero."
And I was pretty sure I had screwed everything up- and that I had screwed it up like a six year oldd who could barely count one plus one or ten plus eight…
"Well Caitlin Romero… how old are you? What grade are you in?"
"Fourteen and…"
I wouldn't be so sure about that. Was I even meant to go to school at all. And when or where and…
"Caitlin…" Mr. Carter seemed impressed by all the mistakes I had done. "…The math on these pages are the ones made for seniors and college students. I have no idea where you learnt it from but you did and you got every single piece of it right."
I was just as surprised as anyone else…
"When you come back in the fall I'd be happy to teach a student with this kind of knowledge. Or even… I think you'll have to teach me. So Mr. Schuester, see you for graduation tomorrow and boys. I'll see you in the fall. And as for you…" He looked to me. "I hope we'll see each other some time."
Mr. Carter kept muttering to himself about math geniuses and teaching as he walked away…
And I remembered the black sheet of paper and the golden stars stickers…
I wondered how many of those childish stars I would get for knowing some simple numbers…
"Dance, maths…" I turned when Burt started talking. "Do you have more hidden talents that we don't know anything about…"
"I ehrm…."
I was pretty sure those were the only things I could ever do…
"Can you sing?"
"No…" I answered. "….Not really."
Not that I had ever tried singing. Annd even less tried to sing in front of anyone.
"Can you? I didn't hear you answer."
I had answered for sure I knew. And I could see on Kai he had heard my answer.
"YOU NEED TO SPEAK LOUDER." Jim shouted before I had had the time to answer. "THIS OLD MAN CAN'T HEAR YOU ANSWERING."
"Jim!"
I could hear the scolding tone in Mr. Schuester's voice and tensed quickly and took a step back. They would be mad wouldn't they. It was me who just couldn't make my voice loud and I didn't even know why.
"I'm sorry Cai." Jim seemed regretful. "I'm just excited since it's summer… and because you're better at math then me. I've never met anyone who's as good at math as you…" He looked a bit weirdly at me. "And still.. we're not even gotten out of the school yet…. It would be nice knowing you more Cai…. Maybe we could hang out some time."
"Yeah… Me too."
For a second I just wanted to know how many times I'd been interrupted because I couldn't find answers soon enough…
These two had practically saved my life. Of course I wanted to get to know them.
"Do you know what?"
That was a question that absolutely couldn't mean anything well. I'd been told that Mr. Schuester was nice but that question only sent shivers down my back.
"I think I know something that can help you." He smiled and just hesitated slightly before he continued. "I've known people whpo are very shy. Sure, not like you. But- simply explained, I'd give them some singing lessons. And gave them some rehearsals and ways to work for raising their voices.. If you want to. Then I could give you some."
I wasn't so sure about what to answer.
I wasn't so sure what it was why I just couldn't raise my voice and talk loud enough for people to actually hear me. Sure theyd hurt me for saying or thinking the wrong things. Somewhere there I'd started talking quieter and squeakier…
Maybe someone would ever hurt me if it was because people couldn't hear what I was saying…
All of those thoughts span in my mind and I knew exactly why even though I'd never really thought about it before…
"This is up to you Cai." Carole said just as I was on my way to answer. "But just so you know- Mr. Schuester is very kind and nice and he's helped several of his children to overcome their obstacles…."
"I… I guess…" I noticed for the first time how squeaky I sounded. "…I guess it's worth a try…. If nothing else."
"You know Cai." Burt interrupted me. "As for my son and also Carole's- Mr. Schue and his music helped them through… some things. And now, I know that Mr. Schue's the nicest man on earth. And I also know that if he says this can help you it probably can in one way or another."
We had moved through the hallway and now out to the school and to the parking lot where an officer stood leaned against Burt's car.
"Isn't that that Maxy- guy or whatever his name was?" Kai asked. "The police?"
"Officer Max."
It was Carole who answered. I knew his first name was Max but except for that we were pretty much on first name basis with some of the police by now…
Don't say that Cai. I told myself. Don't be such an ungrateful brat. They're only here to help you and you know it…
"How long will it be until you don't have to have police following you anywhere you go? I mean- if it's needed then it's good but since… that guy is already behind bars they shouldn't have to."
"I…" I tried to start. "They're just…"
I knew what it was. Or thought I knew anyway. But I just couldn't make my voice heard…
"As for starters…." Burt started insteaad of me and I couldn't help but feel grateful. "Now Cai is here and not with that…." He growled more than spoke. "Walter Bigsby- now, whoever he is. The police need to make sure he doesn't have any friends or family who wants to go after Cai more and again. And no matter what that Bigsby won't tell them anything when the police is asking for it so it's just taking a while…"
"I wish he'd just answer." Kai put some out loud words to what I was feeling- and it wasn't the first time. "I couldn't ever change anything of what he did to Cai. But he could at least answer. He'll be stuck behind bars no matter what he does right now. So he could answer and move on and then let you move on… I mean, move on as much as you can really."
I could tell Kai felt a bit awkward talking about… this…
And I hated more than ever what I did to everyone around me.
"As far as I know… he doesn't have any…" I said at last almost without pausing but still squeaky and I wasn't so sure if even Kai had heard me… "But… he could have friends or family that I don't know about… I guess."
There was a thought passing by that maybe he had but had never told me about it.
All those photos that had been found in the house, all of women and girls he had raped- maybe he had a wife among those. Maybe there was someone he went to meet every time he left me alone…
The thought suddenly that among all women he had raped…
…Maybe there was someone he had made pregnant…
…And maybe there were someone out there who was related to me. Maybe there was someone out there who was just waiting for the right moment to strike and do whatever he had started…
"Cai? Cai? Cai, are you alright?"
I finally woke up from my thoughts when Kai spoke my name over and over and waved right in front of my face.
"Yes…."
My voice suddenly seemed louder and clearer than I had heard it in years. In a way way different from what it had even sounded the days and times I had shouted at Toby not to do the things to me like he did.
Toby… I knew very well his name was Walter Bigsby. He hadn't wanted to tell me even what it was but I had seen a driver's license and every now and then I had heard him talking on the phone and mentioned it…
I just couldn't let his name pass my lips…
It just hurt too much.
"Cai?... Why are you breathing so heavily?"
I hadn't even noticed I was…
"Cai? Sweetie?"
"NO."
I felt a hand on my arm and that was finally returning to here and now. Unfortunately that feeling came after I saw Toby's eyes in front of me. And the way they had looked when he came to touch me…
Unfortunately it was after I had pushed Carole away, at least she didn't fall to the ground. But she would have if Burt hadn't been right behind her to catch her as I backed away breathing even heavier than before.
"Maybe it's time for us to go…" I heard Mr. Schuester's voice. "Kai, Jim. You too…"
I stopped backing at the point I backed into a car that stood behind me…
"I…." I suddenly couldn't help but to hear myself say something. "…I think I know someone related to him."
I was think I should get a celebrity look- alike for Officer Max. And decided on Nathan Kress.
Random fact
Now this is one I don't think anyone of you know about. But Mr. Schue says he might be able to give Cai some singing lessons which might help her finding her voice and raise her voice a bit more. Now, I as most people, haven't been through any of the things and haven't ever been near to half as shy as she is. But when I was younger I was quite shy and even when I was starting to break out of it and becoming more and more social I spoke with a kind of high- pitched, squeaky voice. Which then was one of the reasons I received singing lessons- the second being that while I talked I wouldn't move my lips enough (there's a word for it but I don't know the English one) so with both of those things people would have a hard time hearing what I said. Anyway, I thought about the idea about Mr. Schue maybe being able to give Cai that kind of lessons but thought if it wasn't a weird and unrealistic idea. But then I remembered when I had those and decided to go with it.
