Small Steps


"How's the head?" Punk asked, standing in the kitchen as he watched AJ enter with messy bed hair, still in her pyjamas, one of his favourite sights to see.

"Every time I walk into a room you don't have to ask me." AJ assured him, sitting down at the table as he smiled a little.

"I know. I do it to annoy you." Punk smirked cheekily as she shook her head, "Here. Get these down you." He passed her over a glass of orange juice and her medication.

"I'm sick of pills." AJ groaned, taking the glass and pills from him.

"I know you are. But you gotta take them." Punk said, "And you also have that appointment with doctor Burns tomorrow morning. I've got the day off to take you-"

"I know how public transport works." AJ rolled her eyes.

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Punk hummed.

"No, you just woke up on the right one for once." AJ said suspiciously, watching as he poured himself more coffee, "I'm gonna go visit Jude later, see how she's doing." She nodded.

"You think the therapy is going well with her? I know last time it took a few weeks for her to notice a difference." Punk said.

"Well, it's not like it's an instant cure." AJ said, "But… I'm sure it has to help her in some way. Talking about everything. Ironically, she'll probably be willing to open up more to a stranger. You know how she is, she doesn't wanna hurt anyone's feelings." She shook her head as Punk nodded.

"Well, give her a big hug and kiss from me. I wish I could come but I got work." Punk said, "I'm off the weekend, though so tell her I'll come by and see her." He said as AJ nodded.

"I will." AJ nodded, "Are you going to keep avoiding the subject of your dad?" She asked him as he sat down a coffee for her.

"My who?" Punk teased, looking at her as she scoffed, "Don't worry, me and Dean have been talking about it a lot recently at work. We're gonna go to his house soon and talk to him."

"And what have you decided?" AJ questioned.

"There's nothing I can gain from a relationship with him. It's… it's just way too late." He shook his head, "And there's just too much that has happened."

"Does Dean feel the same?" AJ asked.

"Yeah." Punk nodded, "It's not gonna be easy. Explaining to him… I don't know if he's got expectations of having a relationship with us. And I don't wanna crush that for him but he… he still left us. Yeah, ok… he did come back but then he was gone again before we even knew he'd come back." Punk shrugged as AJ nodded, "There's just too much there and… to build a relationship with him now, I just… I don't think I can do it." He shook his head.

"That's ok." AJ assured him, "It's your decision. It has been a really long time." She said, "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

"Yeah, maybe." Punk nodded, "But if the girls are interested in getting to know them, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that. Just like I did with my mom-"

"Yeah well it's safe to say the girls aren't going to visit your mom anymore." AJ shook her head, "Not after the way she's treated us and spoken to them, about them." She said. Neither she or Punk had spoken to Sam since that night where they both took turns of ripping her apart. They were sure she'd pop up soon.

"Well that's her fucking problem. It always is." Punk shook his head.

"So when are you going to see your dad?" AJ asked.

"Sometime this week probably." Punk nodded.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asked him.

"We're big boys, I'm sure we'll be fine." Punk smiled, "I want you to be taking it easy and resting your head." He nodded.

"It's rested." AJ insisted, "You need to stop fussing. I'm fine." She made clear as Punk shook his head but with a smile, "I gotta go to Thea's first before I go see Jude to drop off some things she's left."

"Then I'll drop you off on my way to work. I don't want you hopping on buses all day." Punk scoffed as AJ smiled.


"I'll see you when you get home." AJ said, sitting in the passenger's side of the car as Punk pulled up to Thea's new house to drop her off, "Have a good day." She said, leaning over and kissing him as he kissed back.

"Give all the children you see love from me." Punk nodded as she smiled.

"I will." AJ smiled, getting out of the car.

"And mind the head!" He yelled as AJ slammed the door over mid-sentence, her stubborn self-choosing to ignore him as she headed into her daughter's house with a few bags, dumping them at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey." AJ called, walking down the hallway and into the kitchen, opening the door where she saw an unpleasant sight between her daughter and son-in-law, "Jesus! Thea!" AJ yelled, immediately turning around and closing the kitchen door back over.

"Mom!" Thea exclaimed, "What the hell?" She gasped, flustered and embarrassed as she jumped down from the kitchen counter, fixing her clothes as Dominic pulled his jeans up and done his fly.

"You knew I was coming!" AJ yelled, still standing on the opposite end of the door, too afraid to walk back in.

"Well I… I didn't notice the time." Thea complained, looking over at the clock and rolling her eyes.

"I might just go out the back door." Dominic nodded with embarrassment.

"Don't be ridiculous." Thea scoffed, "Mom, you can come in now." She shook her head as AJ opened up the door, looking at them both.

"Where are the kids?" AJ questioned with concern.

"James is at school and Sofia is having her afternoon nap." Thea shrugged, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly as AJ looked at them both.

"You eat in here." AJ scoffed.

"I sure do." Dominic mumbled as Thea elbowed him in the gut but with a small smile.

"What are you even doing here?" Thea shook her head.

"I came to drop off those bags with your stuff. I text you last night." AJ reminded her, "Come on, babe, I'm the one who is supposed to have the head injury here." She said.

"Sorry, I… I forgot." Thea shook her head.

"I better get back to work." Dominic announced.

"Yeah, you better." AJ nodded strictly as Dominic turned to Thea with embarrassment.

"I'll see you later." Dominic nodded to her, walking on by AJ, nodding to her before slipping out of the kitchen and heading back to work.

"I thought you said you were going to see Jude today." Thea said.

"I am. I was just dropping that stuff off." AJ said, "I'm just going to see how she's doing. How her therapy has been going." She said.

"I spoke to her on the phone last night. She's definitely sounding a lot brighter." Thea nodded positively, "Not one hundred percent herself but… I mean, she's only had a few sessions. It's not like she's gonna be instantly better." She said, "You want a coffee?"

"No, I won't stay too long." AJ shook her head, "Your dad and Dean are gonna talk to Daniel sometime this week."

"Oh, yeah?" Thea asked, making herself some coffee.

"Yeah, they're not… I don't think they're willing to develop any kind of relationship with him. I think it's a too little too late situation and… I don't even know where you'd start." AJ shook her head.

"I mean, it's their decision. Their dad." Thea nodded.

"But that doesn't mean that you girls aren't allowed to see him or go talk to him." AJ said.

"I don't know. I think it's even too little too late for us." Thea admitted, "So I can imagine how dad feels about it all. It's sad, really." Thea said, "I mean if he'd shown up twenty years earlier, I don't know, maybe it'd be different."

"Well… he was in prison then so he couldn't." AJ said as Thea nodded, "Speaking of prison…" She said curiously as Thea looked at her, "It's not my place, I know, but… has your dad ever talked to you about prison? About his time there and… things that happened?" She asked as Thea shook her head.

"No, he… he's never really spoken about prison before, not to me anyway." Thea folded her arms, "Why?"

"I don't know, I just… I just know that he's not even told me half of the stuff. And he still gets the odd nightmare from time to time." AJ said with concern.

"We all get nightmares, mom." Thea laughed a little, "Maybe it was a nightmare about monsters." She shrugged, pouring herself some coffee.

"It's about prison." AJ tutted, "He'll wake up sometimes and… it's like he thinks he's there." She shook her head.

"He's never talked to me about it. If he ever spoken about all of that to anyone, especially back then, you know who it would be."


"Hi, mom." Jude smiled, giving her mother a big hug as she arrived at the house later on.

"Hi, baby. How you doing?" AJ asked, cupping the back of Jude's head.

"I'm ok. What about you? How's your head?" Jude asked with concern.

"Still attached." AJ smiled, "Is Sean home?" She asked following Jude into the kitchen.

In just a couple of weeks, Jude already seemed brighter. It was relieving to see.

"He actually just went upstairs to have a nap." Jude nodded, "Mirren is down too."

"So… all is calm and peaceful then?" AJ smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so." Jude nodded, "Do you want some lunch?"

"Yeah, go on. I've not ate yet." AJ said, "You want some help?"

"No, I got it. You sit down." Jude said as AJ smiled, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"You look a lot brighter, Jude. Are you sleeping better?" AJ asked.

"A little, yeah." Jude nodded to her, taking some bread out to make sandwiches, "The therapy has been going well. Tracy's really great." She nodded positively.

Even just a few sessions with Tracy had already been taking so much weight from her. She forgot how good it felt when getting to talk about everything. She certainly didn't feel unstoppable and fearless, but every little step was progress. Washing her hair, changing clothes, eating proper meals at the proper times, that was the progress she was making and every step counted for something.

"I'm so glad it's helping." AJ nodded sincerely. It was heart-breaking to see the way Jude was. To see her finally getting help and feeling better was a positive for all of them.

"I'm not jumping for absolute joy." Jude reminded her, "But… I do feel better. I'm less tired, that's for sure." She said.

"And how are things with Mirren?" AJ asked. She knew her daughter so well and she knew that all of this, the fact Jude was finding it hard to bond with Mirren was really playing on her mind the most.

"Umm… I mean, Sean is still doing a lot of stuff." Jude shrugged, "I've still not bathed her yet. Or… been outside with her." She said as AJ nodded, "But I do the night feeds and… it's definitely better." She said. It was hard on her mind that she wasn't bonding with her baby the way she knew she should have been. It made her feel like a failure, and that's when the depression seeped in hard and uncontrollable.

"You have time." AJ said positively, "She's still so tiny. Little steps are good. You'll get there." She nodded.

"I guess that's the most difficult part of all of this." Jude admitted, sitting down at the table with her mother, sitting the lunch down, "I feel like I've lost all that time with her. I feel like I'm… I'm not getting to know her the way I should." She said, "She's never gonna be a newborn again. This is it. I won't get that time back." She sighed.

"You need to not be so hard on yourself." AJ placed her hand over her arm, "You're doing amazing. Seriously amazing. You ought to seen me when I'd just had Thea. I felt like I was doing every single thing wrong." She nodded, "But I think that's just the voice in your head trying to make you perfect and make sure you're doing everything right because… it means so much to you." She nodded, "You've not had it easy, and you're getting better. That's the most important thing right now." She said as Jude smiled.

"I'm just really glad I've had Sean and you guys to help me." Jude smiled. It did put into perspective how much she appreciated her fiancé and her family for always being there for her and giving her help in whatever way she needed it.

"We're always here." AJ smiled as Jude nodded.

"Yeah, I know." Jude smiled as AJ rubbed her arm sweetly.