I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes, grammar mistakes and probably offensive stuff. If you're offended then... I don't know.
Chapter 59: Dora the Explorer: Exposed
Nova started the video.
What's good y'all? Welcome back! To another installment of exposed. It is your host. With the roast. BerleezYyyyyyyYYYYY! A 100K subscribers bitch?!
"What was that?! The video just started!" Yang said.
"Then you already know how good it is." Nora said.
Yo, hold on. (Takes off glasses) Yo... I love each and every one of y'all. We made it. How-how do you want to celebrate? Y'all, for real, tell me in the comments down below, I wish I wanted... A lot of y'all me, Q&A. I'm down for whatever cuz like this is team Eezy baby. Y'all the stars, you feel me? I'm just coaching this bitch. (Puts his glasses) You already know how this is going down! Are you ready?!
"We are!" Ruby said.
LET'S! GEEEEEET!
Some of them couldn't help it but laugh. "He didn't start exposing and it's already hilarious!" Jaune said.
(Intro starts) Who opened the door?
"Is he going to expose every detail that no one cares about?" Blake said.
"Yes." Nova said.
F*** was that? W-was that an emo turkey-ass?
"Come on, it's a kid's drawing! Don't be mean!" Pyrrha said.
So I was gonna do this intro, but then I was like... man, f*** this Dora! I ne- I need that Dora season 3 shit! She began active on that bitch! Let's get it!
"I love the way black people talk sometimes." Nova said.
(Video begins) Fuck off my screen, YOU UGLY-ASS LITTLE RAT-ASS BITCH I- oh shit.
Everyone burst into laughter. "Calm down!" Yang said.
Ok so, before this fire-ass salsa beat pop off... look, these might be the worst parents on television, bruh! Think about it! This bitch Dora... and here come y'all in the comments: Berleezy, you can't call Dora a bitch, that's not right- MAN FUCK DORA!
They couldn't stop laughing. "Yeah, fuck her! She's a football head! The only football head I like, is Stewie! " Nora said.
"Come on, she's like... five?" Weiss said.
"Stewie is one! I think..."
Nah, I'm just playing, but for real, Mr and Mrs Explorer are on some bullsh**. How the f*** you just let yo daughter leave the house EVERYDAY, to go hang out with a f****** monkey?!
"Come on, that ruins every educational show I watched when I was little!" Ruby said.
"Why, what are you now?" Nova said.
"Shut up!"
Like, have you ever looked inside of her backpack?! Ain't no f****** pencils in that shit! No one piece of paper! Only a bunch of tools, like she Bob the Builder-ass! ASK FOR A REPORT CARD!
"I can't believe it, that actually makes sense." Weiss said
Damn, is this how y'all get down in Mexico?!
"Can a black guy be racist?" Nora said.
"Of course he can!" Blake said.
Ey, no racial. F*** Donald Trump. And the least y'all could do is throw a f****** apple in that sh**! A f****** naranja!
"Naranha?" Ruby said.
"It's orange in Spanish." Nova said.
Now she don't even have human friends (THE FUCK IS THAT?!) but she's gonna be teaching me some sh**! F*** that. (Intro continues and a millisecond later) DAMN, did you see how far she jumped off the porch?!
They couldn't stop laughing. "That wasn't even a second!" Yang said.
If you don't jump yo ass into an Olympic arena bitch, you do great! Where the f*** did he come from?! And WHO did he rob for his Yeezy red Octobers?!
"Who would steal shoes from someone?" Weiss said.
"A hobo?" Nora said.
I do not care, I do not like this baby gorilla, Diddy Kong Morgan Freeman gray-ass looking mothaf*****, f*** you Boots!
"Come on, roast more!" Yang said.
But none of these characters stand still long enough for me to get a clear frame to clearly roast their ass crisply, pause. So Dora, I'm coming back fo yo ass, but Bu-Boots! I GOTTA ROAST YOU! From a picture-o!
"Aw shit, here we go!"
I already got on your stolen fake-ass red Octobers. Or more like red Junes, bitch you way off, that are clearly too big for yo fruity ass. But look at this tail! Are you shedding, bitch? Are you a snake?! How are you- how are like thre years old and already going gray? Karma's a bitch and a thief. And I know monkeys have opposable thumbs and shit, but why is his mothaf******, hands look just like mine? Y'all better say no racist shit. But look at this dude's nose! Can you smell your eyes?!
"Oh my, it does look like that. He's taking advantage of the bad animation." Ruby said.
And that haircut! You know who this mothaf**** look like low-key? (Shows Jimmy) LOOK! They both got that fake-ass Elvis shit going on. Jimmy, why you look so sad, bitch? You ugly-ass, metal mouth head-ass, broken fingers head-ass- hey get your ass back here boy!
"That was kinda weak." Yang said.
(Intro continues) *gasp* Oh my god, did y'all just see that?! (Rewinds) Look, it's this mothaf**** Swiper off the rip! Yo... if you think about it Swiper never shows up unless Boots and Dora are together... and Swiper don't have no shoes... *gasp* (Berleezy theory). Swiper ain't the f****** bad guy! It's Boots bitch-ass!
Everyone started laughing. "What?! How is that possible?!" Pyrrha said while laughing.
"*gasp* He stole his Yeezys! It's the only explaination!" Nora said.
"It's a stupid cartoon for kids! You can't make theories!" Weiss said.
This dude Swiper just trying to get his shoes back! Think about it. Everything Swiper go for on this show, ain't worth sh** compared to some Yeezys! That mothaf***** cost some real dinero, you feel me?! You wouldn't even be pressin Boots though! Every time you get close, they just tell him no and he just go Oh man! Oh man! and walk off! Like a- ain't no good. But he ain't even trying to get fown like that! But fo real, think about it, man! How you steal somebody else shoes and nickname yourself Boots?! Fuck this dude Boots, he a bully, bro!
"That's the most ridiculous theory. Of a kids show.". They then hear Ruby giggling.
"What is it?" Yang said.
"Oh nothing, I just had this picture of me when I first saw Torchwick saying No, stop stealing! to him, and he would say Oh man! and running away." she said and started laughing. Then everyone else laughed.
"I'm having this picture in my head right now and I can't stop thinking about it." Blake said while laughing.
Boots and Dora got something on though, watch this. So somehow they're on a vine together and Dora big head-ass don't make the shit rip off, but look at this eye contact. But then look at how Boo- Look at how Boots check out Dora cake like that!
They couldn't stop laughing. "She's five!" Weiss said while laughing.
I mean shit, that is what monkeys ĺike, big doodoo diaper filled booties. (Intro continues) Look at this vine though! LOOK AT THIS VINE! Wh- who's holding them up?! God?! Are they on a helicopter?!
"Yeah, there are no trees!" Ruby said.
Yo, no racial, but why Nickelodeon got Dora saying what's good to the eses?(laughs) Look at this nigga with the bandana like What's good, bitch? Orale!
"Come on..." Blake said.
(Intro continues) Is this some pole dancing shit? WHO THE HELL IS THAT DIRTY-ASS ALADDIN?!
Everyone started laughing.
So I had to do my research and I found out that this mothaf**** named Diego is Dora's cousin! And I was like oh sh**, this show look active! But tell me why this th-the second picture right after that? (Shows picture)
"You've got to be kidding me... Why do they let stuff like that pass?!" Weiss said.
Nickelodeon, come on! What rating is this show, is this for kids?! What are y'all teaching kids out here?! But then I was like: No no, cuz this ain't Go Diego, Go exposed so Imma have to LET IT SLIDE! IMMA LET IT SLIDE!(Laughs) I haven't done that in so long. (Intro continues) WHAT THE F*** IS...
"Was that a big red chicken?" Ruby said.
Did y'all see this big-ass polio chicken?! You got the nerve to have another bird riding on the back like, that's a f****** thing out here. Is this Narnia, for real? Is this Mexican Narnia, for real? (Intro continues) I swear if one of y'all mothaf***** get in the comments talking about Map look like me...
"He did look like the map."
Hey, but tell me why Map, whenever you... what map when you open it up, ask you where to go? Bitch, I'm opening it up to find out! Who made this?!
"Oh man, all the kids shows I loved when I was three, now they look stupid and make you ask yourself, why do they exist?" Jaune said.
"Been there." Yang said.
"Not all of them." Nova said.
"Say one."
"Sesame Street."
(Intro continues) Okay so, this whole next part is exactly why I have a problem with Dora the Explorer. She says: Grab your backpack, let's go! Jump in, vamanos! LOOK AT WHO'S DRIVING THIS CAR! YOU EXPECT ME TO TRUST THIS DASHIE XP, CHUCK E CHEESE, HIGH-ASS, BIG EAR BITCH AND JUST JUMP IN HIS CAR AND GO VAMANOS?
"Holy shit, he does look like Dashie!" Yang said.
Dis bitch Dora just hop in his damn Twinkie mobile, don't ask no f****** questions and just drive off!
"Come on, say it." Blake said.
"What?" Ruby said.
I KNOW SHE'S TOPPING HIM OFF IN THE- IN THE F****** FRONT AND IN TOPPING BOOTS OFF IN THE BACK, LITTLE SLUT!
Everyone laughed.
"I didn't expect it to take that turn!" Pyrrha said.
Hey, here he goes trying to get that cheetah ass! Okay, watch this next scene. Look, they show off Boots' uh, f****** Yeezys and in the next scene immediately is Swiper trying to get them back and they shut him down! Swiper, I got to roast yo ass real quick.
"Yes!" Nora said.
Why yo nose look like a f****** banana, you fake-ass Sonic the Hedgehog wannabe, wit that dumbass bandana around your eyes that only are for around your fuckin eyeballs, but not your eyebrows, you creep.
"Bam, roasted."
Swiper, if you don't square up and be real with yo shit!(Intro ends)
"Wait, what about Dora?" Ruby said.
Hold up, I know y'all didn't think I was gonna end this without roasting Dora's ass, but look at what they tried to do in 2016. Y'all won't believe this f****** gooberish nonsense, hold on. (Shows picture)
"Oh, she grew up." Weiss said.
"What's with the dramatic music?" Jaune said.
So you think you're just gonna get and get sexy, huh?
"Dude, she's... I don't know, ten?!" Yang said.
You think you can just... "suck" your way to the top on some taxi cab confession shit, huh?
Yang couldn't stop laughing because of the pun.
"I'm legit really hyped." Jaune said.
*deep breath* GIRL IF YOU DON'T GET YO FAST-ASS BACK TO YOUR FUCKING HOUSE, WITH THESE EXTREME FLOOD WARNING HIGH WATERS YOU GOT OFF! I KNOW YO FEET STINK WITH THEM SOCKLESS PAYLESS KEGS YOU GOT ON, THAT UGLY-ASS TABLECLOTH DRESS LOOKING LIKE YOU SHRUNK THAT SHIT WAY TOO MANY TIMES AND JUST SAID F*** IT. AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT TRYIN TO FLEX ON ME WITH THAT BRACELET LIKE YOU NICE NOW! BITCH THAT AINT K JEWELERS, BITCH! BOOTS PROBABLY STOLE THAT SHIT FROM SWIPER TOO! F***** quarter gumball diamonds you got on, bitch. And look at these f****** nasty-ass loose ends you got, looking like straight octopus poo! Bitch, I will really take my belt off and beat yo ass myself! Yo little fast-ass ain't never gonna be nothin but that football head-ass Stewie Griffin yo distant cousin head-ass, HEY ARNOLD YO REAL DADDY HEAD-ASS, MIJA, RUNNIN THROUGH THE F****** AMAZON! You know, you need to take this make-up back, buy a ba- buy a new backpack, put a book in that sh** and use Map-ass to find yo way back to a school! YOU FAST-ASS, LITTLE-ASS, BURRITO!
Some of them couldn't breath from laughing.
"He didn't stop! He showed no mercy!" Yang said while laughing.
"I lost it when he started screaming!" Ruby said while laughing.
"He called her a burrito!" Nora said while laughing.
"I lost it at the tablecloth!" Pyrrha said.
*heavy breathing* Or... burrita. Excuse me. Done.
"I've never seen anyone putting so much effort about a kids show." Blake said.
And done! Like, follow, review, sent a PM if you want and read the Nova Force. If you were offended, sorry. See you soon!
