Chapter Sixty Two
Megan
I flopped down on my bed depressed that I wouldn't be able to see Alec after all. Why was nothing ever easy for us? It just wasn't fair. And now I had to talk to Alec and tell him that I couldn't get back to Volterra for a long time either.
I hadn't realized how difficult it would be holding a relationship together long distance. We had seemed so close in everything when we were together but now we often struggled to find things to talk about. His life was so different from mine and I began to realize that living in Volterra was actually pretty boring. There was a lot of hanging around and boring paperwork and mundane chores. At least out here in the world, there was plenty to do, places to go, and things to see.
I logged onto my laptop and found Alec already waiting to chat. He always looked so pleased to see me but today he looked anxious.
"Did you talk to your parents? Are you coming back to Volterra?"
"I asked them if we could visit soon but there are things to do here. Dad is buying some mares to breed horses so he needs to be here and mom wouldn't go without him."
He frowned and continued hurriedly.
"Well, did you do as I said? Did you ask them if you could visit alone? I'd pick you up in Pisa."
I hesitated before answering him. I hadn't asked them because I knew what the answer would be. There was no way they would agree to my visiting Volterra unaccompanied and I guess I understood that. It was because they loved me, they cared.
He scowled, "You didn't, did you? Why not? This is ridiculous. We can't go on like this. Pack your things and come to Italy. I'll pay for your flight. All you have to do is get to the airport. Make some excuse and get your mom to take you into the city. You can get a bus or cab from there to the airport and by the time they know what' you've done it will be too late to stop you."
I was shocked that he should even suggest such a thing.
"I am not running away from home. Surely we can wait a little longer. Besides you're going away in a few days."
"That doesn't matter. You can stay here in Volterra. I have plenty of room and I'll only be gone a couple of weeks."
"No, it wouldn't be right. Besides, I'm not ready to move in with you."
His scowl deepened, "Why not? We're both old enough to know what we want and I've been alone long enough. Don't make me wait any longer, Megan. I need you, I want you here with me. I want us to start our life together. I've already spoken to Chelsea about getting you a job in the archives so you'll have something to do when I have to be away. It's comfortable here and you'll be your own master. Able to do whatever you want. We can visit Pisa whenever you like. I'll even make sure you have access to a car when I'm not available to take you out."
I laughed nervously, "Well, thank you, kind sir. You make it sound like I'm going to be a prisoner in Volterra."
"Not a prisoner, but you understand I want to keep you safe. If the girls go out then, of course, you can go with them but I'm an important and highly visible member of the Volturi so my mate would be an excellent target for anyone wanting to hurt me."
Mate? No one had broached that subject. Alec was moving way too fast for my liking. I needed to slow the pace.
"Don't you think we need to know each other a little better before we start making long term plans like that? I don't think I'm ready for total commitment yet."
"I see. You seem to have changed since you got back home. Jane told me to be careful, she said you might have second thoughts once we were apart. Is there someone else? I mean, I know you told me that there wasn't, but I need to know if what we had was just a holiday romance."
I hesitated, not wanting to lie to him but afraid of the pace he was setting.
"Alec, I like you very much. I'm just not sure I'm ready to commit yet. Of course, I want to see you. I want to be with you, but we hardly know each other. I mean we only met for a few weeks. I think we need to take it more slowly."
He sighed and I could tell I had hurt him but it was the truth. I didn't feel that instant magic when I thought about being with him, not enough to make me chance my parent's wrath by skipping out on them. I was so confused I didn't know what I wanted. I had thought it was Alec but something was holding me back and I couldn't explain it to anyone, not even myself.
"I'm sorry I have been putting pressure on you, Megan. I know it must be hard for you. I can't remember being a teenager, having other people to consider or having doubts. I guess it means one of two things, either what you feel for me isn't enough or you need longer to work out what you really want out of life. I never even asked you if you had decided to take the final step to become a full vampire. If not then we shouldn't even be talking about the future, I can't afford to get involved too deeply with a woman who will age and die. I'm not ready to give up my existence and I don't think I'm as strong or brave as some people. I don't think I could survive the death of my mate."
I flinched at the reference to Darius but he didn't seem to notice.
"You don't even know if I am your mate, do you, Alec?"
"Some people say you know right away, others that you grow together. I don't know which is right. Only that I have strong feelings for you."
"Then I guess you should give it some serious thought. If we aren't meant for each other we'd be making a terrible mistake and in truth, I haven't thought deeply about where my future lies. Becoming a vampire scares me, but growing old and dying scares me too."
He was quiet and thoughtful for a time then smiled but I could tell. It was an effort.
"Look. I have to go away as I told you. How about we take a break until I get back. That gives us both the time to think and then when I get back we can talk some more. Would that be OK with you?"
"OK. It sounds like a sensible idea. Will you email me when you get back?"
"You could email me if you come to any decision that is."
I nodded and we stared at each other for a minute then he spoke again.
"I guess I should go."
"Oh, OK. Well, have a good time in Germany."
"It's work, Megan. I always enjoy my work, it makes me feel useful and gives me the opportunity to use my gift."
We said goodbye and broke the connection simultaneously.
Suddenly the room seemed awfully quiet and lonely and I wondered if I had done the right thing. Was I being indecisive? Or was I truly unsure what I should do?
I had to tell mom something when she noticed I hadn't spoken to Alec the following day but I wasn't going to tell her everything so I just said that Alec had been called away on business and wouldn't be able to speak to me for a couple of weeks.
"Oh. Well, at least you'll have time to help your dad with the new horses and they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder."
She must have seen my expression because she suddenly put down her book and jumped to her feet.
"Come on, Let's take a walk. It's a lovely day."
Taken by surprise I didn't have time to make excuses and found myself arm in arm with my mom, walking across the pasture towards the woods in the distance.
For a while we walked in silence then finally mom sighed.
"Oh, dear. I've seen that expression before. What happened, Megan? Are you OK?"
I nodded and considered saying nothing more but suddenly I wanted someone to talk to and blurted out everything.
"I'm just so confused mom. I mean I like Alec a lot but I'm not sure that's enough. I'm scared of making the same mistake everybody else seems to make. At the same time, I don't want to end up on my own and I have so few choices in our world."
Mom stopped in a small clearing and sank down onto the ground pulling me down beside her then wrapped an arm comfortingly around my shoulder.
"Oh, Meg. You're so young. I understand what you are saying but can I give you a little advice? It's things I had to learn the hard way."
"I wish you would mom because I don't know what to do."
"Firstly, do not rush or allow yourself to be rushed into anything. Secondly, when it happens, when you meet the right man, you'll know."
I turned to her, "You didn't, neither did Aunt Rose or Grandma Esme and I'm scared of making the same mistake. Maybe we shouldn't jump in even when it feels so right."
"Well, I guess we didn't have anyone to give us the right advice. I think all three of us muddled up infatuation with love. Sometimes you get overwhelmed by the first rush of infatuation. It feels so real as if you'd die if they didn't smile at you, talk to you, and ask you out. It's so real it hurts."
"So how do you know the difference?"
She sighed, "True love is more subtle. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. You feel attracted to the man but it's deeper than the agony of a crush. When you aren't with them you feel like there's a big hole in your life, something is missing but you can't put your finger on it. Does that make sense?"
I frowned, "Well, I don't feel the agony of being away from Alec. I miss him and he made me feel good, special, but when I look into the future I can't see him beside me doing all the things I want to do. Instead, if I stay with Alec I see my life stuck in Volterra with occasional side trips and I don't want that."
"Then I think you already know the answer sweetheart and trust me, staying with someone just because you don't want to be alone is the worst thing to do. It will destroy you both."
"I think Alec is worried about being alone too. Like me, he doesn't have many options. I guess it's worse for him because he'll always be fourteen while I am still getting older. I will be an adult soon and everyone will treat me like one."
"Pity is another really bad reason to stay with someone."
I nodded, "I guess so. Do you think he'll ever find someone, mom?"
She brushed my hair back and smoothed my cheek with the back of one cool hand.
"I don't know, but that's not your problem Megan. Your future is yours to sort out and only that. Whatever you decide to do will be OK with your dad and me, you know that."
I glanced at her and grinned, "But he'll be relieved if my future doesn't include Alec."
She laughed, "Yes he will, but forgive him for loving you so much that he cares."
I nodded again, "I do. I love dad and I hate that he was so unhappy at me dating Alec. I just wish I could meet some other people my own age."
"And you're sure it's over between you and Alec?"
I frowned, there was something in her voice that disturbed me.
"Yes, I'm sure. Why?"
"Well, I probably shouldn't be telling you this but I'm afraid you'd have found out sooner or later and it's something you should know under the circumstances. Your dad asked around about Alec when he saw how serious you were about him."
I rolled my eyes, my dad the paranoid spy!
"OK. And what terrible secrets did he uncover?"
She sighed and bit her lip, a sure sign she was nervous and one I had inherited.
"Promise me that you won't say anything about this to anyone. Not your dad and most certainly not Alec.
Now I was concerned, what was going on?
"I know you don't talk about Darius anymore and I respect that but I also know that you have a strong bond with him."
I felt my heart sink, Darius was one topic I wasn't prepared to discuss even with my mom, but she continued before I could stop her.
"Don't worry, I'm not going into that again. I just thought you should know something about Alec that concerns Darius."
"Alec knew Darius?"
She looked at me somewhat shocked.
"Well, yes. Alec was with the Volturi when Darius and Sara visited. I thought you knew that."
I shook my head fearing what was coming next.
"I guess I never really thought about it. Alec told me his own story but it never occurred to me that he might have known Darius. What happened?"
"You know the story, that's why you helped Darius to get revenge, but not all of it."
"Go on."
"Alec was with the guard the day of Sara's death. You know that Darius went looking for justice."
"Yes, and Aro refused because he needed Caius so he had Darius removed from the citadel."
"Yes, he did, but Darius wasn't going quietly as you can probably understand. It was Alec who removed him, using his gift. He kept Darius under his influence for a hundred years before freeing him."
I thought about this. Alec was working for Aro so I guess it was the safest way of getting Darius out of the citadel alive and I said as much to mom.
"Yes, I understand that, but Alec was only supposed to keep Darius isolated until the guards removed him from Volterra. It was Alec's idea to keep him like that for so long. I'm afraid young Alec Volturi has a rather dark side to his nature and that's what worried your dad and then me when he finally told me."
"One occasion doesn't make him a bad person though. I mean, maybe he thought what he was doing would be the best thing. Keep Caius safe for Aro and Darius out of the way. A hundred years is a long time but I guess to a vampire it's not so long."
Mom eyed me seriously, "Would you like a hundred years stolen from you? Can you imagine the state he must have been in after that time? No sustenance, no idea where he'd been, and a world that looked totally different?"
"I guess not if you put it that way," I said reluctantly.
"And it's not just that. If Aro hadn't discovered what Alec had done he wouldn't have freed him then. Alec has a habit of using his gift against anyone who crosses him be it friend or foe. He's been in trouble many times and Marcus has warned him against doing it again."
"I don't believe it. I think dad made it up just to put me off Alec because he doesn't like him."
Now, mom looked grave, "Your father doesn't it lie, Megan. You know that. Besides, if you don't believe us talk to Jane but don't let on that you know anything."
"Jane?"
"Yes, she's been on the receiving end of her brother's temper. Marcus told your dad that he had to intervene on several occasions. Alec can be a bully if he doesn't get his own way."
I sat back thinking, a strange nervousness falling over me like a veil. If mom was right and I didn't believe for a second she or dad would really lie to me, not about something this serious, then Alec reminded me of someone else I had heard about. Someone I had wanted nothing to do with, or anyone even remotely like him. Mom had told me how Edward Cullen had been selfish, thinking only of himself when he discovered she was pregnant and even afterwards when he thought I was dead. NO way was I going to get involved with my father's shade.
"I'm so sorry my love. I know you liked him and I really hoped he would be different with you. I know he has been, he was kind and gentle with you and who knows maybe you might have been just what he needed. it's why I kept quiet, why I made your dad swear not to say anything just yet."
"I'm glad you told me. It just helped me get things clear in my own mind. I could have made a terrible mistake and I don't want to. Oh, mom, I'm so miserable."
"You'll get over it Meg and someone else will come along and steal your heart, someone worthy of you. Just be patient."
We sat there together until the sun began to slip below the horizon and only then did we make our way back home to find dad waiting for us with the new mares. Life went on and I decided to forget Alec, I'd had a lucky escape there and look ahead to my own future, whatever that might be.
