Chapter 62: Even Fathers have Birthing Pains


Did I mention that Jake can be an idiot?


BANG! The old van backfired yet again as it rumbled down the city street. Behind the van's steering wheel and barely able to see over the dashboard, was its owner a tan furred fennec fox in a dark blue bowling shirt.

"Crap Finn, do you ever clean up back here?" the dark gray and light gray furred raccoon in a purple short-sleeved sports shirt complained to the driver as he gave a disgusted look at the trash lying around his seat in the back of the van.

"Quit whining Jake, I thought you coons liked trash?" a red fox in the front passenger seat scoffed as he propped his foot paws up on the dashboard while he adjusted his red and blue tie. He pushed his tie under the ratty old seatbelt and against the tacky green tropical shirt he wore.

"Nick, I called shotgun first," the raccoon named Jake huffed as he kicked an empty beer can away from his feet. "You still took it anyways."

"Sidekicks don't get to ride in front," Nick laughed as he looked back and gave the raccoon a smirk.

"Sidekicks!" the raccoon growled. "So, we're back to that conversation again?"

"Don't pay him any attention, Runnel," the fennec fox laughed. "Nick is still overcompensating for all of those years when everyone called him my sidekick."

"I wasn't the one who wore the elephant pajamas!" the red fox snickered before he let loose a yip when the smaller fox punched him in the arm.

"Get your feet off the dashboard, Red!" Finn snarled in amusement. "How many times do I have to tell you that? You're acting like you're a teen again, so behave. You're bad enough as an adult, but you were insufferable as a teenager."

"How someone so small, can hit so hard is still a mystery to me?" Nick grumbled as he rubbed his arm while he removed his feet from the dash and put them back on the van's floor.

They had stopped at a red light and the van shook as it idled. When the traffic light turned green and just after the fennec fox stepped on the gas, the van backfired yet again. There was a large cloud of smoke that belched behind them. "It's that damned carburetor," Finn cursed.

"Why don't you retire this old dinosaur and buy a new one?" Jake called out from the back. "It seems to be on its last legs, I hope we make it to this bar you wanted to go to?"

"All those new vans have that fancy direct-injection shit run by computers and you can't work on them unless you shell out too much cash!" the fennec fox sighed. "Besides, I ain't rich like you!"

"Yeah Stu was bitching about the new tractors," Nick added as he looked out the window. "He says the farmers have to call a company tech to the farm to fix anything that goes wrong with the new stuff, something about proprietary software, and it's expensive."

"That's just silly because when you buy a new car it can be repaired anywhere," Jake grunted. "Shouldn't you be able to do the same with tractors?"

"Ya'd think so?" Finn added. "But the rich companies are always gonna win."

"I guess so," the raccoon muttered. "As they say, you can't fight city hall."

"Unless you're Hopps!" Finn laughed. "She locked up two mayors already."

"Hey, I helped!" Nick protested.

"No, you were there!" the small fox added with a grin. "Probably getting in the way too!"

"I did my fair share!" Nick grumbled.

"Yeah, I heard about doing your fair share at work from Wolford yesterday," Jake spoke up. "He said that you two had pulled over a sexy looking vixen in a sports car for speeding. When you walked up the window and was going to write her a ticket, she batted her eyes at you before she asked if you were going to sell her a ticket to the Police Officer's Ball?"

"Shut up Runnel," Nick snapped with a frown.

"But you told her, no, we police don't have balls!" Jake gaffed out. "She and Wolford were laughing so hard at the look you gave her when you realized what you had said. He said that you were so embarrassed that you forgot to write the ticket!"

The fennec fox roared with laughter. Nick just gave a small smile and shook his head.

"So ya never said why you ain't home with the little wife and the kiddos?" Finn yelled back to the raccoon. "You already being a deadbeat dad or sumtin?"

"Not so funny, Finn!" Jake sullenly snapped back.

"Marie tossed him out," Nick answered his small friend's question as he gave the raccoon a grin. "He was in her way."

"I'm the one who got shot with the Night Howlers, but she's the one acting all feral!" Jake complained. "She says I'm never there when she needs me and then when I am, she says I'm always in the way. I just can't win!"

The fennec fox just grinned when he glanced towards the red fox, neither said a word as the raccoon continued to vent, "Then there are the boys, all they do is sleep, chitter and cry for her to feed them, and then poop! Never at the same time too! When they finally open those little eyes, I swear I'm going to hire an army of nurses, just to change their diapers. More comes out of those little rears than go in the other end."

"All you new fathers are the same!" Finn snickered. "Morons!"

The raccoon threw him a look that could have curdled milk. "What the hell do you two know about it?" Jake snarled in agitation, he was aware that he was getting too worked up over nothing and that the savage side of him was slipping out, a drawback of the Night Howlers and the cure. "You two will never have kits!" Jake snapped and then immediately regretted what he said when he saw the fleeting look of sorrow on Nick's face. He wanted to apologize for his remarks because he knew his best friend, being a fox married to a rabbit, could never have children of his own. "Nick…"

The red fox just smiled and waved him off.

"At least I have no kits that I know of," Finn snickered as he looked first at Nick and then up into the rearview mirror so he could see Jake. He decided to change the subject. "So how'd things go at the hospital? Were you one of those poor saps who was dragged by the wife into the delivery room?"

"Of course I was!" Jake answered. "I went with Marie to all those birthing classes, doctor's appointments, and even to her prenatal yoga classes."

"Well, was it worth it?" the fennec fox continued. "I mean, witnessing the miracle of birth?"

"It was sorta fine," the raccoon said as he looked out of the window.

"What do you mean by sorta fine?" Finn asked out of curiosity.

"When Marie started into labor, Kevin carried her to the hospital, which was just down the street from the bar we were at," Jake replied. "Then the labor pains slowed again as soon as we got her checked in and into the room. By then Nick had to go back to get Judy…"

"Wait, where was Judy?" Finn asked.

"When we panicked and ran off with Marie, we forgot Carrots back at the bar and she got stuck with the dinner bill," Nick chuckled. "I had her wallet, so I had to back and pay the bill before she could leave."

"Un-huh," the little fox snickered as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Anyways, I swear that half of the hospital came to see Marie," Jake continued. "I just stood there and held her paw, acting like an idiot as I did that huffing and puffing breathing they taught us in class. Then she screamed in pain as she crushed my paw and I could see little Nicky's head coming out…" The raccoon went quiet.

"And?" Finn asked.

"The coon passed out in a dead faint," Nick finally answered. "The nurses had to step over and around him until an orderly bodily bundled him over his shoulder and dumped him in the waiting room next to me and Judy."

The small fox roared again with laughter.