So, it happens, feels strange...
XXXXIV.
It all felt like a reversed deja-vu. Rick watched the new comers as they wandered slowly, warily like they were expecting threats from every corner in the Deanne's study. In his study, he corrected himself, it was going to be his own study now.
It's your turn now, Deanne has said, just before she'd died. His mind went back to the day the first time he'd been here, the first time he'd sat down in that armchair in front of the camera, gazing suspiciously at the woman in front of him— You should keep your gates close. It's all about survival now. At any cost.
It'd never been just survival, he could see it clearly now, and getting to the living part was on their shoulders now. Deanne had lightened the torch, and it was their turn to try to build the world Deanne had envisioned—a world they'd all fought and bled for. For all of them. For his family. For Alexandria.
His hand went to piece of paper in his pocket he'd found at Deanne's desk earlier before he turned back to the couple, still pacing through the room. He motioned at the armchair in front of him, "Have a seat," he told them, his voice firm yet soft.
The woman slowly walked to it, and settled, giving the camera Amanda had been fidgeting with a suspicious look as the man, Dwight, stood above her, standing behind. "Is it necessary?" he asked, gesturing at the tripod with his head.
"It's how we do things here," Rick answered just like Deanne had before.
"Beth said—Beth said we could stay—" the woman, Cherry, said, looking at them.
"It's yet to be decided," Rick said back, "But yes—if you're what she thought you are—then yes, you could stay."
"Why do you want to stay?" Amanda asked then, walking around to sit down at the couch beside him, "Beth said you got your own people, but you were running away from them."
Dwight nodded. "Yes. They're—they're—they give you things, keep you safe, and think they own you because of it." He paused for a second, "He thinks he owns you because of it."
"He?" Rick inquired further, recalling what Daryl had said before they'd started with the interview, "Negan?"
Dwight nodded, lowering his head. "He wants you to kneel…"
"Yet you almost returned to him—" Rick countered. They almost had betrayed Daryl, too, pointed a gun at him, and it'd taken only Beth's reassurance and promise to stop them go further with it, listening to her.
"We tried—we tried—" his wife, Cherry, told them, tears in her eyes, her voice breaking, Rick knew they'd tried to save someone but failed. She stopped, letting out a shaking a breath and looked at them again, "But it's hard being out there alone. Beth said we could live with you. She—she said we could find a home with you."
Amanda smiled, sighing out slowly, "And so you're here—" she muttered out.
The woman's answer didn't hesitate, "And so we are."
"Daryl said you first thought he was one of them—" Rick remarked after a pause, "You didn't realize he wasn't living with you at your community," he continued, "How many people are there?"
All in frankness that was the most had bothered him. Before the battle the last populace count was sixty eight people in Alexandria. Whereas Rick didn't know each of them by name, over the three weeks they'd been here they'd grown accustomed. Daryl had said they'd been living with these people for a time, and they hadn't realized Daryl and Beth hadn't been one of them.
And that meant—well, it meant a crowd—a crowd where you could even overlook a person like Daryl Dixon.
And that was souring something in his stomach.
Trouble.
"We don't know—more than one and fifty, perhaps… but there're other people in the outposts, too—"
"Outposts?" Amanda cut in, frowning.
"Yeah… we thought Daryl and Beth was coming from a near outpost—" Cherry explained, "It's how they do it—" she went on, "When they start—protecting a community, they also start up an outpost, so they could control things. They say it's because they will protect you against the dead, but it's more than that."
"What do they want in return?" he asked, his tone getting hitched, not liking where all this was going.
"Half of everything—" the man gave them a look, "And then you kneel…" He paused, "If they'd ever find this place, it's how it's gonna be… They'll demand you give them half of everything you have, then will ask you kneel."
"And if we refuse?"
"They kill one of you to make an example—brutally…" Dwight paused again, "Never saw it myself—but heard the talks."
Amanda's lips pulled out flatly, her face setting in, "Well, we don't need any protection."
"It don't matter," Cherry said back, "They still make you kneel."
Her lips then parted in a curt smile, "I'd like to see them try."
"Outposts, guns—the other communities—" Rick said then, leaning down slightly, "Where are they? Tell us everything."
If they wanted to be in, they were going to have to earn their keep, but Dwight shook his head. "We don't know. Only Negan's lieutenants know about them. We were just workers—trying to get by. I think—they—have three places, at least—but we don't know where they are."
Three places—three outposts…and one…sanctuary, as they called it. This was getting worse and worse with each minute.
"I—I heard once a colony called Hilltop or something like that—I don't know where but there's this doctor—Tina was seeing him, and I went to him a couple of times too. I—I got PCOS—" Amanda's attention snapped at her, as Rick recognized the abbreviation, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Lori used to have it too before she'd gotten pregnant with Carl. "He told me once his brother would've been a much better help as he was a gynecologist but Negan had left him at Hilltop."
"Do you know where it is?" Amanda asked, her face loosening up, a startling energy tilting her voice a tone higher, but the other woman shook her head.
"No—" Her face closing off again, Amanda rested back, "I'm sorry."
Rick stood up, "Beth was looking a place for you," he told them as Amanda turned her head to look outside from the window, "Go find her. We'll talk later."
As they left the study, Amanda turned to him, standing up, "We need to talk with others. They need to know about it."
Rick shook his head. "We tell our people," he said back, "But others…no. We got other problems, and they already had too much. It can wait."
Her face hardened a bit, but she stayed in silence. Rick gave her a look. "Amanda—" he started then, taking a few steps closer to her, "You know we can't look for them, right?" he asked then, because she looked like—he couldn't be certain. She'd wanted to look for the Wolves, and Rick had seen the reason but those people—those people were different, and the way she was when she'd heard about those doctor…
"I know," she bit off, shaking her head.
"Those people ain't like Wolves," he told her what he'd just thought, "It's too dangerous. Wolves—wolves didn't have guns. They were just brutes. Daryl fought with them. He said they got training—"
She nodded again, "I know."
"—And we got other problems," he continued, as if she hadn't interrupted, "We need to get back to the quarry and take those stones, put up proper walls. Half of the pantry is gone too. We need to look for supplies. We need to get back at our feet again."
Her voice raised, "I know!" she cried out, and let out a breath, "You don't need to convince me. You don't take any chances anymore," she repeated his words, her eyes running away, "We can't risk it."
He gave her a long look, his gaze searching, and asked feeling the unspoken "but" in her words, "But—?"
She shook her head, "I don't know, okay… I don't know." She shook her head again, and dropped herself down on the couch back, "Maybe I'm just being stupid—but—but—" Sitting next to her in silence, Rick waited her to speak again.
"I don't know—It f-feels like—perhaps we should do it—" she started, struggling with words, "Deanne wanted us to do this—I want us to do this…build something more… A better world—for Carl, for Judith—for our family, for all people who had fought and bled for it last night," she said, "But is this the way—we're just gonna close our eyes and look at the other side?" She shook her head again, "That's what I was doing at Grady, Rick."
"We're not closing our eyes and look at the other side, we're looking at it straight," he shot back, "They got numbers, they got guns… battle hardened soldiers. You heard Daryl. We have to be reasonable."
She gave out another loaded sigh, "Yeah… I know." Her eyes found her again, "It just—it just sometimes feels like—destiny or something…" she muttered out, "Our fate…"
His brows pulling together, leaning down further to see her better, Rick looked at her, "Our fate?"
She exhaled deeply again, "I know… I know it sounds ridiculous—but look at this—" she waved her hands in the air, lifting her head up, "Back at the church, when I felt lost how to deal with you, and when you were being just an asshole, I—I used to make fun at Beth, tell her maybe walkers would've just run over the place and we got stranded in the wild, and fell in love in the meantime as we tried to survive—because that was how it'd happened with her and Daryl—and look at us!" she exclaimed, pointing her hand between them, "That's what exactly how it happened with us too! We lost the church, we got stranded at the road, and fell in love. I knew I was falling in love with you that night at the barn, Rick," she confessed, her eyes finding his again, "I knew it."
"I was getting the idea, too," he whispered out.
She shook her head, "And—and everything happened afterwards… The way we found out the quarry—and the dry on—and everything—it was really a blessing, Rick—like we were supposed to be there—and now this… Just the time we got Alexandria back—we learned about those sonabitches out there—just twenty miles away from us—and just yesterday I was saying Beth I need a gynecologist, and now I learned a doctor's out there—I mean—maybe we're supposed to do this, Rick—" She let out another loaded breath, "I don't know."
He turned his head and looked ahead, her words echoing in his mind. Everything she'd said… since the moment they had met, it felt like he was drawn to her—and he had been—there was that thing between them since the beginning, but it wasn't fate. No. They had the same struggles, the same trials…would it just be fate? Something they hadn't struggled with each step but just fell into it…because it was meant to be? No. It was never that easy…but there again… it was also that easy—taking her in his arms—he recalled the way his hand had found his way on her hip in the sleep at the barn—the way how he couldn't keep himself away… and she'd been right, the way they'd found the quarry—and the truck… It was a blessing. Rick had never been of faith—he had never believed in higher powers—divine inventions or God—he'd always believed in himself, just tried to be the man his father would've been proud—be the man his own family needed… "I know what I know," he said then, "We can't risk it."
Nodding, she repeated back, "I know." Lifting her head, she looked around, then pulling her legs to her chest, she rested herself back and wrapped her arms around her knees, "We need to move into here."
Turning aside, Rick stared at her.
# # #
"You moving into here?" Daryl asked, giving the other man a side-look as they stood at the porch's railings. Rick nodded, "Why?"
"Amanda says someone gotta be here… It's the house."
"How about Spencer?" Daryl asked.
"Well, we're gonna have to find him another place then, I guess—I'm not going to share a house with him," the other man grumbled out, then his eyes fell on the house across them—where Sam sat down with Beth at the porch's steps… Beth had been with the boy since they got back.
Daryl felt…well, Daryl didn't know a shit how he felt… he'd gone to see him—but he was always useless dealing with other people's grief—luckily, he got Beth. Daryl watched as she put her arms around Sam's shoulders, pulling at her side as the boy buried his head into her shoulder. Sam had lost her mother and his brother, was an orphan now.
Daryl momentarily thought how things would've been if he didn't have Beth now—what if he should've dealt with Sam alone—what if he should've dealt with Dwight and Cherry alone… They—they had wanted to turn back… they had been ready to betray them—ready to exchange their freedom with their safety… until Beth had talked to them.
It must be the eyes… those wide, doelike blue eyes… got you suckers every time, Daryl recalled Amanda Shepherd's words back in the days… and gave out a snort, shaking his head… "Daryl—" Rick then said, taking a step further in him, and Daryl knew Rick wanted to talk about what had happened earlier.
Leaning down over the railings, he turned his aside and looked at the other, "About what I did back there—" Rick started much like he'd thought, gesturing with his head, "Uh—I know I was being an asshole…but—but I couldn't—do you know?"
Daryl nodded, "I know," he answered as truthfully as he could, "I—I was so mad at you first, man," he told Rick then, "I thought going back… I was about to turn back… Then I thought Beth would want me to go on—finish it, so I kept going."
Rick nodded, "Yeah."
He continued, shaking his head, "Then you sent her out there… I didn't know what had happened—but I knew something happened—and she was there, alone… When I saw her first in the woods, I really wanted to punch you, Rick—right at the face—" He snorted, "A part of me still do—" he confessed.
Rick nodded again, a small faint smile pulling out his lips, "I know," he said, "I'm sorry. But we didn't have any better options, Amanda still bleeding, and she's…she's a fighter as good as any."
Daryl shook his head, "She's more than that… She's tough, but like not Michonne—or Maggie. Amanda saw it since the beginning. She fights her battles in her ways… If she wasn't with me out there, Dwight and Cherry would've left—and now those assholes would've known there's another community they'd come and plunder."
"They still might," Rick pointed out, but Daryl shook his head.
"And we'll be ready if they ever did."
Rick nodded as Daryl went to Beth and Sam.
# # #
"Deanne Monroe's last words were a new day was coming," Rick started at the night inside the church, standing atop of the aisle under the colored glass, "and she died believing in it—she died—knowing she'd built something—" He looked at the people seated in front of him, his people— "We built something—all of us… We fought for it, we bled for it, we suffered it, we built it with our blood, tears and sweat, and all those people we lost… they gave their lives for it."
"I know you're still afraid," Rick continued, stepping one foot ahead the other, "The world out there is still insane—it still a hard place, and I know you still ask yourself what then? What happens now?" He looked at them, wandering his eyes around, his gaze caught at Amanda at the front seat, Judith at her lap, Carl next to him, his family— He fished out the little note he'd found at Deanne's office from his pocket, "I—I found this at Deanne's desk this morning. Death's certain, life is not. Deanne Monroe believed that. Walkers—they're still out there, they always will try to slip through life—always will try to slip our walls. But this world—" He shook his head, "This world doesn't belong to them. We're still here—" His voice raising, he leaned down, raising his arm, and his eyes finding Amanda, he repeated the words he'd told her at the night they'd made their baby, decided to bring another life into this world… "And we are NOT going anywhere! Deanne Monroe had a dream, a dream deeply rooted in those exact words… death's certain, life is not. And as long as there's life, there's also hope—" He stepped down from the aisle, and started walking around them, "I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. Because it's gonna hard, harder than you think, harder you can imagine. But we'll have it, a better world, if not for ourselves, but for our children and their own children…and their children—" He paused, "This's what happens now."
# # #
Beth put Sam into the bed in the garage, and standing up, she let out a sigh. "Poor thing—" she told him, holding on his arm, "He just lost all of his family."
Daryl nodded, then looked down at the boy… Death's certain, life is not… Rick words turned in his mind, and we'll have it, a better world, if not for ourselves, but for our children, and their own children… and Daryl remembered the intersection, how scared he was—then he knew, he just knew it.
This was the life. And he couldn't have wanted it in any other way.
Better or worse, more or less.
He turned to Beth, "Beth," he called out at her, his word firm yet soft, certain and earnest, "Will you marry me?"
Her eyes widened for a second, those wide, blue, doelike blue eyes shining as she stared at him, and then she smiled—she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her head against his shoulder, "I thought you're never gonna ask," she said, laughing… silly, breathless little laughs chiming in the air, "I'm p-paralyzed with happiness."
Daryl gave out a small laugh, too, "Is that a yes?"
She pulled back an inch and titling her head, look at him, "That's a definite yes, Mr. Dixon," she said, "I'd marry you hundreds times."
"One time is enough—" he said back, leaning down in a kiss.
# # #
Judith in Rick's arms, Amanda stepped in the Deanne and Reg Monroe's house—now their own house—her own house, and with the first step she put inside, she realized it was going to be something more than she had presumed first—not just holding the house because someone had to, because it was the house. No, for the first time she had known herself Amanda was having a home, the family she'd always wanted—but had never thought she could've had.
Bowing her head, she smiled, as Carl closed the door behind them.
The silence greeted them inside—for the first time for a long time, too, the usual clamor of having people always around missing…and it was strange, so strange…them doing this…it was more than strange… maybe it was really fate… and some bored entity or something out there above had thrown a dice in the air and they had ended up like this… then Rick held her hand, and smiled back at her, small but sincere, and Amanda realized she didn't fucking care, either, not as long as they were together.
The only missing part in their life now was another baby—a little baby sister or brother to Judith and Carl, and like Rick had said as long as there was life, there was still hope.
She could always believe that.
Always.
So we're here... the end. For now.
Thank you reading, sticking around until the end.
Some many bad things happened, but I wanted to finish on a hopeful note, because as long as there's life, there's still hope, right? I also tried to bring things into a full circle, as much as I could, especially "I'm p-paralyzed with happiness" was added just because for that reason, as it was one of the reasons why I'd started writing this story back in November, because I just envisioned Beth saying it to Daryl, so Beth had to say it again.
I also wanted to forward both couples into a new life further, Amanda finally having a real home all to herself, with the family she'd always wanted, and Beth starting her own too, and getting Sam too...
I'm still continuing to write the rest of their stories, but with starting all new. The next story is gonna be called "A Better World", and I'm gonna adapt my own version of Negan plot.
Again, thank you reading so far, even if I'm probably the most fickle writer around here, having no control over my own story, so thank you! I hope you at least enjoyed reading it as half as I enjoyed writing it! :) Thank you for all reviews, favorites, and alerts, and other stuff. Love you bunches!
Cheers.
