Avoiding It
"What is he doing out there?" Cassie questioned, standing in the kitchen the next morning, looking out the window where she saw her father moving some slabs around the garden.
"He's pretending he's enjoying some manual labour. I know he's desperate to come in here and watch drag race with me." AJ nodded as Cassie chuckled.
"He's pretending he's a dude?" Cassie asked as AJ nodded.
"Pretending he's a dude." AJ nodded, looking out and watching her husband drop a slab on his foot, cursing and hopping around as she chuckled, "So you girls had fun yesterday?" She turned to Cassie who was chowing down some breakfast whilst Sofia sat brushing her furbys fuzzy hair.
"Yeah, it was great." Cassie nodded, "It was good to see Jude laughing and having fun." She said as AJ smiled.
"Well I'm glad you guys got her to come out, that's a huge step for her right now." AJ nodded positively, "Even if you did almost trap her in a wedding dress." She said as Cassie chuckled.
"It was funny." Cassie smiled, looking across at Sofia, "How come you got to stay here last night?" She asked her niece.
"Because I wanted to." Sofia answered simply as Cassie chuckled.
"You were looking after me, weren't you, baby?" AJ smiled, brushing her hand through Sofia's hair as she nodded.
"Yes." Sofia nodded.
"Doesn't this thing scare you?" Cassie asked, pointing to the furby which was creeping her out.
"No." Sofia said, "I love my furby."
"It's ugly." Cassie teased. She was definitely the aunt who teased her niece and nephew.
"No she isn't, Aunt Cassie." Sofia said protectively as Cassie stuck her tongue out to her as Sofia smirked and giggled.
"How did things go with dad and his dad?" Cassie asked.
"I think it went ok. They said what they wanted to say." AJ nodded, looking out the window where she saw her husband moving some things around.
"Thea said you were asking about dad in prison." Cassie said, looking up at her mother who turned to her, "You worried about him?" She wondered as AJ shook her head.
"No… no, if I was worried about your father I would be saying something to him." AJ assured her, "I know how he can get. He can shut off sometimes. Distance himself from things." She nodded, "And I know him better than anyone but those eight years are still blank to me. I know little bits but… not everything."
"Why is this bothering you now?" Cassie wondered, "He's been out for years."
"I know… I know, and maybe that's shame on me for not noticing it more." AJ said, "I guess being off work and sitting around in my own thoughts all day got me thinking. And he still has nightmares every now and then. He wakes up and it's like he thinks he's back in there." She shook her head, "It scares me how scared he looks."
"Well… yeah, I mean… it's prison, mom. He wasn't getting spa treatment or anything." Cassie said.
"I know that." AJ gulped, "I just… maybe I've not thought about it because I'm scared to know." She nodded, "I mean your dad tells me everything. Things he's scared of and things he's done that he shouldn't have. He's always talking to me about everything." She said, "And then there's prison." She shrugged, "It's like he automatically knows not to go there."
"It's probably just a hard part of his life he struggles to think about it." Cassie nodded, "I don't find it odd that he completely disregards it." She said as AJ nodded.
"Yeah, I know." AJ said, "I know, I just worry, that's all." She nodded, "I think I worry more about him as I've got older." She said.
"Why don't you just ask him about it?" Cassie shrugged.
"I want to but… I don't know, I don't wanna upset him or make him think about it if it's too hard." AJ shook her head, "I think all this stuff with his dad and finding out everything that actually happened with his parents… it's got him all quiet."
"Yeah." Cassie agreed, "I say you just ask him about it if you're worried." She nodded, "It's you. If he's gonna tell anyone anything, it's gonna be you."
"Thea seems to think Jude knows some stuff." AJ said.
"Yeah we asked her yesterday. She doesn't know any more than the rest of us." Cassie nodded.
"He's coming in, shh." AJ noticed Punk walking towards the house from the garden as Cassie nodded.
"I dropped a slab on my foot." Punk complained as he walked into the kitchen.
"What are you even doing out there? Pretending you're enjoying yourself?" Cassie asked.
"Your mom wanted some slabs put down." Punk said.
"I told you we could hire someone." AJ said, "You do enough lifting at work. You can sit this one out."
"I don't mind it." Punk shrugged as Cassie scoffed.
"Please… you hate doing stuff like that." Cassie said, "You're basically one of the girls." She nodded.
"Yeah, not by choice." Punk scoffed, "Shouldn't you be at work?"
"I got a late start." Cassie said, "What are you guys doing today?"
"Well that's up to the boss." Punk nodded, looking over at Sofia, "Sof, what are we doing today?" Punk asked her as she looked up.
"Uh…" Sofia thought hard, "The park." She decided.
"We're going to the park." Punk nodded to Cassie who smiled.
"Well, I for one am super jealous." Cassie nodded as Sofia smiled.
"Aunt Cassie you can come with us." Sofia let her know.
"I wish I could babe but I gotta work." Cassie frowned.
"Oh." Sofia nodded slowly, "Well we're still going." She made clear to her grandparents as AJ and Punk chuckled.
"Of course we are." AJ smiled.
"The girls were never really into the park, were they?" AJ said, sitting at a picnic bench with her husband whilst Sofia was off playing on the swings and the other equipment their local park had to offer.
"No. I remember taking Thea and Jude to the park and they just stood looking at me like I was insane." Punk laughed to himself, "Then they… started fighting with each other." He shrugged.
"Yeah well that was standard." AJ nodded, keeping her hands around her coffee to keep them warm, "I remember taking Cassie here when she was little. She kept standing on the swings and I kept telling her she was gonna fall… and of course she fell off. She cried all the way home cursing out the swing." She laughed a little as Punk smiled.
"What age was she?" Punk smiled.
"Oh, like four or five." AJ said as Punk nodded with a smile. Believe it or not, he was still learning about all the things he'd missed whilst he was gone. Eight years was a long time, and there was lots he'd missed out on. Little things.
"She's got muscles." Punk nodded, looking over at Sofia on the monkey bars as AJ turned around and smiled.
"It was so sweet hearing her say she wanted to stay last night. Thea came over to pick her up and she was all defiant." AJ said, "She was my little buddy yesterday."
"I know, I'm so glad they like us." Punk teased as AJ smiled, tapping his foot under the bench.
"She's just like Thea when she was little." AJ smiled, "The attitude especially."
"Yeah and she does that thing that Thea used to do. When I'd make her something to eat and she wouldn't eat it and then insist on eating what I'd made." Punk said as AJ chuckled and nodded.
"She drove you insane with that." AJ remembered as he nodded.
"She still does it. When we were out for dinner for Dean's birthday last year she made me swap plates with her." Punk shook his head as AJ smiled.
"I'm just so glad Jude is doing better." AJ nodded.
"Yeah, me too." Punk said, "I wish I could permanently make it all go away for her. I know that she's… she's never gonna forget about it, and I don't know if that combined with the pressure of being a mom just got to her." He said as AJ nodded.
"I can't stand that she feels like she's letting Mirren down. I know that feeling. It's horrible." AJ nodded.
"She's getting better." Punk nodded positively, "Therapy seems to be more about her this time and less about her being attacked, and that seems to be helping more."
"Yeah, she really likes that therapist." AJ nodded, "It was just so nice to hear they had a good day yesterday and they had fun." She smiled, "I always thought the older they got, the less I'd worry about them but… I think I worry about them more now." She shook her head as Punk nodded.
"I don't think that goes away." Punk nodded.
"Yeah, I don't think so." AJ shook her head, looking across at him, watching as he took a sip of his coffee. She cherished her conversations with him. Her companionship with him and their honest relationship. She wasn't afraid to ask him about prison. She was afraid of what he'd tell her, "Phil." AJ said as Punk nodded, looking across at her.
"Mhm?" He said casually.
"You uh… you never really talk to me about prison." She said as he looked at her, "I mean you've told me little bits here and there but… I mean you were there for eight years. I'm sure you have more to tell me." She said comfortingly, "And I notice you still have nightmares and I just… I don't want you to feel like you have to keep it to yourself. Talk to me about it." She encouraged as he looked down, fidgeting with his hands.
"There's… there's nothing to talk about." Punk shook his head as she looked across at him, "It was just some fights here and there." He shrugged, "Normal… prison stuff." He laughed a little as AJ nodded slowly.
"Ok." AJ nodded calmly as he looked at her, "If it… wasn't normal prison stuff, you could tell me, though." She assured him as he just looked at her.
"I'm… I'm gonna go push her on the swings." He pointed back to Sofia, standing up from the bench, "Not too high, though, right?" He smiled as she nodded.
"Not unless you want Thea's wrath." AJ shook her head as he chuckled, "Phil." She said before he turned to walk away, "I love you." She nodded as he looked at her and nodded.
"I love you too." Punk smiled, leaning over and kissing her as she scratched under his stubbly chin sweetly, pulling back and watching him head on over to play with Sofia, sighing to herself. She wondered if he just didn't want to talk about those years because of what he missed, or if there was something that happened that he couldn't face telling her about.
