Truth 52 - Changeling
Not wanting to keep Luke away from the Alliance for a lengthy period, I'm going with someone else's brilliant theory that time passes faster on Dagobah.
OooOoo
It was a nice ship. A luxurious, expensive ship, suited for a wealthy smuggler or gambler. Arbitrarily, he decided to name it Fixer. Not the most elegant name, but if it was as reliable as his old friend, he was in good hands. The galley was well stocked and it had an adequate sonic shower so he could at least stay clean in yet another sticky, disgusting mess of a jungle. He was surprised and pleased that the Alliance had been thoughtful enough to provide a plush, "O" monogrammed robe in the closet, plus a rack that would hold both pairs of boots nicely. And even drawers and hangers to hold his working clothes as well as the black Jedi-ish uniform and cloak he'd brought in case there was some formal occasion that Yoda might wish him to attend. He'd tried to research more on Dagobah but there was very little, which seemed odd. Evidently there were no resources worth exploiting and no sites worth exploring. There wasn't even mention of towns or buildings, so it was good he was bringing his own resources.
"Ready to go?"
Luke nodded. "Boss…" he began. "I...don't want to leave on a… well, without apologizing again."
Garven shook his head. "Don't bother. We've both apologized. That's good enough for me. You?"
"Yeah, sure. And tell the guys bye again. I'll miss all of you. Be careful."
Boss smiled, but neglected to say that they would miss Luke too. "Safe journey."
He nodded. It wasn't the satisfying departure he'd wanted, but maybe time away would correct the balance between them. Friends were too precious to lose, especially those whose lives were fragile and endangered. Be cautious, be wary… be here when I return.
OooOoo
It was a safe journey, but stars! such a long trip through hyperspace, hours and hours. And hours. Still, imagine if the ship didn't have hyperdrive...it would've taken days.
Luke sat down to an excellent dinner of nerf steak and greens. He could get used to this sort of menu, though he wondered why the Alliance could stock this ship so well but not feed its members adequately. Maybe the Command officers ate like this every evening.
A series of beeps signaled their imminent exit from hyper. He strapped himself in while he devoured a slice of cocoacake, the perfect end to a dull trip. After the ship jerked and the stars returned to normal, he cleared the dishes and cleaned the galley, which reminded him of helping Aunt Beru— not that she ever wanted much help. She'd always shoo him away, saying she enjoyed her time alone in the kitchen. He could still see her standing there in her favorite blue dress and a half-smile on her face as she looked at him.
He was grateful to push back those thoughts when another series of tones indicated their approach to the planet. The atmosphere was thick with clouds; he could see the turbulence before he felt it. "Hang on, Fix! We're in for a bumpy ride."
Slowing speed as much as he dared, Luke searched in vain for some landmarks that might indicate a landing zone, but there was nothing except heavy clouds. Still...there was something familiar guiding him...which made no sense unless it was Yoda. If that was the case, he could probably relax and let go of the controls—but he wasn't about to do that. It occurred to him that he should have taken a different type of ship, one that could hold an astromech droid. But noooo, Oz had to do it all on his own— idiot!
It was a major understatement to say it was a bumpy landing, but Fixer seemed to settle in a clearing that looked barely large enough to hold the ship. "Almost like we came down vertically, Fix, which shouldn't be possible." How in the name of the gods he was going to take off again was a mystery he wouldn't consider now. Worry about it later.
He shrugged on a jacket and checked his appearance in the 'fresher mirror, hoping to be fairly presentable to a Jedi Master. He clipped the useless lightsaber to his belt and tucked the crystal into his breast pocket. Maybe having it near his heart was as good as meditating on it. Although with the tremors it gave off, it was equally possible that it would send him into cardiac arrest.
One last look at his reflection before he opened the hatch and lowered the ramp. Oh, ick. It wasn't hot, but it was so wet. And muddy. There were puddles with little things swirling in them. And flying insects around his head. He was going to get filthy. Hopefully, the Jedi training facility was indoors… wherever it was.
He sneezed.
What? He never sneezed. Was he getting sick… or did a bug fly up his—? Ick. He swiped his sleeve across his nose.
Circling the perimeter of the clearing, he finally found a slick, rugged path that led to a small, lumpy…. Was that a house? Luke frowned as he approached. "Hello? Anybody home?" He knocked on the door. No answer. Now what was he supposed to do? And why was it so tiny?
He prowled around the outside, circling the entire structure in a few seconds. It looked like it was made of mud, probably the same process as they used on Tatooine to make structures of sand. Really, this building was the only thing in his surroundings that looked remotely civilized and comfortable (comfortable being a relative term). Maybe he should return to his ship. The air was colder than expected and it was… strange, as if it were constantly in motion. It set all his nerves on edge and he wondered if coming here was the good idea it had seemed when he'd impetuously decided to—
He sneezed again. Oh, great…. Maybe he was allergic to this Sith-forsaken place.
"Second thoughts, you are having?"
He whirled, and the hand that went automatically to his blaster was immediately stilled. He'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Yoda!"
Well...the Jedi Master was short and green, very, very wrinkled, a little dirty, with ears that would make a gundark proud, and long hairs sticking out in all directions from his head. All four limbs ended in claws, which made Luke glad there were only four.
"Not what you expected, I am?"
Luke sighed. "The way you speak, I didn't know what to expect."
The ears drooped and the wide mouth scowled.
"Uh...Master," Luke added quickly, and the mouth relented, ears straightening slightly.
"Come, this way… No time to waste there is. Begin your training we must."
"What's the rush?" But he followed behind the slowly hobbling creature, slogging through the muck, his boots making sucking sounds with each step. Those big feet and claws really helped the little guy get around in this mudhole. "Where are we going?"
"Dying I am. Train you I must. Quickly."
"Wait— what? What do you mean 'dying?" Luke stopped, but Yoda didn't so he was forced to hurry after him. "What do you mean?"
"Nine hundred years old, time it is to go."
They stopped for no reason Luke could see. There was no building, no school, no training site, only rocks and mud. And things hanging from the trees...some of which moved. This was not the place for a desert kid. "But… but… I've come so far to train with you, Master! You can't die, not yet!"
"Not keeling over immediately," Yoda snapped. "If stop talking you will, begin work we will… and much to be done it appears."
"Fine." He'd come voluntarily and if the price he had to pay to become a Jedi involved being insulted and covered in mud and filth, at least he had a clean ship and good food to go back to every night.
He sneezed.
OooOoo
Yeah, right. By the time he got back to the ship each "night"— if it was night, who could tell, it was so dark all the time— he could only grab a quick meal, a shower, and fall sound asleep except for waking over and over in the night to blow his nose. And then before he knew it, it was "morning"— maybe— and Yoda was sounding some mental alarm that it was time to get to work again.
He had no conception of time, how long the "days" were or how long he had been on this planet. It seemed like forever. He was exhausted but energized at the same time. The Force… wow…. He had known nothing before, and his dad had barely allowed him to glimpse his power. But now...oh, wow….
The rock in front of him was suddenly more interesting. Sure, he could raise it or make it slide or spin or fly away (except for those times when he sneezed and dropped it) but there was something else that he was beginning to sense. Luke closed his eyes and focused, waiting, reaching... and was rewarded. He could see that the rock was made of incalculably small particles that seemed to stretch into infinity...except he could close his fist and grab them, hold on, release them or squeeze them tightly, shatter them like they were nothing more permanent than—
"Stop!"
Startled, he released the rock….or what had been the rock. Nothing of it remained, except minute specks of dust suspended in the air. "What happened?"
Yoda shook his head. "The Force is not to be used for destruction."
"Is that what I did? And why can't it be used for destruction, what's wrong with that? Some things should be destroyed."
"So like your father are you." Yoda gestured. "Look at the snake."
Eww. It was curled around a branch above them. Luke moved slightly so it wasn't directly over his head.
"Same particles, grains of life that form all beings. Destroyed like the rock life can be, if careless you are."
"I wasn't careless," he protested. "I was just—"
"Seeing what you could do. Know you now. Destroy you can, it comes naturally to you, not protection and repair."
"That's not fair! Should I…" Luke hesitated. "Do you want me to try again with the snake? Would it come apart like—"
"No!" Agitated, Yoda rose and walked away, Luke following. "Life is in your hands— mind what you are learning! Saving, protecting, they are the path of Light. Taking, destroying, the easy path they are, the Dark path...the path your father travels. You must not follow."
He resented the attacks on his father. "You don't know him. You don't understand. He loves me, he—"
"Yes. Love he has… and into anger and hatred it turns. Destructive it is to those closest to him, even himself."
"I know." But he had faith that his father would never turn on him...if only because Darth Vader didn't want to be alone again.
"You think that?" Yoda glared at him fiercely. "Alone is what he knows, what he wants. Alone is the easy path."
"Easy…." Surprised at his own insight, he understood the concept and felt a hint of contentment emanating from the idea. No expectations from anyone, no pressures other than what he brought to himself. There was a certain purity in isolation. Yes, an easiness. But Yoda was wrong, that wasn't what his father wanted. Not any longer. Not now that someone loved him.
"Enough. In you must go."
"In?" Luke looked from Yoda's pointing finger to a grotesquely twisted tree. No, it was a hole under the tree. A hole big enough to climb into. "Why?" A sense of dread filtered into him. "What's in there? It feels wrong." He sniffled and wiped his nose on his cuff.
Yoda shrugged. "The future… the past… what may be… what was… what must be."
Well, that was clear as...mud. Luke sighed heavily. Yoda would nag him until he did it, so he stepped cautiously down— and down and down, climbing on roots and trying not to mistake snakes for handholds. "This is disgusting." Oh, for sand and broiling heat again! Let him face a womprat or krayt dragon any day and he'd be fine, but this slimy stuff….
It was dark and slippery. He ventured a few feet, but couldn't see anything. He needed the lightsaber to illuminate his path. Why wouldn't Yoda help him with it?
Ahead there was a glow...pale green, maybe yellow, maybe white. It kept changing colors before it coalesced into a blindingly clear light that scorched through his eyelids. The incandescence kept coming closer, and he clutched his blaster, uncertain if it was useful but sure that he needed some kind of protection. The light was burning, he felt its heat on his skin, and he held up his free hand to help shade his eyes further, then thrust his palm outward, clenching his fingers, focusing on the tiny particles— and the light exploded.
In the split second before the brilliance disintegrated, he saw Yoda prone in the mud and then— nothing. No body, no… remains. Like it had never happened. Which it probably hadn't. Illusions were the norm on this world.
Trembling, Luke holstered his blaster. Had he just destroyed Yoda— was it a premonition or a nightmare? He climbed up the root system, stumbling in his haste to get out of there.
Yoda was still sitting on the rock.
"What was that? What did it mean?" His voice was shaking.
"Destruction. Completion. Beginning and end, same they are. Guide you to complete the lightsaber, it is time." Yoda slid onto the ground and looked up at him with an expression that seemed at once disappointed and relieved. "End me with it you will. Finished your training is. No more time remains. Know now what you need."
Luke stared after him for a long moment before he followed the Jedi Master back to his house.
OooOoo
The crystal created a lightsaber blade that flared red. Luke knew it should have been blue, if he was pure and a Jedi. But he'd used the Force to destroy so he wasn't worthy. He had somehow already earned a blood-red blade like his father's, though he hadn't killed anyone with it.
Unless the lightsaber held memories. Unless it remembered its last murders in the temple… Jedi younglings….
"Master Yoda, if the Force can destroy life, can it also—"
"No," the old Jedi stated firmly. "Creation of life, not the right of a Jedi."
"Not the right?" he questioned. "So it can be done! What about regeneration of limbs and body parts?" If he could repair his dad's wounds, give him back his arms and legs and lungs and—
"No!" Yoda hesitated. "Disaster the result would be. Against the natural order such a thing would be."
"Whose natural order? Who decides?" Luke snapped. "You? The Jedi— the ones who are gone?"
"Some things, not attempted should they be. Lead only to failure and disappointment, they do."
"But—"
"Enough. Taught you all you are able to learn." Yoda rose wearily from the log next to his door. "Inside. Rest I must."
He bit back a retort— Fine!— and crawled on his hands and knees through the doorway that had been built for… well, yodas. "Thanks for helping with my lightsaber."
"Yours it is not. Your father's it was, but make do with it you will until you build your own. Perhaps different, yours may be. Perhaps not." The little creature folded his hands, and Luke settled uncomfortably across from him. "Tell you now what more you need."
Luke remained silent, a habit that was becoming slightly easier to maintain.
"Sanctuary it is here on Dagobah. Vader, the Emperor cannot penetrate its Force shield."
"But my father knew you lived."
"Not where. If known he had, confront me he would have." The ears drooped. "Left me alone until his son he discovered. A son whose training he could not accomplish himself without knowledge by the Emperor. A son to use for his own ends."
"But you said—"
"Listen, you must."
"Sorry." As usual, more questions than answers, the history of his life condensed it was. Oh, great, now I sound like Yoda.
"Sanctuary for you also. The time may come when hide from your father you must."
"No, that will never—"
"And hide from the Emperor."
"Well, okay…." He subsided when Yoda stared at him.
"Nine hundred years have I lived. At an end, my time is." Yoda sounded both relieved and regretful. "When I am gone, a void in the Force there will be— an imbalance. Unless….."
Oh-oh. Unless was as bad as just one more thing. "Unless what?"
"Linger, my lifeforce must not, nor dissipate gradually. Listen to me…." Yoda's sharp fingers curled around his wrist. "Slay me, you must. Take my place, so no break in the Light there is. No empty moment for the Sith to seize. Strong you must be to hold against the Darkness inside you."
"What! No way! You said— I can't kill you! What would that make me? You said destruction isn't the way of the Jedi!" Luke tried to stand and immediately his head connected with the ceiling. "Ow! Master Yoda!"
"A terrible task it is that I ask of you." Yoda nodded and released him. "But done it must be and capable you are. Protect you it will from Palpatine's awareness. Me for you. A distraction it will provide, for awhile. Long enough to—"
"To what?" He'd never learned how to swim, but he knew this must be what people meant when they said they'd been thrown into the deep end.
"To discover what is and what could be. What your father could still be."
"Gods! Do you have to be so cryptic? Just tell me!"
"Learn the rest on your own you must."
Yeah, you probably don't know. He glared at the master. "So am I a Jedi yet?" A blood-stained Jedi… or a Sith?
"No. One more thing must you do."
And there it was, the one more thing. "What?" he asked suspiciously.
"You already know."
He felt like hitting his head on the ceiling a few more times. "Okay, look… I'm going back to the ship for dinner and—"
"Kill me you must. Now. Delay we cannot. Time… I have little left."
Luke shook his head, both in denial and because he had the horrible sensation of everything around him falling apart again. Like his life. Everyone manipulating him, controlling his life— He could see it as it happened, every thought and word as they unfolded, the present, the future….
"For you… I cannot see." Yoda shrugged. "The future… the past… what may be… what was… what must be. My death."
"No. I can't believe you're saying this. It's… against everything you've been teaching me. You just said that taking a life is wrong." Yeah, right. The Jedi hadn't been examples of that philosophy if history and his dad's stories were any indication.
And the Death Star. His thoughts always came back to that, to people across the galaxy crying because of what he'd done. Because of the people he'd killed, what he'd killed, the futures, the dreams, the fatherless children.
"Yes." Yoda tilted his head. "Finish your task and a wonderment awaits, it does."
"What?" How many times had he asked that? "Did you just say 'kill me and you get a prize'?"
Yoda almost smiled. "Strike me down with your lightsaber. Time it is."
"No! I can't! Why are you telling me this?!" He kept shaking his head, feeling panic setting in as the Jedi remained inflexible. "This is against everything!"
"Seems that way to you, it must, but reasons there are beyond what you may know. For the galaxy, for the Light, for your destiny. For your father. For me, the end approaches, by your hand or by the natural order." Yoda nodded and closed his eyes. "Better a higher purpose to have for my end, not a meaningless departure." He made a small gesture toward Luke. "Take up your lightsaber."
He felt the tears that raced hot down his face. But Yoda said it was for his father. Still, he shook his head but unhooked his saber and pointed it at the small Jedi. "Please don't…." It was so wrong, just so wrong, who was he that these choices were forced upon him… why did he have to kill… all those people, millions, now the last Jedi Master…. "Please, please don't make me... I don't want to be…. No, I can't. I can't."
"You can. You are. You will. Finish this final test and Jedi you will be."
He couldn't see through the tears, his vision blurred and wet. "Oh, please no..."
"Your forgiveness I ask. But do this you must. For him. For me."
"No…." But for my father….
He thumbed the hilt, closing his eyes when he heard the hum, knowing the instant it pierced through the tiny body.
Turning off the saber, he bent double, sobbing like he'd never done in his life. "Why...why…." He forced himself to look up, expecting to see—
Oh, Force, there was no body! He hadn't meant to disintegrate Yoda, he didn't know how he'd done it, it was like the rock… he was evil, so evil, destruction came naturally to him. Just like it had to his father. Yoda told him, Ben had warned him….
This was why his lightsaber was born with the color of blood.
He crawled outside, heedless of the rain and mud, knowing only terrible pain ripping his heart apart, knowing he'd never stop crying, never be a Jedi, never be whole again, never—
The ground trembled, skies thundered, heavy wet leaves dropped snakes on him. He saw….
Everything. And nothing. Reality froze. He was standing…
...in the cave.
OooOoo
